First Thread on SS - Break Up Last Night

[MT93]

Guys, my first post on here, I have been following this forum now for the past few weeks after going through what I can only describe as rocky roads with this chick I've been seeing, I can see how much knowledge is on here and felt it was time to start a post, as I'm struggling a bit today.

Gonna try condense this down as much as possible for you guys, I have being seeing this girl since the start of this year, we both work together as managers for a large national company (albeit on different parts of the business, but same building) I have displayed interest in her since I started the job and it took me a a year before we officially sealed the deal, you know how things get (ex boyfriends, life etc etc)

I'm going to be as honest as possible and say I have had a major case of one-i-tis with this chick, we had a break around 3 months in, she kinda dropped me to be honest, citing she wasn't ready for a relationship, and that things were moving fast, we were pretty much a couple in how we behaved and the relationship I had with her family, friends, I always had a gut feeling that something wasn't right, she would always make excuses for meeting my family and taking things further in the RS.

I was told following on from me and her the first time she tried to give things a go with her ex (of 3 years) and that she f*cked him...

I implemented NC, blocked her off all social media and started hitting the gym, It was extremely difficult but after around a month or so I really started to see improvements, and so did everyone else, I went on a few dates, as difficult and as much as i wasn't interested, I felt it was the right thing to do.

Lone behold, she came back, saying how much she had made a mistake and because of her previous relationships and family issues etc etc she always pushes people away that are close to her and care for her, and that she was sorry and she missed me, she did a complete 180, she met my family (pretty much all of them) and really made an effort to prove to me how much she wanted it and felt this time would be the right time, things had been great up until the last few days.

shes been off with me the last few days, snapping, constantly moody, not showing any affection, I asked her what was wrong and her response was "Will u stop asking me questions please" just been generally really offish with me and distant, this kind of boiled over yesterday and I ended up snapping, I told her that I didnt need this kind of drama and that the way she is being isnt fair, on either me or her...

Her response was "I don't know the reason I'm being the way I am, If i did i would tell you!"
"I'm just scared, I don't want to hurt you, I just don't think I'm ready for this right now"

We spoke briefly, I got my things out of her house, we hugged and I left, I'd had a couple of drinks, she text me asking if id got home ok, i tried to call her a couple of times and she cut the calls, that was the last I heard.

Before you guys say anything, I know it was brief description but yeah 'Major AFC'

I haven't spoken to her since or attempted to contact, she has removed all pictures of us off her social media, I haven't blocked her as last time we broke up I did and I felt very petty and immature afterwards. She seems to be loving life with her Snapchat stories etc etc

I'm conscious I work with her, just wanted your guys advice on how to move forward, I really want to be away from this and happy, but feel at the moment like that's a long way away, very rare I am like this, I wear my heart on my sleeve and this time its really come back to bite me, I am just happy I have found this site to stop this happening again in the future!

Any advice would be appreciated.


Thanks (DJ in training)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Usually when we start complaining were going into AFC land . If you been on the relieving end of the bs for 6 months or greater you are an AFC.

 

[MT93]

Usually when we start complaining were going into AFC land . Of you been on the relieving end of the bs for 6 months or greater you are an AFC.

Thanks for the reply man, Agreed..

The negative far outweigh the positives when it comes to this chick, but for some reason I cant stop from getting the good times out of my mind, I really thought this was going to be it and this was the one i settle with.

I want to be able to be well past this and happy but feel its so far away at the moment, and as for how she is now, it looks as though she really doesn't give a f*ck

 

[CBear]

You'll get over it. Keep improving yourself and keep hitting the gym. This forum is here to help you. In the mean time, do what makes you happy. If that also means meeting more women then by all means but if not, that's cool too. Point is, go enjoy yourself, thats what matters the most. You'll forget about her in no time and yes she'll come back eventually when she sees how well you're doing without her but you'll be stronger this time and you WON'T give her another shot.

& thanks for the reminder on why it's not a good idea to get back with an ex, been experiencing the apologies exactly like you described and we just have to open our eyes and realize that its horse shlt.

 

[MT93]

You'll get over it. Keep improving yourself and keep hitting the gym. This forum is here to help you. In the mean time, do what makes you happy. If that also means meeting more women then by all means but if not, that's cool too. Point is, go enjoy yourself, thats what matters the most. You'll forget about her in no time and yes she'll come back eventually when she sees how well you're doing without her but you'll be stronger this time and you WON'T give her another shot.

