I am broken - Marriage Decision Must be Made

[Reyaj]

I've been procrastinating writing this post but I can no longer do so. The title of this post is the first thought that comes to my mind in this very complicated situation.

Before I write about the decision I need to make and the circumstances around it I need to first discuss and reveal myself....

I am not normal.... I fear the house in the suburbs with the wife,kids and white picket fence. I feel like I am selling out so to speak and am just another sheep in society.

I suffer from cognitive dissonance though of wanting to be calm and simple while also wanting to be someone special and enjoy the superficial pleasures in life... driving a nice car, hooking up with hot girls whenever I want, and essentially being someone who is envied for living life to the fullest and not falling into the marriage trap and the rat race.

However I am 40 years old. I really don't feel like it mentally though... I feel like I'm in my 20's who wants to go out to bars/parties/clubs and hook up with girls if I can. I've been really living a double life doing so... whether its from going out or online I've been meeting girls on the side while In my 4 year relationship and also did so previously while I was in my 5 year relationship.

Yes it feels like deja vu all over again... You can certainly search and find a thread I wrote years back when I facing a similar marriage situation. I actually felt I upgraded my girl which I still believe I have. Unfortunately the same thing about bothering the hell out of me about both of them.... their weight!!!!

This is exactly where the internal mental conflict kicks in... part of the time I am happy with a good companion who has past all my screenings.. and the other half of the time I want a thinner woman!

Here is the irony... when I met my current girlfriend she was 24 and very attractive! The sex with her was amazing, I was so attracted to her... I would even want go down on her which is something I don't generally do. My girlfriend before her was voluptuous and pretty but turned into a whale. It caused a big problem for me which was a big factor in our relationship ending. When I ended up with my current girlfriend I felt so happy because here was a girl that was in shape, attractive and I physically into. But now I feel like I'm in a similar boat.

I guess my current girlfriend has a large frame... its something I never noticed though until the weight gain. She is just overweight a bit but I wouldn't call her a whale. My ex girlfriend, now that was a whale. My ex was lazy and didn't stick to eating healthy or a workout schedule. My current girlfriend does eat healthy for the most part (except on the weekends with eating and drinking). Maybe she is just past the Age of Expiration of 27 I've read about and that's just life?

I've looked at pictures of us together throughout the years... she was so beautiful early on... I'm not saying she is ugly now but she just looks like a normal overweight American girl.

Now let me say how great she is... she cooks amazing, she works hard and has money saved for us to get a house, she'll do me or sexually please me whenever I want (which hasn't been much lately around her), she is intelligent. She comes from a good family that really likes me a lot.

Me... well I cheat, have crazy debt, and basically still not sure what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately at 40 I feel like I'm out of time to figure it out... especially if I want to have children.

I've been writing down a lot of my thoughts lately about the situation. Here they are in no particular order:

Thoughts

• Should my mission be to find the hottest girl I can attain?
  
  
• Should I accept that I can't retain hot women? I've had sex with a few in the past but keeping a relationship with them was exhausting.
  
  
• I'm a sex addict and can't control it. When I get horny I start craving other women and sometimes go to the strip club for extras.
  
  
• I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side - Thus the life I want is unattainable.
  
  
• When I *** I feel relaxed and not consumed with sex addiction thoughts.
  
  
• My girlfriend has gained weight and is heavy. This really bothers me. I feel like I would want a girl with a nice body but other times I wouldn't want to deal with it.
  
  
• When I am sick or physically ill I realize mortality and the importance of essential needs with a wife with good values can provide.
  
  
• I get upset when I look at my girlfriend and see a big girl then I see thinner girls with boyfriends who appear less attractive than me and I feel I should have one of them.
• 
  
• I don't like dealing with the game of dating and the efforts attached to it. Yet I am still very attracted to other women. Maybe I need to live a double life?
  
  
• I am in terrible financial shape.
  
  
• My girlfriend is a successful worker who manages money well.
  
  
• Sometimes I feel very content in my relationship but my sexual attraction for my girlfriend has waned.

