1 Date and then.. *Need help*

[Jareamee]

Hey everyone!

So I have a bit of a puzzle right now. Last Tuesday, I (29) had a great date with this woman (31). The date went really well. Initially we had planned for a walk along the seawall and then to go get ice cream. During the walk there was a bit of touching and laughing. We discovered we had a huge amount in common, from habits to perspective. The conversation was good. During the walk she even says ‘I like being with you, you’re really easy to talk to.’

As we were approaching the busy streets again, she suggested we go grab a drink instead; I agree and we recalculate our evening. I took the lead and made a choice of bar. During the drinks she had originally wanted to sit normal across from each other (like everyone does), however I go to the washroom and return only to sit next to her which is always a solid move so you’re able to touch; we have engaging conversation throughout, touch, and is overall ideal what one want on a first encounter. Lots of IOI’s.

After the bar I walk her to the bus stop she was needing to go to. I hug her then kiss her and it’s great, we chat a bit after both smiling and buzzing, then I kiss her again for a slight make out; parting ways there after.

Right after the date she messages me she had a great time and it was nice to meet me. I respond and say I had a good time.
The next day around noon she messages me again and asks how my day is. I respond and we send about 4 texts each. Within this conversation I ask her to ‘join me’ to the art gallery next Tuesday and she enthusiastically accepts.
Over the weekend she had gone away for the long weekend. The morning of her departure she messages me that she needed a new book and also sends me a picture. (We’re both big readers). I respond about the book and also with no questions, and let the conversation conclude, not reaching out while she’s away, as I want to give her space and let her do her thing.

Tuesday rolls around (2nd date night) and around 1pm she messages me: “Hey, unfortunately I have to cancel for tonight. I am sick and have a fever.. I would love to reschedule for next week if that's okay..”
Then I respond : “Sure, no problem. Feel better” and in return she says “Thanks ”

So now here we are. Almost one full week later and I have not heard a single word from her. Everything that I have been in control of seems like i did perfect (I think). All the IOI’s were there and she was clearly interested afterwards. And I made a plan and escalated well towards the second date
While not being needy over text.
It doesn’t SEEM like a blow off because she suggested she would LOVE to reschedule, however she didnt propose a new specific date or hadn’t kept the small talk up. And I also don’t have an evening planned with her yet.

I figured I would give it until Wednesday to reach out. However, this I’m apprehensive about. Because I don’t want to pursue a woman who doesn’t have TRUE DESIRE for me. Because we all know when women want to see a man; THEY MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS. And she’s not really doing anything now..

Did I get blown off?
Should I contact her, did I miss this opportunity?
What is this?

Thouhts and perspectives are appreciated. It’s a tad long winded, I know. Wanted to give a fairly detailed account so I can get a better answer(s).

Thanks gentlemen!

 

[Roober]

Try to setup a date and you will have your answer.

Not sure going ghost for a week when she is not feeling well is the best answer, but it is what it is now....

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Hi Jareamee. To me, you did everything right and very smooth! Maybe the only thing I would suggest is that when she said she'd love to schedule for next week, you could have responded saying, "Ok, let's do _____ on Thursday. I'll pick you up at 7pm" or something like that. It forces her to take action, which is critical. She's either going to make an excuse about not knowing her schedule yet or something like that, or she's going to accept the date. Of course, if she accepts, she may cancel again, but if she does that, there you have it - you know where you stand. Same goes for if she doesn't lock that second date in.

If you think she's worth it, I'd suggest reaching out today since it's been a full week. Ask her if she's feeling better. If she responds, tell her you'd like to take her to X place at Y time. You'll know exactly what to do from there.

