When friends/family approve/disapprove

[Murk]

I’m down to two plates, Maria, one Spanish waitress who is cool as fvck with a great body and reasonable face, we vibe well and sex is fantastic 7/10. She doesn’t care if I see other girls as long as she don’t know about it and she’s only here for a fun time, not a long one. No stress, been seeing her a month, we help each other with English/Spanish and she always pays half even when I refuse so there’s valued added there but she lives in the city and works shifts finishing at midnight.

Sophie - been seeing her on and off over a year. She came on strong early days Feb-March 2018 I was fresh from a breakup and pushed her back repeatedly, we stopped seeing each other after I gave her chlamydia, lied and said I was clean and showed her a fake all clear text, then bumped into her at the clinic getting treatment (FML - I felt awful). Anyway she’s a nice girl, good body, pretty face, 7.5/10, very caring, will come round and bring me stuff, bought me Tom Ford for my bday last month, decent girl. Lives local and can come to me at a drop of a hat (and does).

My friends all ask why I haven’t wifed Sophie, they all like her, she doesn’t drink too much doesn’t touch drugs, is very “normal/sane” guys watch her when we walk past and she’s got good banter.

However something in me just doesn’t want her. We spent the weekend just got together, watched football, got a hotel (Sara still living in my spare room). She gave me a back massage, two BJs that lasted 20+min. Good sex, paid for lunch the following day. I just don’t want her.

I want my psychotic abusive flatmate Sara, selfish and offers nothing, average looking, average body but slim, lies, closed off, not affectionate, high body count.

I’m convinced there’s something legit wrong with my brain wiring. All my friends say Sara is no good but I think I love her. All my friends say Sophie treats me better than any girl has (true).

Please someone tell me should I just give it a go? I don’t feel any passion with her, it’s just too easy. I’m so fvcked I feel like abandoning women altogether and maybe banging Spanish waitress when I can (she works 12pm-12am) which is mostly weekends.

Anyone been in similar situations? My ex was not a good fit and we fought like cat and dog too and I took that breakup hard and only got over it 10 months later.

 

[fanatic22]

When Sara’s entirely out of your life the feelings will fade. In the meantime, definitely do not wife someone up who you don’t want.

 

[sosousage]

your relationship with sarah was more emotional due to the drama so you like her more

 

[Murk]

your relationship with sarah was more emotional due to the drama so you like her more

And it was the first time me living and cohabitating, nesting with a women. I know she’s useless and I’m just a sensitive emotional guy.

I snooped on her Facebook this morning and saw she banged a guy over Christmas when she went back home “small d1ck and he snores” honestly girls are so graphic in these girly group chats. She came back 7th January and we banged as she “had been waiting three weeks for sex”, I knew it was a lie then, I don’t even care, not one bit. That’s how I know my feelings have changed. I have photos of 2 different girls in her bed while she’s been away. When people questioned why I did it, I said it was for times like this. I also smashed a girl in her bed the day before she got back in early Jan. Am I a cheater? Probably. I just need a girl who is enough for me.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Just gonna be honest with you man, and I think you already know this too. You're ****ed up in the head. Much like how Sara kinda is or like how those other crazy exes we read about on here sometimes. You're damaged just like them.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Just gonna be honest with you man, and I think you already know this too. You're ****ed up in the head. Much like how Sara kinda is or like how those other crazy exes we read about on here sometimes. You're damaged just like them.

So whats his option?

 

[AJ84]

I’m stuck on the lying about your STD and spreading it. Chlamydia, left untreated can cause infertility in women.

Imagine a woman lied and presented a fake clean bill of health to you but she had an STD. What does that say about a person?

I know this sounds judgy and that’s because it is. Don’t knowingly spread disease to people. Full period stop. Totally preventable. It’s like you are actively seeking sh*t to rain down on you. I would look inward and see where that’s coming from.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

So whats his option?

Get real. Stop chasing the rush. Slap yourself in the face. Maybe ask yourself what the **** is wrong with you, and get real. Get real with yourself.

I didn't provide a solution initially because I know he wouldn't understand it. He's too caught up in the whirlwind of that other hoe and craziness. I guess in scientific terms, he has cognitive dissonance in which he so strongly associates love, pleasure, and excitement with crazy (likely because at some point in his past, he did as well i.e. he was in love with a crazy hoe who hurt him a lot), that the opposite end of not being crazy means no love or pleasure or excitement (boredom).

Damaged people who can't fix themselves because they can't see themselves for who they are. If they did, they wouldn't be in the mess that they are in, which is paradoxical to be completely honest. Either that, or they ignore it all because they love the rush of decadence more so than the long-term fruitfulness of sanity, which I think is at least partially OP's problem.