Help me!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've been procrastinating writing this post but I can no longer do so. The title of this post is the first thought that comes to my mind in this very complicated situation.

Before I write about the decision I need to make and the circumstances around it I need to first discuss and reveal myself....

I am not normal.... I fear the house in the suburbs with the wife,kids and white picket fence. I feel like I am selling out so to speak and am just another sheep in society.
I suffer from cognitive dissonance though of wanting to be calm and simple while also wanting to be someone special and enjoy the superficial pleasures in life... driving a nice car, hooking up with hot girls whenever I want, and essentially being someone who is envied for living life to the fullest and not falling into the marriage trap and the rat race.

However I am 40 years old. I really don't feel like it mentally though... I feel like I'm in my 20's who wants to go out to bars/parties/clubs and hook up with girls if I can. I've been really living a double life doing so... whether its from going out or online I've been meeting girls on the side while In my 4 year relationship and also did so previously while I was in my 5 year relationship.

Yes it feels like deja vu all over again... You can certainly search and find a thread I wrote years back when I facing a similar marriage situation. I actually felt I upgraded my girl which I still believe I have. Unfortunately the same thing about bothering the hell out of me about both of them.... their weight!!!!

This is exactly where the internal mental conflict kicks in... part of the time I am happy with a good companion who has past all my screenings.. and the other half of the time I want a thinner woman!

Here is the irony... when I met my current girlfriend she was 24 and very attractive! The sex with her was amazing, I was so attracted to her... I would even want go down on her which is something I don't generally do. My girlfriend before her was voluptuous and pretty but turned into a whale. It caused a big problem for me which was a big factor in our relationship ending. When I ended up with my current girlfriend I felt so happy because here was a girl that was in shape, attractive and I physically into. But now I feel like I'm in a similar boat.

I guess my current girlfriend has a large frame... its something I never noticed though until the weight gain. She is just overweight a bit but I wouldn't call her a whale. My ex girlfriend, now that was a whale. My ex was lazy and didn't stick to eating healthy or a workout schedule. My current girlfriend does eat healthy for the most part (except on the weekends with eating and drinking). Maybe she is just past the Age of Expiration of 27 I've read about and that's just life?

I've looked at pictures of us together throughout the years... she was so beautiful early on... I'm not saying she is ugly now but she just looks like a normal overweight American girl.

Now let me say how great she is... she cooks amazing, she works hard and has money saved for us to get a house, she'll do me or sexually please me whenever I want (which hasn't been much lately around her), she is intelligent. She comes from a good family that really likes me a lot.

Me... well I cheat, have crazy debt, and basically still not sure what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately at 40 I feel like I'm out of time to figure it out... especially if I want to have children.

I've been writing down a lot of my thoughts lately about the situation. Here they are in no particular order:

Thoughts

• Should my mission be to find the hottest girl I can attain?
  
  
• Should I accept that I can't retain hot women? I've had sex with a few in the past but keeping a relationship with them was exhausting.
  
  
• I'm a sex addict and can't control it. When I get horny I start craving other women and sometimes go to the strip club for extras.
  
  
• I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side - Thus the life I want is unattainable.
  
  
• When I *** I feel relaxed and not consumed with sex addiction thoughts.
  
  
• My girlfriend has gained weight and is heavy. This really bothers me. I feel like I would want a girl with a nice body but other times I wouldn't want to deal with it.
  
  
• When I am sick or physically ill I realize mortality and the importance of essential needs with a wife with good values can provide.
  
  
• I get upset when I look at my girlfriend and see a big girl then I see thinner girls with boyfriends who appear less attractive than me and I feel I should have one of them.
• 
  
• I don't like dealing with the game of dating and the efforts attached to it. Yet I am still very attracted to other women. Maybe I need to live a double life?
  
  
• I am in terrible financial shape.
  
  
• My girlfriend is a successful worker who manages money well.
  
  
• Sometimes I feel very content in my relationship but my sexual attraction for my girlfriend has waned.

