Major Learning Last Night

[flowtheory]

I think that only works in the short term though. If you had any notion of exclusivity at some point with this girl, she's going to remember you leveraging your other women to elicit a response from her that she might not have intended to give. Maybe that wasn't your actual intention but that will be her interpretation of your actions.

Believe me, if you try to get serious with her at some point, she's going to remember this. She might try to do the same thing to you once she's got you locked down. Kudos to you, this definitely works and will work well, but only if you intend on any of these relationships being short term.

I didn’t leverage anything. The situation was what it was. I was never going to divulge any of that info. She asked, she received. The only thing this all communicates to her is that I had value to other women and am wanted. And I’m actively choosing her over others. The other women had nothing to do with gaining her interest or her.

And she wouldn’t do that to me because she’s already told me there isn’t anyone else. If she went back on that, I would eject her because she lied at a crucial time. If she tried to manipulate me in other ways, I would walk and silence/distance her until she rectified her actions.

This isn’t a short term strategy. And wouldn’t only work short term. There’s never a perfect scenario at the beginning. It’s simple: both parties want a high value person, figured out through social proof or many other ways. However you cut that cake to find that out, doesn’t matter.

I know she has value, and she knows I have value. Keep increasing value within yourself, her interest keeps gaining through that.

 

[The Duke]

Girls that pull these same cute stunts are also guilty of what they are accusing you of. They always get mad when you play the same game they always play.

In two weeks she will be asking to be exclusive.

 

[highSpeed]

I didn’t leverage anything. The situation was what it was. I was never going to divulge any of that info. She asked, she received. The only thing this all communicates to her is that I had value to other women and am wanted. And I’m actively choosing her over others. The other women had nothing to do with gaining her interest or her.

And she wouldn’t do that to me because she’s already told me there isn’t anyone else. If she went back on that, I would eject her because she lied at a crucial time. If she tried to manipulate me in other ways, I would walk and silence/distance her until she rectified her actions.

This isn’t a short term strategy. And wouldn’t only work short term. There’s never a perfect scenario at the beginning. It’s simple: both parties want a high value person, figured out through social proof or many other ways. However you cut that cake to find that out, doesn’t matter.

I know she has value, and she knows I have value. Keep increasing value within yourself, her interest keeps gaining through that.

You can say, Oh, I'm going to walk out and go get it over here and maybe you actually meant it. Easier though, if she puts out for you and you don't have to leave to go get it somewhere else and perhaps it may not have even panned out with the other chick for whatever reason. If you really believed that this other chick was going to give it up, why mention it to this woman? You'd have simply excused yourself and moved on. You can claim it wasn't meant to elicit some type of response from her but obviously it was. I think it worked like a charm, so I have no reason to quibble over your methods but let's be honest, that statement to her was meant to get her to put out.

What I meant by there being someone else is not perhaps right now, but you really don't know that to be the case do you? What I was referencing was in the future at some point, you're locked down, invested in her financially, emotionally and now she's got the upper hand. All of this leading crap, once you're committed in some meaningful way? She's got you and she knows it. See the mistakes and I say mistakes because my dumb *ss has done this multiple times is they are waiting for that committment, that moment when they know they've got you, that's when the power shift occurs. I've never once had a woman behave badly until I was locked down, that's when Mr. Hyde comes out. It's like some sort of mental shift the moment that happens, like a palpable feel in the air when the power shifts and they can feel it down to their bones. That's when all of the bad behaviors that they've been suppressing comes out in spades. And now she remembers you pulling that power move to get her to put out and/or any other bad behaviors that she's perceived and now she puts the power moves on display. Maybe you don't give a crap but most people, when they have some skin in the game, it's much more difficult for them to simply walk out and women, way more than men, know this and adjust their behavior accordingly. Women, again, way more than men, adjust their ethics and morals to the situation.

 

[sazc]

This could "go" multiple ways.

I wouldn't be surprised if she NC you, deciding you're not worth her investment

I wouldn't be surprised if she asked you for exclusivity within a few weeks, or so. Esp with new year's coming

I wouldn't be surprised if she now went out and drummed up some interest in/with other guys.

She could decide she's happy being unattached with access to a man.

She could choose to focus on you, and try to win you over.

There's no way to predict what her response could be. It's now a waiting game. There's never going to be a way to figure out the future.

