2/1/19: Revelations Part 2, My Skype Call with Dr. Nerdlove
Hey guys. So I was finally able to get a conference call with Dr. Nerdlove like I wanted to yesterday. I always have a lot of nagging, very specific questions. So I thought I would call an actual dating coach that I look up to and get them answered. This isn't exact wording, but I'm basically type up the bullet point notes I made into sentence form. Some of you might call these questions basic, but I've wanted to know them for a bit. Plus I wanted to hear the answers from Dr. Nerdlove himself. I hope you guys can pull some value from these questions that I asked. Also, I may break this up into multiple parts because there's an ungodly amount of text here. And I do have homework.
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Q1.) Can you tell me how I'd go about doing Cold Approaches on a College Campus, and Daygame in general? Sometimes I don't understand the social context of when it is and when it isn't appropriate to approach. How can you do it smoothly without looking creepy?
A1.) This can really depend on the campus and its size. You don't want to be the horny guy who is just going up and always hitting on everybody. Sometimes the social context for Daygame isn't exactly there, like when people are just trying to shop or go to class for instance. You don't want to hit someone in a rush with an opinion opener. Social circle game is smoother in that respect, because you have a connection. In terms of context, bars and parties feel a bit more natural because the social context is that people are expected to meet and mingle there. However, that isn't to say that you can't approach on campus. In fact, you both already have a common connection by going to the same school. You want to approach girls who are open to being approached. For example, don't approach someone with their headphones in or who is rushing to class. Also, you want to be very lowkey about these approaches. None of the same energy that you would use in Nightgame. So do a lowkey approach, and if it seems like it's going well, get her number. Another technique you can do is get her Snapchat or Facebook if it doesn't feel right asking for the number just yet.
Q2.) I'm still in the process of learning Game. However, my self-confidence is still shaky, and I still have some weight to lose. Should I keep approaching and continue to work on my Game while I'm in the process of Self-Improvement or should I pause that while I continue to work on myself?
A2.) Many guys have a laser like approach when it comes to Self Improvement like this. They think that you need to finish working on one thing before you even start the other. However, it's better to think of Self Improvement like a Spider's Web. You should be working on all of that stuff at the same time. Also, while working on things like your fitness, hair, etc might be good for your confidence, it might be useful than you'd think. Looks are definitely important, but what trumps that is Game, the ability to connect with someone, make them feel good, make them laugh, and so on. For instance, I have a Mexican friend who is short and fat but he pulls more ass than I've ever seen. Also, in general, the more exposure of yourself you give to a girl, the more inclined she is to like you. In that sense, the long game can work: but I don't mean the long game by acting like a Nice Guy. Getting to know her and connecting with her is very important. It's always good to work on things like your body and hair, but you have to realize that you don't need perfect hair or a perfect body to get girls.. a lot of girls actually do go for Dad Bods. That isn't to say that you shouldn't work on yourself, but realize that at the end of the day you ultimately might not need it.
Q3.) What's your general flowchart/idea of how to go from a girl that's a stranger to sleeping with her?
A3.) It really depends on the girl. Some girls I've slept with on the first date, some it's taken me months to sleep with them. You have to get to know the individual, and connect with her. I don't use things like the Mystery Method anymore, because you can't treat girls like you're doing Computer Programming. Not only is it a headache, but you're never at any one specific stage at a time with a girl. You need to be working on everything at the same time. You're always building attraction, comfort, and doing push/pull/flirting. You should always be focusing on building each of these aspects up. You need to keep in mind that maybe you don't have enough of each of these aspects for her to sleep with you yet. You have to roll with the punches and whatever she throws at you. You need to be very flexible when you're dealing with girls. Also, keep in mind that if a girl doesn't sleep with you, it's not always your fault. She might have issues of her own. For example, there was this one girl who I didn't sleep with for months because it turned out she had to go to therapy(had some very deep issues) and she was too embarrassed to admit it to me. I'd say that PUA is useful for learning how to understand others as well as yourself, but it shouldn't be the end all be all. As for how to actually connect with people, the PUA community isn't great for that. That all has to come from you.
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I'm going to divide this thing into multiple posts. I have some homework to do, but I'll definitely finish typing the rest of this at some point in the future.