Help me!

How often the gf drinks? That may be the weight gain. Its an accumulation over time.

Does she have any friends who are into fitness?

 

[lamath]

I've been procrastinating writing this post but I can no longer do so. The title of this post is the first thought that comes to my mind in this very complicated situation.

Before I write about the decision I need to make and the circumstances around it I need to first discuss and reveal myself....

I am not normal.... I fear the house in the suburbs with the wife,kids and white picket fence. I feel like I am selling out so to speak and am just another sheep in society.
I suffer from cognitive dissonance though of wanting to be calm and simple while also wanting to be someone special and enjoy the superficial pleasures in life... driving a nice car, hooking up with hot girls whenever I want, and essentially being someone who is envied for living life to the fullest and not falling into the marriage trap and the rat race.

However I am 40 years old. I really don't feel like it mentally though... I feel like I'm in my 20's who wants to go out to bars/parties/clubs and hook up with girls if I can. I've been really living a double life doing so... whether its from going out or online I've been meeting girls on the side while In my 4 year relationship and also did so previously while I was in my 5 year relationship.

Yes it feels like deja vu all over again... You can certainly search and find a thread I wrote years back when I facing a similar marriage situation. I actually felt I upgraded my girl which I still believe I have. Unfortunately the same thing about bothering the hell out of me about both of them.... their weight!!!!

This is exactly where the internal mental conflict kicks in... part of the time I am happy with a good companion who has past all my screenings.. and the other half of the time I want a thinner woman!

Here is the irony... when I met my current girlfriend she was 24 and very attractive! The sex with her was amazing, I was so attracted to her... I would even want go down on her which is something I don't generally do. My girlfriend before her was voluptuous and pretty but turned into a whale. It caused a big problem for me which was a big factor in our relationship ending. When I ended up with my current girlfriend I felt so happy because here was a girl that was in shape, attractive and I physically into. But now I feel like I'm in a similar boat.

I guess my current girlfriend has a large frame... its something I never noticed though until the weight gain. She is just overweight a bit but I wouldn't call her a whale. My ex girlfriend, now that was a whale. My ex was lazy and didn't stick to eating healthy or a workout schedule. My current girlfriend does eat healthy for the most part (except on the weekends with eating and drinking). Maybe she is just past the Age of Expiration of 27 I've read about and that's just life?

I've looked at pictures of us together throughout the years... she was so beautiful early on... I'm not saying she is ugly now but she just looks like a normal overweight American girl.

Now let me say how great she is... she cooks amazing, she works hard and has money saved for us to get a house, she'll do me or sexually please me whenever I want (which hasn't been much lately around her), she is intelligent. She comes from a good family that really likes me a lot.

Me... well I cheat, have crazy debt, and basically still not sure what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately at 40 I feel like I'm out of time to figure it out... especially if I want to have children.

I've been writing down a lot of my thoughts lately about the situation. Here they are in no particular order:

Thoughts

• Should my mission be to find the hottest girl I can attain?
  
  
• Should I accept that I can't retain hot women? I've had sex with a few in the past but keeping a relationship with them was exhausting.
  
  
• I'm a sex addict and can't control it. When I get horny I start craving other women and sometimes go to the strip club for extras.
  
  
• I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side - Thus the life I want is unattainable.
  
  
• When I *** I feel relaxed and not consumed with sex addiction thoughts.
  
  
• My girlfriend has gained weight and is heavy. This really bothers me. I feel like I would want a girl with a nice body but other times I wouldn't want to deal with it.
  
  
• When I am sick or physically ill I realize mortality and the importance of essential needs with a wife with good values can provide.
  
  
• I get upset when I look at my girlfriend and see a big girl then I see thinner girls with boyfriends who appear less attractive than me and I feel I should have one of them.
• 
  
• I don't like dealing with the game of dating and the efforts attached to it. Yet I am still very attracted to other women. Maybe I need to live a double life?
  
  
• I am in terrible financial shape.
  
  
• My girlfriend is a successful worker who manages money well.
  
