I’m not nice enough

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

his suggestion is great and something i advocate alot as well for deeper rapport, but a better question is why havent you taken this girl out yet? i bet youre missing some glowing neon signs that are telling you to ask her out and you havent

Because then I’d be seeing her too much. She’s still in high school (she’s 18 btw) and high school kids don’t really ‘date’ in the formal sense like how you would with a woman in her 20s.

The rules are different when you’re young. All the intimacy happens via daily endeavors rather than actually looking for it; it basically just HAPPENS, it’s not planned at all. When your older, you date to get to know someone better. When you’re young like this it’s the opposite; you go out on ‘dates’ when you already know someone well enough. And they’re not even called ‘dates’ either, it’s just ‘hanging out’. The social rules are much different.

 

[devilkingx2]

No, you don’t get what I mean. I’m saying she was getting ready to have ‘fun’ with me, right? Well that does not mean that I was attaching myself to her. That’s the most rediculous thing I’ve ever heard. You’re basically saying that I’m getting oneitis for some random chick lol. That’s not the case at all. I’m mentally strong enough to handle any sort of romantic catastrophe with ease. The type that would cause most men to commit suicide is the type that I laugh at. Ask me how I know...

The reason why I said it feels bad isn’t because I’m hurt in any way, it’s more like ‘aww man, that could have been so much fun’, much in the same way that you might have thought about a ride closing down at an amusement park when you were little. That same feeling is what I had when I typed up that post. I’m not gonna die without it, it just would have made things a lot more fun and interesting. See what I mean?

Okay fam, just checking up and making sure you're not the kinda guy who goes "she won't do that to me because I'm different"

Oh well there's always the next one (look on the bright side, less drama )

 

[Bible_Belt]

She smiled and said “Hey ITDG”
Me: What’s up ‘Sarah’
Her: How are you?
Me: Honestly I feel like ****
Her: Well you look like it too

HA! That's not even roasting. It's a girl blatantly telling you she likes you. It's like in elementary school where you punch the person you have a crush on.

 

[devilkingx2]

HA! That's not even roasting. It's a girl blatantly telling you she likes you. It's like in elementary school where you punch the person you have a crush on.

how do you figure?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

HA! That's not even roasting. It's a girl blatantly telling you she likes you. It's like in elementary school where you punch the person you have a crush on.

No I know that, but now she doesn't anymore lol she got mad at me the other day again because of flawed dynamics on her end but before she would have laughed at it. Now she's just kinda being a b!tch lol: "don't talk to me anymore. No seriously next time you see me don't talk to me". I think that she is mad that she fell for me which is why she was so rude after. I kinda wonder how you can reignite attraction again though after a case like this. I don't think it's really possible, but that's just because I haven't heard of any cases like that working out after. We shall see.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

nothing different at all imo. im 33 and i dont EVER ask women if they wanna go on a "date". ALL relationships should progress, or you should make it FEEL like theyre progressing, in a natural way. its not in a new concept in seduction. its just overlooked. the word is serendipity. and theres certain ways to act/react specifically with a woman to generate this feeling for her, and like anything else in game, once you get good at it, it becomes natural and not something you make an active effort for at all

as far as seeing her too much, im confused. do you like her or not? you can see a girl literally everyday and still be a challenge,mysterious, fresh etc. its not like shes your gf or you live with her. thats just an excuse for you not to do something about it, sorry

I can tell that you haven’t dealt with young girls at all before. You have to understand that life for them moves much more quickly, hence why I said that there is a very short window of time (and also why the rules are different). I can see the difference in high school kids vs me even though we are the same age (I’m in my second year of college). What I can tell you is that they don’t have anything major that they’re focusing on, no duties or major life goals yet. And because of that, they’re just looking for the next exciting event to get up to. They get bored much more easily than older women, especially the white girls. Talk about a cliche, but it’s actually true.

