Ok it happened... am I ****ed?

[Murk]

She honestly just sounds like your average annoying London chick. Coke problem, mooch, bit of a spoilt brat, probs votes Labour.

Aren't you beginning to think long term?

You want this idiot as the mother of your kids?

Haha, you're spot on except she's Australian and only been here 18 months.

No, defo not long-term partner and I am thinking long term.

She came back yesterday and I told her we are just friends and she said "but didn't we say we would see what happens and see other people" I've told her we will talk about this another time when we are both at home. I banged my fwb Saturday and this housemate was grilling me trying to find out what happened, she knows I fvcked out of retaliation. I'm laying this whole thing to rest.

 

[Ranger]

Well you might as well keep hammering her now. Lol

 

[Murk]

Had a girl over yesterday, she was out by the time Sara got back at 9pm but I had lipstick on my neck, she started getting jealous.

We sat on the couch and I said to her, remember when you said let’s give it a go “and not bring people back” she interrupted, yes I said, “but you’ve just broken that” she said.

I told her you I can’t trust you in a relationship but I trust you as a friend, I can’t trust that you won’t get drunk and do something, she got up and said she’s going to bed. I asked if I offended her and she said yep and stormed off.

I talked through her bedroom door, I said I feel no loyalty from her and if I did , I would give it a go, but I haven’t. After getting that and a couple things off my chest I said did you hear all that and she replied yeah, then I went to sleep.

She can’t have her cake and eat it, she needs to be relationship material for me to go there and I’ve seen nothing but red flags.

Was I wrong for saying that? We were due a talk as the environment became a bit toxic but neither have had the time. She didn’t really give me her side of anything but I don’t really need to hear it. If I don’t trust her what’s the point?

 

[sazc]

I TOLD you it wouldn't go well if you started listing all of the things you saw 'wrong' about her.... That's a recipe for making her defensive and getting into a fight.

You're not wrong for being honest but this type of honesty requires people be gentle, in order to avoid hurt feelings. The other thing you need to consider is that it's totally not cool to think that it's perfectly fine for you to take someone else inventory. Who are you to be judge and jury over someone else? I'm not against airing feelings, but this type of sh1t should be approached from the standpoint of what YOU are looking for, not what she is lacking.

In other words, instead of saying "I can’t trust that you won’t get drunk and do something" you say "I dont know if I (or we) am at the maturity level to make a relationship successful, and I would rather prioritize the friend ship then possibly crash and burn an LTR" Saying that puts it all on you. You are owning the reasons for not moving forward, not blaming her for the decisions (even tho it was her behavior that caused the decisions). It also leaves a door open for the future and might encourage her to be a FWB in the hopes that she can prove something to you.

If she ends up pissed at you moving forward, consider sucking it up and apologizing for being "insensitive" towards her and ask to drop the whole thing.

Hopefully once she sleeps on it she chills.

 

[sosousage]

Had a girl over yesterday, she was out by the time Sara got back at 9pm but I had lipstick on my neck, she started getting jealous.

We sat on the couch and I said to her, remember when you said let’s give it a go “and not bring people back” she interrupted, yes I said, “but you’ve just broken that” she said.

I told her you I can’t trust you in a relationship but I trust you as a friend, I can’t trust that you won’t get drunk and do something, she got up and said she’s going to bed. I asked if I offended her and she said yep and stormed off.

I talked through her bedroom door, I said I feel no loyalty from her and if I did , I would give it a go, but I haven’t. After getting that and a couple things off my chest I said did you hear all that and she replied yeah, then I went to sleep.

She can’t have her cake and eat it, she needs to be relationship material for me to go there and I’ve seen nothing but red flags.

Was I wrong for saying that? We were due a talk as the environment became a bit toxic but neither have had the time. She didn’t really give me her side of anything but I don’t really need to hear it. If I don’t trust her what’s the point?

hshshshshhshshshhs you getting bluepilled m8

 

[Spaz]

How do u profit by initiating small talk, negotiate, compromise with someone who basically lied 2 u ?

 

[Murk]

How do u profit by initiating small talk, negotiate, compromise with someone who basically lied 2 u ?

Expand pls, we chatting tonight

 

[Spaz]

Expand pls, we chatting tonight

Rule of thumb.

Everything a man does is always to profit himself.

If it doesn't profit you, then don't do it.

That's why I asked, how does it profit you ?

 

[Murk]

I TOLD you it wouldn't go well if you started listing all of the things you saw 'wrong' about her.... That's a recipe for making her defensive and getting into a fight.

You're not wrong for being honest but this type of honesty requires people be gentle, in order to avoid hurt feelings. The other thing you need to consider is that it's totally not cool to think that it's perfectly fine for you to take someone else inventory. Who are you to be judge and jury over someone else? I'm not against airing feelings, but this type of sh1t should be approached from the standpoint of what YOU are looking for, not what she is lacking.

