Relationship has dwindled and I need to regain that spark again

[guru1000]

There seems to be so many different rules and things to apply that I can't keep track of. What's wrong with being ourselves and feeling happy rather than think "what tactic shall I apply today?"

The fallacy in this statement is you are not really YOU. You (as you see yourself) are simply an amalgamation of social conditioning incited by media, education, and social contrivances--err constructs--and so the "you" you seem to want to remain loyal to is not the genuine YOU borne of free will and volition untainted by the machination of social constructs.

The social constructs to which you were indoctrinated to believe are true are not socially effective, and even worse, you believe these "truths" are truths to live and conduct yourself by. "Awakening" from the social matrix, is the first step of the process. And thus you are here. I want to congratulate you on that first step. The next step of the process is to unplug and embrace the cognitive dissonance you will now experience. The "unplug" may feel life shattering or foreign at first, but I can guarantee you that when all is said and done, you will be so glad you surrendered your previous faulty belief system and embraced the truth.

 

[Designer Man]

The fallacy in this statement is you are not really YOU. You (as you see yourself) are simply an amalgamation of social conditioning incited by media, education, and social contrivances--err constructs--and so the "you" you seem to want to remain loyal to is not the genuine YOU borne of free will and volition untainted by the machination of social constructs.

The social constructs to which you were indoctrinated to believe are true are not socially effective, and even worse, you believe these "truths" are truths to live and conduct yourself by. "Awakening" from the social matrix, is the first step of the process. And thus you are here. I want to congratulate you on that first step. The next step of the process is to unplug and embrace the cognitive dissonance you will now experience. The "unplug" may feel life shattering or foreign at first, but I can guarantee you that when all is said and done, you will be so glad you surrendered your previous faulty belief system and embraced the truth.

Mate no offence but I have no idea of what any of that means

 

[guru1000]

Read slower. Use a dictionary. You can do it

 

[Designer Man]

So guys I have an update and I think this is the final nail.

Been with her tonight, we went shopping and then I cooked dinner. Stayed with her for an hour afterwards then came home. She is child free on Friday night so I asked if she wanted to see me but she said she is busy picking her parents up from the airport at 19:30. Then ironing at 20:00 and getting a shower before going to bed about 22:00.

I told her it's fine and that I am not a priority in her life and I am now debating to walk away for good.

 

[jaygreenb]

So guys I have an update and I think this is the final nail.

Been with her tonight, we went shopping and then I cooked dinner. Stayed with her for an hour afterwards then came home. She is child free on Friday night so I asked if she wanted to see me but she said she is busy picking her parents up from the airport at 19:30. Then ironing at 20:00 and getting a shower before going to bed about 22:00.

I told her it's fine and that I am not a priority in her life and I am now debating to walk away for good.

I realize you will probably need to learn this lesson on your own, we all did at some point too, but only way to do this is like the others said is walk away. The only slim shot of this working at all is you taking considerable time away and working on yourself, you literally will need to be away for a few months and become a completely different person. What most likely will happen is you will continue making a ton of mistakes and adding more pain into your life. That's ok though, sometimes you need to go through it so it becomes so uncomfortable all you can do is grow and change.

 

[Murk]

Grieve this loss, then move on. You're only 33 the world is your oyster, start your own family.

 

[The Diver]

Then ironing at 20:00

Ironing??? Lmao,,,, never heard that excuse before, but have to give her the a credit for being original , Lol,,,,,,

 

[ohrein]

So guys I have an update and I think this is the final nail.

Been with her tonight, we went shopping and then I cooked dinner. Stayed with her for an hour afterwards then came home. She is child free on Friday night so I asked if she wanted to see me but she said she is busy picking her parents up from the airport at 19:30. Then ironing at 20:00 and getting a shower before going to bed about 22:00.

I told her it's fine and that I am not a priority in her life and I am now debating to walk away for good.

She ditched you on a night away from the kid to do ironing and you're only debating walking away? Jesus Christ man, listen to yourself! You're 33! Should be in the prime of your life! I'm almost your age and while I do have a girlfriend, I'm focusing on my life, my health, my fitness, my friends, my career, my hobbies! It's time, my friend. You must read The Rational Male and start working on your life now.

The ironing... Jesus... If I heard an excuse like that from a girl I was seeing I would immediately go no contact forever without a second thought.

 

[Murk]

Not just a girl but a girl he has been seeing for 3 years... the ironing...

 

[Desdinova]

she is busy picking her parents up from the airport at 19:30. Then ironing at 20:00 and getting a shower before going to bed about 22:00.

She's probably ironing some other guy's groin with her pvssy. Don't fool yourself, this chick will be on the c0ck carousel for life.

