AMA about girls with BPD

A

AJ84

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OK so 12.1% of people had bpd or npd as at 2008 (id wager that number has drifted slightly north since then but it's not citable so we will leave it at that.)

So without including only "traits" (which is probably MORE than those with full blown disorders, its more like 1 in 9 than 1 in 7.

I also think these disorders are higher amongst those between 18-30 than say 50-90. I could research this but I'm fairly confident to make an assumption.

I admit my belief of the diagnosis rate was slightly off but not by as much that it's really worth arguing about? Hmm?

Again if you have dated 9 people, odds are you have dated one.

9 people isn't that many, we aren't talking about a needle in a haystack here.
I did once date a guy who was later diagnosed with bi polar. I think, given mental illness in general, the odds of dating someone man or woman, with any mental illness is on the higher side (look at how prevalent depression is).

I’m not trying to invalidate your experience with your ex. I know how challenging it is working with a BPD client in a clinical setting, I can’t even imagine the nightmare of having a relationship with one and I’m not saying your input on it is way off.

It’s frustrating because they way they learn how to cope with their feelings usually involves messing up someone else’s. A very toxic way of coping. Getting then to find other ways of coping is challenging because they attach their well-being to the response of other people and hence place other people accountable to their own unhappiness.

I’m just wary of attributes and behaviours being labeled BPD when it could just be the woman is self-centred or just not a nice person. People with BPD tend to display consistent toxic manipulative low impulse control behaviour that can become progressive in some relationships. An occasional hissy fit, act of selfishness, extreme sh*ttest etc is not necessarily BPD.

The reason why I’m stressing this is because you are so right about avoiding having a relationship with someone with BPD, but if she doesn’t have it and does something that is automatically assumed to be BPD based on what he thinks BPD is, he may drop her without given her a chance to correct the behaviour.

I’m talking about things like the examples I described above.
 

Billtx49

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1. You don't know what you don't know

People don't go into a BPD relationship knowing what's going to happen
Exactly, that’s why threads like this are important. It raises recognition and awareness of the female Cluster B spectrum to the forum members.
It lets them know there might be a gator somewhere in their fish pond…

I for one wasn’t even aware personality disorders existed other than bi-polar when I found mine, and when you’re not aware at first, the flags are more likely to be brushed off as only her personal quirks or peculiarities …
 
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Billtx49

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Well, back to Red Flag identification,

A single mother witth teenage kids that quits her job with no future employment in sight and is happy about it the same day…
Takes a part time job and asks her kids to help out afterwards…
Poor decision makng ability, lacking in responsibility, and makes no sense to you …

A woman that accepts and takes Xanax from another wonan after she had already been drinking and ends up with a flat tire on a freeway access road going the wrong way…
Poor impulse control.

A non drunk woman that severly damages a different car doing a head on into a curb at speed without hitting another vehicle while taking her kid to work, and her description of how it happened and where the curb was makes no sense to you.
Carelessness and poor decisive actions…

A woman that you find out has had a warrant issued for her arrest by the city for the last two years by not taking care of a minor offense by doing nothing about it…
Another lack of rational decision ability.

These examples came from the same 40 year old woman not a teenage child.…
I am absolutely convinced that their emotional immaturity transfers into their day to day actions and poor decisions…
 
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Infern0

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Exactly, that’s why threads like this are important. It raises recognition and awareness of the female Cluster B spectrum to the forum members.
It lets them know there might be a gator somewhere in their fish pond…

I for one wasn’t even aware personality disorders existed other than bi-polar when I found mine, and when you’re not aware at first, the flags are more likely to be brushed off as only her personal quirks or peculiarities …
Same

I knew of bi-polar but didn't really even know much about that, and I thought depression meant she just "got a bit down sometimes"

I googled Bipolar women and ended up here where I read some of the old classic threads about BPD and thought "this is exactly what my girlfriend is like"

When I pressed her away to her actual diagnosis? Sure enough BPD there in black and white.
 

Billtx49

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Same

I knew of bi-polar but didn't really even know much about that, and I thought depression meant she just "got a bit down sometimes"

I googled Bipolar women and ended up here where I read some of the old classic threads about BPD and thought "this is exactly what my girlfriend is like"

When I pressed her away to her actual diagnosis? Sure enough BPD there in black and white.
Yes, after enough interaction time with them and in the rack enough, you eventually realize something is very wrong…
I still don’t know exactly what her exact diagnosis is as we seperated before that point, and she lied to me about seeing a therapist after I asked her to concerning her stepfathers end of life struggle, the one that sexually abused her as a teen, but she resides somewhere in the disorder spectrum.
 
