Need help coping, post-breakup with a borderline personality disorder (BPD) woman

[btownbuck2012]

I just have a small tip and it’s possible that I am completely wrong.
Let’s say you are talking to a woman. Any woman. All of a sudden, after she said something or somehow changes her body language. That right there IS the communication. Her words are a manipulative smoke screen. To even participate is to empower it. That initial trigger IS the communication.

Anybody who is toxic will give you that “slimed” feeling at some point. You feel it in your gut. I have a radar for that now.

When the stakes aren’t high, ie not something you’re emotionally or financially invested in, I fight that fire with fire now.

There’s a guy out here in LA who is a sorta friend to a good friend of mine. I see him every now and then. He grew up in a foster home and is a pretty talented drummer but when he’s not getting a check for that he lives off the government. He’s a scum bag. He’s always competitive in every social situation. Always trying to outdo people even when there’s no need whatsoever for that type of behavior.

He played basketball with us a few weeks ago and was acting a fool the whole time. Taking the trash talk way overboard and just acting like an *******. I finally looked at him and said calmly, loud enough for everyone to hear, “haha that’s why no one likes you and you have no friends”

That cut him deep and he kept his mouth shut for the rest of the game. Typical for his type. They bully others until you cut them deep and then they pout and try to act like a victim. In fact if he would have kept it up I would have dropped an insult about his dad he never knew, lol. I could care less with people like him. They ask for it.

I consider myself to be a pretty good and empathetic dude but I have no tolerance for stuff like that. I hit people like that hard when I have the chance. F*ck em.

 

[Spaz]

Very clever ranger

 

[Music_czar]

OP what you have is a trauma bond. Do some research on it, and realize just how important it is to kill this heroin addiction of yours before it kills you.

 

[Spaz]

8 pages in and OP has long disappeared...

Doesn't matter, excellent discussion that's helping plenty of men.

A lot of BPD threads has been opened in the past, this is the only one I've read that has depth.

 

[btownbuck2012]

8 pages in and OP has long disappeared...

Doesn't matter, excellent discussion that's helping plenty of men.

A lot of BPD threads has been opened in the past, this is the only one I've read that has depth.

It’s riveting stuff.

When the smoke has cleared and you’re on to better things stuff like this makes you greatful for the opportunity to love and live and experience life.

 

[Billtx49]

It’s riveting stuff.

When the smoke has cleared and you’re on to better things stuff like this makes you greatful for the opportunity to love and live and experience life.

Yes, as usual the most important aspect of Any relationship is, what you want and what she has to offer…

 

[stovepipe]

Anybody who is toxic will give you that “slimed” feeling at some point. You feel it in your gut. I have a radar for that now.

When the stakes aren’t high, ie not something you’re emotionally or financially invested in, I fight that fire with fire now.

There’s a guy out here in LA who is a sorta friend to a good friend of mine. I see him every now and then. He grew up in a foster home and is a pretty talented drummer but when he’s not getting a check for that he lives off the government. He’s a scum bag. He’s always competitive in every social situation. Always trying to outdo people even when there’s no need whatsoever for that type of behavior.

He played basketball with us a few weeks ago and was acting a fool the whole time. Taking the trash talk way overboard and just acting like an *******. I finally looked at him and said calmly, loud enough for everyone to hear, “haha that’s why no one likes you and you have no friends”

That cut him deep and he kept his mouth shut for the rest of the game. Typical for his type. They bully others until you cut them deep and then they pout and try to act like a victim. In fact if he would have kept it up I would have dropped an insult about his dad he never knew, lol. I could care less with people like him. They ask for it.

Your story is similar to my mine. I have a histrionic in my circle that I've known for over 10 years. She owed me money (she makes six figures), but chose to ignore paying me back even when I would text her, her own text saying she was. Knowing what I know now I just gave her zero attention when I saw her nor said a word to her. Then one day she finally tried to talk to me like nothing happened. I quickly told her in front of all our friends to never talk to me again. Her face instantly turned all red like a cherry. She was uneasy, embarrassed and knew she fuked up. She's a bully who will "try" to take advantage of anyone if she thinks she can get away with it. Like you mentioned this sloot is so goch darn competitive in everything even when its not needed. If she gets a point in game she screams "I got a point, I got it first guys, Im the best". She tries cheating in games, denies it, if shes wins she walks around her high horse bragging. There is only 1 other person in my circle who can see thru all her BS. The rest of them all are being manipulated by her.

So do these women normally make the first move?

From experience yes, on top of all the research I've done along with all the guys I've shared stories with. The ex BPD messaged me on FB (never knew me personally) and the first sentence was sexual and within 5mins telling me how good she is at giving head. I was caught off guard. Mind you after talking with her a few times she tells me she lives with her BF. That shes only still with him cause he's suicidal which I later confirmed was true. After the split I realized why her ex was suicidal.

