Dress up Sexy- and she cancelled the date on the spot

[The Diver]

Op here

"Dress sexy" I did say before, but it was with a date I already had sex with and it excepted with no issue.
This is the first time I did say it before the first date and said it out of curiosity to see how much I can push the envelope, taking the more bold approach I honestly thought she'll brush it way, but as some of you said, looks like her interest level wasn't high enough for that, and I gave her an easy way out.

My take from it is, screen harder for high interest, and, saying it before you meet the girl and establish some sexual interaction with her, in most cases, will scare her away.

But the question arises out of t is: Will it also scare away a woman with a really high interest in you???

 

[Macaframalama]

Op here

"Dress sexy" I did say before, but it was with a date I already had sex with and it excepted with no issue.
This is the first time I did say it before the first date and said it out of curiosity to see how much I can push the envelope, taking the more bold approach I honestly thought she'll brush it way, but as some of you said, looks like her interest level wasn't high enough for that, and I gave her an easy way out.

My take from it is, screen harder for high interest, and, saying it before you meet the girl and establish some sexual interaction with her, in most cases, will scare her away.

But the question arises out of t is: Will it also scare away a woman with a really high interest in you???

Man, it would be impossible to say. I once laid a chick by opening her with the first four bars from 3-6 Mafia's song "Slob on my knob". I've also dated women that I opened by baiting them with "Should I lick it, before I stick it?" Wait for the response and then deliver the punch. I myself love sarcasm and pushing the boundaries and find some of the reactions amusing, when I'm bored. I would encourage guys to have options, before pulling this chit, but ppl would be surprised how many women fall for it.

 

[BeExcellent]

But the question arises out of t is: Will it also scare away a woman with a really high interest in you???

It may or may not. Depends on you, the woman in question & the rapport between you. Those things are all very subjective relative to one another.

If you are asking the question you are not yet at the level of expertise to know the nuance of when to go for it and when not to. This is something you develop a feel for as you gain experience with game.

Experienced seducers are adept at very bold sexually overt tactics...but they have learned how to read women extremely well & with a high degree of accuracy through hundreds of interactions both in real life & over various communication mediums. And they know it's a numbers game. The difference lies in their mind set. They know there will be another attractive woman around the corner & so this one isn't the "end all be all".

 

[Macaframalama]

Haven't you ever set up a date and agreed to a time and then immediately regretted it?

No. I probably screen harder, than most typical females. I won't waste my money, nor time on someone I'm unsure of.

n your case with women you hooked up with, I mean you can be in a 5-year relationship and all of a sudden you start flirting with her and she acts like you're disgusting... Just a drop in interest.

I've been here before and can relate, in regards to LTR. I've also blown turning ONS into FWB by objectifying them and by reasons I'll state below, but regardless I realized they weren't a good fit for me and consciously sabotaged the situation. Immature, I know, but I also wanted to test calibration IRT, see how far I could push boundaries and try to make correlations, as well as selfishly amuse myself a bit in the process.

I have met quite a few women long-distance and I s*** you not the second I booked a hotel room for us to meet they started getting anxiety and interest level dropped at least 50%(was able to build the interest back up eventually).

I've been here plenty of times too in the past. While, low interest is the effect, it isn't the cause and doesn't explain why she has low interest. The why, is because the man hasn't built enough comfort/rapport. Like was said earlier in the thread, we live in dangerous times and for ex, my physical stature and features have made building comfort that much harder and I was forced to figure out a way of turning a weakness into a strength. Disarming through sarcasm and humor. IRL it's as easy as making that great first impression in the first few minutes of dialogue. OLD, for me has to be a little more methodical, hence why I screen for so long as I do with OLD. Nobody wants to waste their time on a stick in the mud, when you could be at the bar or a party pulling, especially with the high success rate I'm able to achieve in those venues. I'm a hedge better by nature and I've always gamed as many avenues as possible, but I'm also 40 and can't keep partying forever, so there is huge purpose in screening through OLD with me. Number one being, mitigating flakiness by building comfort and building expectations, but also eliminating lames and building tension/escalating, so escalation IRL is seamless and essentially a cake walk alot of times.

 

[logicallefty]

Telling her to wear something sexy on the first date is not my style. Don’t want her to assume that I plan on bedding her, she has to earn that. But what I will say is “See you there. I’ll be sitting by the exit and wearing my running shoes. That way if you are crazy I can dart out quickly”

 

[Macaframalama]

Don’t want her to assume that I plan on bedding her, she has to earn that.

"Putting your d!ck in your pocket". An old phrase, from Tariq Nasheed's "The Mack Within".

But what I will say is “See you there. I’ll be sitting by the exit and wearing my running shoes. That way if you are crazy I can dart out quickly”

Great example of using humor to build expectation.

 

[Igetit!]

Had a chat online with this woman and after about 10 messages I closed the date.
My last message was:

Me: Cool , see you there, Dress up sexy, lol
Her: Now I'm not sure. Thanks for the chat.
Me; Take care.