He won't change. He cannot, really. Not unless/until he hates himself, who he is, and how he is. And he's too old to really make that change, plus there's no life-or-death need to. So he just won't.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Get real. Stop chasing the rush. Slap yourself in the face. Maybe ask yourself what the **** is wrong with you, and get real. Get real with yourself.

I didn't provide a solution initially because I know he wouldn't understand it. He's too caught up in the whirlwind of that other hoe and craziness. I guess in scientific terms, he has cognitive dissonance in which he so strongly associates love, pleasure, and excitement with crazy (likely because at some point in his past, he did as well i.e. he was in love with a crazy hoe who hurt him a lot), that the opposite end of not being crazy means no love or pleasure or excitement (boredom).

Damaged people who can't fix themselves because they can't see themselves for who they are. If they did, they wouldn't be in the mess that they are in, which is paradoxical to be completely honest. Either that, or they ignore it all because they love the rush of decadence more so than the long-term fruitfulness of sanity, which I think is at least partially OP's problem.

He won't change. He cannot, really. Not unless/until he hates himself, who he is, and how he is. And he's too old to really make that change, plus there's no life-or-death need to. So he just won't.

Can he make better choices so that he is more likely to get what he wants with a minimum of drama?

 

[Murk]

I’m stuck on the lying about your STD and spreading it. Chlamydia, left untreated can cause infertility in women.

Imagine a woman lied and presented a fake clean bill of health to you but she had an STD. What does that say about a person?

I know this sounds judgy and that’s because it is. Don’t knowingly spread disease to people. Full period stop. Totally preventable. It’s like you are actively seeking sh*t to rain down on you. I would look inward and see where that’s coming from.

It was an awful thing to do, but she’s already been tested same time as me and I didn’t knowingly spread it to anyone I’d never do that. I just lied and said I didn’t have it after the fact to save face. A cowardly move I admit and apologised profusely. Worst thing is her and her friend called me out for it publicly in the packed clinic on a Monday evening, dark times for murk.

Get real. Stop chasing the rush. Slap yourself in the face. Maybe ask yourself what the **** is wrong with you, and get real. Get real with yourself.

I didn't provide a solution initially because I know he wouldn't understand it. He's too caught up in the whirlwind of that other hoe and craziness. I guess in scientific terms, he has cognitive dissonance in which he so strongly associates love, pleasure, and excitement with crazy (likely because at some point in his past, he did as well i.e. he was in love with a crazy hoe who hurt him a lot), that the opposite end of not being crazy means no love or pleasure or excitement (boredom).

Damaged people who can't fix themselves because they can't see themselves for who they are. If they did, they wouldn't be in the mess that they are in, which is paradoxical to be completely honest. Either that, or they ignore it all because they love the rush of decadence more so than the long-term fruitfulness of sanity, which I think is at least partially OP's problem.

He won't change. He cannot, really. Not unless/until he hates himself, who he is, and how he is. And he's too old to really make that change, plus there's no life-or-death need to. So he just won't.

Well you’re wrong there, i’d like to think I’m the most selfloathing, warts and all, frank and honest poster here. I know I’m fvcked, it’s in the OP. I have been to therapy early last year but that was only bereavement therapy to deal with losing my mum to cancer. I’m effectively alone with no siblings, dad out the picture and a disfunctional family who I rarely speak to get get next to no support from.

Too old to change? I just turned 30 and you are never too old to change.

Sara said I should speak to someone and also deal with my anger management issues. I am going to get a therapist again and deal with me and my life rather than death of parent.

I’ve stopped taking coke and cut down drinking mid week. How’s that for change. I speak openly and honestly on this forum because I’ve the self awareness to realise I’m not living right and I’m not happy. I’m intrinsically not a happy person. My life has been fvcked from the age of 5, no sob story but I’ve been depressed from childhood and suffered trauma. So the only thing I would agree with is that I’m prob like the drama seeking BPD ex’s you hear about here with one caveat, I’m a good person, help everyone out and don’t (intentionally) manipulate or abuse anyone.

Thanks for your reply though, knew most of it anyway.

I’m thinking gym, healthy eating, more morning runs, more happiness, no drugs, less alcohol. I’m just self medicating with sex and drugs like millions of us out there. Having some degree of game has just exacerbated this decline.

 

[Murk]

Murkserious awing threads are coke for the female.posters

My best friend asked Sophie the other day “why do girls always love murk? What is it about him”

She said hes funny, charming, and draws you in

Literally every girl I know I’ve had or could have had a thing with. Maybe it’s being raised by women I tap into something

 

[sazc]

I’m down to two plates, Maria, one Spanish waitress who is cool as fvck with a great body and reasonable face, we vibe well and sex is fantastic 7/10. She doesn’t care if I see other girls as long as she don’t know about it and she’s only here for a fun time, not a long one. No stress, been seeing her a month, we help each other with English/Spanish and she always pays half even when I refuse so there’s valued added there but she lives in the city and works shifts finishing at midnight.

