How much does having no social circle affect your game?

[superstorm250]

TL;DR I used to have a social circle but because of bad circumstances, I don’t have one anymore and that along with having no dating experience at 25 is keeping me out of the dating world.

Hey DJ’s, so I have no actual social circle as the title says and this is a result of bad circumstance more than anything. In the past, I used to have one but it fell apart as we all transferred to different high schools and eventually lost touch, then I dropped another longtime friend after his attitude changed as we got older and found out that he was now just using me for things like rides since he didn’t have a car, weed and alcohol, and borrowing money. Then I lost another friend because of a falling out that was drug related and resulted in my car being towed in the middle of the night.

So I do have 1 friend who I’ve known for almost 20 years now and we hang out a lot, and I also have a group of about 4 friends from my summer job that I do every year, but we never hang out because its pretty hard to work around everyone’s different schedules to plan anything and it usually doesn’t end up happening whenever we try to make plans. But I’m not someone who likes to just sit at home and not go out, I love going out and being in crowded social environments/events like bars, concerts, and trips to Vegas. My biggest question is, how will this affect me in the dating world? I’ve heard that lack of a social circle can be a turn off for a lot of girls and this along with having no dating experience at 25 are stopping me from even trying jump into the dating world.

 

[jaymbrs]

Quite a bit man. Unless you're a really good looking dude with solid game, not having friends will affect your dating life. I had to move to another state far from where I grew up and had a solid group of friends and realized how many chicks I've pulled through my network. I'm not a fan of cold approaching since I've had very little success with it so it def affected me. Your friends are your foundation. Plus people view people with no friends in a negative light, hence girls will probably think there's something wrong with you.

 

[IKO69]

Quite a lot. They can introduce you to their friends, who can then introduce you to their friends etc. This is the easiest in you have, you can just say you know so and so.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Women are social creature, a crappy product well marketed and socially shared gets more interest from them than the best technology that no one around her knows.

 

[superstorm250]

Quite a bit man. Unless you're a really good looking dude with solid game, not having friends will affect your dating life. I had to move to another state far from where I grew up and had a solid group of friends and realized how many chicks I've pulled through my network. I'm not a fan of cold approaching since I've had very little success with it so it def affected me. Your friends are your foundation. Plus people view people with no friends in a negative light, hence girls will probably think there's something wrong with you.

I had a feeling that it would, and the fact that I have no dating experience at 25 will probably fuel that even more, it could make me come off as a total social reject. I’m not sure if you read my whole post or not though, but I do still have 1 friend who I hang out with all the time and I have a group from my summer job that I do every year, but it’s pretty hard to hang out with them because we have to plan around everyone’s different schedules so we all usually don’t hang out too often. So technically I’m not considered someone who has no friends, I’m not sure how much of a difference that makes though.

 

[superstorm250]

Sounded like you needed new friends anyway.

As for what to do now, don't worry about it. Women shouldn't be meeting your friends so soon anyway. You should be isolating and getting to know them on an intimate level. Introductions to your social circle come later if they are worthy.

In the meantime, work on each problem as an individual one. Make some quality friends. Get yourself a few dates. Don't worry about mixing it up until you've got some quality in both areas.

Yeah I agree and I definitely had to get some bad people out of my life even if that meant lowering my number of friends. I know that they won’t be meeting my friends until later on, probably not until things could possibly be moving towards a relationship, but I know that the time to meet each other’s social circles will always be in the back of my mind. What I see happening is she’ll introduce me to hers and then I’ll introduce her to my 1 friend who I do hang out with and then she’ll ask when she gets to meet my other friends and when I tell her that there’s really no one else for her to meet, her interest in me will die and she’ll break things off. I feel like only having 1 friend is still stigmatized.

 

[superstorm250]

Quite a lot. They can introduce you to their friends, who can then introduce you to their friends etc. This is the easiest in you have, you can just say you know so and so.