 

[Roober]

Usually I would agree with the latter paragraph, however she seems very monogomous and does not have ANY interest in pursuing others. She’s been super open about everything going on in her dating world.
Just because I opened up and have given her more of me, doesn’t mean her interest in others goes up. That would only be a valid statement if I became a wuss bag and started being needy. None of which will happen. Exclusive, relationship or whatever, the name of the game is to keep increasing my own value outside of the relation with her. And in doing so her interest will still climb.

And when she initially questioned I went silent. Then simply kissed her. Changed the topic to something else and she said “don’t be evasive answer the question.” And we got in to it from there. Note: she’s also a lawyer so good luck with redirection.

Do not disturb on the phone is a good way to live but also has downside as well on the whole, not just concerning women.

I think @highSpeed summed it up pretty well. Most people (not just women) are not going to be perfectly okay with their interest poking around with other people; unless they are just looking for a hookup obviously. But that doesn't sound like it's the case here.

This is where some of the nuances of these interactions are important to understand, where a strategic white lie, and evading the questions (her profession is irrelevant) would be far more beneficial.

Regardless though, it sounds like everything worked out well for now!

 

[flowtheory]

You can say, Oh, I'm going to walk out and go get it over here and maybe you actually meant it. Easier though, if she puts out for you and you don't have to leave to go get it somewhere else and perhaps it may not have even panned out with the other chick for whatever reason. If you really believed that this other chick was going to give it up, why mention it to this woman? You'd have simply excused yourself and moved on.

I never mentioned there was another woman who was giving it up to me. She asked if I was seeing or sleeping with others. I said ‘yes’.

You can claim it wasn't meant to elicit some type of response from her but obviously it was. I think it worked like a charm, so I have no reason to quibble over your methods but let's be honest, that statement to her was meant to get her to put out.

there was never a statement used to get her to sleep with me. No manipulation was used. The only ‘tactic’ I used to get her to digress was to employ walking away. And at that point I was ready to just leave it all behind; her irrationality.

What I meant by there being someone else is not perhaps right now, but you really don't know that to be the case do you? What I was referencing was in the future at some point, you're locked down, invested in her financially, emotionally and now she's got the upper hand. All of this leading crap, once you're committed in some meaningful way? She's got you and she knows it. See the mistakes and I say mistakes because my dumb *ss has done this multiple times is they are waiting for that committment, that moment when they know they've got you, that's when the power shift occurs. I've never once had a woman behave badly until I was locked down, that's when Mr. Hyde comes out. It's like some sort of mental shift the moment that happens, like a palpable feel in the air when the power shifts and they can feel it down to their bones. That's when all of the bad behaviors that they've been suppressing comes out in spades. And now she remembers you pulling that power move to get her to put out and/or any other bad behaviors that she's perceived and now she puts the power moves on display. Maybe you don't give a crap but most people, when they have some skin in the game, it's much more difficult for them to simply walk out and women, way more than men, know this and adjust their behavior accordingly. Women, again, way more than men, adjust their ethics and morals to the situation.

truth be told, she wanted sex more than me. And I didn’t manipulate her to put out. All I’ve done is slowly escalate since I’ve seen her. Plan dates, go in for kisses, etc. Never brought up another woman to make her jealous, none of those trashy tactics. I’ve been a complete gentleman to be really honest. She asked me a question and I honestly replied. She got upset and hurt and jealous; but she admitted she was acting unfair because we never had a conversation about being exclusive sexually or whatever. We talked and then she wanted to have sex. She can’t use anything to hold it against me because it won’t stand up.

Also. If a woman turned in to Hyde after we went exclusive and her behaviour wasn’t consistent or the same with the person I was crazy over, I would walk. I’ve been in committed relationships where the woman turns in to a demon so I know what you’re talking about. But not anymore. I’ve invested too much time in this damn forum to not respect myself and time to let a woman go crazy or power hungry.
That’s not how my ideal relationship works. Not my frame. I know I’m happy by myself and love that single life with tons of options. If a woman and me would be committed, to me nothing changes. The only difference is she knows I decided to take myself off the market to be with her. That should shut her up and if she doesn’t appreciate that; kick rocks,baby.
I still add value to myself through other means.
That power game some women play, and their lap dog beta boyfriend takes it... that WILL NOT fly with me ever again. I will do everything to not be some woman’s disrespected toy. It happened once and left a hell of a deep scar, which inevitably brought me here. But, never again will that happen. I’m going to create my ideal life, and the relationship is part of that. I lead from the start, that won’t change.


