Good or bad when a woman tells you she thinks you're a "player"?

[Barrister]

Question is self-explanatory. A woman I am very interested in said this about me today -- albeit with a big smile on her face. However, I am not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, she is acknowledging my success with other women which obviously we all know makes women want us more. On the other, "player" has such a negative connotation. As in - yes you get the women, but you have a bad reputation for how you treat them. Or is this just how society wants us to think about ourselves?

Thoughts?

 

[devilkingx2]

Depends on the girl and the context.

She might mean "ooh you're some sort of charming suave ladies man huh? My husband better keep me away from you~"

Or she might mean "fvck off you jack@ss I bet you date 4 girls at a time, get dumped for hitting on your girlfriend's best friend and cheat on every girl who trusts you!"

It's up to you to figure out based on her personality and context clues

It's good if she thinks you get girls, it's bad if she thinks you're an untrustworthy f*ckboy

 

[logicallefty]

I think it's generally a good thing when they think you are a player. I would never tell a woman "Oh by the way you are the second woman I have slept with this weekend (or today)". But I might throw in some indirect hints that I have other women, or at the very least, dropping some humorous comments to make her wonder. Examples may be:

Context: HB at my house. LL says:"Don't mess up my bathroom, my other ladies like it clean"

Context: HB talks about a bar she likes to go to. LL says "Sounds like a fun place, I'll have to take my next lucky date there"

Context: Give HB my number. LL says "Please don't write that on the bathroom wall at your favorite pub 'for a good time call Lefty'. Other ladies in the past have!"

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Thoughts?

Your job as a man is to control the frame. Controlling the frame means controlling the meaning of the conversation and the elements within.

That means YOU define "player" however you like, based on the outcome you'd like from the interaction.

This, of course, only works if you do it in the moment, without hesitation, and not by asking dudes online how to interpret this.

It was essentially a test. She sensed some kind of player energy and wanted to see how you would respond by calling you on it.

And men, essentially, FAIL all tests if they are taken aback and don't know how to easily respond quickly and naturally.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Good or bad when a woman tells you she thinks you're a "player"?

Good for your chances of getting laid, bad if you want any sort of relationship or commitment out of her.

 

[Mike32ct]

In this particular example, she had a “big smile on her face.”

So it’s no problem with this one lol.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Question is self-explanatory. A woman I am very interested in said this about me today -- albeit with a big smile on her face. However, I am not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, she is acknowledging my success with other women which obviously we all know makes women want us more. On the other, "player" has such a negative connotation. As in - yes you get the women, but you have a bad reputation for how you treat them. Or is this just how society wants us to think about ourselves?

Thoughts?

Bad if you are looking for an LTR. Waste of time [imo] if you are looking for a floosie.

 

[Barrister]

Out of about the four women I am seeing right now, this one is the only one I would consider LTR material -- which is why I wasn't sure how to feel about her classifying me as such. Normally I wouldn't care one way or another. Seems like a number of you think its bad if I am wanting a LTR with her.

Wouldn't mind hearing from some of the female posters.

 

[AJ84]

Out of about the four women I am seeing right now, this one is the only one I would consider LTR material -- which is why I wasn't sure how to feel about her classifying me as such. Normally I wouldn't care one way or another. Seems like a number of you think its bad if I am wanting a LTR with her.

Wouldn't mind hearing from some of the female posters.

Girls looking for relationships are more likely to avoid having them with guys they see as players because players are seen as untrustworthy. It may take a while for them to let their guard down when dating a player as they will assume it’s not going to lead to anything real.

It’s like the male equilvant of the party girl: good for sex and fun times but probably not LTR material.

But girls looking for relationships do date players. She smiled, but that could mean anything. You would need more signs from her to know what her interest level is. Ask her out and see what happens. Don’t hide who you are though, you don’t owe her that and it would back fire anyway. She already thinks you are a player and you are seeing four girls right now so just go with it and be honest. Lots of guys are players until they meet the girl they fall for, lots of girls are like that too. It’s just that players have to prove themselves more to show that they can be trusted and are relationship material.