Yeah but I don’t know if that would be the case if its one sided because they’ll want to meet my social circle at some point and it might not go over well when they learn that I don’t have one. I feel like part of the reason why this issue hasn’t been resolved is because for the most part I’ve never had a job that has let me work with people my own age, I’ve worked with kids and people older than me, but never really people my own age. And currently I work alone as an Amazon delivery partner, maybe finding a new job with coworkers my own age will help solve this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm sure it is not feasible for everyone, but I found having a motorcycle immediately made me a sexy loner, instead of just a guy with no friends, lol. Plus, all you have to do is ask her if she wants to go for a ride - easy date, virtually free.

Social circle is more important to women looking for a relationship. Much like not having a job, if they just want sex then they don't care.

 

[The Duke]

For years I never had a social circle and it never hurt my dating. I've always had friends and been social and I think if that's who you are you will be fine.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Friends are a big deal when you're 17 and in high school. Or 21 and in college.

But when you're creeping into your late 20s with a career, most women just want to know you're not going to cling to and pester the sh*t out of them because you have nothing else to do.

Do have a friend? Do you have hobbies? Do you have stuff you get into and keeps you happy and busy otherwise? Then it shouldn't be the major issue it is being made out to be here.

Yes, make some more friends when you can. But don't be an incel because you're worried about some b*tch counting how many friends you have.

You're going to end up like BigDave thinking everything has to be perfect before you're willing to venture out on an actual date years into your 30s.

I can think of 100 things you're probably going to do to drive women away from you with such a mentality long before this issue pops up and does you in.

You're hiding behind one problem to avoid facing another.

I’ve been in the same bout this guy has been in since I was 16/17. It really is different for younger people. I’ve worked on almost every internal issue I can think of. Give me a social circle though.... No a social SETTING and put some attractive women there (or unattractive too lol) and they’ll all start to like me at some point. A girl at work even told me that; “I feel that every girl who comes by here to work here ends up liking you at some point” and 2 other girls that were there nodded their heads. But circumstances prevent me from acting upon them, things that outsiders can’t possibly understand unless they WERE me. If I had a social circle, there’s nothing that would stop me from banging women because they would literally start grabbing me at that point and would try to physically take me. It’s happened before haha.

OP, yes it matters. Just be strong within yourself. Focus on yourself. On bettering yourself and doing whatever the **** you feel like doing. Then it won’t bother you as much anymore. Plus, because you’re older than I am, they’ll start coming to you more often. Better yourself forever and always. Because your self is the one thing that you’ll always have.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

It is difficult to make good friends today because most so-called friendships are based on utility or pleasure. True friendship is based on an appreciation for the Good.

I always look for two or three close friends.... as opposed becoming part of a 'social circle'. Perhaps that is just a part of the maturing process.

 

[skinnyguy]

TL;DR I used to have a social circle but because of bad circumstances, I don’t have one anymore and that along with having no dating experience at 25 is keeping me out of the dating world.

Hey DJ’s, so I have no actual social circle as the title says and this is a result of bad circumstance more than anything. In the past, I used to have one but it fell apart as we all transferred to different high schools and eventually lost touch, then I dropped another longtime friend after his attitude changed as we got older and found out that he was now just using me for things like rides since he didn’t have a car, weed and alcohol, and borrowing money. Then I lost another friend because of a falling out that was drug related and resulted in my car being towed in the middle of the night.

So I do have 1 friend who I’ve known for almost 20 years now and we hang out a lot, and I also have a group of about 4 friends from my summer job that I do every year, but we never hang out because its pretty hard to work around everyone’s different schedules to plan anything and it usually doesn’t end up happening whenever we try to make plans. But I’m not someone who likes to just sit at home and not go out, I love going out and being in crowded social environments/events like bars, concerts, and trips to Vegas. My biggest question is, how will this affect me in the dating world? I’ve heard that lack of a social circle can be a turn off for a lot of girls and this along with having no dating experience at 25 are stopping me from even trying jump into the dating world.

You’re a lot like me. Love vegas and big social environments but I’m usually alone.

So you know what I’m doing?

I’m completely changing my strategy.

I’m moving to a new city next month, and instead of gaming women..... I’ll be gaming MEN.

I’ll be going to tons of meet ups and making tons of cool guy friends. I’ll be having bbqs at my place, sports watching nights, beer pong, house parties, pool parties, you name it. My new pad is sick, and I’m going to have people over all the time.

