I’m not nice enough

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Well I never thought that someone could make such a thread on here about this, but I am apparently. I’m great at busting balls, joking around, and coming up with great comebacks and whatnot, but I realize that once chicks start to like you, they want to progress forward a little bit. When this happens, you can't be as witty or sarcastic anymore because then they start taking your words more seriously and it will actually start to hurt their feelings. Well I’m having a problem turning that off and being sweeter. Some chick who actually looks pretty without makeup (GASP!) even out some on today because she knew I’d be there. Well I mentioned that and she took it as me making fun of her even though I didn’t. I actually was gonna say she didn’t need it but never had the opportunity to really say it. I’m good socially. But now I just need to be more sweet and suave I guess. Tips?

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Haha as a guy who's "too nice" 90% of the time I can tell you that the secret is probably to just be a bit more passive with your conversation habits. Girls like getting ripped on but if she wants you to be more "nice" what she's really saying is she wants you to be a little more serious and tune into her feels more.

Try refraining from saying anything jokey or flirtatious for a little bit (in fact try literally not saying anything) and instead focus on 100% listening to what she's saying, only commenting when she pauses and it's necessary to move the conversation onwards.

The more you listen like that, the more she feels you're taking her seriously and she'll normally steer the conversation to more serious/personal stuff. Since you're focusing on listening to her intently, your mood will naturally match the more serious/sensitive vibe she's feeling. You'll feel less like interjecting with "HAHAHAHA lol #sarcasticjoke" or some similar funny comment that she may take the wrong way.

Of course you want to maintain some levity and not just sit there like a turnip nodding. That's usually my mistake. But basically in my experience it's less that you have to "fake" acting all sweet and nice, you just have to put some effort into matching her mood sincerely when she's feeling a little less sarky and jokey

EDIT - So in your example, say you're listening to her intently and she's telling you all this serious life biz...theres a pause in conversation and you just say as if you've just noticed it "Hey, are you not wearing makeup today? Looks good."

That'll go down well. On the other hand if she's not already taken the conversation to the "more serious" vibe, she'll think you're p*ss taking.

 

[devilkingx2]

Well I never thought that someone could make such a thread on here about this, but I am apparently. I’m great at busting balls, joking around, and coming up with great comebacks and whatnot, but I realize that once chicks start to like you, they want to progress forward a little bit. When this happens, you can't be as witty or sarcastic anymore because then they start taking your words more seriously and it will actually start to hurt their feelings. Well I’m having a problem turning that off and being sweeter. Some chick who actually looks pretty without makeup (GASP!) even out some on today because she knew I’d be there. Well I mentioned that and she took it as me making fun of her even though I didn’t. I actually was gonna say she didn’t need it but never had the opportunity to really say it. I’m good socially. But now I just need to be more sweet and suave I guess. Tips?

be wary of the possibility that this is just her first step towards taming and pacifying you

 

[Mazer]

Why should you change for her. Just mix it up. This way it keeps them on their toes, they love a man who keeps them guessing.

 

[Masculinity]

Well I never thought that someone could make such a thread on here about this, but I am apparently. I’m great at busting balls, joking around, and coming up with great comebacks and whatnot, but I realize that once chicks start to like you, they want to progress forward a little bit. When this happens, you can't be as witty or sarcastic anymore because then they start taking your words more seriously and it will actually start to hurt their feelings. Well I’m having a problem turning that off and being sweeter. Some chick who actually looks pretty without makeup (GASP!) even out some on today because she knew I’d be there. Well I mentioned that and she took it as me making fun of her even though I didn’t. I actually was gonna say she didn’t need it but never had the opportunity to really say it. I’m good socially. But now I just need to be more sweet and suave I guess. Tips?

Compliment her "classiness" (they love hearing that), their personality, tell her you thought of her or give a thoughtful gift if she had earned it.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

be wary of the possibility that this is just her first step towards taming and pacifying you

Yeah I know. I’m just having trouble finding the right moment to put in the occasional compliments here or there or whatever. The way that we converse with each other makes it kinda hard to put it in without making it too weird. I’ll have to try it soon though, because I think I really hurt her feelings today .

 

[wifehunter]

Her insecurities are leaving her feeling vulnerable.

"Chicks' got issues."

I would not conform, but wait it out.

Maybe go ghost for awhile. When she's missing you, she won't be trying to tame you.

 

[El Payaso]

Just don't make jokes too much and before you say something, think. Ask yourself, if someone said this same thing to me and I was in that person's shoes, how would I feel?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

you have to switch to comfort/rapport. you need to relate to them on a more emotional/intimate level

I used to be able to do this naturally. It’s actually gotten a lot harder to do tbh. I’ll have to come up with something.

you just talk about more personal stuff to relate for rapport and then transition smoothly into comfort and then bam seduction

I just don’t like talking about personal stuff. I’ve already worked out pretty much everything about me that I needed to in terms of insecurities or weaknesses, so bringing up those things again won’t do me a bit of good mentally. But I understand that it’s a way to make things more personal. What examples do you have where I can connect with them without undermining myself in the process? I thought LessThanSmooth’s example above was pretty good so I think I’ll try that.

Just don't make jokes too much and before you say something, think. Ask yourself, if someone said this same thing to me and I was in that person's shoes, how would I feel?

I rarely ever do because I refuse to second guess myself anymore. The only times I ever have problems is when someone can dish it out but can’t take it, which I guess is the problem I’m facing with a chick right now. But I mean not much bothers me. My brother calls me a faggot, and I tell him he’s too much of a ***** to kill himself, and it’s all in good fun really. We just laugh about everything. Maybe I should tone it down somewhat.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Well guys, with this chick it’s a bust. Oh well, she had a boyfriend anyways. She probably would have been more receptive had she not had one.