& thanks for the reminder on why it's not a good idea to get back with an ex, been experiencing the apologies exactly like you described and we just have to open our eyes and realize that its horse shlt.

Thanks man! you're welcome!

I intend to just do that man. I'm not sure how I feel about it right now in honesty, I'm hoping that given its the 2nd time it will be a lot easier to move past this.

Going to be difficult seeing her at work etc but that's part and parcel. I will never go down the colleague route again, sticky business.

I hope the loss doesn't get harder the next coming days. I think it is my ego and confidence hurting the most at the moment.

The harder I look, the more I realise she wasn't the one for me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks for the reply man, Agreed..

The negative far outweigh the positives when it comes to this chick, but for some reason I cant stop from getting the good times out of my mind, I really thought this was going to be it and this was the one i settle with.

I want to be able to be well past this and happy but feel its so far away at the moment, and as for how she is now, it looks as though she really doesn't give a f*ck

I wish I didn't understand the relationship "math", but I do now. Bytches try to get away with anything.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

easier

Thanks for the reply man, Agreed..

The negative far outweigh the positives when it comes to this chick, but for some reason I cant stop from getting the good times out of my mind, I really thought this was going to be it and this was the one i settle with.

I want to be able to be well past this and happy but feel its so far away at the moment, and as for how she is now, it looks as though she really doesn't give a f*ck

The best thing to do when your in this position is to leave the bytch alone and go get some puzzy . It really does help, reinvigorate your masculinity and gives you a proper frame to look at females.

 

[ohrein]

If you're going for LTR's you gotta filter for high interest from the get go. When she said the first time she wasn't ready, what she meant was she wasn't ready with you. That should have been the end of your interactions with her then and there. When she came back she was settling again and so the result was predictable. Don't invest yourself in women who aren't invested in you. If she's creating distance and stopping "milestones" then you need to view those actions for what they are, her telling you she's not sure about you and won't be progressing the relationship. Even then, women can sometimes turn on a dime anyway so your default should always be caution until you've seen months of predictable and repeated behavior.

I also think you've played your part in this as you've admitted you're an AFC. For now I'd focus on your mental game and internalizing how you view women. (Start with the Pook! ~ http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/be-a-man.16903/) As men we're raised and conditioned to believe our value comes from the women we can attain and that we're incomplete without them. It's the reason virgin is an insult. You need to unplug from this mindset and start viewing women as peripheral to your own life. Work on crafting a life you enjoy by yourself first, then add a woman to it who compliments it. I have a great girlfriend at the moment but if that changes, oh well. I have a great set of hobbies, friends and a career I love. While I do care about her and she does make my life better, she is not the center of it. This dynamic is important to protecting yourself and also to attracting women in the first place.

So, chalk this one up as a lesson learned, focus on your life for a bit, when you start dating again don't invest in women who aren't invested in you, make sure you view women as an addition to your life, not the center of it. And most importantly, don't settle for low quality women. If you're considering an LTR with a woman, your first thought should be, "does she have the qualities that make her worthy of dating me?", not "how do I get her to commit to me?"

 

[lizardking82]

she would always make excuses for meeting my family

You don't ask to meet her family. She is the one that tries to do these things progressively. Lesson number one.

saying how much she had made a mistake and because of her previous relationships and family issues etc etc she always pushes people away that are close to her and care for her, and that she was sorry and she missed me

In all what she told you, there was no analysing anything she did wrong. She just used cliche excuses like "oh, my previous relationships and my family" and the classic one of the cold b1tches "I always push people away bla bla". A person that comes back to you (especially when they left) is best left in the past. If you wanna consider it, at least have her tell what she realised she did wrong and what went wrong. She didn't analyze anything, she probably got turned down from a couple of guys she rated higher than you and is so scared to be alone she came running back to you, her second option, always there, waiting on the corner to take her back. Wake up.

Her response was "I don't know the reason I'm being the way I am, If i did i would tell you!"
"I'm just scared, I don't want to hurt you, I just don't think I'm ready for this right now"

This chick is troubled. You cannot and will not know for sure what is troubling her, but apparently she cannot solve or keep this trouble away from your relation and she doesn't even value as high value enough for her to protect this thing you got from her facked up problems. Let her be, she needs practically professional help from a psychologist. Or maybe she's just bullchitting you with traditional excuses.

