How to proceed after failed kiss and shared trauma?

[The Accountant]

Well, I can say that this was a wild ride, pun intended. Went out to get ice cream with a girl who's had high interest in me for a while, and who left her relationship a few weeks ago. Her relationship was on the rocks for a while, and at one point while they were together she told me she was in love with me.

We go out for ice cream, have a good time, then go to my house. I give her the tour, she meets my dog who she falls in love with, and we have an amazing time just playing with my dog. She's laughing and smiling big the entire time, I do some light kino to warm her up and then go for a kiss. I went for the hand on the cheek, but she doesn't turn and says "what are you doing?" And like the dumbass I am I said "kissing you, is that okay?" (yeah I know). She said no, pulled my hands off her face, claimed she's still upset over her ex. I didn't really care tbh, said don't worry about it and we went on like nothing had happened.

Eventually I start to drive her back to her car, but we decide to take a detour through some back roads and wreck. Real bad. Car rolled twice, we are both lucky to have gotten away with just scrapes and bruises. I dragged her out of that car, holy sh1t that was an experience. First crash for both of us. I embraced her while she cried and then called the cops. Once we knew we were fine, we were both smiling and laughing just as much as before while we're standing in the rain under an umbrella together. It went as far as for her to say that it was even fun, although never to be done again ofc. After the cop came and we had talked to them for a while, he ofc asked how long we'd been together. She was the one to say "actually, we're just friends."

Over the next few days she messaged me asking if I was alright, and said something about how we were just meant to live. Like destiny or whatever little girls dream of. I haven't really talked to her besides checking if she's still doing ok after the crash. Ever since the crash she's been very warm, it was like a switch. I went from being a huge flirt and interest to being someone close to her.

I just don't know what to do now. Things are way too tied in this web, and I almost want to just walk out. Especially after the rejected kiss. I'm not friend zoned, our relationship has always been touchy and sexual. Should I setup another date and go for it once again? Should I go NC and let her? Crash was Friday. Thanks. This has all been a dizzying experience for me.

 

[marmel75]

There needs to be an automatic reply that says "stop worrying about her and date multiple other women". This is always the answe to these questions

 

[The Accountant]

There needs to be an automatic reply that says "stop worrying about her and date multiple other women". This is always the answe to these questions

Yeah, well I tend to agree but I don't want to give up after one small rejection. I'm ok with sinking in the extra hour it takes to go for it once more.

 

[Billtx49]

She’s only a few weeks out, rejected a kiss, and said you were just friends. Doesn’t get much plainer than that. She’s currently using you as a fun space filler and she’s not ready for more, that’s all it is…

 

[dude99]

Well, I can say that this was a wild ride, pun intended. Went out to get ice cream with a girl who's had high interest in me for a while, and who left her relationship a few weeks ago. Her relationship was on the rocks for a while, and at one point while they were together she told me she was in love with me.

We go out for ice cream, have a good time, then go to my house. I give her the tour, she meets my dog who she falls in love with, and we have an amazing time just playing with my dog. She's laughing and smiling big the entire time, I do some light kino to warm her up and then go for a kiss. I went for the hand on the cheek, but she doesn't turn and says "what are you doing?" And like the dumbass I am I said "kissing you, is that okay?" (yeah I know). She said no, pulled my hands off her face, claimed she's still upset over her ex. I didn't really care tbh, said don't worry about it and we went on like nothing had happened.

Eventually I start to drive her back to her car, but we decide to take a detour through some back roads and wreck. Real bad. Car rolled twice, we are both lucky to have gotten away with just scrapes and bruises. I dragged her out of that car, holy sh1t that was an experience. First crash for both of us. I embraced her while she cried and then called the cops. Once we knew we were fine, we were both smiling and laughing just as much as before while we're standing in the rain under an umbrella together. It went as far as for her to say that it was even fun, although never to be done again ofc. After the cop came and we had talked to them for a while, he ofc asked how long we'd been together. She was the one to say "actually, we're just friends."

Over the next few days she messaged me asking if I was alright, and said something about how we were just meant to live. Like destiny or whatever little girls dream of. I haven't really talked to her besides checking if she's still doing ok after the crash. Ever since the crash she's been very warm, it was like a switch. I went from being a huge flirt and interest to being someone close to her.

I just don't know what to do now. Things are way too tied in this web, and I almost want to just walk out. Especially after the rejected kiss. I'm not friend zoned, our relationship has always been touchy and sexual. Should I setup another date and go for it once again? Should I go NC and let her? Crash was Friday. Thanks. This has all been a dizzying experience for me.