There is another BPD right now in my circle of friends who has a man, but flirts with me in a very covert way. This one is in her low 40's and still smoking hot. Her sister and I were talking about her. I asked if she was BPD cause my internal radar was kicking in every time I was around her along with all the little bread crumb traits I picked up on. The sisters jaw dropped when I asked cause her reply was yes, she was actually diagnosed not long ago. The sister is cool as hell. She even warned about her. Tell me shes a wreck, drowns herself almost daily in alcohol, never has money, sleeps around. Hell she even told me shes heard from numerous guys shes good in bed. So yeah, BPD's in most all cases pick their victims very selectivity and make the first move.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I wasted three years of my life with a woman that I did not realize had all the traits of BPD until a few months after the breakup. I want my life back. I lost my job because I let my personal problems caused by this toxic relationship get in the way of my work. I let this woman suck the life out of me. I've started seeing other women and have gotten laid, but I still feel empty inside and depressed. I do not talk to my ex and have gone no contact with her since the breakup. I'm ashamed of myself for putting myself in this position and handing my balls to her. All the signs were there in the beginning, but I chose to ignore them, thinking things would get better. I know if I was in a normal state I would have never put up with the crap this woman put me through.

How do you recover from something like this?

Not sure what your point is? You wanted more years pissed away on a delusional. Monogamy is fantasy.

Monogamy is society's way of cleaning up cratered SMV via beta male cuck provider.

Op, you won. You learn. You dust yourself off. Step game up. Go get baeeees.

The best revenge is getting a better life.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

It’s riveting stuff.

When the smoke has cleared and you’re on to better things stuff like this makes you greatful for the opportunity to love and live and experience life.

+1

I was 24. Some girl flaked. I pulled a girl the following week barely legal (newly 18).

The flake texts me. I lie. Funny, I run into her with jail bait.

I didn't even make eye contact nor acknowledgement of flake.



Top form SMV acquisition and running into a thick girl who is getting older and fatter by the minute. Lulz be had.

 

[Ronin47]

I’m not so sure that BPD is an actual disorder. The traits are common in everyday life in all different spheres.
My question is what makes us susceptible to the influences of a woman combining and utilizing these traits on someone predisposed to its influences?
I don’t really care about the woman side. I would rather help bring about a healthy condition for men in general. To try and change any particular woman is a futile endeavor. She has a solipsistic nature that is inherent. She is just trying to survive.

Ranger, I have read almost all of the professionally available work on BPD. Yes, BPD's do a lot of things normal females do, but it is magnified exponentially.

It is a disorder. BPD brains are measurably different physically and chemically from normal brains.

 

[Ronin47]

I’m not so sure that BPD is an actual disorder. The traits are common in everyday life in all different spheres.
My question is what makes us susceptible to the influences of a woman combining and utilizing these traits on someone predisposed to its influences?
I don’t really care about the woman side. I would rather help bring about a healthy condition for men in general. To try and change any particular woman is a futile endeavor. She has a solipsistic nature that is inherent. She is just trying to survive.

Also agree she is being solipsistic and is just trying to survive using the tools she knows. Also believe many times the problem is us, certain defects in our own character draws BPD's in like magnets.

 

[Ronin47]

Here’s the really big question. I mean it’s a doozy.
“Why aren’t the men she cheated with on here wrecked? Just the guy she was supposedly having a “relationship” with?”

This one is easy. There are men BPD's fvck, and there are men BPD's target to extract narcissistic supply and security from.

 

[Ranger]

This one is easy. There are men BPD's fvck, and there are men BPD's target to extract narcissistic supply and security from.

Indeed. So one man isn’t going to be affected and the other crushed. Same girl. What’s the difference between the two men?
I think it’s pretty obvious. One has feminine traits and one has masculine traits.

 

[stovepipe]

Indeed. So one man isn’t going to be affected and the other crushed. Same girl. What’s the difference between the two men?
I think it’s pretty obvious. One has feminine traits and one has masculine traits.

Feminine traits? Facepalm. Some of the stuff you post is spot on. Other stuff you post is non sense. This one being non sense.

 

[Ranger]

Feminine traits? Facepalm. Some of the stuff you post is spot on. Other stuff you post is non sense. This one being non sense.

Yes. The more of the feminine imperative programming a man has...the more he follows the script.

 

[Billtx49]

Try to understand BPD women are the way they are, it has Nothing to do about the mans fortitude or internal frame.…
For some reason you keep trying to blame men for encountering a sick woman…

 

[stovepipe]

Yes. The more of the feminine imperative programming a man has...the more he follows the script.

Negative ghost rider. Unless he is a sociopath, psychopath or narc, almost any man can fall victim.

Try to understand BPD women are the way they are, it has Nothing to do about the mans fortitude or internal frame.…

This is the right answer.

 

[Ranger]

Try to understand BPD women are the way they are, it has Nothing to do about the mans fortitude or internal frame.…
For some reason you keep trying to blame men for encountering a sick woman…

I have no idea where you got that. Why do you promote a man sticking to his passions and dreams? Do you think it might make sense to him?
If he can’t see them...then yes it is his fault. Not because he isn’t a good man or because he’s a girl. It’s his internal frame. If he blames it on the woman he doesn’t find a solution that prevents it from ever happening again. It’s the woman’s fault. She raised him and outed him into a feminized world and then pounced on his clueless a$$. Lol
Go ahead blame it on the woman. I’m good with that.

 

[Billtx49]

Go ahead blame it on the woman. I’m good with that.

It’s easier to spout that After an encounter with one of these headcases. Most men are not even aware they exist when they run into one. Let’s not forget only one person is usually mentally ill in their encounter.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Its all really simple. Remove women who want to make life more difficult and cause problems. When we fuss about it ir focuses is on the negative. It can be an addictive cycle.