I’m going to take a bartending class to learn how to mix drinks.

You’re probably desperate af cause you don’t get laid, but trying to get laid at this point in your life will lead to failure. Have FUN with cool people and watch puss fall in your lap.

 

[superstorm250]

Well, seeing that you have little to no dating experience at 25, how about you just try dating and see if you can get far enough with a woman for this friend thing to be an issue.

I don't think your issue is with friends. It's thinking 2 or 3 problems ahead when you haven't even begun to tackle the first one.

Start with a first date.

Friends are a big deal when you're 17 and in high school. Or 21 and in college.

But when you're creeping into your late 20s with a career, most women just want to know you're not going to cling to and pester the sh*t out of them because you have nothing else to do.

Do have a friend? Do you have hobbies? Do you have stuff you get into and keeps you happy and busy otherwise? Then it shouldn't be the major issue it is being made out to be here.

Yes, make some more friends when you can. But don't be an incel because you're worried about some b*tch counting how many friends you have.

You're going to end up like BigDave thinking everything has to be perfect before you're willing to venture out on an actual date years into your 30s.

I can think of 100 things you're probably going to do to drive women away from you with such a mentality long before this issue pops up and does you in.

You're hiding behind one problem to avoid facing another.

Wow you’re so dead on accurate that it honestly took me by surprise. Yes I do have other problems and I will explain them while trying not to make this too long, but it is a lot to say. For my entire life I’ve always believed that dating and a love life will never happen for me, this stems from seeing friends get rejected by girls every time starting all the way back in elementary school. I always assumed that the same thing is gonna happen to me if I give it a try so that I should save myself from getting upset and from the embarrassment by not even bothering to try, so I never did and it became a self fulfilling prophecy that still has some effect on me today. Even though I had a group of girls inviting me to have lunch with them back in high school, and had girls complementing me on my appearance, and have had some girls in public places initiating and holding eye contact with me until they said hi as I got closer, and even had a girl who gave me her number and initiated everything up to hooking up with her. It doesn’t matter with this mindset, because girls want nothing do do with me no matter what behavior they display when this mindset has been in control.

And once I reached 16 and was at the age to start dating, I strongly felt like it wouldn’t happen and that there was no chance in ever getting a date, so I turned to drinking and smoking weed to numb myself and to make up for the fact that I wasn’t dating. I still do that now, but not to make up for the fact that I wasn’t dating, I later turned to gambling too so that all of these vices will numb me as much as possible. And also add to that now that I hold the belief that it’ll never happen because I’m too inexperienced for my age and that most girls are gonna break things off if they find out how little experience I have. That’s the most of it and to answer your question, yes I do have a friend who I see on a regular basis and have a number of things in my life to keep me busy and that’s not including work and school once I start back up.

 

[IKO69]

It is difficult to make good friends today because most so-called friendships are based on utility or pleasure. True friendship is based on an appreciation for the Good.

I always look for two or three close friends.... as opposed becoming part of a 'social circle'. Perhaps that is just a part of the maturing process.

It is also tough as you get older/post college. College is pretty much the last chance. As far as work relationships most people just go in and leave, esp. white collar jobs.

 

[superstorm250]

You’re a lot like me. Love vegas and big social environments but I’m usually alone.

So you know what I’m doing?

I’m completely changing my strategy.

I’m moving to a new city next month, and instead of gaming women..... I’ll be gaming MEN.

I’ll be going to tons of meet ups and making tons of cool guy friends. I’ll be having bbqs at my place, sports watching nights, beer pong, house parties, pool parties, you name it. My new pad is sick, and I’m going to have people over all the time.

I’m going to take a bartending class to learn how to mix drinks.

You’re probably desperate af cause you don’t get laid, but trying to get laid at this point in your life will lead to failure. Have FUN with cool people and watch puss fall in your lap.