And it’s not like I haven’t made things progress naturally. They were initially. It’s just that things moved a little too quick for me to catch onto (see: small window of time that I seem to **** up with) and I wasn’t able to see what she wanted. In other words, things needed to be JUST right. Plus, part of who I am is calling people out on stuff (albeit, in a light-hearted way), which is a kind of no-bull**** mentality a little. But she wanted to be put in place while still playing games rather than being called out on it.

Truthfully, I don’t really care all that much anymore. I just don’t want any of this to negatively impact me in any way. It’s not really that big a deal.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

pretty sure i was a teen at one point....

not 2 years ago i was steady sleeping with a 18 year old. theyre more immautre, yes but absolutely nothing was different other than i wasnt in a class room with her. thats what youre letting fvck with your head. nothing else.

you keep saying you dont care its not a big deal but it was big enough to make a thread and go back and forth with everyone pointing out your problem.

It’s not ‘letting it fvck with my head’, it’s about adapting and understanding the dynamics taking place. As for the thread, it’s just something that I noticed about me that I could potentially improve upon. It’s not like I need this one chick so badly or else I’ll die lmao. It’s more like “hmmm, I seem to notice a pattern in behavior with women when I am a certain way. I wonder what I’m doing wrong?”

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

no one said we thought you were desperate or anything like that and we all told you what the problem is but you insist its that the dynamic is somehow compromised because of her age or whatever else you said. other posters have told you the same thing and you got offended in some way. its none of that. you just failed to build any type of real rapport.

we can go back and forth all day

but one bigdave is enough

Such condescending female attitude. I'm not playing into your way of 'game'. I've never disagreed with anything here except when I was told that I was weaker than I actually am. At this point you pretty much turned this into an ego battle and make untrue claims like you've been doing. It's not quite 'offended', it's just annoyed. Yes, I failed to establish enough rapport, but that was BECAUSE of the reasons I've mentioned above (age, working within the wrong dynamics, small time frame, etc.)

Always like that with you guys here. You are all so petty. Go make someone else fit your mold of reality, because I'm not buying it.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

you really think i have anything to gain by debating with you? youre like 10 years my junior, probably more

if i didnt think you could benefit from my opinion i wouldnt have commented on your thread. you have insecurity issues tho, that much is clear.

you'll get over it tho....or not

Citing an age difference is based off insecurity. Saying that I do is peojection because you are yourself. The condescending attitude is weak just the same. Don’t call me insecure when I fire back a response after you insult me. That’s one of the most rediculous things ever.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

everythings gonna be alright

More condescending attitude. Like a girl. Ha.

 

[BeExcellent]

I’m great at busting balls, joking around, and coming up with great comebacks and whatnot, but I realize that once chicks start to like you, they want to progress forward a little bit. When this happens, you can't be as witty or sarcastic anymore because then they start taking your words more seriously and it will actually start to hurt their feelings.

ITDG, been watching this thread a bit. Here's my 2 cents FWIW. Anytime you are interacting with another person, especially someone you have attraction for, you must be aware of how what you say is perceived. Is that fair? Not really. If you "neg" for example you must realize that you risk insulting the other person's vanity. It's not like hanging out with your guy pals giving each other crap and having a d1ck measuring contest in jest where all y'all know everyone is kidding and it's all good.

If a girl likes you (especially a young girl) she is going to be concerned with her OWN insecurities and neuroses. Most women will fixate to a degree on the "neg" or the unflattering thing you said and create a whole narrative as to your intent (which may be entirely incorrect, by the way), and then her assumptions about your intent are actually what sinks you.

That is my read on what happened here. She heard the actual words that you said:

Some chick who actually looks pretty without makeup (GASP!) even out some on today because she knew I’d be there. Well I mentioned that and she took it as me making fun of her

You come across as an ass hole here. Who says that? (This is likely what she is thinking.)