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tutu78

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As the time passes by I came to realization that the biggest red flag was the object-constancy. I was well aware of her attachment issue I even confronted her about it and she admit it. The moment I was out of her sight physically she was becoming anxious. This lead to sabotaging our relationship, when she admitted that she had called her NPD-ex when she was drunk in the middle of the night and invited him over. Of course she blamed me for that too.

After we broke up she might be re-seeing her ex. That this causes me further loss of self-esteem. I admit this fact to you guys before I adimit it to myself. Sometimes I wish I was NPD so that she would be into me for a longer time. I know this is a sick thought but writing this here gives me a sense of relief.
 

Red Legg

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To learn the proper lessons how much of the blame I need to take on my behalf.
You need to take ALL of the blame for not being aware of the situation..what you need to understand is that a BPD woman will "love bomb" you in the beginning so she can take it all away later and catapult you into a mental breakdown (looks like she was sucsessful) ...they really are out to destroy you and the quicker you wise up the better.I have years experience with BPD's they are the reason I swallowed the red pill.Hell I have an uncle that lived with a BPD and he woke up one night in bed with a fvcking knife sticking out of his chest...you wanna know what the BPD that plunged the knife into him for no reason got ? she got NO jail time and a small fine...the only woman that will ever "love" you is your mom...(if your lucky)
 

tutu78

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You could find a good discussion about cluster b and women with bpd.
 
R

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BPD is a standard survival strategy on steroids. I’m not seeing anything that they do to any cuck, as being different than any other cuck.

The susceptibility to being cucked to a woman with a strategy on steroids rests in the man and not the woman. Reports say more and more are becoming BPD.

No. We are just more able to see one due to our ability to communicate across the world. I believe that it is an unrestrained social immunity that allows women adopt a survival strategy that is particularly damamging to feminized men.

Did the women get stronger or did the men actually get weaker?
Something that I learned here on SS. You can adopt the mindset and skills to bed 200 women and still be hopelessly feminized. A cuck in camouflage just right for the pickings.

Of all the things I’ve read that a BPD does...well all women could confess to doing them at least once. If they had the capacity to feel remorse towards a cuck. Which they don’t. So there’s no confession coming.

Name even one of those things that a woman won’t do to bring about her survival. The purpose of learning is to confront. Not run away. Men don’t run away. They confront the things in their life and handle them.

Here’s my point. These women were not born with super powers or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. They know how to get from a cuck what they need to survive.
It’s not dangerous women you need to concentrate on but feminized men who have no defense because they don’t know they are little girls on the inside.
 
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R

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Look at this by Spaz:

“It's because women r the emotional apex predator while men r not.

That's how balance is maintained when another apex predator (men) that's both superior physically and analytically is around.

If given enough time and access, a man will be gentle-d.”

If you can be reduced to a blubbering mass, you are playing with girls as a girl. You can’t win that game. You do not have the biology or the emotional wiring. You are in their sandbox. You need to be I. Your own sandbox.

You MUST remain seperate.
This is why I don’t believe in acquiring PUA skills as a be all end all. Some of those skills aren’t even you. They will actually seal your fate in some cases. Now, without the PUA community we wouldn’t be here talking about these things either. So I do give credit where credit is do.

I think we actually need this to show just how far down men have been driven. I don’t think it’s helpful to sit around talking about Jedi Knight “BPD” women with mystical light sabers.

I do not believe that a man will be able to hold his frame indefinitely. I think he will experience a certain amount of reduction in any relationship. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. He needs to know what battles he absolutely cannot lose.
 
A

AJ84

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I ran into many more of them when I worked in the field(psych ward). Smaller sample size though. Many, many of the people there who are not outright schizophrenic are cluster b.

You're also ignoring comorbidity, on purpose.

Many guys here are narcissistic, codependent, low self-esteem, etc. We are magnets for them.

Finally, you're ignoring who it is we are dating. Sample size is millennials who don't pair bond easily from bad families, that is the dating market.
I’m not ignoring comorbidity. Depression and substance misuse tends to be present in many cases.
I do think there is a higher prevalance of self centreness among millennials female AND male because of social media and other self absorbed activities that are encouraged and supported in today’s society. I can see that having an effect on pair bonding, yeah, but that’s not indicative of a personality disorder. That’s just the times of self worship.
I think, and I can only go by my experiences with people with BPD and I’m sure you can relate even more, is that they change the atmosphere in a room. It’s like you know something is off, they change the air. It’s very different from dealing with a person who is just self centred or immature. How they will say something and look at you in a way that people without BPD don’t. They are looking for buttons to push. It’s almost creepy. They know how to read people and they know how to feed the male ego in a way that is almost sociopathic.
Again, im not trying to downplay someone’s experience with someone who actually has BPD and I can see how that experience would leave a lasting mark.
I’m just weary of all negative attributes being attributed to a personality disorder.
 