If it doesn't work out, I wouldn't worry about you having done something wrong. A lot of women spin multiple plates too and go on dates with a lot of guys so they have a lot of back-up options. Had this happen to me recently. I did everything right but this girl ended up being able to lock-down (at least for now) a guy who looks like the stereotypical captain of the football team with tons of social standing. I got the sense from some FB posts and other bits and pieces I put together that she was pursing him and he was keeping her at arms length (smart dude). I was the backup plan in case she wasn't able to land him. Could have been this girl you were talking to was doing something similar and that trip she took was with a guy she was dating. Maybe the trip went really well and she's now wanting to focus on him. Maybe her ex came back.

Bottom line: It isn't always your fault and it sounds to me like your crushing it with your game so keep up the good work and move on to the next!!

 

[Jareamee]

Right. I could have responded with an alternative date for the following week or asked if she felt alright.
However, I felt by not doing those things it’s showing me her interest level, as the ball was in her court. As I would assume anyone who has high interest in another would do anything after bailing not to let it totally die. Because she is the one who had to back out of the plans, it’s more so her turn now to initiate plans. And by me going silent, she will have to show her desire level. And by the facts, her desire is non existent.

I will send a text in an hour or so, but I’m confused why she would go silent after showing lots of interest. And I also feel a touch beta by now reaching out after she was the one who ducked out on me.

Is it safe to say it’s usually BS excuse when a girl says she sick’ on the day of the second date?

 

[marmel75]

Its not always you...maybe she was dating other people and in the mean time one of them ended up banging her before you did...

 

[MrWood]

its her, not you... solid game.. mby a full week is much... but you mentioned long weekend, you were runner up bro !
next... until shes drunk and calls you to come fvck her

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I will send a text in an hour or so, but I’m confused why she would go silent after showing lots of interest.

For all the reasons I gave in my post above. Girls can show high interest in multiple guys at the same time. This plays to your ego and makes you think you are special to them but you are not. Remember that girls are emotional creatures and their emotions and feelings change by the day, or even minute. I've had a girl say she loved me then dump me just days later after nothing bad happening! How they act toward you one day has no bearing or meaning toward how they feel the next day. You can only judge them on their actions, and it sounds like you already know this and are doing a good job of it. I understand it's confusing, but the sooner you stop trying to understand why girls do things, the better off you'll be. I could stand to listen to my own advice there.

And I also feel a touch beta by now reaching out after she was the one who ducked out on me.

Different people may have different opinions but if a girl cancels on me once due to "illness" and says she would love to get together next week, I personally don't feel that ONE follow-up after something like this constitutes chasing or being beta. If she left it more generic saying "some other time", or "rain check" then I wouldn't reach out again.

Is it safe to say it’s usually BS excuse when a girl says she sick’ on the day of the second date?

In my experience, 90-95% of the time yes it's BS. Some others say 100% of the time it's BS but I've cancelled a couple dates due to my being legitimately sick. Yeah, I usually give an alternate day but if you are truly sick and feeling like sh*t, scheduling dates is often the last thing on your mind. But all that said, it isn't a good sign, no.

 

[Murk]

I wouldn’t next her yet, there is still potential here, it’s weird she went cold but don’t rule her out just yet.

 

[Jareamee]

Okay, so I messaged her. This is our convo..

Me: “Hey, have you been feeling better?”

Her:”I feel much better then last week, but still have a cold. Seems to take forever! How are you?”

Me:”It’s Progress at least! I’d like to hear about your weekend expedition.. let’s get together Thursday evening”

Her:”You’re right, it is progress. Haha, (location), yes! I am in (location) for work all week though. And I’ll be skiing in (location) on the weekend. Sorry am quite busy. But I would love to see you again, so maybe we can plan something for the week after?”


She’s responded instantly on the first text then after an hour and a half on the second one.

I think she’s interested still..
Thinking about my response in messages...
Should I say..
“Sounds good” and initiate small talk?

Or

Drop it a bit, keep spinning my other plates and respond with..

“Sounds good. Let’s shoot for early next week. Let me know when you’re back from skiing”

Thoughts on my next play?

 

[guru1000]

I plan dates two weeks in advance quite often.

"Sure, let's meet Thursday, the 19th, at XYZ at 8 p.m."

