When friends/family approve/disapprove

[mrgoodstuff]

Harsh reality is it probably won't change until he truly hits rock bottom. Nothing seems to have been enough to make it 'click' that he has to change. Often times the reason we experience serious change is because we reached a point we don't want to experience ever again. He might be aware of his situation, but he's not committed to changing it.

"You don't want it bad enough, you just kinda want it." - Eric Thomas

On alot of guys its just half a dozen new rules and priority adjustments thatll change their life.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

That aint gonna happen overnight. Itll have to be little by little over time. Some behaviors not allowed. Some new rules. Upgraded stardards. Better screening process.

It can. Did for me anyway.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It can. Did for me anyway.

Near death or rock bottom will wake someone up

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Harsh reality is it probably won't change until he truly hits rock bottom. Nothing seems to have been enough to make it 'click' that he has to change. Often times the reason we experience serious change is because we reached a point we don't want to experience ever again. He might be aware of his situation, but he's not committed to changing it.

"You don't want it bad enough, you just kinda want it." - Eric Thomas

I used to think exactly like you a several years ago, and even write like you too haha. But the fact of the matter is, this guy does know who he is and why he’s messed up. He is upfront about it, at least with himself and has given it some though/introspection. Difference between me and him is that there was always that voice in the back of my mind that pissed me off to no end because I knew it was true. It said, well now that you know about it, it can’t affect you anymore. Meaning that because I know about the mechanisms that made me ****ed up, I could no longer use them as an excuse as to why I was ****ed up. Which is funny and paradoxical because before knowing what it was, I had those things as reasons, but just couldn’t explain them to people simply because I didn’t consciously know what they were lol. That’s besides the point though.

All I had left to do at that point was to just break the habit. And the same goes for this guy. He’s associated attraction with the wrong things because of his ****ed up past. He just needs to stay away from crazies for at least 90 days to let his brain start to rewire.

 

[GrowingPains]

But the fact of the matter is, this guy does know who he is and why he’s messed up. He is upfront about it, at least with himself and has given it some though/introspection

The point of my first post is that it's not enough to just know. You have to know and do.

'Doing' includes not making excuses for yourself and taking the actions to change your life. Which is what it sounds like you're describing.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

The point of my first post is that it's not enough to just know. You have to know and do.

'Doing' includes not making excuses for yourself and taking the actions to change your life. Which is what it sounds like you're describing.

And? Our boi Murk already knows that. He’s not gonna follow an in-depth protocol step-by-step just because it’ll look too specific (which I could give him) and way overdone, and he’ll just be thinking how it’s really not that complicated. Or I could tell him simply and holistically (which I did above) but have it be too abstract to comprehend, where he thinks he understands it because it makes logical sense, but doesn’t actually (which is exactly what happened). Hence why I offered no advice in the original post. I don’t even know what I’m debating on anymore lol, just offering wisdom to some of the lurkers here I guess.

Oh yeah he also isn’t gonna hit rock bottom either because of various reasons that I can guess upon.

 

[17 shots]

I think deep down, you seek discipline. You've talked about stopping drug use, and you admit that these flings with women you don't truly care about are losing value, that tells me that you are seeking self discipline. You're growing up

But not only do you seek greater self discipline, and a stronger resolve within... you also wish to be held accountable by those around you. This is the feeling you are getting from Sara, because although she is not a perfect match for you compatibility wise, the one thing she does do, is hold you accountable

She doesn't reward your bad behavior, she punishes it, in her own crazy way. This is the complete opposite of most of the women you deal with. The other women you described, constantly reward your bad behavior. Case in point being the woman who is still rewarding you, even after you lied to her about that STD

 

[Murk]

Fvck therapy, you guys are trying to dismantle me to the core lol! I’ll reply to this tomorrow.

I’m with Spanish Maria she’s in the toilet, we had a chat about her liking me too much and not wanting to see me. In the beginning she said no feelings, date 4 and she has feelings. Will update tomorrow

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Fvck therapy, you guys are trying to dismantle me to the core lol! I’ll reply to this tomorrow.

I’m with Spanish Maria she’s in the toilet, we had a chat about her liking me too much and not wanting to see me. In the beginning she said no feelings, date 4 and she has feelings. Will update tomorrow

Your a freak own that shyt.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Your a freak own that shyt.

I dont think its wise being stupid behind puzzy, or to simp behind it. Set your parameters so they come to you. If they disrupt too much ditch them.

 

[GrowingPains]

And? Our boi Murk already knows that. He’s not gonna follow an in-depth protocol step-by-step just because it’ll look too specific (which I could give him) and way overdone, and he’ll just be thinking how it’s really not that complicated. Or I could tell him simply and holistically (which I did above) but have it be too abstract to comprehend, where he thinks he understands it because it makes logical sense, but doesn’t actually (which is exactly what happened). Hence why I offered no advice in the original post. I don’t even know what I’m debating on anymore lol, just offering wisdom to some of the lurkers here I guess.

Oh yeah he also isn’t gonna hit rock bottom either because of various reasons that I can guess upon.

