A Strategy For Dealing With Her Exes & Orbitors

[mrgoodstuff]

What’s really interesting is I can tell instantly when a woman is defaulting to the feminine imperative in a conversation, just by her expression just before she speaks. I already know.
Her social programming is childish and rather cute. You can only buy into something if you have gone into agreement with it long before the conversation.

They have a bunch of bs they do to try to get control. Theyll even do it by just asking for things.

 

[Ranger]

They have a bunch of bs they do to try to get control. Theyll even do it by just asking for things.

Indeed. Now, I just ignore it or if texting, don’t respond back.
I’m in an odd place right now. I don’t care one way or another. I still like women and want to enjoy them but even the mere action of talking to them, let’s say approach them, isn’t there.
I feel zero desperation and am not too concerned with women at all. I don’t know why there is no emotional investment in those things. No compulsion.
I think women are awesome but when I look at them, even though there’s no bad thoughts or stupid stuff like resentment, it’s no longer attached to something in me that pulls up an emotional response in the way that it used to.

More of an appreciation and and then back to whatever I was doing. I’m hoping it changes into something else. I guess what I’m saying is there is no compulsion for me to chase them in any way. I’m there if they want to interact and I’m open to it but I can’t seem to lift a finger to bring it about. LMAO

 

[NiceBarn]

I only read parts of this thread, so i apologize for any thread jacking, but this is about an orbiter. My current gal has always had this 400 pound dude sniffing around because they were high school friends. You all know the fat, jolly, every one loves type, because they’re so non threatening. I’m sure he wants my gal, because she was the only chick that was genuinely nice to him.

The dude sent me a friend request the other day. I neither accepted nor denied and had forgotten about it until I saw this thread. I never brought it up with my gal either, just curious why he would want to befriend the guy banging his crush?

 

[Ranger]

just curious why he would want to befriend the guy banging his crush?

He is looking for things to warn her about you. Pretty predictable. Ignore him.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Yes, this can be a slippery slope and there is no one, air-tight answer. There are always a few moving parts to this situation; how, long dating, casual or LTR, her personality, her history, and most of all your intuition and gut feel. Based on my experience, here's how I've handled it. IDGAF and Abundance Mentality is the backdrop in all interactions.

-Casually mentions guy friends: "Cool, sounds like a good friend, have fun!" Don't show emotions. You don't care.
-Keeps bringing up a "friend" from work, social circle, etc.: This I have called them out on. Very casually and inquisitively I may say (but NOT angrily): "So that's the sixth or seventh time you're brought up Billy from work today. Maybe you two should date. Sounds like he's on you're mind a lot. Just let me know, it's cool." Then I change the subject. Tacitly you're sending IDGAF vibes AND saying shut the f*uck up but about Billy or you can have him because I'll be gone.
-Keeps bringing up her ex: I'll let this go a few times but if it became persistent, I may say, "That's the fifth time you've brought up your ex Johnny today. I really have no interest in what kind of meds he was taking for depression or anything else about him. I'd rather focus on you and me and plan some fun stuff." Then change the subject.

As a rule, you're better off NOT saying anything and just watching her actions. Any girl worth pursuing won't pull this crap. If they do, it's only for (all) bad reasons:

-low self esteem
-trying to make you jealous
-they DO have interest someone else
-low interest in you
-immature
-poor dating etiquette

Not a woman a DJ should take seriously.

High quality women may actually have beta platonic friends they don't want to bang (pretty common)--or they would be already--and not be with you. So just chill, and if she's playing with her orbiters and it's cutting into your fun time with her, keep your dignity intact, use IDGAF and AM, give her a chance to change her behavior, and if she doesn't or gets defensive, MOVE THE F*UCK ON.

Got it? Good.

~Dash

 

[EyeBRollin]

You deal with this **** upfront before the relationship starts.

Once she starts begging you to be the boyfriend, you ask about her exes and orbiters. Ask if she is in contact with any of them. When she says yes, you reply, "Let's keep things the way they are."

 

[Spaz]

I do believe it can. But there can not be even one shred of feminine left in you. The feminine imperative, in your mind, must be layed bare for you to see and cut loose.
I no longer feel anger or a need to explain myself. There is no regret or animosity. There is only “there it is, fully exposed”
I can now explore who I am and where I want to go. There are no techniques I need to learn to prevent something from happening. PUA doesn’t mean anything to me. Those are patches for a man still plugged in. When you are no longer plugged in, none of that matters anymore.