Sophie - been seeing her on and off over a year. She came on strong early days Feb-March 2018 I was fresh from a breakup and pushed her back repeatedly, we stopped seeing each other after I gave her chlamydia, lied and said I was clean and showed her a fake all clear text, then bumped into her at the clinic getting treatment (FML - I felt awful). Anyway she’s a nice girl, good body, pretty face, 7.5/10, very caring, will come round and bring me stuff, bought me Tom Ford for my bday last month, decent girl. Lives local and can come to me at a drop of a hat (and does).

My friends all ask why I haven’t wifed Sophie, they all like her, she doesn’t drink too much doesn’t touch drugs, is very “normal/sane” guys watch her when we walk past and she’s got good banter.

However something in me just doesn’t want her. We spent the weekend just got together, watched football, got a hotel (Sara still living in my spare room). She gave me a back massage, two BJs that lasted 20+min. Good sex, paid for lunch the following day. I just don’t want her.

I want my psychotic abusive flatmate Sara, selfish and offers nothing, average looking, average body but slim, lies, closed off, not affectionate, high body count.

I’m convinced there’s something legit wrong with my brain wiring. All my friends say Sara is no good but I think I love her. All my friends say Sophie treats me better than any girl has (true).

Please someone tell me should I just give it a go? I don’t feel any passion with her, it’s just too easy. I’m so fvcked I feel like abandoning women altogether and maybe banging Spanish waitress when I can (she works 12pm-12am) which is mostly weekends.

Anyone been in similar situations? My ex was not a good fit and we fought like cat and dog too and I took that breakup hard and only got over it 10 months later.

Usually you get to this mental point after you've spent a few days partying.....? Is that what you've been doing?

 

[AJ84]

It was an awful thing to do, but she’s already been tested same time as me and I didn’t knowingly spread it to anyone I’d never do that. I just lied and said I didn’t have it after the fact to save face. A cowardly move I admit and apologised profusely. Worst thing is her and her friend called me out for it publicly in the packed clinic on a Monday evening, dark times for murk.



Well you’re wrong there, i’d like to think I’m the most selfloathing, warts and all, frank and honest poster here. I know I’m fvcked, it’s in the OP. I have been to therapy early last year but that was only bereavement therapy to deal with losing my mum to cancer. I’m effectively alone with no siblings, dad out the picture and a disfunctional family who I rarely speak to get get next to no support from.

Too old to change? I just turned 30 and you are never too old to change.

Sara said I should speak to someone and also deal with my anger management issues. I am going to get a therapist again and deal with me and my life rather than death of parent.

I’ve stopped taking coke and cut down drinking mid week. How’s that for change. I speak openly and honestly on this forum because I’ve the self awareness to realise I’m not living right and I’m not happy. I’m intrinsically not a happy person. My life has been fvcked from the age of 5, no sob story but I’ve been depressed from childhood and suffered trauma. So the only thing I would agree with is that I’m prob like the drama seeking BPD ex’s you hear about here with one caveat, I’m a good person, help everyone out and don’t (intentionally) manipulate or abuse anyone.

Thanks for your reply though, knew most of it anyway.

I’m thinking gym, healthy eating, more morning runs, more happiness, no drugs, less alcohol. I’m just self medicating with sex and drugs like millions of us out there. Having some degree of game has just exacerbated this decline.

You are definitely one of the more honest posters here, no sugar coating and pretending to be hot sh*t like a few here.

But you owe it to yourself to be around people who will nourish you, not deplete you. Some of the women you describe sound like travelling sh*t storms.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Well you’re wrong there, i’d like to think I’m the most selfloathing, warts and all, frank and honest poster here. I know I’m fvcked, it’s in the OP. I have been to therapy early last year but that was only bereavement therapy to deal with losing my mum to cancer. I’m effectively alone with no siblings, dad out the picture and a disfunctional family who I rarely speak to get get next to no support from.

I don’t mean ‘real’ as in honest. I mean as in serious, purposeful, no-bullsh!t type. Harder to explain. Most people hate having this mindset though.

Too old to change? I just turned 30 and you are never too old to change.

You are never too old to change, but past early 20s, people don’t change. Unless they absolutely have to.

Sara said I should speak to someone and also deal with my anger management issues. I am going to get a therapist again and deal with me and my life rather than death of parent.

Aak for psychotherapy specifically.