I haven't blocked her as last time we broke up I did and I felt very petty and immature afterwards. She seems to be loving life with her Snapchat stories etc etc

This is the biggest thing that makes me realize you are a beta: you care what she thinks and how it looks to her. You say "it looks immature" man who the fack gives a damn how it looks. And there she is, making you constantly think about her by posting Snap stories like she's having a good time. Block her everywhere and move on with your life. Give no flying fack how this seems to her or how this seems in general.

In general, understand it will take you some time to get over feelings or sadness and sorrow about someone that is moving out of your life and that's OK. Do not force yourself to be happy. Life is made of sad and happy moments. Just like you love enjoying and cherishing the happy ones, learn to be OK and feel and go through the tough times, too. It will make you a better, stronger man. Relax and take up old hobbies that you might have stopped or go explore something you always wanted to explore as a hobby.

Report back in about a week or two.

Keep your head up.

 

[MT93]

You don't ask to meet her family. She is the one that tries to do these things progressively. Lesson number one.



In all what she told you, there was no analysing anything she did wrong. She just used cliche excuses like "oh, my previous relationships and my family" and the classic one of the cold b1tches "I always push people away bla bla". A person that comes back to you (especially when they left) is best left in the past. If you wanna consider it, at least have her tell what she realised she did wrong and what went wrong. She didn't analyze anything, she probably got turned down from a couple of guys she rated higher than you and is so scared to be alone she came running back to you, her second option, always there, waiting on the corner to take her back. Wake up.



This chick is troubled. You cannot and will not know for sure what is troubling her, but apparently she cannot solve or keep this trouble away from your relation and she doesn't even value as high value enough for her to protect this thing you got from her facked up problems. Let her be, she needs practically professional help from a psychologist. Or maybe she's just bullchitting you with traditional excuses.



This is the biggest thing that makes me realize you are a beta: you care what she thinks and how it looks to her. You say "it looks immature" man who the fack gives a damn how it looks. And there she is, making you constantly think about her by posting Snap stories like she's having a good time. Block her everywhere and move on with your life. Give no flying fack how this seems to her or how this seems in general.

In general, understand it will take you some time to get over feelings or sadness and sorrow about someone that is moving out of your life and that's OK. Do not force yourself to be happy. Life is made of sad and happy moments. Just like you love enjoying and cherishing the happy ones, learn to be OK and feel and go through the tough times, too. It will make you a better, stronger man. Relax and take up old hobbies that you might have stopped or go explore something you always wanted to explore as a hobby.

Report back in about a week or two.

Keep your head up.

Great post man, thank you.

Yeah, the proof is in the pudding. With regards to me being the back up option because the other guys didn't want her, it kinda makes total sense.

Just the other day she said "I've never had anyone treat me like this, I've never had someone wait for me and stick around for me before"

I remember picking her up when she was drunk and she said "I am so lucky, its usually the woman doing this sort of stuff for the man, what did i do to deserve you? how did i get so lucky" I never felt as beta in my life. And like I said, alarm bells rang majority of the time.

That kind of says it all really lol, I look back now and there were numerous red flags, but again, I did play my part by displaying my insecurities with her and that ultimately contributed to the failure of the RS, it was purely just a major cause of oneitis imho..

I know this is true, I was never 100% satisfied, I was always worried or treading on eggshells around her, she could be very very moody and rarely would I feel like she was truly invested in me, and that's the sad part of it.

My main battle now will be running into her at work, that's going to be the challenge.

But yeah, totally agree with all you guys, I do appreciate the advice, I think she does have a lot of underlying issues, confidence, personality traits, people have always said they dont trust her and I can do better because shes a moody b*tch, its just more that now my ego has been bruised a little so I feel knocked.

Thanks guys, excellent advice as I guessed it would be
Mike

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Great post man, thank you.

Yeah, the proof is in the pudding. With regards to me being the back up option because the other guys didn't want her, it kinda makes total sense.