That’s who a woman really wants to lead her. She will feel protection, femininity, and there is were she finds her redemption.

Yes, this is exactly how a man should be.

 

[sazc]

IMO this is not a woman who sees you as high value

I'm sorry guys but women know it's not cool to mention contacting exes. Women know it's disrespectful to their current to contact the ex. It's an excuse to innocently say "were just friends and he has something I can use"

Then she gives you HIS bullets to use in your gun, without telling you. Why not just say "by the way, did you know that he jizzed in me before you did? He got me first"

Shes bvllsh1tting you with her reply/excuse words. The fact that there were so many of them, that she felt the need to talk incessantly to try to dig herself out of the hole she created is a sure sign that she knew she was in the wrong.

If she really didn't think it would be an issue, she would have simply said "it bothers you? Okay, no more"

Low IL, low quality. She's got a backup plan

 

[Spaz]

IMO this is not a woman who sees you as high value

I'm sorry guys but women know it's not cool to mention contacting exes. Women know it's disrespectful to their current to contact the ex. It's an excuse to innocently say "were just friends and he has something I can use"

Then she gives you HIS bullets to use in your gun, without telling you. Why not just say "by the way, did you know that he jizzed in me before you did? He got me first"

Shes bvllsh1tting you with her reply/excuse words. The fact that there were so many of them, that she felt the need to talk incessantly to try to dig herself out of the hole she created is a sure sign that she knew she was in the wrong.

If she really didn't think it would be an issue, she would have simply said "it bothers you? Okay, no more"

Low IL, low quality. She's got a backup plan

Yes, that's always the case, which is why men should immediately dismiss women such as this and move on to the next.

Any continued interaction will inadvertently pull a man into her frame.

And that's where the man is at his weakest - thoughts of reframing is delusional at best. It will never work.

 

[Macaframalama]

She's never your gf, it's just your turn. End of story. End of headache. Idk why men box themselves in, in the first place. Perhaps, they've grown weary of the hunt or can no longer stomach the unpredictable. Learn to be happy alone. I enjoy my solitude and freedom. This is value and your biggest bargaining chip. The difference, between a savage and the average, is a savage knows his luck can change in an instance, for better or for worse, yet he hustles in either instance. I LTR "trophies" only, yet reluctantly, but not for lack of a purpose. She is just one stepping stone on the quest for growth, as am I. It ends, when it stops being beneficial for either party. Monogamy is a hoax. Forever is a lie. Demote this woman OP. She already has you walking backwards.

 

[logicallefty]

Idk why men box themselves in, in the first place. Perhaps, they've grown weary of the hunt or can no longer stomach the unpredictable.

I love the hunt just as much as anyone else and I haven't grown weary of it at all. I love spinning plates and being single and before I am dead I will probably do it again many more times. But I will tell you guys what draws me into not minding getting out of hunt mode when I have a good opportunity to do so and that's the risk and fear of false allegations. It's scary out there guys. Like nothing the world has ever seen in regards to being guilty of anything until proven innocent. A LTR, for me, is somewhat of a temporary comfort zone from that.

I'm going to continue to stay in LTR with her and stay the course as I previously said. Not going to ditch all communication my orbiters and if she calls in her bullpen I will just call in mine. The sex and security is good for me right now but if it's gone tomorrow oh well.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She's never your gf, it's just your turn. End of story. End of headache. Idk why men box themselves in, in the first place. Perhaps, they've grown weary of the hunt or can no longer stomach the unpredictable. Learn to be happy alone. I enjoy my solitude and freedom. This is value and your biggest bargaining chip. The difference, between a savage and the average, is a savage knows his luck can change in an instance, for better or for worse, yet he hustles in either instance. I LTR "trophies" only, yet reluctantly, but not for lack of a purpose. She is just one stepping stone on the quest for growth, as am I. It ends, when it stops being beneficial for either party. Monogamy is a hoax. Forever is a lie. Demote this woman OP. She already has you walking backwards.

Defeated men speak in negative absolutes. Women are not destined to mistreat all men.

 

[Spaz]

Defeated men speak in negative absolutes. Women are not destined to mistreat all men.

Women r destined to be exactly like that when the situation arises.

It's the feminine biological imperative at work. Perfectly natural and normal.

Only defeated men or men with less exposure thinks otherwise.

Clever men acknowledges this and knows he can't effectively counter her without compromising his own frame, which is why his only option is dismissal - a man's most potent power play when it comes to interactions with women.