In other words, instead of saying "I can’t trust that you won’t get drunk and do something" you say "I dont know if I (or we) am at the maturity level to make a relationship successful, and I would rather prioritize the friend ship then possibly crash and burn an LTR" Saying that puts it all on you. You are owning the reasons for not moving forward, not blaming her for the decisions (even tho it was her behavior that caused the decisions). It also leaves a door open for the future and might encourage her to be a FWB in the hopes that she can prove something to you.

If she ends up pissed at you moving forward, consider sucking it up and apologizing for being "insensitive" towards her and ask to drop the whole thing.

Hopefully once she sleeps on it she chills.

Youre right, I told her let’s not talk we had a drink and a smoke but she kept going. I was insensitive. Today has been fine, texting like normal, she suggested we chat tonight and she’s plans to say something this time. I’ll follow your advice in this chat.

Rule of thumb.

Everything a man does is always to profit himself.

If it doesn't profit you, then don't do it.

That's why I asked, how does it profit you ?

She pays me rent, I’m literally profiting the second she moved in. I profit from a harmonious living environment and from friendship and support (been receiving from her).

I need this to work. I could just LTR her and make it work for 3 months easily.

Its my involvement with other women that is pissing her off, but she forced my hand by being a slvt in Barcelona (I have no proof, gut feeling) and lying about the guy she brought back ages ago being cut off, but trying to hide his texts on her phone like we’re in a shoddy LTR. Do I tell her this stuff?

 

[Spaz]

Youre right, I told her let’s not talk we had a drink and a smoke but she kept going. I was insensitive. Today has been fine, texting like normal, she suggested we chat tonight and she’s plans to say something this time. I’ll follow your advice in this chat.


She pays me rent, I’m literally profiting the second she moved in. I profit from a harmonious living environment and from friendship and support (been receiving from her).

I need this to work. I could just LTR her and make it work for 3 months easily.

That's business.

This talk is personal, and seems like u r bending ur frame to accommodate her.

How does that profit you or even her ?

She will try to bend you into a compromise, once you do, although she seems happy but deep down she won't be. She'll lose attraction towards you. Then at that moment, she'll subconsciously feel there's no profit to be had by being with you. I'm certain she'll dump you down the road.

Again I ask how does this profit you?

 

[Murk]

I’m a smart guy with good comprehension skills, do you talk with a verbose enigmatic style on purpose?

Basically can you make it easy for me to I understand you bro? I appreciate your advice always. What should I do in this situation? She’s my friend and I care about her regales if we are fvcking or not. I’ve coached her career, her relationships and I’ve been pretty much a rock for her, it’s mainly one sided as she couldn’t help me in those areas anyway. I usually go for women with more value and for the first time I’m like a leader.

 

[Ranger]

Rule of thumb.

Everything a man does is always to profit himself.

If it doesn't profit you, then don't do it.

That's why I asked, how does it profit you ?

A new way to reframe my actions. It ultimately benefits her in the ways she needs it.

 

[Spaz]

Calm down murk. I'm guiding u to make a decision on ur own as only you know those answers.

I usually go for women with more value.

List out her value. Objectively.

for the first time I’m like a leader.

Validated by her.

A leader doesn't bend his frame my friend.

What does a leader do in this situation murk? Think objectively.

 

[Murk]

She doesn’t really have much value I guess. She’s intelligent and I think she’s attractive. I feel useful and helpful. She’s been supportive with family problems.

Ultimately she’s not worth an LTR - I realise now.

But what do I do know

 

[Ranger]

She doesn’t really have much value I guess. She’s intelligent and I think she’s attractive. I feel useful and helpful. She’s been supportive with family problems.

Ultimately she’s not worth an LTR - I realise now.

But what do I do know

Nice.

 

[Spaz]

Clever guy.

 

[Murk]

Ok so what just tell her it won’t work and we both carry on our separated love lives while living together?

Do I try to smash when/where I can?

 

[Spaz]

@Ranger has some good insight.

I've done my part murk. Good night.

 

[Ranger]

Ok so what just tell her it won’t work and we both carry on our separated love lives while living together?

Do I try to smash when/where I can?

He doesn’t give those answers Murk. He lets people make their own decisions.
That way only you are responsible for them. Why he never argues or bashes others. He only plants the seed. What you do with it is all you.

 

[BeExcellent]

You have to have a good think on this yourself before you chat with her. It's evening in UK already and y'all might be chatting now.

The way I read the situation as presented in the thread is that BOTH of you are trying to have it both ways. You both want the girlfriend/boyfriend experience but you both want to be able to sample other lovers.

You both have caught some level of feelings for each other but nobody is willing to acknowledge that...and so there is massive game playing going on and you both have the ability to hurt the other.

This is a direct result of your proximity by living together.

Can you accept her as promiscuous and LTR her anyway? Can she accept you as a player and LTR you anyway? Doesn't appear so from this thread.

You need to sort out how this benefits YOU as Spaz said. And do be diplomatic in your communication with her. You guys are very similar in your behavior with other potential partners but then seem to try holding each other to a higher standard. That's not really working so well is it? Y'all can trade insults and accusations all night or you can actually have a conversation. Your choice.