If she sidesteps the offer, too much work for me, I would eject. There is certainly play here but you are not her highest priority. Shoot her the text and she how she responds.

 

[guru1000]

Okay, so I messaged her. This is our convo..

Me: “Hey, have you been feeling better?”

Her:”I feel much better then last week, but still have a cold. Seems to take forever! How are you?”

Me:”It’s Progress at least! I’d like to hear about your weekend expedition.. let’s get together Thursday evening”

Also, I would encourage you to streamline the process next time and get to the point.

Your two texts can be written as one:

"Hey, hope you are feeling better! I'd like to meet for a drink one night this week, are you free Thursday night"

You show propriety for her "sickness," and remain direct with your intent by getting to the point which she already knows was the only purpose of the text.

No need to guard words, play pretenses, or contrive. Always stay direct with your intent and succinct with your words. She either complies or loses you.

 

[Mazer]

I personally wouldnt bother messaging her back. Sounds like lukewarm interest. Tell her to reach out to you the following week. Put the ball in her court, if she does, great, if she doesnt, you have your answer.

Most of the time you want a chick who has high interest.

Chicks with high interest want to hang out, have great energy, fun to be around. Girls with lukewarm interest aren't too crazy about going out, they are picky when it comes to the place to meet and its usually because she has five other dudes she is seeing or an old ex she still isnt over, those have been my experiences.

 

[ohrein]

Sounds like you're not at the top of her list right now. Personally, I wouldn't settle for anything less than high interest. The number of girls I've hooked up with that were alpha widowed beyond belief just makes that risk not worth it. High interest means you're the priority and she'll be contacting you to hang out and if she's ever flaking, she'll be counter offering immediately.

You could keep playing this and if it falls through with the other guy she's chasing she'll come back to you, but is it worth it for the plate? That's up to you.

The last thing that confuses me is she said to plan for next week, but now she's away for work? Who goes away for work for a week and then skiing for a weekend without knowing the week before? Also she was sick but still had all those plans? Smells like bvllsh1t to me but whatever.

 

[Jareamee]

Sounds like you're not at the top of her list right now. Personally, I wouldn't settle for anything less than high interest. The number of girls I've hooked up with that were alpha widowed beyond belief just makes that risk not worth it. High interest means you're the priority and she'll be contacting you to hang out and if she's ever flaking, she'll be counter offering immediately.

You could keep playing this and if it falls through with the other guy she's chasing she'll come back to you, but is it worth it for the plate? That's up to you.

The last thing that confuses me is she said to plan for next week, but now she's away for work? Who goes away for work for a week and then skiing for a weekend without knowing the week before? Also she was sick but still had all those plans? Smells like bvllsh1t to me but whatever.

So for clarity... we went on a date on Thursday (March29), then on Friday (30th) there was a 4 day weekend and she went away. We had plans the Tuesday (April 3rd) after the weekend. She said she was sick and asked to reschedule for this current week. I hear no word until today (April 9th). Then when I reach out she said she was away for the week and weekend and wants to schedule next week.

I can acknowledge the lukewarm interest as she is not super communicative or definitive about dates and times. Which is frustrating and takes some of the wind out of my sails, naturally.
What gets me here is her words. She has used the words ‘love’ twice when talking to me in terms of seeing and getting together again. And does seem really receptive when I do reach out. She’s just not seemingly making a huge effort. Although she has been pretty ‘busy’ with being away and such. And in person everything seemed great. But I’m not here to dwell..

The most recent developments have been:

———
Me: “Sweet; enjoy the slopes! Reach out to me when you’re back and we will go from there“

Her: “Cool, I will! Thanks!”
———-

So I left the ball in her court and will see what becomes of that, next week. I’m pretty confused. Seems like a little bit of guesswork, which is not a great sign, but if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t be so agreeable, open to communication and notifying me of what she’s actually doing, or be using the words such as love to me see..

...Hmmmm....

