New female house mate

[AJ84]

What does this mean?



I didn't want a roommate, I made that clear to her and to "E" in the beginning. The girls she currently lived with didn't wanna move with them so they asked to both live with me. Her and E's relationship broke down, I only really wanted one person anyway as 3 was over crowded. ME and the chick are friends, have confided personal things, she's openly said "you're the only person that has been there for me" because I was, her friends are not the kind of friends I keep, very fickle, mean, judgemental, me and this girl became friends, actual friends, talked about our councelling (we both saw therapists similar times, she still does I stopped). I know what you're suggesting, I suggest you read the thread sir.

I get company from this, money, a cook and cleaner. I told her she could bring guys and I stick buy that I'm not gonna deny her sex.

Ok so now we have answered the silly woman who is suggesting I want to lock this chick down as a sex slave while I have my cake and eat it (you silly bint) - can we get on with the thread?

That’s not what I was implying but whatever. I was asking a simple question of what you intended.
Don’t like the respsone? Then direct your questions to specific people by tagging them.
No need to get huffy about it.

 

[spred]

What does this mean?
I was suggesting that you not responding now will defeat her intention of making you jealous.
Btw AJ is a woman, even if her posts are too logical


I didn't want a roommate, I made that clear to her and to "E" in the beginning. The girls she currently lived with didn't wanna move with them so they asked to both live with me. Her and E's relationship broke down, I only really wanted one person anyway as 3 was over crowded. ME and the chick are friends, have confided personal things, she's openly said "you're the only person that has been there for me" because I was, her friends are not the kind of friends I keep, very fickle, mean, judgemental, me and this girl became friends, actual friends, talked about our councelling (we both saw therapists similar times, she still does I stopped). I know what you're suggesting, I suggest you read the thread sir.

I get company from this, money, a cook and cleaner. I told her she could bring guys and I stick buy that I'm not gonna deny her sex.

Ok so now we have answered the silly woman who is suggesting I want to lock this chick down as a sex slave while I have my cake and eat it (you silly bint) - can we get on with the thread?

 

[Murk]

That’s not what I was implying but whatever. I was asking a simple question of what you intended.
Don’t like the respsone? Then direct your questions to specific people by tagging them.
No need to get huffy about it.

Sorry, I was a prick, I slightly lose it sometimes in real life and even online get flair ups. Hates sly digs. Thanks for your response

I know aj is a women hence silly bint/woman remark

 

[meldiamond]

If I understand correctly there is no lease agreement? Nothing in writing? If so, you have screwed yourself, sir. I have about a decade's experience both renting and leasing and the no. 1 lesson is to sign a lease or rental agreement. No ambiguity no butthurt no stress about guests since it's all in writing, legal and enforceable.

I don't know how old you are: sharing an apartment or a house is a significant financial and legal responsibility but protecting yourself is as easy as pie but without a written agreement you create a lot of uncertainty for all parties involved. Adulting ftw.

 

[devilkingx2]

It sounds like you've made a horrible mistake.

Either you're a control freak who shouldn't be living with others or inviting people into your home (less likely)

Or you thought that a female roommate = pvssy on tap (most likely)

Either way the best laid schemes of mice and men often go askew, you're gonna wanna make peace with the fact that you have to treat her fairly and can only expect rent out of her (anything else is a bonus if you're lucky), you should only be forbidding that which is illegal or against the building rules or at least things that you mutually agree to.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I came home just now at 9am for a crazy forest party. She asked me to bring beers and tobacco.

I get in put beers in the living room... and some dude rocks out of my housemates bedroom in his boxers to use my bathroom. On the way back I said “what’s up bro?” This ****er looks me in the face says nothing and goes back in her room looool.

Now I don’t wanna come across as jealous etc but I need to say something as this cvnt has blanked me in my own home.

IMO it comes across like you want a sexual relationship (or an actual relationship) with this girl and you've been hanging out with her loads but not actually committing to anything. It's a classic example of overextending your interaction with her without actually getting anything in return.

I say this like some kind of authority because it's the same sh*tty mistake I always make.

If you have no sexual interest in a woman, you can be friends. But with the amount you're talking about not masturbating and stuff here, it's clear you have a sexual interest in her...which means being friends just means you're going to be become a cucked orbiter and become bitter about it.

I mean, it's cold the guy ignored you in your house but...does he really have to acknowledge you? You're just some guy in the house of the girl he just banged. She probably invited him over without telling you to emphasise that she doesn't need you if she wants sex...and that's pretty much fair enough, because you've just been essentially friend-zoning yourself for ages.