You must exercise extreme caution in banter about someone's looks or other innate characteristics they cannot change easily, especially very young (and typically very insecure) women. Kind of like men here who worry about being too short, too skinny, too bald or balding etc. Think about if someone was to say to a man who had lost his hair "You are really sexy...for a bald guy." If a statement like that gets made to a bald guy, he's going to hear the INADEQUACY part of that thought (...for a bald guy) because he has probably spent undue time worried about going bald and how that is going to adversely affect him with women for example. If you play upon someone's insecurity (vanity) you get the hamster spinning and NOT in a good way. So you are better off avoiding commentary about someone's appearance as it relates to things they cannot change (like height...or in the case you mentioned, what she looks like without makeup.)

Banter about clothing, music taste, less permanent items is less insulting, but you have to be careful there too. It's about nuance and social calibration. My suggestion is that you need to cultivate greater empathy for the other person and think about how they are going to hear what you are saying as opposed to thinking your perception/intention as harmless is accurate for everyone else. It isn't. Learning that other people don't perceive things the same way you do...nor do they perceive them as you INTEND for them to is part of becoming calibrated in this way. Until you "get it" a little better, I'd advise avoiding these types of comments. You obviously put this girl off, and you are probably off putting to others as well. Not meaning to grind at you here, but you seem to realize it IS something you are doing by your OP.

I do not tease my boyfriend about the fact that his hallmark head of gorgeous hair is actually thinning across the back of his crown, I do not tease him about the fact that his knees are in pain so much he cannot dance salsa all night (even though he is an excellent latin dancer), and I do not tease him about his substantial snoring (for which he is considering surgery as weight loss and CPAP have not helped it). These are things he cannot help easily and there is not need to make him feel any worse about these things than he already does.

You don't need to pander to be positive. People want positive folks in their lives. Negs and negativity and provocation of insecurity is far more counter productive than some here wish to acknowledge. Sure it can work if you are able to do it with a certain charm and warmth...but by your result that is not how you are coming across to girls.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You come across as an ass hole here. Who says that? (This is likely what she is thinking.)

No, what I actually told her was “Hey you’re wearing makeup today!” And because of we usually mess with each other coupled with her liking me (not anymore ), she took it as a negative and didn’t give me the chance to really respond back and say she looked pretty. Also, I wouldn’t say it that direct either. Whenever I compliment women, I insult them at the exact same time somehow so it’s not really perceived as ass kissing lol

You must exercise extreme caution in banter about someone's looks or other innate characteristics they cannot change easily, especially very young (and typically very insecure) women.

Yeah that’s true. I rarely forget but I guess I got too comfortable this time around. 3 things: never call a woman fat, ugly, or a b!tch/cvnt. I had to learn the HARD way to realize that haha

It's about nuance and social calibration. My suggestion is that you need to cultivate greater empathy for the other person

The problem is that SHE wasn’t calibrated enough this last time around because she was too caught up in her own head thinking about nonsense. Obviously I could have done BETTER, but I’d have had to play it PERFECTLY, and like I’ve previously said somewhere, part of my game is not playing it at all (i.e. calling out via sarcasm usually). Besides, I’m not perfect, no one really is, and so I’m bound to make a few mistakes at some point. Just learn from them.

Learning that other people don't perceive things the same way you do...nor do they perceive them as you INTEND for them to is part of becoming calibrated in this way.

It’s literally all in the mindset. You can tell someone to go **** themselves and that their mother’s a *****, and have them laugh about it with you IF you have a strong enough mindset. I’ve done this before (albeit, not THAT extreme )

Until you "get it" a little better, I'd advise avoiding these types of comments. You obviously put this girl off, and you are probably off putting to others as well. Not meaning to grind at you here, but you seem to realize it IS something you are doing by your OP.