 

[soulforge]

This is a bad sign lefty. A woman worth a relationship would automatically cut of, or heavily distance herself from orbiters out of respect for you. In my opinion it's like she's keeping her options over or a back up plan. Its triangulation to some degree. My ex kind if had a guy friend she knew for a long time, and he would text her sometimes. I brought it up to her and i think she basically went nc because he wasn't that important to her.

I would at least keep a foot out the door because now that you let the cat out of the bag, if she continues contact with them, shes going to hide it now. A mommy gf wouldn't do this.

I concur man.. This does not look good.. Defo you should be keeping one foot out of the door.

Me personally would have dropped her Ass.. I would consider her a long term liability.

 

[Macaframalama]

Defeated men speak in negative absolutes. Women are not destined to mistreat all men.

What is negative about it? I'm having my cake and eating it too. I have my variety and i have my freedom. Most importantly, i have my peace of mind. If i do decide to gamble on a woman, she must ante up herself. If she cheats, that's on her. It's just the way it is. My only accountability is screening her better. I don't have the time, energy or will making all these moves, setting all these boundaries for her in hopes of mitigating she make poor decisions. My principals and boundaries are for me and what i personally will and will not tolerate from her or any other. We're talking about grown individuals here. Where's the negativity you are seeing in all of this? From my perspective, I'm feeling pretty good about my current and future situation. If you are putting all your expectation in another human being consistently making the right choices in regards to your happiness, you are in for a world of hurt.

 

[Spaz]

What is negative about it? I'm having my cake and eating it too. I have my variety and i have my freedom. Most importantly, i have my peace of mind. If i do decide to gamble on a woman, she must ante up herself. If she cheats, that's on her. It's just the way it is. My only accountability is screening her better. I don't have the time, energy or will making all these moves, setting all these boundaries for her in hopes of mitigating she make poor decisions. My principals and boundaries are for me and what i personally will and will not tolerate from her or any other. We're talking about grown individuals here. Where's the negativity you are seeing in all of this? From my perspective, I'm feeling pretty good about my current and future situation. If you are putting all your expectation in another human being consistently making the right choices in regards to your happiness, you are in for a world of hurt.

True.

People just need to understand what boundaries is actually for.

Many here has the wrong idea and thinks it's about controlling women.

 

[EyeBRollin]

What is negative about it?

The first sentence sounds like depression.

 

[Macaframalama]

The first sentence sounds like depression.

You nailed it! Sooo depressed. Got a promotion and pay increase in June. All my family members are healthy and thriving. Have a solid social circle of doers who i respect and respect me. I just turned 40 this year and the three women I'm actively fvcking are 19, 19 and 22 and meeting a handful of new prospects weekly. To top it off, I'm putting in minimal effort in rural America in a town with a pop of about 15k. Your perception couldn't be further from reality there, little guy.

 

[Red Legg]

You nailed it! Sooo depressed. Got a promotion and pay increase in June. All my family members are healthy and thriving. Have a solid social circle of doers who i respect and respect me. I just turned 40 this year and the three women I'm actively fvcking are 19, 19 and 22 and meeting a handful of new prospects weekly. To top it off, I'm putting in minimal effort in rural America in a town with a pop of about 15k. Your perception couldn't be further from reality there, little guy.

We Okies are a tough fvcking lot.....

 

[The Duke]

The last time I dealt with this kind of an issue was with a girl that I really enjoyed and dated for about 6months.
Around month 4 she started talking more frequently to her 4 orbiters. One of them was an exboyfriend but a major beta chump. I wasn't worried that she would have sechs with him, but in a LTR I don't feel its ok for my girl to turn to other men to get her need for attention met. I need to be the one and only she is having serious/ongoing conversations with. Its how women connect/bond and stay that way.

After catching her texting him on multiple occasions, I explained my thoughts to her. She understood and we were good for a few weeks. Then it was back to how it was. This time I told her it was highly disrespectful but she didn't want to hear it. It was the beginning of the end for me.

It told me that her interest in me was quickly declining. It told me she needs regular validation from multiple men. It told me at the core she was insecure about who she was(although she was confident everywhere else in her life). It told me she was irrational and didn't care about my feelings. These are hallmarks of someone with low self esteem that don't make good long term partners.

There are girls out there that make better long term candidates than the one LL mentioned. As a guy you can't control what they do. Sure you can play games but it will wear you down and you'll lose anyways. Your only strategy is to leave.

A good woman makes your di_k hard, not your life.