If you want to have sex with her, get on with having sex with her. If you don't want to have sex with her, you can't be butthurt when she brings guys round and has sex with them. It would have shown more respect if she told you, but at the same time you're not her BF, she doesn't owe you anything. You're almost talking like you're in an exclusive relationship or something.

 

[Murk]

I agree with some of that and disagree with some too. You’re totally forgetting the respect aspect and unless you own your own home, and are king of the castle, you won’t fully understand this thread.

I can’t have things going on that make me feel any type of way, that’s just not me. Not in my place. Dudes coming over yeah, I’m not upset about that, it’s the way it went down that has my back up. Everyone I’ve spoken to about this offline agrees on this.

I wouldnt mind banging her down the line, closer to her leaving, but it’s definately not the plan for me now.

 

[Murk]

Also the not wanking is simply down to not feeling totally at ease having someone in my space, I just don’t have the urge to jack off, too much change has fvcked my mojo, it’s not a sexual thing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

IMO it comes across like you want a sexual relationship (or an actual relationship) with this girl and you've been hanging out with her loads but not actually committing to anything. It's a classic example of overextending your interaction with her without actually getting anything in return.

I say this like some kind of authority because it's the same sh*tty mistake I always make.

If you have no sexual interest in a woman, you can be friends. But with the amount you're talking about not masturbating and stuff here, it's clear you have a sexual interest in her...which means being friends just means you're going to be become a cucked orbiter and become bitter about it.

I mean, it's cold the guy ignored you in your house but...does he really have to acknowledge you? You're just some guy in the house of the girl he just banged. She probably invited him over without telling you to emphasise that she doesn't need you if she wants sex...and that's pretty much fair enough, because you've just been essentially friend-zoning yourself for ages.

If you want to have sex with her, get on with having sex with her. If you don't want to have sex with her, you can't be butthurt when she brings guys round and has sex with them. It would have shown more respect if she told you, but at the same time you're not her BF, she doesn't owe you anything. You're almost talking like you're in an exclusive relationship or something.

I think you all should have a rule if your going to be having sex the other is gone.

 

[sazc]

@Murkserious life is a series of lessons. It sounds like you didn't address some situations with her because you didn't think they would come up. Take this time to assess what you need to speak with her about, and then address it. And use this information if you ever get into this situation again next time.

what I'm more mean to say is, drop the male female Dynamic here. You now have a roommate and you are starting to realize that you didn't establish clear boundaries from the beginning. So think about what kind of boundaries you need to establish, be an adult have a conversation and establish them.

 

[devilkingx2]

I agree with some of that and disagree with some too. You’re totally forgetting the respect aspect and unless you own your own home, and are king of the castle, you won’t fully understand this thread.

I can’t have things going on that make me feel any type of way, that’s just not me. Not in my place. Dudes coming over yeah, I’m not upset about that, it’s the way it went down that has my back up. Everyone I’ve spoken to about this offline agrees on this.

I wouldnt mind banging her down the line, closer to her leaving, but it’s definately not the plan for me now.

You're being way too authoritarian about it. Like you expected serfs on your fiefdom rather than someone who pays you money and agrees not to break/steal/lose your stuff

Just tell her the ground rules, give you a heads up, don't bring A-holes who'll get on your nerves, etc.

But demanding the proper respect from strangers is odd.

 

[Murk]

@Murkserious life is a series of lessons. It sounds like you didn't address some situations with her because you didn't think they would come up. Take this time to assess what you need to speak with her about, and then address it. And use this information if you ever get into this situation again next time.

what I'm more mean to say is, drop the male female Dynamic here. You now have a roommate and you are starting to realize that you didn't establish clear boundaries from the beginning. So think about what kind of boundaries you need to establish, be an adult have a conversation and establish them.

Exactly what I planned to do tonight when she got home from work. She got home at 9.40pm and by that point I was high smoking a joint watching Dave Chapelle on Nexflix after a stressful day at work. So we both got high and watched it and while checking amazon.

I’ll have the talk tomorrow and I won’t be abrupt I’ll be totally chill

 

[Murk]

You're being way too authoritarian about it. Like you expected serfs on your fiefdom rather than someone who pays you money and agrees not to break/steal/lose your stuff

Just tell her the ground rules, give you a heads up, don't bring A-holes who'll get on your nerves, etc.

But demanding the proper respect from strangers is odd.

No serfs bro and props on fiefdom, I like that. I’m happy to let her do what she wants as long as it doesn’t effect me

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I agree with some of that and disagree with some too. You’re totally forgetting the respect aspect and unless you own your own home, and are king of the castle, you won’t fully understand this thread.