Oh pshht get out of here hahaha. I ‘get it’ better than anyone else on this board does because it’s been something I’ve been working on for a long ass time. The thing that YOU don’t seem to get (or more likely have just forgotten tbh) is that all my posts explaining this situation don’t have a whole lot of examples of what ACTUALLY happened. If you’re talking about ‘it’ (lol) then you know just as well as I do that social situations are very contextual a lot of times. I’m not gonna go back and explain to you with explicit examples detailing every single event that occurred leading up to my ‘romantic demise’ with her, and I know that you don’t really expect me to either. Just understand that the main reason why I did some things that seem very questionable are because I have done them multiple times before on many different occasions and have gotten very positive responses from doing them (again, because I correctly understood the social situations I was in). The problems arose BECAUSE she started to like me more, TOO much in fact, and that she started to take my words to heart. That’s basically why I made this thread; because I thought to myself ‘why would this time be any different?’ See what I mean?

I do not tease my boyfriend about the fact that his hallmark head of gorgeous hair is actually thinning across the back of his crown, I do not tease him about the fact that his knees are in pain so much he cannot dance salsa all night (even though he is an excellent latin dancer), and I do not tease him about his substantial snoring (for which he is considering surgery as weight loss and CPAP have not helped it). These are things he cannot help easily and there is not need to make him feel any worse about these things than he already does.

Lmao I know this. I never ever really make fun of someone for something that’s not their fault unless they actually deserve it. My father made sure to pound that one into me....

You don't need to pander to be positive. People want positive folks in their lives. Negs and negativity and provocation of insecurity is far more counter productive than some here wish to acknowledge. Sure it can work if you are able to do it with a certain charm and warmth...but by your result that is not how you are coming across to girls.

I mean, within the same exact circle that the girl in question is in, is the same exact circle that this has worked on other girls with. This only added to me wondering why THIS time was any different.

 

[BeExcellent]

I mean, within the same exact circle that the girl in question is in, is the same exact circle that this has worked on other girls with. This only added to me wondering why THIS time was any different.

Easy answer to why this is different.

You have established yourself as a jerk within that social circle at this point. Your behavior is now a known quantity. Surely you understand that. So now your reputation (as a jerk) precedes you. The women in that social circle talk to each other. That is why this particular girl's response to you has continued to sour. Other girls in that group are telling her what an ass hat you are. She doesn't want to be seen in her social group as the idiot who gives the ass hole the time of day. Find a new group of girls to hit on. You're baked in this one.

The example that @MidnightCity gave you about the rookie QB who has early success but then is stymied by the opposing defensive coordinator once there's a little film is rather accurate here. The scouting reports the girls are giving each other are not favorable. That's why the change.

Maybe you'll benefit from what folks are saying to you in this thread, maybe you won't. Somebody else might so it's worth pointing out as its instructive.

Nice women who are worth actually dating aren't going to put up with petty put downs. I don't and never have. Women are smarter than you give them credit for and pick up on the insult (which you admit that what you said came across as an insult.) Nice women worth dating NEXT!! over ugly behavior like that. They have too many other options so of course you have to play it better. If you don't learn to play it better (more calibrated) you'll inadvertently filter for the trashier, lower self esteem women who do put up with jerk behavior...and then you'll be like any number of other dudes here wondering why the market is crap.

Look in the mirror. Water seeks its own level.

Edit: @marmel75 put forth the QB analogy. My apologies. I think the analogy is spot on.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You have established yourself as a jerk within that social circle at this point. Your behavior is now a known quantity. Surely you understand that. So now your reputation (as a jerk) precedes you.

Firstly, no. I’d be known to be funny before ANYTHING else with these peeps, so that’s just wrong. Part of the reason why I’m funny is because I tease. There just so happens to be some crossover.

So now your reputation (as a jerk) precedes you. The women in that social circle talk to each other.

They don’t. This I know for a fact lol. I’m not explaining how, but I know almost for certain that they don’t really talk to each other all that much aside from when me or the other guys are there haha.

Other girls in that group are telling her what an ass hat you are. She doesn't want to be seen in her social group as the idiot who gives the ass hole the time of day. Find a new group of girls to hit on. You're baked in this one.

