Situational Neediness - GF became distant after going out of town - Going No Contact a good idea?

[mrgoodstuff]

She's an absolute bull****ter

Imagine a guy friend wasting your time (life) like that.

 

[jacketrunner]

After responding kind of aggressively to her ‘**** test’, I told her we should talk about it when sober, and gave her a <3

She then texted me yesterday, asking me what I was doing, and sent me a pic of where she was as she was about to come back.

I told her to lmk when she was in town, and she said she would.

She seems to think I don’t care about her. It might be that she doesn’t feel loved enough.

I think I will still wait it out and let her chase me, although I might give her one phone call.

 

[HankHill]

She sounds so much like my ex-ex-gf who strung me along for so long (years wasted with the on again off again BS). In hindsight, I should've just used her as a FWB because she certainly was using me as such. Towards the end I tried but I was having trouble getting emotionally detached because of all the lies she would feed me to my face, in bed etc but her actions spoke otherwise. If I mentioned anything she would turn it around on me and say I was being distant etc.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She sounds so much like my ex-ex-gf who strung me along for so long (years wasted with the on again off again BS). In hindsight, I should've just used her as a FWB because she certainly was using me as such. Towards the end I tried but I was having trouble getting emotionally detached because of all the lies she would feed me to my face, in bed etc but her actions spoke otherwise. If I mentioned anything she would turn it around on me and say I was being distant etc.

You would've been in the right to cheat on her all of those years and make her less than a priority.

 

[HankHill]

You would've been in the right to cheat on her all of those years and make her less than a priority.

I did date other women but I told her that I was because she would pull back or say she needed the space, without a timeline so after a couple of those I said to myself screw that I'm not sitting around for no good reason. It didn't phase her much though, she would still lie and say I was the last person who touched her because she can't imagine being intimate with anyone else..bull...sh1t! I remember once she asked if I was serious with anyone else. That one time, I told her something like 'well so far it's only gotten to kissing...nothing beyond that' and she very calmly but quickly said 'whatever you do on your dates is your business...' I remember being shocked that she would be non-nonchalant about it and in a way saying even if I was fvking other women she doesn't care. My reaction would be the totally opposite but see she would make an effort to tell me she wasn't being intimate with anyone else. So manipulative. She was the best woman in bed I've ever had though, she would let me do anything and egg me on even more. Knowing I'll likely never find another one like her is the worst part. Or may be the worst part was that for almost 6+yrs I thought she was the one for me...LOL...what an idiot I was.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I did date other women but I told her that I was because she would pull back or say she needed the space, without a timeline so after a couple of those I said to myself screw that I'm not sitting around for no good reason. It didn't phase her much though, she would still lie and say I was the last person who touched her because she can't imagine being intimate with anyone else..bull...sh1t! I remember once she asked if I was serious with anyone else. That one time, I told her something like 'well so far it's only gotten to kissing...nothing beyond that' and she very calmly but quickly said 'whatever you do on your dates is your business...' I remember being shocked that she would be non-nonchalant about it and in a way saying even if I was fvking other women she doesn't care. My reaction would be the totally opposite but see she would make an effort to tell me she wasn't being intimate with anyone else. So manipulative. She was the best woman in bed I've ever had though, she would let me do anything and egg me on even more. Knowing I'll likely never find another one like her is the worst part. Or may be the worst part was that for almost 6+yrs I thought she was the one for me...LOL...what an idiot I was.

Did you find out how her escapades went down?

And you can get a better woman in bed. You can build one.

 

[HankHill]

Did you find out how her escapades went down?

And you can get a better woman in bed. You can build one.

She kept going back to her ex, first time romantically, after that supposedly as friends but after posting here on SS I realized it was all lies, tough pill to swallow. My first thread on SS was about her and I.

What still baffles me is that I'm far better looking than that guy (from what I've heard, he's short, balding, chunky) and after romantically getting involved with him and coming back to me she said she realized he can only be her friend as she's just not attracted to him romantically "he's not my type". Also, she said she's never been able to express herself in bed like she can with me. You can read about it here https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/thoughts-on-my-situation.249464 if you want to so we don't hijack this thread. I was simply relating to OP's situation.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She kept going back to her ex, first time romantically, after that supposedly as friends but after posting here on SS I realized it was all lies, tough pill to swallow. My first thread on SS was about her and I.

What still baffles me is that I'm far better looking than that guy (from what I've heard, he's short, balding, chunky) and after romantically getting involved with him and coming back to me she said she realized he can only be her friend as she's just not attracted to him romantically "he's not my type". Also, she said she's never been able to express herself in bed like she can with me. You can read about it here https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/thoughts-on-my-situation.249464 if you want to so we don't hijack this thread. I was simply relating to OP's situation.

Was she fvcking others?

 

[HankHill]

And you can get a better woman in bed. You can build one.

I tried with the last woman (whom I'm meeting this week too lol) but she was/is too 'old school' and just wasn't comfortable with certain things. They were too dirty for her "nice girls don't do that".