You went for it. She rejected you with a lame excuse (still upset over her ex. You didnt really believe that did you? Girls branch swing all the time. They dont need to mourn an ex. She was rejectiing you. Not mourning.) She rejected you and wants you to be her guy pal. Her bud. The one that will drive her places. The one that will give her free meals every now and then. The guy pal who will help her move, and other menial tasks........and the one whos shoulder she will cry on when she needs to piss and moan about the men in her life.

What do you do next? Go date new women.

 

[The Accountant]

You went for it. She rejected you with a lame excuse (still upset over her ex. You didnt really believe that did you? Girls branch swing all the time. They dont need to mourn an ex. She was rejectiing you. Not mourning.) She rejected you and wants you to be her guy pal. Her bud. The one that will drive her places. The one that will give her free meals every now and then. The guy pal who will help her move, and other menial tasks........and the one whos shoulder she will cry on when she needs to piss and moan about the men in her life.

What do you do next? Go date new women.

Of course I didn't believe it lol, not that it changes what she wants, but I've never paid for anything for her, and have never become her emotional tampon.

 

[marmel75]

Yeah, well I tend to agree but I don't want to give up after one small rejection. I'm ok with sinking in the extra hour it takes to go for it once more.

It wasnt a small rejection it was her telling you I'm not interested in you sexually. She wants you to be her orbiter.

Find women who are and if something happens down the road with this chick then fine but its not worth thinking about or worrying about because its not likely going to happen.

 

[The Duke]

Accountant, its common for people to bond after experiencing dramatic/tragic situations together.

You need to act like a man and take what you want. Don't ask, that turns women off in a big way and you realize that. I think you might not have gotten shot down had you not asked to kiss her.

You don't have anything to really lose here. why not set up a date? Push for something more sechsual and be a man about it. If she doesn't get sechsual you will know for sure.

 

[JohnChops]

Lol you almost die and all you care about is if this girl will end up being your girlfriend ?! Consider yourself lucky, throw her away and move on. Why do people make this **** so complicated.

 

[Murk]

Even a near death experience didn't make her want you, the only way you are with this girl forever is if you totalled the car, no survivors.

 

[The Accountant]

Even a near death experience didn't make her want you, the only way you are with this girl forever is if you totalled the car, no survivors.

Haha, ouch. Either things changed or I've been reading wrong for a long time. She's always acted like she's super into me, and told me once. But when it comes time for things to be nailed down, I get the shoulder. Maybe it's something I did, idk. Sounds like I should walk away, it just seems like the pvssy thing to do after all this.

 

[RangerMIke]

@marmel75 is right you are thinking too much about this chick, you need to get your mind off her by dating other chicks. Chicks that just broke up with BFs, when she has not intentionally monkey branched to you, are really tough to crack. Don't be surprised if she goes back to him... that is a lot more likely than you closing with this chick.

 

[Murk]

The reason "spin plates and date multiple women" is a common response here is because it is 100% the right thing to do. This girl is your only option, she knows it, it's not a good look for you. She wants the guy who could potentially get another girl, a guy who other women want, a guy who other women see value in. When you have other options, subconsciously you stop acting beta. As a beta you don't even know you're doing it, it's like having bad breath and people are avoiding you but you don't have the self awareness to realise. It's a faux pas to only have one girl be your universe when trying to attract a women. Unless that women is low quality and grateful for the attention (not the kind of woman a real man should be going for) she will not want some guy who is being a needy cvnt, which you definitely were regardless what you think.

Getting other women attracted to you takes work, it's not easy, well not as easy as seeing the first girl to give you attention and latching on. That's what separates DJ's from the normal man. We will make it our mission to be attractive to many women, so getting the one we want is easy. We don't settle for the first chick that feigns interest. Basically you need to take the difficult option that leads to pvssy not the easy option that leads to stress and crying over sh!t like this, because honestly this thread/situation is nonsense. It's clutching at straws. So many threads here are clutching at straws, oh she looked at me and gave me her number now she said LJBF kind of BS. She is not interested in you or she would have let it be known by now. Save your self the embarrassment.

 

[RangerMIke]

Haha, ouch. Either things changed or I've been reading wrong for a long time. She's always acted like she's super into me, and told me once. But when it comes time for things to be nailed down, I get the shoulder. Maybe it's something I did, idk. Sounds like I should walk away, it just seems like the pvssy thing to do after all this.

There is no chemistry... pay attention to what she does not what she told you. She makes things hard when you try to nail things down, that is a better indication of how she feels about you than anything else. A chick that really likes you will not make things difficult and and she will not confuse you.

Don't blame yourself, you didn't do a fvcking thing... now you might be able to work out a FWB situation, but that's it. You can not have a fire without a spark. You can not create a fire out of nothing. That spark is chemistry, and she has to feel it or you are out.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

This is an excellent post because it illustrates more perfectly than anything I've seen before that you CANNOT generate interest in a woman when she doesn't start with any.