So I mean, she already DID give me the time of day with all that clear playful hitting and stuff we did last week in front of the others. And I’ve had the same thing happen to me from other girls here too. Like I see that it bothers you how I can kinda be a guy towards a girl and have her fall for me and **** it up, but that doesn’t make me an ass. I know she probably does, because age has to have that cognitive dissonance, but it’s just not true. Everyone I talk to still really likes me so yeah.

The example that @MidnightCity gave you about the rookie QB who has early success but then is stymied by the opposing defensive coordinator once there's a little film is rather accurate here. The scouting reports the girls are giving each other are not favorable. That's why the change.

That’s not why the change, and marmel’s advice wasn’t really good tbh because it didn’t say anything. He just stated he problem in a different way. Didn’t provide any solutions. Even though me and MidnightCity went at it in this thread, I still really liked his first post because it explained it a whole lot better as well as what to actually do. LessThanSmooth’s was probably the best though so far.

Nice women who are worth actually dating aren't going to put up with petty put downs.

Lol yes they will. This is just false. ‘Nice’ women are still women at their core.

I don't and never have.

You likely have, but don’t rationalize it that way. That’s why all guys that girls have fallen for are jerks. Most of the time they’re actually pretty cool guys, but the chick was just sad that it didn’t work out so she has to blame him as being a jerk. You likely have down the same thing when it happened to you and you can’t realize it.

Women are smarter than you give them credit for and pick up on the insult (which you admit that what you said came across as an insult.)

Well no, it was a compliment actually. But she just took it as an insult. That’s how I know that I gave her too much credit actually....

Nice women worth dating NEXT!! over ugly behavior like that. They have too many other options so of course you have to play it better.

Oh please, not even you fully believe this. Here’s the thing, the girl in question is *ACTUALLY* a b!tch. Like seriously, you wouldn’t like her and would probably say that she needs to be ‘disciplined’. She just has a great ass and doesn’t look ugly without makeup. But she’s a real b!tch.

Secondly, let’s NOT forget the number of times you’ve stated on here that if we want sweet and nicer women that we are gonna have to settle for someone who IS uglier. I mean the fact is, ugly women DO tend to be nicer BECAUSE they need to have something to make up for it.

Three: of the women who this has worked on before, they actually *WERE* nicer than this chick. Do you know why? It’s called AGREEABLENESS. These nicer chicks were more willing to joke around in much the same way that I was. If they make fun of me and roast my ****ing life hard, and see me laugh about it with them (or even tell them ‘damn alright that was pretty good, you got me’), then they’re also more willing to let the same happen to them. Why? Because they’re NICER. In other words, they’re a lot more chill. They’re just cooler people to be around. Someone can do the same to me, it’s no big deal. The fact is, your whole claim about nice women is just wrong, and even contrasts to what you have said in the past.

If you don't learn to play it better (more calibrated) you'll inadvertently filter for the trashier, lower self esteem women who do put up with jerk behavior...and then you'll be like any number of other dudes here wondering why the market is crap.

Ummm, no. Again, this is just wrong. Why? Because attraction is universal. The social plays that work on one woman will work on them all, if they give you the time of day. The traits needed to attract women are pretty much the same everywhere, be it high self-esteem, low self-esteem, feminazi, satanist, ‘good’ girl Christian chick, whatever. But yeah I do have to say that the market genuinely is crap. It’s not as bad for me because girls just treat me better since they know that I take care of myself and (contrary to your belief) I actually DO know how to socialize. But I still remember the days before all that. And even the sweetest women would show me some rudeness or slight cruelty unless they pitied me, which is still insulting me. This is woman. This is you. It’s female nature. I’ve accepted it. Have you?

Look in the mirror. Water seeks its own level.