  
• Sometimes I feel very content in my relationship but my sexual attraction for my girlfriend has waned.

Help me!

Man sadly i dont think setteling down with your state of mind is a good idea.
How good is your self control?

In your state having kid is really not a good idea
They will end up screwed up unless your gf is a very exceptional women and those are like unicorn.
Raising kids and taking care of evrything will just ruin her if you help , she will get fatter from lack of sleep, no time to cook and just lack of energy
If you cant change at least some of you ways there is now way this is gonna end up good.

Kids need a very good stable enviroment and this is not it

Id you think you can change your ways start and try to improve before getting more serious


Did she give you an ultimatum?

 

[AJ84]

I've been procrastinating writing this post but I can no longer do so. The title of this post is the first thought that comes to my mind in this very complicated situation.

Before I write about the decision I need to make and the circumstances around it I need to first discuss and reveal myself....

I am not normal.... I fear the house in the suburbs with the wife,kids and white picket fence. I feel like I am selling out so to speak and am just another sheep in society.

I suffer from cognitive dissonance though of wanting to be calm and simple while also wanting to be someone special and enjoy the superficial pleasures in life... driving a nice car, hooking up with hot girls whenever I want, and essentially being someone who is envied for living life to the fullest and not falling into the marriage trap and the rat race.

However I am 40 years old. I really don't feel like it mentally though... I feel like I'm in my 20's who wants to go out to bars/parties/clubs and hook up with girls if I can. I've been really living a double life doing so... whether its from going out or online I've been meeting girls on the side while In my 4 year relationship and also did so previously while I was in my 5 year relationship.

Yes it feels like deja vu all over again... You can certainly search and find a thread I wrote years back when I facing a similar marriage situation. I actually felt I upgraded my girl which I still believe I have. Unfortunately the same thing about bothering the hell out of me about both of them.... their weight!!!!

This is exactly where the internal mental conflict kicks in... part of the time I am happy with a good companion who has past all my screenings.. and the other half of the time I want a thinner woman!

Here is the irony... when I met my current girlfriend she was 24 and very attractive! The sex with her was amazing, I was so attracted to her... I would even want go down on her which is something I don't generally do. My girlfriend before her was voluptuous and pretty but turned into a whale. It caused a big problem for me which was a big factor in our relationship ending. When I ended up with my current girlfriend I felt so happy because here was a girl that was in shape, attractive and I physically into. But now I feel like I'm in a similar boat.

I guess my current girlfriend has a large frame... its something I never noticed though until the weight gain. She is just overweight a bit but I wouldn't call her a whale. My ex girlfriend, now that was a whale. My ex was lazy and didn't stick to eating healthy or a workout schedule. My current girlfriend does eat healthy for the most part (except on the weekends with eating and drinking). Maybe she is just past the Age of Expiration of 27 I've read about and that's just life?

I've looked at pictures of us together throughout the years... she was so beautiful early on... I'm not saying she is ugly now but she just looks like a normal overweight American girl.

Now let me say how great she is... she cooks amazing, she works hard and has money saved for us to get a house, she'll do me or sexually please me whenever I want (which hasn't been much lately around her), she is intelligent. She comes from a good family that really likes me a lot.

Me... well I cheat, have crazy debt, and basically still not sure what I want to do with my life. Unfortunately at 40 I feel like I'm out of time to figure it out... especially if I want to have children.

I've been writing down a lot of my thoughts lately about the situation. Here they are in no particular order:

Thoughts

• Should my mission be to find the hottest girl I can attain?
  
  
• Should I accept that I can't retain hot women? I've had sex with a few in the past but keeping a relationship with them was exhausting.
  
  
• I'm a sex addict and can't control it. When I get horny I start craving other women and sometimes go to the strip club for extras.
  
  
• I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side - Thus the life I want is unattainable.
  
  
• When I *** I feel relaxed and not consumed with sex addiction thoughts.
  