I’ve stopped taking coke and cut down drinking mid week. How’s that for change. I speak openly and honestly on this forum because I’ve the self awareness to realise I’m not living right and I’m not happy. I’m intrinsically not a happy person. My life has been fvcked from the age of 5, no sob story but I’ve been depressed from childhood and suffered trauma. So the only thing I would agree with is that I’m prob like the drama seeking BPD ex’s you hear about here with one caveat, I’m a good person, help everyone out and don’t (intentionally) manipulate or abuse anyone.

Thanks for your reply though, knew most of it anyway.

I’m thinking gym, healthy eating, more morning runs, more happiness, no drugs, less alcohol. I’m just self medicating with sex and drugs like millions of us out there. Having some degree of game has just exacerbated this decline.

Just do. Cut out the bad people in your life. Cut out the bad people in your life. Cut out the bad people in your life.

Bold.

 

[ubercat]

And here we see the hard drugs play out. That sh1t stays with you it alters your brain chemistry. Basically you've become like a chick you need large emotional spikes. Mindfulness might be a path

 

[mrgoodstuff]

And here we see the hard drugs play out. That sh1t stays with you it alters your brain chemistry. Basically you've become like a chick you need large emotional spikes. Mindfulness might be a path

Even being recipient of endless drama can cause these brain chemistry changes.

 

[GrowingPains]

OP...

Stop pretending like you're an open and honest person. Maybe on this forum, in terms of who spews the most details about their mishaps, sure. But that's just like being in a room full of keyboard warriors and trying to figure out which one is the best 'this' or 'that'. What I'm trying to say is you're all bark and no bite.

I'm writing this the way I am because it seems like you need a wake up call - a couple posters tried to give it to you but you deflected, claiming that you are the opposite of their observation or that you already know xyz.

Here's your first problem: you don't respect yourself. How do I know? You continually entertain drama-ridden situations which you know the likelihood of going bad. Start respecting yourself. Does a man that respects himself do cocaine? What's a man that respects and enjoys himself need from hard drugs? (Personal opinion, not trying to have the don't do drugs convo, see the bigger picture in what I'm saying) What's a man that respects himself doing going back and forth to a woman who causes him distress?

You've got personal issues. And I mean issues core to Murserious's being that you're not addressing. That's why you 'love' Sara.

You're ignoring reality and CHOOSING to continue living in your fantasy. You gave someone Chlamydia, no way around that one. You were 100% responsible. You seem to 'know' so much about yourself. Claiming that you're the most transparent poster. But who cares if you come online, where no one knows you and you still the beans on your life? Does that actually make you accountable? Are any of us going to look you in the face daily and tell you to stop beng a loser? No. So you need to do that sh!t for yourself. If you're truly this transparent person, tell your mom the troubles you're having. Your friends. Random guy on the street. My point is that you're not truly comfortable with who you are, none of us are. We like to put up this front online like we've identified the problem and are so self-conscious but yet we never do anything about it.

And that's your biggest problem. It's that you are choosing not to do sh!t about your life. You're 30 years old. You say it's never too late to change. Then do that sh!t and stop posting on here. Come back when you have a post titled 'How to turn your life around and stop being a damaged fvck'. Keep saying it's never too late and next thing you know you're 60 years old layed up in a hospital with not a single soul that cares about you. Do something about it, OP. Action. That's the missing link for most people, myself included but I resolve daily to do something about my shortcomings.

What are you going to do about yours?

Edit: Another example of you clouding up reality: you say you don't care what Sara does... Yet you included irrelevant detail about her fvcking some other dude. Now if you really didn't care, you wouldn't have mentioned it. Youre living a lie, only you can save yourself.

There's nothing any of us can do for you but provide commentary and speculation on your circumstances. But that will get you nowhere. No matter how great the insight, it will always come down to whether you are doing something to change your situation and if you are bring aware of it rather than relying on us to do it for you. If I were you, I'd sign off, put the hard hat on and start hammering at my life.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Can he make better choices so that he is more likely to get what he wants with a minimum of drama?

Change his mentality entirely.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Change his mentality entirely.

That aint gonna happen overnight. Itll have to be little by little over time. Some behaviors not allowed. Some new rules. Upgraded stardards. Better screening process.

 

[GrowingPains]

That aint gonna happen overnight. Itll have to be little by little over time. Some behaviors not allowed. Some new rules. Upgraded stardards. Better screening process.

Harsh reality is it probably won't change until he truly hits rock bottom. Nothing seems to have been enough to make it 'click' that he has to change. Often times the reason we experience serious change is because we reached a point we don't want to experience ever again. He might be aware of his situation, but he's not committed to changing it.

"You don't want it bad enough, you just kinda want it." - Eric Thomas