And when I do, I always believe that I deserve better. A woman who is my female equivalent in looks would literally have tens of thousands of followers on Instagram. One who’s actually as chill as me and as knowledgeable on actual topics like history or electronics or anything other than superficial crap? I have yet to meet even a fictional character like that. Water does NOT deep at its own level for women. But me on the other hand have been drowning for decades. Take a look beneath you on the head of the man you are standing on. You just might be able to see what I’m talking about

 

[BeExcellent]

Secondly, let’s NOT forget the number of times you’ve stated on here that if we want sweet and nicer women that we are gonna have to settle for someone who IS uglier.

Quote me. I'll wait.

I always believe that I deserve better.

That is your Achilles heel. It was Tenacity's too. This idea that you DESERVE better. Complete entitlement attitude. When you look in the mirror and think you DESERVE better you are not looking at the mirror in an objective way. This handicaps you. I don't walk around thinking I deserve this that or the other thing. Rather I exist in the reality that is actually going on in my life. My reality is really good tbh. I can influence things to a degree where say business is involved for example...I can influence that a great deal in fact (and I do). But attraction is different. That can be influenced too but to a much lesser degree. As men on here always say, nobody is universally attractive to all comers. That is as true of me as it is of anyone.

Work on BEING better yourself. That is how you influence attraction and it's the only way to do it. Would I attract the kind of men I attract if I was fat, had short hair and dressed like a frump? Nope. No way. Not even with all other things like my intelligence, sweet disposition, accomplishments, sense of humor and cool personality that are going for me. So I keep myself in top shape, wear my hair long almost to my waist, work out and pay attention to the physical characteristics that men prefer. Why? It gives me more choice in the market place. Same thing as a man choosing to dress stylishly, keep in shape and have ambition/accomplishment. Those are choices that work in a man's favor with women. Just like my choice to stay in top shape and maintain my looks work in my favor (even at my age, mind) with men.

There exist women who are both very hot and very nice. They get snatched up and wifed up because they are not a dime a dozen. Now THAT I have said repeatedly here. But (as I have also said repeatedly) those are the very most sought after women, they have the most options, and you have to be at a certain level yourself to get onto their radar screen. If you are looking in the mirror thinking you DESERVE something...you aren't there yet.

You are an ambitious young man. You are capable of getting there I am sure. But you have to get more real and be more objective about how you are actually stacking up. I know you & I have gone round at various times and that's OK. You'll continue to evolve and grow and learn. So too will anyone who decides to continue the course of self improvement and self awareness in their life. I'm still growing even though most here will see me as over the hill. So that's my 2 cents FWIW. I wish you every success. I really do. You are smart and you are unafraid to stand toe to toe with anybody here or elsewhere. That trait will take you a long way in life.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

That is your Achilles heel.

No, it is society's. Show me someone who doesn't always think they deserve better.

It was Tenacity's too.

Tenacity was an overgrown emotional manchild with nuts have the size of my mom's ovaries. Don't even reference him.

This idea that you DESERVE better. Complete entitlement attitude. When you look in the mirror and think you DESERVE better you are not looking at the mirror in an objective way. This handicaps you. I don't walk around thinking I deserve this that or the other thing.

But you are ASSUMING that I am low quality. I know what is low quality and what is high quality. I have been both before, so I actually speak from experience. Little me would look at guys like bigger me and wonder how the hell I do it with chicks, how I can say seemingly whatever I want, how I am not awkward, how I just don't give a ****. I'd never have believed to have come this far, especially in this short amount of time. I mean I was a complete social outcast. And now I am way above average. But while I have improved exponentially, the women around me have not. Therein lies the difference. Because I have seen myself surpass these same women in almost every endeavor, and some still think themselves to be above me. Not just them, but other women too. This is why I believe I deserve better. Not because I am punching above my own weight, but because you women are. Hence it being a societal issue rather than an individual...