There's no argument. I'm not arguing with you.

I said what I said to help you see why I think what you're saying is the same as what I said.

But the distinction that I'm making clear for him is that:

it's not enough to just know

You say:

Our boi Murk already knows that

But this is where I disagree. Because if he knew that, this post would not exist. Or he would've said "My current situation is sh!t, I'm going to change this this and this by doing this, that and these things. I understand and think I agree what you're saying, and maybe you understand what I'm saying. But the point is that Murk gets what both of us are saying.

Be breezy

 

[Murk]

I think deep down, you seek discipline. You've talked about stopping drug use, and you admit that these flings with women you don't truly care about are losing value, that tells me that you are seeking self discipline. You're growing up

But not only do you seek greater self discipline, and a stronger resolve within... you also wish to be held accountable by those around you. This is the feeling you are getting from Sara, because although she is not a perfect match for you compatibility wise, the one thing she does do, is hold you accountable

She doesn't reward your bad behavior, she punishes it, in her own crazy way. This is the complete opposite of most of the women you deal with. The other women you described, constantly reward your bad behavior. Case in point being the woman who is still rewarding you, even after you lied to her about that STD

Nail on the head right here.

I won’t bother replying to the other posts, they’re quite a way off the mark, I mean one guy wrote multiple paragraphs and a line included speaking to my mum brothers and sisters, I have none of them, you obviously don’t read my posts and it’s not worth my energy you guys getting on your high horse and blowing this out of proportion, quite telling.

I am only fvcked up in the head slightly, impulsive and thrill seeking. Let’s not get it twisted I earn more than the majority here, own my own property (most people live with parents until 34+ in the UK) at 30 and have lots of friends and excel at work and business and I’ve dealt with massive loss and trauma in my life and still doing well. I only know I’m doing well because people tell me all time who know me and surprised how together I have my **** considering. I guess I only post rants and negative stuff here so you think I’m a sh1tshow. I’m not gonna bigdave the successes in my life that’s not why I come here

I’m not in the gutter waiting for my next fix banging hookers and having nervous breakdowns. Nobody IRL suspects anything wrong except Sara called me bi polar - my mum was so prob true.

I think you it’s enjoy ****ting on someone, pack mentality, I’m prob living better than a lot of you /no big Dave - just a few issues to work out.
Thanks for responses anyway

 

[lizardking82]

And here we see the hard drugs play out. That sh1t stays with you it alters your brain chemistry. Basically you've become like a chick you need large emotional spikes. Mindfulness might be a path

When I read his posts...I read them in a spoiled girl's voice. Nothing against him personally, just...they don't sound the way a man would write or talk.

 

[GrowingPains]

I have none of them, you obviously don’t read my posts and it’s not worth my energy you guys getting on your high horse and blowing this out of proportion, quite telling.

You missed the point. It's to tell someone you know IRL not people online who can't really do anything for you.

You say 'you don't read my posts' all the time. And I said the same thing last time. Duh, I'm not on here to follow your journey. I'm here for me. What do I look like reading every installment of Murkserious drama? I just happen to read one from time to time.

No biggie. If you don't find what what I said helpful, it it what it is. I'm cool.

But you deflected again, just as I mentioned. I would think about that if I were you. Like why post here if you know the answer already. Curious. And to you thinking we like sh!thing on people... You asked for help, we gave you what we considered 'tough love' - so did the person you agreed with. It's not us sh!thing on you, we were trying to help. We said nothing destructive to you. Simply offered that you look deep down to figure out what's fundamentally wrong. That's what all of us were saying just in different ways. I would keep typing but it's clear I'm wasting my time. Sometimes I feel that way about SS in general lol.

Be breezy

 

[Dr.Suave]

Keep it up OP. Baby steps.

 

[Murk]

Keep it up OP. Baby steps.

Thanks. I think stopping coke (nearly a month) and not drinking mid week (since January) is a fvcking huge step considering previous advice from here was stop drinking and drug taking.

I do take on board all advice, but it’s difficult when people are presuming to you you as a person and you’re life and going in-depth with a rant thinley veiled as “advice”.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Thanks. I think stopping coke (nearly a month) and not drinking mid week (since January) is a fvcking huge step considering previous advice from here was stop drinking and drug taking.

I do take on board all advice, but it’s difficult when people are presuming to you you as a person and you’re life and going in-depth with a rant thinley veiled as “advice”.

Word. I´m only sad to hear Sara´s still in the picture though, she may bang you on the regular but she sounds toxic AF.

 

[Mazer]

Like attracts like.

 

[Murk]

My best friend said just now it’s like Stockholm syndrome.

I think it’s because she’s so closed off that when she shows me some love I jump on it. She’s moving out and I’m moving on. Out of sight out of mind.

We haven’t even been banging regular this year maybe once a week?

 

[zekko]

I want my psychotic abusive flatmate Sara, selfish and offers nothing, average looking, average body but slim, lies, closed off, not affectionate, high body count.

I wish I could think of a more diplomatic way of saying this, but you're sounding like the messed up chick who craves the drama of the bad boy that she knows isn't good for her.