Was she fvcking others?

I have no way of knowing. She still maintains that she's never cheated on me and hasn't been intimate with others...but who knows what her definition of cheating is. I just know that her actions say she's not willing to put in the same or more effort into our relationship than me and that's all the clue I need.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I tried with the last woman (whom I'm meeting this week too lol) but she was/is too 'old school' and just wasn't comfortable with certain things. They were too dirty for her "nice girls don't do that".


I have no way of knowing. She still maintains that she's never cheated on me and hasn't been intimate with others...but who knows what her definition of cheating is. I just know that her actions say she's not willing to put in the same or more effort into our relationship than me and that's all the clue I need.

It sounds like you were getting good sex though. Other men would've been completely cucked.

 

[sosousage]

seems like you arent in relationship anymoar

 

[jacketrunner]

The nice thing now is is that I’m giving less and less of a fu<k.

If she comes back, she will be completely under my thumb, on my terms.

If not, she’s welcome to leave.

I bought 4 pairs of fresh af shoes today. Will tear up the town at the next opportunity.

 

[Spaz]

When this is over, you will realize that peace of mind and single is so much better than confusion, drama, pananoia, and daily gut-punches of a relationship with a self absorbed, manipulative emotional terrorist.

Spoken like a true incel.

Those involuntary celibate threads abound with such thoughts.

They want women, desire women but think along such paths, peculiar.

 

[Spaz]

The nice thing now is is that I’m giving less and less of a fu<k.

If she comes back, she will be completely under my thumb, on my terms.

If not, she’s welcome to leave.

I bought 4 pairs of fresh af shoes today. Will tear up the town at the next opportunity.

Good job !

Always on your terms, never hers. Over time you'll come to realise that this is actually what differentiates the losers incels, mgtow and those who constantly gets it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The nice thing now is is that I’m giving less and less of a fu<k.

If she comes back, she will be completely under my thumb, on my terms.

If not, she’s welcome to leave.

I bought 4 pairs of fresh af shoes today. Will tear up the town at the next opportunity.

Dude. I need fresh kicks. I smell confidence.

 

[Spaz]

What kind of Fantasyland do you live in? We are talking about people who are in relationships having sex that need to understand that it's okay to go without for a while.

The kind of fantasy only you dream of having.

With different women....

And it's all real.

 

[Spaz]

No, it isn't real for you lol

Dream on in your incel fantasies, I'm sure it's good lmao

 

[Die Hard]

My girlfriend of 2.5 months (although been seeing her for 5 months... she asked me to be exclusive) went to her hometown for 3 weeks (before she got a new job), and (very suddenly) stopped initiating contact or showing interest (I initiated contact much more than her during the trip, although I’ve by no means been suffocating, and I mostly stopped initiating when I noticed she wasn’t). I actually visited her in the middle of this trip, and while initially she was glad to see me, I sensed that she got distant and was pulling away while I was there with her. I think it had to do with a hurtful comment I told her that was condescending and pissed her off, and overall weak behaviors that arose from my dependent situation (I was in her world, when usually she is in mine).

This whole thread is about exploring the possibility that she cheated on you, and it's a valid 'investigation'... But that's been discussed enough by now, so let's start exploring the possibility that this whole situation is the result of that hurtful comment you made (and the background of it).

Tell us more about that... What did you say exactly? And what series of events caused you to eventually make that comment to her?

 

[jacketrunner]

This whole thread is about exploring the possibility that she cheated on you, and it's a valid 'investigation'... But that's been discussed enough by now, so let's start exploring the possibility that this whole situation is the result of that hurtful comment you made (and the background of it).

Tell us more about that... What did you say exactly? And what series of events caused you to eventually make that comment to her?

I work at a better company than her, in a similar type of job. Before she took her job, when giving her advice, I was trying to problem-solve, but I came across as very condescending and unempathetic (my advice was based on my experience, but I have better work experience than she does which makes me a more attractive candidate)

I later made a joke about the places she received offers for (did it thoughtlessly and legitimately feel really bad about it).

I sincerely apologized for these comments twice, but I can tell she was still resentful.

Because she was distant and stressed, I also left her hometown a little bit earlier than I said I would when visiting, which actually made her more affectionate, although I was a gracious guest (I was staying at her family’s home... left them a thank you note... made sure she was okay with me leaving me early).

So that could’ve contributed.

After that, I continued to try to stay in contact with her by sending Snapchats and texts, but noticed that aside from the night I left, she basically never initiated despite the fact that I was working hard and she was essentially on vacation.

I stopped bc I didn’t want to suffocate her or invest in a one-sided relationship, and was also upset that when I told her I was agitated with her being gone for so long (needy comment I know) she just said “I’m sorry”.

 

[Die Hard]

So you made the hurtful comments while you were visiting her in her hometown? And her distant behavior started right after that talk or did it actually start before that talk already?