Infern0

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BPD is a standard survival strategy on steroids. I’m not seeing anything that they do to any cuck, as being different than any other cuck.

The susceptibility to being cucked to a woman with a strategy on steroids rests in the man and not the woman. Reports say more and more are becoming BPD.

No. We are just more able to see one due to our ability to communicate across the world. I believe that it is an unrestrained social immunity that allows women adopt a survival strategy that is particularly damamging to feminized men.

Did the women get stronger or did the men actually get weaker?
Something that I learned here on SS. You can adopt the mindset and skills to bed 200 women and still be hopelessly feminized. A cuck in camouflage just right for the pickings.

Of all the things I’ve read that a BPD does...well all women could confess to doing them at least once. If they had the capacity to feel remorse towards a cuck. Which they don’t. So there’s no confession coming.

Name even one of those things that a woman won’t do to bring about her survival. The purpose of learning is to confront. Not run away. Men don’t run away. They confront the things in their life and handle them.

Here’s my point. These women were not born with super powers or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. They know how to get from a cuck what they need to survive.
It’s not dangerous women you need to concentrate on but feminized men who have no defense because they don’t know they are little girls on the inside.
You could say cuck a few more times.
 

The_411

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It is immaterial whether a girl is BPD, Cluster B, etc. You cannot control their behavior and by failing to cut her off is a you issue.

I say this having been driven to an out patient psych ward by a woman who was not diagnosed but exhibited the DSM criteria as well as the patterns that one sees with disordered individuals.

I was obsessed with learning about the disorders because it helped me logically explain what had transpired. The problem is that also kept me enmeshed. So while I thought I was healing I was stunting my recovery.

It wasn’t until I accepted that all the details, signs, etc ultimately didn’t matter because I could have ended it at any time and I did not take of my own issues, which allowed the relationship to develop.

Is it a more prevalent issue than diagnosed? Absolutely. Any mental health professional who suggests that the diagnosed numbers are accurate should be immediately ridiculed because the hallmark of the disease is a lack of self-awareness.

That being said, I do not recommend going down the rabbit hole of asking.

Keep it simple. Is the relationship toxic. If yes, get out and never stay because it is too hard to leave or some other reason.

If you feel like you need therapy after a toxic relationship then get it. Don’t try to be too macho for therapy. Toxic women do damage and often there are underlying issues that were not addressed that got you into and kept you in the mess.
 

Billtx49

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I was able to do both, I don't believe it causes enmeshment. I think everyone should become experts on these issues, not for healing purporses but for future screening purposes. I didn't properly study the matter the first time I dated one and it really screwed me when I dated different styles of cluster b down the road.
Yes, once you research and completely understand what happened and prepare your future self with that knowledge, then it’s time to move on to better prospects…
 

Ronin47

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... kind of finding it bizarre that 1 in 2 women on here are being diagnosed with BPD... Like the Sosuave community are ****ing therapists. Jeez!
Anyone who says or thinks something like this has never dated one. Its pretty unmistakeable. Take your typical girls emotional roller coaster/manipulation/solipsistic naute/hypergamy and amplify X100. There is no mistaking it imo once you see her "other side".
 

tutu78

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How long did it take for you to feel better after a break-up with your BPD?
It has been 1 month of NC and I still seem to be in depression, ptsd. I still see her in my dreams almost every night.
For instance last week was good approached 2 girls at day game got their contacts, although 1 of them flaked. I was able to go out and socialize but last couple of days I have been at home, doing nothing.
 

tutu78

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How long have other breakups taken for you?
I met my BPD-ex, after 6 months of my previous relationship which lasted for about 3 years. Actually as soon as I met her I was over my previous ex. Usually takes me around 6 months to get over my breakups as an average.
 

BeTheChange

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Getting abused by a BPD has more to do with the man than the woman.

Men with true confidence don't get taken for a ride like that.

Fix your internal issues/childhood traumas/insecurities and you'll have nothing to worry about.