As humans we have the power of choice.
Always know that you choose your experience; your actions, but most of all your reactions.

 

[Glassguy]

Here is the deal:

If you pull this type of move with a woman, you have to understand the consequences if things go south. As in she gets p!ssed and ignores you after you leave, as in no more chance with her.

As long as you are ok with that, who cares. If the woman is of high value and has a lot of the characteristics you are looking for in a woman (as in LTR candidate) it would obviously be a poor move to do on her.

Thats why "The ability to walk away" has so much power. Its not the ability to walk away but keep looking back saying "I am really going to do it unless you stop me" with no real interest in truly walking away to begin with.

Its the end if it doesnt work out but you get the payoff if it does.

 

[flowtheory]

Girls that pull these same cute stunts are also guilty of what they are accusing you of. They always get mad when you play the same game they always play.

In two weeks she will be asking to be exclusive.

Yea she already did when I had called her haha. Not full on bf/gf.. but ‘just giving us a chance without there being any distractions’ exclusivity - most basic form. Which I can actually agree with. If there’s high interest on both sides no one wants that other person sleeping with other people or going on dates. This is of course dependent on the individual here. But her and I clearly value monogamy and do get territorial, so it actually works. And I know there’s going to be people who are up and arms about this, but whatever
Plus she’s smart, super hot, funny, and great sex. That’s a pretty solid package

The take away is that she chased me to be exclusive. I never brought it up, ever. So it’s a win-win. Both parties are getting what they want.
I haven’t been exclusive with anyone for a year and half; shall see what changes. I know the term is just an illusion anyways. Nothing is promised or protected.

I know in the past, when I became or chased for exclusivity I believed it protected me. This in turn made me lazy because I thought she was mine and we were bound to one another because of a verbal agreement. And this happens all the time with people. They stop increasing their value and then slowly they become less attractive. Exclusivity trips people up, because they think it’s safe.

 

[The Duke]

Yea she already did when I had called her haha. Not full on bf/gf.. but ‘just giving us a chance without there being any distractions’ exclusivity - most basic form. Which I can actually agree with. If there’s high interest on both sides no one wants that other person sleeping with other people or going on dates. This is of course dependent on the individual here. But her and I clearly value monogamy and do get territorial, so it actually works. And I know there’s going to be people who are up and arms about this, but whatever
Plus she’s smart, super hot, funny, and great sex. That’s a pretty solid package

The take away is that she chased me to be exclusive. I never brought it up, ever. So it’s a win-win. Both parties are getting what they want.
I haven’t been exclusive with anyone for a year and half; shall see what changes. I know the term is just an illusion anyways. Nothing is promised or protected.

I know in the past, when I became or chased for exclusivity I believed it protected me. This in turn made me lazy because I thought she was mine and we were bound to one another because of a verbal agreement. And this happens all the time with people. They stop increasing their value and then slowly they become less attractive. Exclusivity trips people up, because they think it’s safe.

But understand a man decreases his own value by being exclusive to the female asking for it. You are giving her what she wants, and it dries up desire.

Make it difficult for her, be a challenge. She isn't going anywhere if you don't instantly agree to her terms.

 

[flowtheory]

But understand a man decreases his own value by being exclusive to the female asking for it. You are giving her what she wants, and it dries up desire.

Make it difficult for her, be a challenge. She isn't going anywhere if you don't instantly agree to her terms.

Oh I understand all the latter part of your post. She actually said for her safety and personal security she doesn’t want to engage intimately or emotionally with me further if I’m still open to other people sexually or in a dating sense. Which I understand.
And to me, she’s a great catch so there’s no sense in trying to find a better person than her. Because many haven’t compared. I’ve dated for a year and a half and she’s the best so far.

Her desire in one sense changes, yes. But you can still be desirable an stimulate the woman while giving her the security that there’s no one else. It’s inevitable that you’ll become exclusive with someone. A major drop in her interest would happen if it was me who caged her to exclusivity. As long as the woman is the one who gets the guy in to exclusivity, she feels better about it all, from my understanding.
A key point in exclusivity, like I’ve stated before, is to still be - if not even more so - a valuable male to many. Just don’t get needy, out of shape, or always let things go on her terms. That’s where a woman’s desire goes out the window; when the male becomes pvssy whipped because he only has one source of sex and female attention.


Her competition anxiety is decreased in one singular avenue, but she also has comfortibity which means better sex for me, but social proof and other women engaging me, will still be present. Titles or not.