Car rolled twice, we are both lucky to have gotten away with just scrapes and bruises. I dragged her out of that car, holy sh1t that was an experience. First crash for both of us...after the cop came and we had talked to them for a while, he ofc asked how long we'd been together. She was the one to say "actually, we're just friends."

I must say I really laughed at this, sorry dude. You just pulled this woman out of a f*cking car wreck, a situation where you both literally could have ceased to exist. Then you comforted her while she cried, and then she tells the cop you're "actually just friends"?

Jesus, what a cold-as-ice, brutal burn...lmao...

Can you imagine a 2 hour action movie where the hero saves the girl from certain death, then he goes for a kiss and she says "Actually, we're just friends." - CUT TO POST MOVIE CREDITS. Hilarious, someone really ought to make it.

a girl who's had high interest in me for a while, and who left her relationship a few weeks ago.

1. She clearly doesn't have high interest, because this is CLASSIC "I'll get myself a Beta orbiter LOL" behaviour. I've been there before so many times before in the past.

She's denying you everything you want while you run around after her convincing yourself you're having a good time. Meanwhile ven pulling her out of a wrecked car is not sufficient to gain her affection FFS.

2. Any girl that leaves a relationship a few weeks ago is an absolutely insane prospect to date unless you are literally the guy she left the relationship for. Even if you were Brad Pitt she'd be slamming you with hard, cringey rejections. Again, I've been there and done it mate. She'll spend months f*cking randomers casually while acting irrational and insane and any existing male friends who make a move will get orbited and turned into servant eunuchs because she's not ready for an actual relationship yet.

Drop it and go with a girl who is actually interested.

 

[The Accountant]

There is no chemistry... pay attention to what she does not what she told you. She makes things hard when you try to nail things down, that is a better indication of how she feels about you than anything else. A chick that really likes you will not make things difficult and and she will not confuse you.

Don't blame yourself, you didn't do a fvcking thing... now you might be able to work out a FWB situation, but that's it. You can not have a fire without a spark. You can not create a fire out of nothing. That spark is chemistry, and she has to feel it or you are out.

If there wasn't chemistry then I don't know what chemistry is. Or it was an act. A long, well kept act. I mean, seriously. If there wasn't any, then I have never experienced it. I'm not denying that as a possibility, but I want to be sure of it before I write off my entire understanding of that.

 

[marmel75]

@marmel75 is right you are thinking too much about this chick, you need to get your mind off her by dating other chicks. Chicks that just broke up with BFs, when she has not intentionally monkey branched to you, are really tough to crack. Don't be surprised if she goes back to him... that is a lot more likely than you closing with this chick.

There needs to be a stickied thread of important first steps that new people should read that is much shorter than the DJ Bible that would answer a bunch of the repetitive answers...forgetting about a singular woman and starting to date multiple other women would be very high on that list

 

[The Accountant]

I must say I really laughed at this, sorry dude. You just pulled this woman out of a f*cking car wreck, a situation where you both literally could have ceased to exist. Then you comforted her while she cried, and then she tells the cop you're "actually just friends"?

Jesus, what a cold-as-ice, brutal burn...lmao...

Lol, I'm laughing too. Fvck if its that bad I don't even know where to start now. I've got to re think a lot. Only went for her because she's moving in a few months and decided I'd have fun with her before moving to anything serious with someone else. She's not ltr material. So I don't really care.

 

[The Accountant]

There needs to be a stickied thread of important first steps that new people should read that is much shorter than the DJ Bible that would answer a bunch of the repetitive answers...forgetting about a singular woman and starting to date multiple other women would be very high on that list

I mean, I've read half of the DJ Bible. I guess I'm breaking the rules too much.

 

[The Accountant]

Well what ia your definition of chemistry? It sounds like you feel it but she doesn't, and you display that in your original post talking about the "amazing time" you had together.

Don't take this the wrong way bro, but you are way into her, she knows it, you likely have oneitis, and she thibks she can do better.

IDK what I'm doing so feel free to rip on me as much as you want.

The way she looks at me, and the way she laughs when showing me something. For a long time I didn't give two sh1ts about her. I usually hold eye contact when talking to people out of habit, so I'd be talking to her and she'd look at me with wide but innocent eyes. I don't really know how to describe it. Then we'd stop talking and just stare for a second before laughing or something. That went on for a while. Then recently she started looking down after I'd say something and smiling. Standing in front of me kind of swaying while she clutches her books. Us laughing a lot together, but not in a careless way. Pretty much anytime we have a good time together, it ends with lots of eye contact. Her teasing me by taking something of mine and poking me with it, then me not holding back in doing anything to get it back.

Like I said, for a long time I wasn't too responsive and pretty much NEXTd her since she was taken. I was always focused on other girls. But maybe a month ago I stopped holding back.