I can’t have things going on that make me feel any type of way, that’s just not me. Not in my place. Dudes coming over yeah, I’m not upset about that, it’s the way it went down that has my back up. Everyone I’ve spoken to about this offline agrees on this.

I wouldnt mind banging her down the line, closer to her leaving, but it’s definately not the plan for me now.

At least you laid down the law with regards to being unhappy with his behaviour. But I still feel like part of that irritation is coming from the fact you kinda know you wanted to go for sexytimes and you didn't. If she's introducing you to her parents and hanging out with you constantly, she wants to sleep with you.

Nothing good has ever come from me hanging out as friends with women I liked sexually. In fact, the most degrading experiences I've had started like that. A few more months of it and she'll be asking you to pick dates for her on Tinder, trust me I've been there...lol.

My personal rule now is: if we're not attracted to each other, we're mates. If I like you or you like me, we only hang out like that once we're seeing each other. Stops me getting f*cked in the wrong kind of way.

 

[Murk]

It sounds like you've made a horrible mistake.

Either you're a control freak who shouldn't be living with others or inviting people into your home (less likely)

Or you thought that a female roommate = pvssy on tap (most likely)

Either way the best laid schemes of mice and men often go askew, you're gonna wanna make peace with the fact that you have to treat her fairly and can only expect rent out of her (anything else is a bonus if you're lucky), you should only be forbidding that which is illegal or against the building rules or at least things that you mutually agree to.

It's awry, not askew.

So because she pays rent she has a 50/50 share of things? I should be lucky to get anything more than rent? What about respect for my land and way of living while someone lives under my roof? Bro you tripping. I could kick her out on the street tomorrow I owe her nothing. I've welcomed her into my place and been nothing but a positive influence on her life since I met her, hence her parents loving me. I helped her get the architect/urban design job she has now. I ghostwrote interactions/emails with directors/partners for her, coached her through interviews, taught her how to behave in the corporate world. She was jobless with a masters degree, depressed and stressing out when I met her. Now she's less than a year from another promotion in her dream job with so many prospects. I can say her current stability is down to me, sh!t, she's said it enough times. Let's not forget the countless times I've been there for her and picked her up out of manic times.

Let's stop this assumption I'm some beta who has nothing to offer and is sniffing her panties hoping for the lay. If I really wanted it I would have escalated on the many times we've been drunk together. I care more about her wellbeing than banging her, I have smashed 16 girls since January, I think I'll survive not smashing this one.

It's my house, when you get one you will understand. I'm doing her a FAVOUR. Her 2 other females friends now live together and didn't want her, she's also paying considerably less rent than them and can leave whenever she buys a house without being tied into a contract. There are so many benefits for her since she met me.

I don't want strange guys patrolling my hallways, if I feel uncomfortable in my house that's not tenable. You are showing your age and experience here bro.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I agree with some of that and disagree with some too. You’re totally forgetting the respect aspect and unless you own your own home, and are king of the castle, you won’t fully understand this thread.

To be fair, she probably didn't tell the guy you owned the place. I mean, she's flirting with some guy, she's not going to stop and be like:
"By the way, I'm on a 6 month rental contract with a man you don't know and he owns a diverse portfolio of five flats in London under the subsidiary of Murkserious Industries Ltd."

I'm exaggerating for the sake of silliness there (and I made up the London stuff as I'm guessing you're British). But you know what I mean. If you're hooking up with someone, you don't really mention who owns your building. He probably didn't even know.

 

[Murk]

To be fair, she probably didn't tell the guy you owned the place. I mean, she's flirting with some guy, she's not going to stop and be like:
"By the way, I'm on a 6 month rental contract with a man you don't know and he owns a diverse portfolio of five flats in London under the subsidiary of Murkserious Industries Ltd."

I'm exaggerating for the sake of silliness there (and I made up the London stuff as I'm guessing you're British). But you know what I mean. If you're hooking up with someone, you don't really mention who owns your building. He probably didn't even know.

Hahah you're right. I think all the drugs, change, having some guy in my house - all just fvcked with my head.

I've slightly overreacted (luckily only in my head and on here), I'm the first to admit my faults, in real life and on here.

I'm speaking to her tonight - I'll literally just say "by the way, you should give me a heads up when you bring people over on a night out, no issue with Tom, but best if we keep communication on things like that so I don't walk into anything suspect [insert laughter] and just so I know to keep money and things in my room when im out, honestly I'm not even fully used to you walking around in my space yet and just wanna make it harmonious for both of us living here"

This comes across cool/relaxed, it's my honest truth, but cleverly omits the need for me to return the favour. I will mostly, but I will also do wtf I like in my own house. I'm not bothered speaking to her about anything else, I don't care enough anymore. If something else pops up though I'll prob have a little more snap/bite in my reaction and deal with it on the spot.