And yes, just like you, I do get egotistic at times. Not because I'm full of myself (although I do love myself a lot ), but because I have seen how far I have come. Back in my 'afc' days, I would ask many of these women about their lives and wonder about their hardships. They didn't have it hard at all, most people in general didn't really. But because of that, they have never known what it's like to work for something. And that is why THEY feel entitled. Fact is BE, most chicks nowadays just need to know their place.

As men on here always say, nobody is universally attractive to all comers.

Obviously no one person is universally attracted to all others, but there are traits that ARE. That is what I am saying.

Work on BEING better yourself. That is how you influence attraction and it's the only way to do it.

Obviously I am if I made this thread haha

Would I attract the kind of men I attract if I was fat, had short hair and dressed like a frump? Nope. No way. Not even with all other things like my intelligence, sweet disposition, accomplishments, sense of humor and cool personality that are going for me. So I keep myself in top shape, wear my hair long almost to my waist, work out and pay attention to the physical characteristics that men prefer. Why? It gives me more choice in the market place.

Well it seems to have taken you forever to find another possible suitor, and you seem to tell us that you go out a lot too. Guess it sucks on both sides, huh?

There exist women who are both very hot and very nice.

Perhaps 'nice' in the 'you are fun and chill to hang out with' type of nice but not genuinely sweet. I suppose you can't survive being that way anymore though....

those are the very most sought after women, they have the most options, and you have to be at a certain level yourself to get onto their radar screen.

Here is why this is false: as a man who looks for beautiful women who are actually sweet, I find that the women who actually have the MOST options are the hottest ones. Nothing to do with personality or anything, just who is the hottest. THOSE women have the most options. Not the ones who are decent looking but very nice, it is actually the very hot ones. It's been this way for a while. I've been around it long enough at enough places to see it time and time again to be able to make that generalization.

The thing with nicer women is that all guys are more likely to hop onto their radar simply because they are more willing to give you the time of day, whereas your average chick won't. That's another reason why your claim is false.

If you are looking in the mirror thinking you DESERVE something...you aren't there yet.

It's really not like that. When I look into the mirror, if I ever have chicks on my mind, it'll be more like "damn, I want a woman to be my female equivalent". Not "I deserve women better than I am getting" lol. I am fair even with myself hahaha

But you have to get more real and be more objective about how you are actually stacking up.

The thing with objective thought is that I have always tried looking at both sides before I ever make a judgement. I have been that way since I was 5 or 6. You can actually find me saying that gaining perspective is one of the biggest goals I have on here actually. I have been working on that for a long long time. I always try to have the most ominous point of view that I can before making a decision or inquiring something.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Quote me. I'll wait.

Sure thing:

the best quality people may not be the very hottest. Everything is on a spectrum. Whatever qualities you value. This is why I keep going back to character. If you want to pick a wife that is a different animal than picking a hottie for a ONS. If you are picking a wife then while you want looks that turn you on you also must consider what kind of personality you are getting along with whatever other things might be a priority for you.

 

[sazc]

So ur a d1ck.... Embrace your d1ck... Take it into your hands and love it....greatly....

Now, when ur done feelin on yourself....

Listen, we all have d1ck moments. Moments where we realize we were over the top, in the past or present.

The great news is that you SEE this pattern. So you just need to do something about it.

So what do you do? You self-realize that being to much of any particular way may backfire on you. You guys talk about AFC all the time. Same thing with always being a sarcastic ass, a comedian, a d1ck.

Take this knowledge and use it to your advantage. Maybe become more of a spectator, esp around the females, until you know how insecure they are.

You're smart enough and self aware enough to take experience and turn it into wisdom, apply said wisdom and then move on to your next life lesson (b/c there's always another one)

Have at it!

 

[sazc]

Side note, you are definitely out of your league in terms of your current age group. You should be aiming for college-aged girls, and you will definitely have a good time in college as long as you can deal with the superficiality of the women. Perhaps in college you should aim for older women?

 

[BeExcellent]

But you are ASSUMING that I am low quality.