 

[Barrister]

Girls looking for relationships are more likely to avoid having them with guys they see as players because players are seen as untrustworthy. It may take a while for them to let their guard down when dating a player as they will assume it’s not going to lead to anything real.

It’s like the male equilvant of the party girl: good for sex and fun times but probably not LTR material.

But girls looking for relationships do date players. She smiled, but that could mean anything. You would need more signs from her to know what her interest level is. Ask her out and see what happens. Don’t hide who you are though, you don’t owe her that and it would back fire anyway. She already thinks you are a player and you are seeing four girls right now so just go with it and be honest. Lots of guys are players until they meet the girl they fall for, lots of girls are like that too. It’s just that players have to prove themselves more to show that they can be trusted and are relationship material.

So say you are very interested in a guy and then find out that he has a bit of a reputation as a ladies' man and is seeing 3-4 women besides you. Does this increase or decrease your attraction to him? Obviously, I get the part completely about you would want to know more about him before being in a LTR because you would be afraid he would have a proclivity to always be seeing other people besides you. But do you feel more or less drawn to a man who is actively seeing other women besides you?

I tend to see it as overall a good thing she knows I see other women. But since I do view her as LTR material I don't want her to think I am just a slut either. But I don't want to give her any assurances under any circumstances because I think I will look desperate and it will kill all attraction.

 

[IKO69]

It's good. You convinced her that you are popular with the girls. Depending how you wing it you can get her, you just have to assure her (without being a self deprecating little *****) that you'll be commited to her blah blah

 

[AJ84]

So say you are very interested in a guy and then find out that he has a bit of a reputation as a ladies' man and is seeing 3-4 women besides you. Does this increase or decrease your attraction to him? Obviously, I get the part completely about you would want to know more about him before being in a LTR because you would be afraid he would have a proclivity to always be seeing other people besides you. But do you feel more or less drawn to a man who is actively seeing other women besides you?

I tend to see it as overall a good thing she knows I see other women. But since I do view her as LTR material I don't want her to think I am just a slut either. But I don't want to give her any assurances under any circumstances because I think I will look desperate and it will kill all attraction.

It depends on what kind of a player he is:

Is he seeing all of these girls but leading each of them on to think he is only seeing each one exclusively? Liars and cheats are out for me.

Or is he being upfront and honest? I would respect that more even if he is seeing more than one girl. It actually takes a lot of confidence and guts to be honest and say to a girl that you are dating other girls knowing that you risk her walking away. Unfortunately most players just go behind their backs and this contributes of course to them being seen as untrustworthy.

So having some integrity and values would keep my interest but I would still have my guard up for sure, until his behaviour showed that he is serious about wanting a relationship with me. That behaviour would involve exclusivity at some point during the dating process, not right away but at some point, shortly after sleeping together. That’s my personal preference because I don’t want to sleep with some guy sleeping with a bunch of other women but I’m married and likely older than you lol so times have changed and some girls may be ok with that. However I would think that most decent girls looking to settle down will not tolorate being one of many girls he is sleeping with.

However you’re single, you date other girls, that’s what single people do. If you are honest with them then I would reframe her impression of you to a single guy who dates girls and is open to a relationship at some point. I think that’s fair and all she needs to know. She has to prove herself to you too right? Neither you or she for that matter should be dropping all eggs in one basket until you date each other and get to know one another better in that context.

 

[CMNILS87]

It was a **** test.

“I’m actually waiting for the other girl to arrive, I planned on you two fighting to the death for my honor”.

She wanted to know that you’re desirable by other women.

 

[The Diver]

On the other, "player" has such a negative connotation

Most cases I had this command in the past, it had a negative connotation.

I compiled a standard answer to this command, and disarm it by answering something along the line :

""I'm not considering it to be a player, it's called " keep my option open" until the right girl will arrive,,, is it you? "" Now the conversation and the pressure shifted to her.

This establishes two things: That I'm doing well with other women, but at the same time looking for a more meaningful connection.(As I really do)