Please enlighten me here, what just happened? can't be I went too far, NO ????

Only thing I'm curious about is what you two talked about and discussed in the previous 10 messages before you threw out the "dress sexy" comment.

Just odd how you were able to generate enough interest in her to agree to a date in those previous messages,but then this one comment blew everything out the water.

 

[The Diver]

Op's here
I appreciate all your comments guys/girls, a lot to learn out of it for me.

I'm in no way claim to be experienced as some of you guys, and I humble enough to know there's always more to learn.

I established a solid understanding in which I operate from with reasonable success. Now and then I branch out to see how much I can push the boundaries. Sometimes I fell, and sometimes I win, and that ok. But most important to me is the invaluable lessons and the experience I gain out of it, just like the case we have here.
If I wouldn't try, I'll never know the answer.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

This is precisely what happened^^^

Advice from the old lady:

Gentlemen, women KNOW that men want sex. We got the memo. If you are showing interest in a chick she already knows you are interested in her sexually. Have enough class not to mention it please.

This is a great point IMO.

I've actually found that if you remain flirtatious and pleasant with a girl but don't actually mention outright sexual desire for them, it's far more effective at making them insanely interested in having sex with you than saying "dress hot" or any of that overt cringe stuff. Building a kind of non-malicious sexual frustration, I guess.

Going on a date with a girl is inherently showing sexual interest. Making out and holding hands with her conveys sexual interest. You don't ever have to state it, you just show it with your actions and let her imagination take over.

Soon it's no longer a case of you trying to "win" sex with her in some unattractive orbiter kind of way, instead every time you kiss she's going to be wanting to jump on you just because she wants to get at this sex thing you're wordlessly teasing her with all the time.

The line you have to walk is not looking disinterested or "scared" of being sexual. But if you get it just right and you make jokey flirty comments, subtle innuendo or even just vaguely sexually charged phrases "accidentally"...keep that up for 2 weeks and a girl who previously was kind of frosty will be almost begging you to have sex with her.

And of course the more turned on a woman is regarding you, the better her sex experience will likely be as well.

 

[The Duke]

So a woman was offended by a man that told her to "dress sexy".........lol. I hope she wasn't showing any cleavage or legs in her dating profile! This is a case of low interest because she has 10 other dudes blowing her up and her coochie was a little dry that day.

Stop tip-toeing around these women giving them the upper hand while they strip you of your masculinity. Stay true to who you are. If they don't like it, then they weren't your type anyways. A chic that would get offended because of that is too vanilla/lame/boring/prudish anyways.

Always ask yourself this question.......if George Clooney told her to "dress sexy" would she still of gone out with him? You bet your fuhkin azz she would have.

Stop playing into their hand. Stop giving male power away. Be Bold. Take Chances. There are women out there who value masculine men and will reward you for it. Those are the ones you want.

If they won't eat out of your hand, they are a waste of time.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Now I can’t know the full context of it, but damn that still sounds really bitchy if I’m being honest with you.

 

[flowtheory]

Only thing I'm curious about is what you two talked about and discussed in the previous 10 messages before you threw out the "dress sexy" comment.

Just odd how you were able to generate enough interest in her to agree to a date in those previous messages,but then this one comment blew everything out the water.

I would like to know this too. Because if she agreed to a date online, she did have interest and that line blew it.
I wouldn’t say low interest from the start. I would say you messed up; this ones your fault, jack!
I would say it was somewhat of a controlling statement; already telling her what to do and going in the direction of sex, when maybe she wants something with more depth from the start. Who knows on that. But she didn’t want this line or behaviour.

I think that line is horrendous in this context. And many. For reasons that 1) any guy can say that, and 2) because it lacks tact and shows inexperience.

Your game would have to get her thinking she has to do that for you, by playful flirting.
The only time it would actually work would be in person and at a select few moments; maybe you’ve planned a lavish date with her (like the 5th and already have had sex). Then you tell her with a whisper in her ear “and wear something sexy”.


It’s all good though. Now you know that lines like those do not work right from the jump; especially online.
I get the boundary pushing, however you can’t go from setting the date and being a gentleman before, to all of a sudden talking sexy stuff. Behaviour has to be congruent right from that first message, until you meet. Because what happened here is you were probably one thing one second, then you got what you wanted and bam.. you were another thing instantly.

Frog in cool water, slowly turn up the heat. Boundaries can always be pushed, and women want that, they just can’t go from 0-7 on the scale with one switch. Take your time and go from 0-1 and worry about 2-7 when you’re on 1. You were on 1 and jumped too many steps too quick.
Of course there will be some women who are just slvts and none of this applies haha

 

[Trump]

Pushed it too far. Too fast.

You sexually objectified her, before getting to know her and she wasn't a complete slut.

This is the same site that advocates:

- if your tongue isn’t down her throat within by the end of the first date you are friend zoned,
- if you are not f*cking her by the 2nd date you are a beta bvtch loser who can’t get a women
- if her lips aren’t on your genitals by the 3rd date she will never ever have sex with you.