How so? I am not making that assumption at all.

Secondly, let’s NOT forget the number of times you’ve stated on here that if we want sweet and nicer women that we are gonna have to settle for someone who IS uglier. I mean the fact is, ugly women DO tend to be nicer BECAUSE they need to have something to make up for it.

Based on the quote you referenced of mine above you are mis-characterizing what I have said. I'm saying looks are but one criteria. Character and other internal characteristics become equally if not more important in a wife than looks. That doesn't mean I'm telling men to settle (although you read it that way and certainly some men will settle and call it good), rather I'm telling men that for a LTR or motherhood or a wife etc. there is more to factor in than looks alone. This is not rocket science. The highest value men are going to be in the running for the super hot women who are also sweet and have character.

I never have said here that men ought to settle. Those are your words and that is you taking liberty with what I have said to try and justify your own sense of lack. I've consistently said men ought to improve themselves. I encourage that often actually.

There are women who ARE in the hottest tier and yet are still women with a sweet disposition and have the other characteristics that are desirable in a life mate. They get wifed up fast because the combination is rare. But it certainly exists. There are any number of men here who have found such a woman, including a couple of the moderators.

If you don't believe me then you've never seen such a woman, which may mean you aren't on their radar screen and/or you don't move in the social circles where these women are. You yourself have asked me where to find such women in the past and I have given you suggestions. You then disclosed how you didn't feel comfortable in those environments. That's about YOU, not about the environment. If you don't think you belong for some reason that is an issue intrinsic to you.

Not too long ago you made a comment in a thread about how you are now in a more affluent area and you are seeing fit pretty women and their clean cut spouses and you were talking about how you didn't get any sort of sexual vibe from these couples. That's neither here nor there (some people are extremely private about their private lives and not every good looking person gives off a sexual vibe to everyone else...a good quality...) At least you are starting to see for yourself that segment of society.

Look I get that you find me arrogant and egotistical. No worries. I also get that you want to hurl little insults at me and so forth about who I am dating a la:

Well it seems to have taken you forever to find another possible suitor, and you seem to tell us that you go out a lot too.

I find this comment silly. It actually took very little time, less than a year to run into someone really cool and that was while making almost no effort on my part. We dated for 18 months. Six months after that I met the current boyfriend. He's younger than me by a couple years. Many high value men asked me out in between those two and I went on as many dates as I felt were worth making time for. I am selective and have high standards. I've never suffered from lack of real options and solid choices. I've listed them a time or two here and been called a show-off. That's cool. I still enjoy the nightlife, dancing, good food, good drink, good company, and keeping in excellent shape. Some people like the country club, I prefer the nightclub (although the country club is fun too). We are all entitled to our preferences.

My boyfriend is a man who hot women (aged 20ish-60ish) throw themselves at constantly. It's hilarious. He is the sort of man I enjoy and I know how to handle him (and have enough hotness and high value to keep his interest - without me having to chase or initiate)...I'd rather not be dating at all rather than date someone who isn't someone I enjoy. I'm patient and can afford to be choosy. So I am.

What's funny is that the boyfriend (who keeps bringing up getting married at some point - Yikes - ) has been going on lately about how he is too much of a flirt. I don't care frankly and find his gregarious flirty side wonderful. I've told him so. But I got to thinking about this the other day and an amusing thought crossed my mind. Typically he flirts wildly with women and is accustomed to the woman he's dating getting insecure and upset over it. I'm the exact opposite. I don't mind his flirting at all because I see it as carte blanche to chat with other men who speak to me or dance with those who ask me to dance...and my ex-husband was never the jealous type so I'm not accustomed to jealousy...but the boyfriend actually gets jealous. In other words he's wanting to scroll back his flirtatious behavior because it isn't causing me to cling...rather...it's telling me that socializing with other guys is fair game...and he doesn't like the result, which isn't validating his ego. My guess is he will start a conversation along those lines at some point. Should be interesting