 

[skinnyguy]

Dump this old hag and date a 21 year old

 

[logicallefty]

OP, welcome to SoSuave. Glad you joined. There are some great replies in here so I can't add too much. Just one thing. You mentioned not liking living alone and getting up to an empty room and house. I promise you, THAT gets easier. Both in time from this woman and later when you part ways with other women. The second one will be much easier than the first, and so on! I have lived with 4 x women in my life. OK 5 x women if you count the one I booted to the cub after just two weeks. I normally don't count her but I probably should. The first woman, my ex wife, left me and the empty house just crushed me. But my this last one that I parted ways with in 2017, the only thoughts I had in the bedroom were sleeping better than I had in months because I had the bed to myself. Hang in there man, you will get through this. I wish I had better news for you but these guys have spilled it. The writing is on the wall. you need to let this woman go.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

So guys I have an update and I think this is the final nail.

Been with her tonight, we went shopping and then I cooked dinner. Stayed with her for an hour afterwards then came home. She is child free on Friday night so I asked if she wanted to see me but she said she is busy picking her parents up from the airport at 19:30. Then ironing at 20:00 and getting a shower before going to bed about 22:00.

I told her it's fine and that I am not a priority in her life and I am now debating to walk away for good.

Keep us posted on your decision.

-Augustus-

 

[Spaz]

Ironing??? Lmao,,,, never heard that excuse before, but have to give her the a credit for being original , Lol,,,,,,

Don't forget that's after he helped her with shopping and after he cooked dinner for her.

Then she gave the excuse of Ironing...

And now he's "debating"...now this part is what doesn't make sense.

 

[Designer Man]

Started to read the Rational Male book and feel a bit confused as the author refers to a kid named Corey Washington and titles him the epitome of alpha. I watched him on YouTube and to me he is a kid with a terrible attitude who seems to lack social skills. How is he alpha and attractive?

The next chapter talks about women want a man with good genes who can provide a child and be a good Dad. For the last 2 years I have looked after and had a positive influence on my partners child and all this has resulted in is her not wanting to live with me.

She did want to try for a baby but she thinks she is too old and I was quite hesitant as she is a heavy smoker (approx 20 a day) and would smoke during pregnancy as she did during her pregnancy with her child.

She asked me to come round this evening. I will await her text to ask me again.

 

[Designer Man]

Ok so just seen her and asked her why she hadn't replied to my text earlier and she said she had been busy. I then spoke about Friday night and wondered why she didn't want to see me. I accused her of meeting other men and said if that's what you want then I will leave. She told me to stop being stupid but her coldness and distance to me has made me paranoid. Her texts to me are always short. It had the vibes when you get that feeling when you know it has to end. These last few days have been tough.

I gave her a kiss and a hug and swiftly left. Now it's up to me to be strong and not show any weakness.

 

[JayAce]

Yeah, it’s past time to cut this one loose.

You’re at the point where you have to save what dignity you have left.

You’re dealing with an older single mom who also smokes 20 cigs a day? C’mon man.

I know you guys have history. And I know it can be hard to move on. Trust me - I know. It can hurt like hell. But if you do move on now... your future self will thank you months or years down the line. Just taking the leap here now is the tough part. This woman isn’t good for you.

 

[Designer Man]

Yeah, it’s past time to cut this one loose.

You’re at the point where you have to save what dignity you have left.

You’re dealing with an older single mom who also smokes 20 cigs a day? C’mon man.

I know you guys have history. And I know it can be hard to move on. Trust me - I know. It can hurt like hell. But if you do move on now... your future self will thank you months or years down the line. Just taking the leap here now is the tough part. This woman isn’t good for you.

I wished her well for the future and walked out, sent a few texts as well but she hasn't replied to them. She is either that hard or she isn't taking me serious.

I don't want it to be over I do love her but lately I'm spending more time feeling unhappy and would rather grieve her and let her go than feel unhappy for the rest of my life.

 

[JayAce]

I wished her well for the future and walked out, sent a few texts as well but she hasn't replied to them. She is either that hard or she isn't taking me serious.

I don't want it to be over I do love her but lately I'm spending more time feeling unhappy and would rather grieve her and let her go than feel unhappy for the rest of my life.

Try and not to send any more texts now. You have to get in the mindframe that you’re the catch. And on the outside looking in - you are the catch in this situation. Despite some of the needy things you’ve said, etc. Realize that you’re the catch and keep telling yourself that

She could be playing tough or she may just not be interested anymore/taking you serious... that’s not your concern anymore. It’s her loss either way. She’s an older single mom who smokes 20 cigs a day... imo that’s 3 red flags right there alone.

You deserve a higher quality woman, my friend. I still think you need to work quite a bit on trying to not be so needy, but honestly practice makes you better as long as you improve on it

 

[Murk]

You win.