That’s a great strategy and I hope it works out for you! I still live at home right now but I want to move out, rent in my area is just so expensive though and I want to move to a different city but stay within the same county, the average rent on a studio apartment here is about $1,100 a month and I think I could manage to pay for that, but hopefully I find one with cheaper rent. I do need to get a better car and save up some rent money in advance before I go through with it though. As for the bartending school, I’ve been thinking of doing that too so that I can hopefully get a job in a bar from it and I feel like that’ll help this social circle issue because that would put me in a work environment with people my age and also because I work alone right now delivering for Amazon and if I live alone too, that would be too much isolation.

 

[superstorm250]

I'm sure it is not feasible for everyone, but I found having a motorcycle immediately made me a sexy loner, instead of just a guy with no friends, lol. Plus, all you have to do is ask her if she wants to go for a ride - easy date, virtually free.

Social circle is more important to women looking for a relationship. Much like not having a job, if they just want sex then they don't care.

I’d prefer to have a relationship but I’m not opposed to hooking up and have once before, I don’t think I would do good on a motorcycle because I never even ride a bike lol, the best I could do is a nicer car. It sucks that this is probably gonna screw over my chances for a relationship though. I do remember hearing on another site that a guy who had no social circle had hired a dating coach and his coach told him that he should focus on trying to make friends first before trying to date because it probably won’t go well to date when he had no friends. I’m starting to think that I should be sure to also do that, but also try to date too but to make sure that the girls understand that there’s a lot to keep me busy in my life and that I do have someone else to hang out with as well, hopefully that will ease any skepticism.

 

[Von]

That’s a great strategy and I hope it works out for you! I still live at home right now but I want to move out, rent in my area is just so expensive though and I want to move to a different city but stay within the same county, the average rent on a studio apartment here is about $1,100 a month and I think I could manage to pay for that, but hopefully I find one with cheaper rent. I do need to get a better car and save up some rent money in advance before I go through with it though. As for the bartending school, I’ve been thinking of doing that too so that I can hopefully get a job in a bar from it and I feel like that’ll help this social circle issue because that would put me in a work environment with people my age and also because I work alone right now delivering for Amazon and if I live alone too, that would be too much isolation.

Move out. My rent higher than yours, I live alone in the downtown area...4 universities, 200 bars, clubs, strip, 12 festivals, fireworks within 5 min walk.

That aside.... Moving away from home into my own place made me grow up. It helped me create my identity which allowed to attract women and men... women for dates, men for social circle.

Making friends get harder with time, having a social circle is import (women see its as social value and social proof) but before all... it comes out to be about YOU. Do stuff that puts you in contact with people, call them to go out or play with stuff at your place

 

[superstorm250]

It is also tough as you get older/post college. College is pretty much the last chance. As far as work relationships most people just go in and leave, esp. white collar jobs.

That’s pretty true, I went to community college but stopped going because I realized that it wasn’t for me, but there was no social aspect to it at all because everyone just went to listen to the lectures in class and then went home. I’m friends with some people from my seasonal job like I said above, but it usually never works for us to hang out because we have to try and plan around everyone’s schedules. And I have seen from other people I know that even if you become friends with coworkers, those friendships usually die out if you or they leave and get another job somewhere else.

 

[superstorm250]

Move out. My rent higher than yours, I live alone in the downtown area...4 universities, 200 bars, clubs, strip, 12 festivals, fireworks within 5 min walk.

That aside.... Moving away from home into my own place made me grow up. It helped me create my identity which allowed to attract women and men... women for dates, men for social circle.

Making friends get harder with time, having a social circle is import (women see its as social value and social proof) but before all... it comes out to be about YOU. Do stuff that puts you in contact with people, call them to go out or play with stuff at your place

I’m going to, but I gotta save up some money for rent to get started and get a better car first like I said. So I’m too low in social value to even be in the dating world right now, even though I’m not someone who does nothing but sit at home playing video games and binge watching Netflix?

 

[Fruitbat]

You don't need a social circle. Date online. Explain you're a sigma male (in other terms)

A lot of chicks dig the silent guy who gets on with things rather than some social focal point. Not all women like this type of "alpha", or just don't see them as appropriate partners.

I mean, there are alpha females who are the "head" of their social groups. These women in my experience are 95% total b1tches and bullies. I am not attratcted to them. I like the idea of an introverted girl. Lots of women think similar.