  
• My girlfriend has gained weight and is heavy. This really bothers me. I feel like I would want a girl with a nice body but other times I wouldn't want to deal with it.
  
  
• When I am sick or physically ill I realize mortality and the importance of essential needs with a wife with good values can provide.
  
  
• I get upset when I look at my girlfriend and see a big girl then I see thinner girls with boyfriends who appear less attractive than me and I feel I should have one of them.
• 
  
• I don't like dealing with the game of dating and the efforts attached to it. Yet I am still very attracted to other women. Maybe I need to live a double life?
  
  
• I am in terrible financial shape.
  
  
• My girlfriend is a successful worker who manages money well.
  
  
• Sometimes I feel very content in my relationship but my sexual attraction for my girlfriend has waned.

Help me!

I remember reading your earlier posts. What you want from a woman you won’t be able to get, because it’s just one woman.

You crave variety and sexual newness with lots of women so just be single and enjoy the freedom of dating those women without destroying your current gf and any potential family you would have with her.

Or, have an open marriage, but it would probably have to go both ways unless she would actually be ok with you sleeping around while she stays faithful. Probably not likely through.

You know yourself better than anyone. Question is do you want to enjoy lots of women with no risk or complications or do you want to have to struggle with doing this while married with children?

It’s only a dilemma if you get married and have children. If you don’t do that, it’s risk free, responsibility free, and guilt free fun.

Honestly, being a husband isn’t for you so why try to fit yourself into a box that will confine you? You only live once, and so does she do don’t waste her life or yours.

 

[sazc]

Be authentic. Be true to yourself and be honest with her about your perspective and let the chips fall where they may.

It will probably be the first time you feel truly free

 

[AttackFormation]

Stop being weak. You've already cheated, so it's already over. Break up formally and live the life you want but didn't have the spine to do yet.

 

[jaymbrs]

The good women always go for the guys with the red flags like you haha, it's amazing. I can't pull a caretaker type woman if my life depended on it. I pull AWs and status seekers wanting validation.

Normally say don't marry her if you're likely to fvck the marriage up but it does seem like this is the type of situation a lot of women like.



I can't keep them either, I can go 1.5 years but they just have too many options. Even the hot friends I have tell me their behavior behind BFs back and its far from ideal. Id like to settle down with a girl that really appreciates me even if I put on some lbs or get stressed out once in a while. There is this sense of contentedness that less attractive ppl have that I never get with the hot ones I date.

2 of my best friends ended up settling down recently. Both decent looking dudes who have laid hot chicks. Except one of them married a chick I consider unattractive with baggage and the other friend settled down with a very attractive girl with a horrible attitude. From my perspective, the first guy has it way better. I can't stand to see the way my second friend lives. It's ridiculous the **** he goes through because of his girl. I'm still on the hunt for an attractive girl with good values but I'm also anticipating the possibility of settling with a girl like my first friend did. He genuinely seems happy with her.

 

[lamath]

2 of my best friends ended up settling down recently. Both decent looking dudes who have laid hot chicks. Except one of them married a chick I consider unattractive with baggage and the other friend settled down with a very attractive girl with a horrible attitude. From my perspective, the first guy has it way better. I can't stand to see the way my second friend lives. It's ridiculous the **** he goes through because of his girl. I'm still on the hunt for an attractive girl with good values but I'm also anticipating the possibility of settling with a girl like my first friend did. He genuinely seems happy with her.

On LTR i think a women attitude is the most important, sadly look fade and it can fade fast for some women

 

[Ranger]

The whole premise of this thread boils down to a unicorn.
Obviously the OP has a dilemma. So why did he get into the situation in the first place? Now he’s wasted five years of another person’s life.
Not only did he not follow his own nature but he’s going to have to thrash her to get back to where he needs to be.

She knows how to manage money and he is a financial wreck. I don’t have a dog in this hunt so I don’t give a $hit. The fact is, he’s a chump under all of that.

 

[djdfuser]

I want to have a wife and family at home but still be able to game attractive women on the side.