Thoughts people?

 

[devilkingx2]

So because she pays rent she has a 50/50 share of things? I should be lucky to get anything more than rent? What about respect for my land and way of living while someone lives under my roof? Bro you tripping. I could kick her out on the street tomorrow I owe her nothing. I've welcomed her into my place and been nothing but a positive influence on her life since I met her, hence her parents loving me. I helped her get the architect/urban design job she has now. I ghostwrote interactions/emails with directors/partners for her, coached her through interviews, taught her how to behave in the corporate world. She was jobless with a masters degree, depressed and stressing out when I met her. Now she's less than a year from another promotion in her dream job with so many prospects. I can say her current stability is down to me, sh!t, she's said it enough times. Let's not forget the countless times I've been there for her and picked her up out of manic times.

Would you want to stay with someone who goes on rants like this about how lucky you are that you've done them such a kindness and how greatful they should be?

My brother is like this, when he invites you over to stay for some time he acts like he's jesus himself for feeding you or allowing you to eat his food (even though he doesn't go out of his way at all, doesn't even ask you what you want and would've had to feed himself anyway) and the least you can do is wash all his dishes. He'll insist on taking you to see a movie or something so he can lord it over your head how kind he is for spending 10 minutes salary on his own family after he invited them over, and so on

Now, you say it's your place, am I to assume you can easily afford the rent by yourself or have already paid off the mortgage and having a roommate paying you hundreds a month is a massively profitable convenience for you?

Cuz if so it's interesting that you frame it as you doing her a favor and her getting so much from you

My point is to chill out before you start running a boot camp, relax. Take a breath, save this indignation for when she starts pawning your collectible action figures or drug dealing or shooting porn movies or getting the cops called for noise complaints because she throws raves, etc.

'm speaking to her tonight - I'll literally just say "by the way, you should give me a heads up when you bring people over on a night out, no issue with Tom, but best if we keep communication on things like that so I don't walk into anything suspect [insert laughter] and just so I know to keep money and things in my room when im out, honestly I'm not even fully used to you walking around in my space yet and just wanna make it harmonious for both of us living here"

This sounds absolutely fair and reasonable, I'm glad you've come to something she has no reason not to agree to

 

[meldiamond]

LOL, this is interesting sh#t. Yeah, you have to watch out for these low self esteem people. They offer you something in order to make themselves appear generous. But if you accept, they lord it over you for LIFE.

There's this one guy in my "social circle" who twice offered me a ride. During the ride, he was super subdued and quiet and very chill, very tense actually. Once we were with others, he started talking mad sh#t. "How the fvck you gonna get back bro? ha ha ha!" I won't go into details but it was incredibly childish, low self esteem bullsh#t.

This is where murkserious is coming from. He was offering the room in hopes of manipulating her into sex or her making a pass at him. Now that it didn't happen and she fvcked another guy under his roof, he's pouting.

I'm not trying to throw murkserious under the bus, but just giving my honest take on this situation.

1. He has no written lease to protect himself or protect the girl for that matter.

2. he's pouting since he didn't get laid first

3. he's a control freak who would rather complain endlessly online rather than fixing the problem proactively.

Murkserious is acting like a child. I doubt he grows up. He probably continues to blame his situation on everyone but himself: girl being a slut, guy she brought him was rude, yada yada yada.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

LOL, this is interesting sh#t. Yeah, you have to watch out for these low self esteem people. They offer you something in order to make themselves appear generous. But if you accept, they lord it over you for LIFE.

There's this one guy in my "social circle" who twice offered me a ride. During the ride, he was super subdued and quiet and very chill, very tense actually. Once we were with others, he started talking mad sh#t. "How the fvck you gonna get back bro? ha ha ha!" I won't go into details but it was incredibly childish, low self esteem bullsh#t.

This is where murkserious is coming from. He was offering the room in hopes of manipulating her into sex or her making a pass at him. Now that it didn't happen and she fvcked another guy under his roof, he's pouting.

I'm not trying to throw murkserious under the bus, but just giving my honest take on this situation.

1. He has no written lease to protect himself or protect the girl for that matter.

2. he's pouting since he didn't get laid first

3. he's a control freak who would rather complain endlessly online rather than fixing the problem proactively.

Murkserious is acting like a child. I doubt he grows up. He probably continues to blame his situation on everyone but himself: girl being a slut, guy she brought him was rude, yada yada yada.

She knew what was going on and what she was doing.