@Reyaj, life is about choices. With any choice you give up other choices, those are opportunity costs.
You are until recently on the fence, weighing choices and opportunity costs.
About the weight issue. Consider this. Does she eat the same things & same portions as you? Chances are she can’t or she will indeed gain weight. My BF likes me to eat with him whenever he gets hungry and enjoy the meal same as he does. Like your girl I’m a good cook. He outweighs me by 100lbs (he’s 218, I’m 118), and I can’t intake the same amount of food or weight starts to gain. He understands this but doesn’t always like it. But he loves that I make staying fit/hot a priority. And I’m 50, and had 3 children.
Here are some suggestions about the weight so you guys can tackle that together. It seems to me if she takes care of the weight issue your desire for her would rebound and your desire for “thinner” would mitigate to a degree.
1. Have a chat about the weight. You owe it to both of you & need to be honest WITH HER that it’s an issue.
2. Understand it may be *what* she is eating alongside how much. I eat a keto/paleo diet and have for years. I rarely eat bread, grain, pasta, or soda. I don’t eat dairy except heavy cream & cheese (fat is OK). Carbs are the enemy and if you eat carbs they need to come with fiber (e.g. fruit rather than cereal).
3. If she has your children encourage her to watch her weight closely during pregnancy and strongly encourage her to breastfeed. Breastfeeding creates a caloric deficit and will help reduce her body weight after delivery. I went from 120lbs to 155lbs with each pregnancy and was back down to pre pregnancy weight within months because I breastfed and I was disciplined in my own food consumption.
4. Both of you should weigh daily. Nude, first thing in the morning after you pee and before you eat or drink anything. Weight can’t just jump on you unawares if you guys make this a habit.
Discipline is a theme here. If she wants to look good for you & be fit, it is a lifelong discipline.
Same goes for you. You must exercise discipline where sex/lust is concerned. Quit cheating. Commitment is a choice. If you make that choice have the integrity to yourself and to her to honor it.
My boyfriend was chatting with a wise old widow not long ago. The elderly woman said something that resonates deeply with him. She said:
“Whenever the grass on the other side of the fence looks greener it’s time to cut your own lawn.”
Think on those things and best wishes.
Cheers -BE