Yet to tell some girl he met ONLINE to “dress up sexy” for a date is pushing it?

 

[Murk]

I've told women to wear something sexy and I get a negative reaction, not quite the "bye" you received. I think women tolerate more from guys they find hot, but everyone has their limits.

Tone it down and save it for in person like marmel said, I learned this lesson too. Now I get comments saying how thirsty other guys are, because I play it cool and genuinely have so many dates I don't have time for thirstiness

 

[devilkingx2]

Had a chat online with this woman and after about 10 messages I closed the date.
My last message was:

Me: Cool , see you there, Dress up sexy, lol
Her: Now I'm not sure. Thanks for the chat.
Me; Take care.

Please enlighten me here, what just happened? can't be I went too far, NO ????

translated:

you: put some effort in
her: fvck that, fvck you.

do you want to date a girl who reacts to the notion that she should put any effort at all into wooing you by taking offense?

 

[devilkingx2]

This is the same site that advocates:

- if your tongue isn’t down her throat within by the end of the first date you are friend zoned,
- if you are not f*cking her by the 2nd date you are a beta bvtch loser who can’t get a women
- if her lips aren’t on your genitals by the 3rd date she will never ever have sex with you.

Yet to tell some girl he met ONLINE to “dress up sexy” for a date is pushing it?

Sosuave isn't one person

there is at least one guy here who advocates that you shouldn't even touch the girl or try to kiss her or anything like that at all on a first date

some people are more or less bold/sexual than others are, and everyone has different game that gives them their successes

 

[BeExcellent]

Sosuave isn't one person

there is at least one guy here who advocates that you shouldn't even touch the girl or try to kiss her or anything like that at all on a first date

some people are more or less bold/sexual than others are, and everyone has different game that gives them their successes

A brilliant point. Each one of us must calibrate to the modus operandi that best suits our individual mosaic of characteristics. Generalities can be observed & applied but ultimately the only one who can adjust the nuances to be most successful in the field is you.

What the collective here does well is educate about behavioral tendencies and what tends to work statistically speaking in response.

But we remain individuals who have to figure out what is most advantageous on our own.

 

[devilkingx2]

You sexually objectified her, before getting to know her and she wasn't a complete slut.

out of all your experience with women, all your time in the manosphere/sosuave/with the red pill, all the time spent on OLD in places like tinder/POF/OKC/bumble, etc. you have somehow someway come to the conclusion that the reason he turned her off is because he found a girl who is actually a classy chaste lady... using medium with a reputation for hookups and low quality people?

how in the world did you reach a conclusion like that? lol

I bet the next time chad messages her and says to show up without a top she'll be like "should I get my nipples pierced first?"

 

[devilkingx2]

But the question arises out of t is: Will it also scare away a woman with a really high interest in you???

depends on the girl.

yesterday I texted a bunch of girls I know who all had approximately the same "relationship" (former or current plate/sidegirl) with me at varying levels of interest all the same thing, basically I said that for their next birthday I was gonna buy them a dress, then I sent them a picture of the sexiest dress I had seen recently (really short, skin tight, shows lots of sideboob)

their responses were varied from "lol I'd never wear that" to "yes you should definitely do that omg!!!" but you could tell a world of difference from the responses of the girls with lower interest from the ones with higher interest (the difference was basically, how fast the conversation died and how hard they tried to kill it)

point: women are individuals, some more interesting than others, some women would show up to the first date at a waterpark in a thin white T-shirt, others wouldn't even agree to go to one lol.

Going on a date with a girl is inherently showing sexual interest. Making out and holding hands with her conveys sexual interest. You don't ever have to state it, you just show it with your actions and let her imagination take over.

my problem with that train of thought is threefold:

1. if going on a date with a girl is a showing of sexual interest, then that means nobody who goes out with a girl ever gets friendzoned after X dates right? but we know that's not how it works.

2. if she dropped him like a rock after showing sexual interest, but the date already shows sexual interest, logic dictates that upon being asked out on a date is when she'd have dropped him like a rock. it wouldn't make sense to suddenly have a problem with sexual interest when he had already been displaying it

3. why would she, knowing that she's doing on a date to woo a guy who is showing interest in her, NOT want to dress up for it? why would she be vehemently opposed in a situation like that? that's like being upset that a girl wants commitment from you... at your wedding.

whatever this girl was thinking, it isn't congruent with her thinking OP displayed sexual interest, she's acting more like she thought they were gonna hang out as friends or something then he whipped his d!ck out suddenly, lol.

Because what happened here is you were probably one thing one second, then you got what you wanted and bam.. you were another thing instantly.

you know what, this is actually an interesting and important idea/point that ties in with what I was saying just above this, that her reaction is almost as if she wasn't expecting sexual interest at all. maybe OP was too nice/beta in the first 10 messages so she thought he was being friendly

 

[The Diver]

you: put some effort in
her: fvck that, fvck you.

haha that exactly how it felt to me.