Why would you want to get married?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The good women always go for the guys with the red flags like you haha, it's amazing. I can't pull a caretaker type woman if my life depended on it. I pull AWs and status seekers wanting validation.

Normally say don't marry her if you're likely to fvck the marriage up but it does seem like this is the type of situation a lot of women like.



I can't keep them either, I can go 1.5 years but they just have too many options. Even the hot friends I have tell me their behavior behind BFs back and its far from ideal. Id like to settle down with a girl that really appreciates me even if I put on some lbs or get stressed out once in a while. There is this sense of contentedness that less attractive ppl have that I never get with the hot ones I date.

Dude that sociopath type of man attracts the caretaker mothering instinct like a black hole. The mother just wants to love him till hes healed. Not realizing its broken on purpose.

 

[lamath]

Dude that sociopath type of man attracts the caretaker mothering instinct like a black hole. The mother just wants to love him till hes healed. Not realizing its broken on purpose.

I use to work with a guy like that
Married with 1 kid
He was a very fun guy but was obsess with fcking other women as often as possible.
3 year ago he end up comiting suicide idk what was wrong with him but its a sad story
I did not see any suicidal tendency from him.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I use to work with a guy like that
Married with 1 kid
He was a very fun guy but was obsess with fcking other women as often as possible.
3 year ago he end up comiting suicide idk what was wrong with him but its a sad story
I did not see any suicidal tendency from him.

Highs and lows. Sometimes at night they feel like shyt about what they do.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Why would you want to get married?

If his wife doesnt mind its an ideal player situation.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah, meanwhile I have dated maybe one or two of them and very briefly. Of course all women put on a caretaker vibe during the honeymoon.

They were there to get something. Its up to us men to find out why they are here.

 

[Ranger]

They were there to get something. Its up to us men to find out why they are here.

They are there to see how much survival potential you are. Sometimes they resent and attack a man who turns out to be a fake man.

 

[Roober]

Where to start...

First of all, you let this happen. When a woman gains a significant amount of weight, she no longer feels the need to keep up her appearance for her man. Are her parents big? I wouldnt ever likely get serious with a woman with a fat mom as there is a good chance that is a small glimpse into your future.

I am willing to bet you are not in the best shape either. When a man doesn't put his best foot forward for the world, his woman merely becomes a mirror of that. Do you always dress to impress? Do you take care of your diet and health? If I had to guess, your woman sees your behavior and simply mirrors it... as most women do. Look at yourself before you look at her; dont fall into victimhood. Leave that to the younger gents.

As far as your finances, that is far too large of a topic for discussion here and I am sure you are intelligent enough to figure it out. If you want some guidance, feel free to PM me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

They are there to see how much survival potential you are. Sometimes they resent and attack a man who turns out to be a fake man.

"Fake" man? So your about to make a living mingling with the type of treacherous backbiting women who it physically PAINS when someone has growth around them? Everybody aint for everybody.

 

[Ranger]

"Fake" man? So your about to make a living mingling with the type of treacherous backbiting women who it physically PAINS when someone has growth around them? Everybody aint for everybody.

Fail her tests. Get reduced through the weeks and months of testing.
Your sex fountain dries up. True desire wains.
Yep. Fake man from her biological perspective. She can’t turn her desire on and off. That’s biological. She doesn’t get that choice or power.
She starts to resent being trapped.

“I will never settle again!!!” She claims. Lol. Yeah right.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Fail her tests. Get reduced through the weeks and months of testing.
Your sex fountain dries up. True desire wains.
Yep. Fake man from her biological perspective. She can’t turn her desire on and off. That’s biological. She doesn’t get that choice or power.
She starts to resent being trapped.

“I will never settle again!!!” She claims. Lol. Yeah right.

Bro. Im ready to spend time around the ones who arw giving ut up to me ans forget about the rest. That type of attention attracts abundance into the rest of my life. Its pretty simple. If a bytch is slowing your roll or killing your vibe drop her. Mohammed Ali said "it isnt the mountains ahead to climb; its the pebble in your shoe".