 

[ohrein]

She has used the words ‘love’ twice when talking to me in terms of seeing and getting together again. And does seem really receptive when I do reach out. She’s just not seemingly making a huge effort.

Here is a golden rule with women (and men to a degree too). Actions speak louder than words. Never, ever, doubt this for a second.

You can tell even though she's saying these things to you that something isn't right. That's your cognitive dissonance. You think you should trust her at face value, that what she is saying is true, yet you also realise that she is not acting appropriately to make those words true.

There are quite a few things around here that 99.9% of members on here won't disagree with and this is one of them. What a woman says is often meaningless.

 

[Toddz]

You're playing your cards right bro. The guessing game sucks, but this is what dating in 2018 is....

This is why it's critical to be spinning plates and chatting up a few other girls and not hung up on any one of them.

See if she hits you up next week when she gets back (and it's good that you left responsibility on her).

If she does, great. If she doesn't, then you'll know your answer and won't waste anymore of your time wondering.

 

[SuckItUp]

Women who are into you will not confuse you.

Avoid trying to parse everything a woman says.

It gets back to how much interest is she showing through her actions not her words.

Talk is cheap. Most women cannot be straightforward when it comes to telling a guy they’re not interested.

In this case the girl appeared to be interested, but something to change her mind.

Women who are interested will almost never tell you that they are “really busy/busy” because it is code for not interested. The exception is if a woman is playing hard to get because she’s afraid she’ll lose you, which isn’t happening here.

 

[guru1000]

Her IL was not high, but it was not low, otherwise she would not have responded nor counter-offered for the following week.

She's not likely to follow up with you the following week as her IL is not high enough to begin with, unless she uses you as a fallback. Next time, be specific with a day and time in your counter. She will either agree or skate. Therein you will have your answer.

Silence and distance is inapplicable here as you don't have enough pull with her. You seem a bit butt hurt. Don't be. You barely know her and didn't pull her emotional triggers and build a strong enough rapport with her on the first date to have her pulsing. Learn and enjoy the "game," practice, and these dates will soon be like taking candy from a baby.

 

[EroticWriter]

Okay, so I messaged her. This is our convo..

Me: “Hey, have you been feeling better?”

Her:”I feel much better then last week, but still have a cold. Seems to take forever! How are you?”

Me:”It’s Progress at least! I’d like to hear about your weekend expedition.. let’s get together Thursday evening”

Her:”You’re right, it is progress. Haha, (location), yes! I am in (location) for work all week though. And I’ll be skiing in (location) on the weekend. Sorry am quite busy. But I would love to see you again, so maybe we can plan something for the week after?”


She’s responded instantly on the first text then after an hour and a half on the second one.

I think she’s interested still..
Thinking about my response in messages...
Should I say..
“Sounds good” and initiate small talk?

Or

Drop it a bit, keep spinning my other plates and respond with..

“Sounds good. Let’s shoot for early next week. Let me know when you’re back from skiing”

Thoughts on my next play?

Listen carefully, she's gaming you as well. Women do that when they want to increase their value in your mind compare to their actual worth.
When she said she'll be doing this and that to a guy that's showing interest in her, and in your case you had a solid 1st date with her, that's game. And this girl probably reads dating tips on how to game men.

It means she's interested. I don't see her flaking. It's more of a woman's heart protection program.

That's why the impression you left on your first date with her is important. Create sexual tension like touching, kissing, hugging, slight rubbing of her side boobs with your upper arm as you walk right next to her holding hands and having fun. Touching her thighs, rubbing her legs and thighs as you sit very close next to her. Do this and make it natural and not some creepy, nervous dude. Women loves this especially if you do this right.

Whisper in her ears whatever things you'd like to say to her. Whisper it like you're fvcking her with words.

 

[Stallionstud]

I asked a girl I just met last week and banged, when her next day off was.
She hand texted out her entire work schedule and told me what days she was busy but would have free nights. I was like wow sh!t. It is such a relief dealing with a high interest girl.