If I had met my BPD ex from 2013 now she would have been dropped within the first three months.
 

krass

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I’m not ignoring comorbidity. Depression and substance misuse tends to be present in many cases.
I do think there is a higher prevalance of self centreness among millennials female AND male because of social media and other self absorbed activities that are encouraged and supported in today’s society. I can see that having an effect on pair bonding, yeah, but that’s not indicative of a personality disorder. That’s just the times of self worship.
I think, and I can only go by my experiences with people with BPD and I’m sure you can relate even more, is that they change the atmosphere in a room. It’s like you know something is off, they change the air. It’s very different from dealing with a person who is just self centred or immature. How they will say something and look at you in a way that people without BPD don’t. They are looking for buttons to push. It’s almost creepy. They know how to read people and they know how to feed the male ego in a way that is almost sociopathic.
Again, im not trying to downplay someone’s experience with someone who actually has BPD and I can see how that experience would leave a lasting mark.
I’m just weary of all negative attributes being attributed to a personality disorder.
I think it's erroneous to impose the real world statistics to the statistics on this site. PUA is basically just teaching otherwise codependent men to adopt more overtly narcissistic traits. If you think about it PUA also teaches push/pull, being "unpredictable" - interested one minute, indifferent the next, spinning plates to hedge our bets emotionally, etc etc. So when these men go out there and practice this stuff they start attracting the crazies. It's even worse when they actually get good at it. The better you get at PUA stuff, the crazier the ***** you tend to attract.

But deep in their core they're still that codependent looking for true love so when the whole thing blows up in their faces they do a Google search and this site shows up. This alone would skew the percentages way above that of the real world statistics.


BPD is a standard survival strategy on steroids. I’m not seeing anything that they do to any cuck, as being different than any other cuck.

The susceptibility to being cucked to a woman with a strategy on steroids rests in the man and not the woman. Reports say more and more are becoming BPD.

No. We are just more able to see one due to our ability to communicate across the world. I believe that it is an unrestrained social immunity that allows women adopt a survival strategy that is particularly damamging to feminized men.

Did the women get stronger or did the men actually get weaker?
Something that I learned here on SS. You can adopt the mindset and skills to bed 200 women and still be hopelessly feminized. A cuck in camouflage just right for the pickings.

Of all the things I’ve read that a BPD does...well all women could confess to doing them at least once. If they had the capacity to feel remorse towards a cuck. Which they don’t. So there’s no confession coming.

Name even one of those things that a woman won’t do to bring about her survival. The purpose of learning is to confront. Not run away. Men don’t run away. They confront the things in their life and handle them.

Here’s my point. These women were not born with super powers or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. They know how to get from a cuck what they need to survive.
It’s not dangerous women you need to concentrate on but feminized men who have no defense because they don’t know they are little girls on the inside.
I half agree with this. A friend had a falling out with a girl in our social circle and told me that she was a psychopath yada yada. I told him just let it go and work on himself and stuff. This same girl then invited me over for dinner one day and having experience with bpd chicks before and keeping in mind the friend's report on her being a psycho I went anyway just to see what's up. I didn't **** her on the first date although she definitely wanted some ****.

****ed her on the second date and on the third told her that I'm not available for a committed relationship right there in bed before ****ing her for the third time. The same exact girl, who for my friend was a psycho ***** but for me was standard operating procedure to get a plate. So there's that.

But the part I don't disagree with is that BPD chicks do the double bind, which normal chicks don't do. They set things up so you can never win.
Normal chicks might use bad behavior to test you, but normal chicks are actually afraid of being abandoned by a high SMV man, and will fall in line. Problems start when the man loses frame and they lose respect for the man.

With borderline chicks it's different. They crave abandonment. So they set things up so that they feel that from you. Then when they do they don't like you anymore and paint you black. Then after a while the feeling subsides and you're painted white again and rinse and repeat.

The more potent the abandonment they can feel from you, the more likely they are to come back and hoover. Abandonment is their drug, not love. I think you can even hone it down to a formula:

Abandonment potency = (Extreme of idealisation - extreme of devaluation) / time spent together

That's the reason why they are so attached to their abusive npd boyfriends. NPDs also idealise and devalue, and the more severe the condition, the shorter the cycles.

Normal women do not do this, and to assume that they do betrays a grave misunderstanding of the condition. In any case I've managed to keep my ex bpd away because I don't offer any abandonment potency anymore. She knows she cannot affect me using neither praise nor insult, so she's off idealizing some poor 50 year old blokes who'll get the devaluation soon enough. Poor chap is tagging her on posts in social media he's probably thinking he hit the jackpot since bpds are usually quite hot.
 
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