Just the other day she said "I've never had anyone treat me like this, I've never had someone wait for me and stick around for me before"

I remember picking her up when she was drunk and she said "I am so lucky, its usually the woman doing this sort of stuff for the man, what did i do to deserve you? how did i get so lucky" I never felt as beta in my life. And like I said, alarm bells rang majority of the time.

That kind of says it all really lol, I look back now and there were numerous red flags, but again, I did play my part by displaying my insecurities with her and that ultimately contributed to the failure of the RS, it was purely just a major cause of oneitis imho..

I know this is true, I was never 100% satisfied, I was always worried or treading on eggshells around her, she could be very very moody and rarely would I feel like she was truly invested in me, and that's the sad part of it.

My main battle now will be running into her at work, that's going to be the challenge.

But yeah, totally agree with all you guys, I do appreciate the advice, I think she does have a lot of underlying issues, confidence, personality traits, people have always said they dont trust her and I can do better because shes a moody b*tch, its just more that now my ego has been bruised a little so I feel knocked.

Thanks guys, excellent advice as I guessed it would be
Mike

Get back in the saddle start watching AMS ( Alpha Male Strategies ) on YouTube.

We should never allow ourselves to be an option or jerked around by females .

 

[BeExcellent]

As @ohrein noted this woman did not have high interest in you...but you chose not to see that.

Interest level is everything. All the time. At the beginning and throughout a relationship.

High interest is the key. Learn to recognize it. If a woman doesn't have high interest and dates you regardless? She is using you. And you are allowing yourself to be used.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

As @ohrein noted this woman did not have high interest in you...but you chose not to see that.

Interest level is everything. All the time. At the beginning and throughout a relationship.

High interest is the key. Learn to recognize it. If a woman doesn't have high interest and dates you regardless? She is using you. And you are allowing yourself to be used.

So simple . It always was simple. Interest rules. She must invest heavily into you to be worth it . Man usually has an error in his thinking that he thinks his strong feeling are matched by herself. That he can treat her better than the others . It had nothing to do with that . It was about attraction.

 

[Glassguy]

Lots of good points being made on this thread. I will add that her fvcking her ex shows that her continued interest in him played a big role of the first break up. Her fvcking him was like cheating on you but in her eyes it was ok because she threw you some shyte and pushed you away first to justify what she knew she was going to do.....which was fvck him.

This is why you never take back a cheater.

Her current actions tell me that he has again resurfaced or her interest has shifted into someone else. Nothing more.

Dont fall for her crumbs if she ever reaches out. This woman has red flag after red flag.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

The most important quality in a woman for a relationship is her character. And nothing better displays a good character than gratitude... gratitude for life in general... just to be alive, for the blue sky above... and your company. Without this attitude of gratitude, there will always be something missing, something wrong, always some reason to be miserable. But the reality is that what's wrong is the person.

Why is this a general problem with women? Because nothing typifies our culture more than it's 'poverty effect' - consumerism always tells us what we lack. People become black holes forever unsatisfied and needing to consume.

 

[HankHill]

Good advice and very similar to my story that I posted a few days ago.

 

[skinnyguy]

The most important quality in a woman for a relationship is her character. And nothing better displays a good character than gratitude... gratitude for life in general... just to be alive, for the blue sky above... and your company. Without this attitude of gratitude, there will always be something missing, something wrong, always some reason to be miserable. But the reality is that what's wrong is the person.

Why is this a general problem with women? Because nothing typifies our culture more than it's 'poverty effect' - consumerism always tells us what we lack. People become black holes forever unsatisfied and needing to consume.

Yeah I had a girl move in with me but I kicked her out cause she was so ungrateful and didn’t show any affection to me.

It’s really really tough to find a high quality female who is respectful and kind.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah I had a girl move in with me but I kicked her out cause she was so ungrateful and didn’t show any affection to me.

It’s really really tough to find a high quality female who is respectful and kind.

No . A "high quality" female would be great full and kind . A "hot" one will not.

 

[The Diver]

Interest level is everything. All the time. At the beginning and throughout a relationship.

High interest is the key. Learn to recognize it. If a woman doesn't have high interest and dates you regardless? She is using you. And you are allowing yourself to be used.

^This is gold

 

[The Diver]

I wear my heart on my sleeve and this time its really come back to bite me

And for the future, stop "wearing your heart on your sleeve", revile yourself gradually as the relationship progress, keep some mystery about yourself, let her wonder,,,