Something that I learned though is that I overplay the teasing too much. There’s a very small window of time to get them absolutely hooked and for some reason I always seem to **** that part up. Gotta work on that to realize when it’s no longer playtime anymore. Not gonna lie, it does kinda feel bad in a way because I feel like I ruined something that could have potentially been really good. What’s done is done though, onto the next one

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Well guys, with this chick it’s a bust. Oh well, she had a boyfriend anyways. She probably would have been more receptive had she not had one.

Something that I learned though is that I overplay the teasing too much. There’s a very small window of time to get them absolutely hooked and for some reason I always seem to **** that part up. Gotta work on that to realize when it’s no longer playtime anymore. Not gonna lie, it does kinda feel bad in a way because I feel like I ruined something that could have potentially been really good. What’s done is done though, onto the next one

Bah if she had a bf she was the one doing too much teasing, not you. I wouldn't feel bad at all, if a girl's seeing you when she has a BF that means she'd probably treat you with the same disrespect somewhere down the line.

 

[devilkingx2]

Well guys, with this chick it’s a bust. Oh well, she had a boyfriend anyways. She probably would have been more receptive had she not had one.

Something that I learned though is that I overplay the teasing too much. There’s a very small window of time to get them absolutely hooked and for some reason I always seem to **** that part up. Gotta work on that to realize when it’s no longer playtime anymore. Not gonna lie, it does kinda feel bad in a way because I feel like I ruined something that could have potentially been really good. What’s done is done though, onto the next one

lol it sounds like you were just lining up to be cheated on

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Bah if she had a bf she was the one doing too much teasing, not you. I wouldn't feel bad at all, if a girl's seeing you when she has a BF that means she'd probably treat you with the same disrespect somewhere down the line.

No I mean I understand why she did all that. It’s because right before I left last time, I made a joke and said “just because you’re taken doesn’t mean you’re off the market”. That’s why she actually tried to look good for me yesterday and all that. But the problem is, I don’t think she understands how to show the right signs. Like in the group we deal with, the social dynamics between me and everyone has always kinda been busting balls and having fun while still doing the work. We roast each other sometimes all in good fun (not as badly as me and my brother of course, but you know what I mean). It’s generally just very chill and laid back.

That dynamic hasn’t changed at all, and it’s been that way for a long time. All of us do this to each other. Well when she came in, it was the same deal. With me, I stood out because of how little ****s I gave lol. We would do the same and I’d kinda ‘put her in her place’ a lot. Now this piqued her interest obviously, and she wanted more. But here is where the problem lies: she wanted to progress things with me without changing the social dynamics at all. What I mean by that is she expected me to make moves without giving me any opportunities. For example, yesterday I walked in and I knew that she was happy to see me. Here’s a basically how our convo went

She smiled and said “Hey ITDG”
Me: What’s up ‘Sarah’
Her: How are you?
Me: Honestly I feel like ****
Her: Well you look like it too

So we can see right away that she started the dynamic as roasting. Nothing wrong with that, but if that’s the dynamic given, then that’s the dynamic I’ll work with. I carry on my normal self doing the teasing and all that (again, because that’s the dynamic she’s presented me with) but I see in hindsight that she really didn’t want that but wanted a sweeter part of me instead. Well that’s not completely my fault because I didn’t know that’s what she wanted.

As of today, she’s pissed off at me and I think she might even hate me a little, albeit at least SOMEWHAT still attracted lol. Regardless, I can’t take full blame for this but I do know what I could have done better.

lol it sounds like you were just lining up to be cheated on

You mean with? She was prepping to branch-swing to me, not the other way around....

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

She smiled and said “Hey ITDG”
Me: What’s up ‘Sarah’
Her: How are you?
Me: Honestly I feel like ****
Her: Well you look like it too

Hahaha that's a pretty cool dynamic to have. Thinking about it the girls I take the p*ss out of on a regular basis are the ones I usually form an attraction with. I have the opposite problem and tend to just sit there nodding as the conversation turns to politics and God knows what else.

I think the best comment I've had from a girl regarding my conversation was "This conversation has got really far too intense and frankly I'm really tired this late. Can we just talk about your d*ck or something instead?"

It's about getting a happy medium, transferring between dynamics as you need to. Just like you would with your mates at a bar. Sometimes I'll get drunk and talk about the meaning of life with my mates, other times they just want me to rip on them for some banter.

Exactly the same with girls, it's just reading the current mood correctly.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Hahaha that's a pretty cool dynamic to have. Thinking about it the girls I take the p*ss out of on a regular basis are the ones I usually form an attraction with. I have the opposite problem and tend to just sit there nodding as the conversation turns to politics and God knows what else.

I think the best comment I've had from a girl regarding my conversation was "This conversation has got really far too intense and frankly I'm really tired this late. Can we just talk about your d*ck or something instead?"

It's about getting a happy medium, transferring between dynamics as you need to. Just like you would with your mates at a bar. Sometimes I'll get drunk and talk about the meaning of life with my mates, other times they just want me to rip on them for some banter.

Exactly the same with girls, it's just reading the current mood correctly.

Yeah I mean this girl doesn’t know jack about politics or history or anything truly substantial, which makes it harder to talk about deeper and more concrete stuff. She didn’t give me the opportunity to really push things forward. It’s no biggy. She was just like one of those stereotypical white girls who just wants the next emotional rush and doesn’t really know anything lol. She has a great ass though and actually looks decent without makeup on.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Yeah I mean this girl doesn’t know jack about politics or history or anything truly substantial, which makes it harder to talk about deeper and more concrete stuff. She didn’t give me the opportunity to really push things forward. It’s no biggy. She was just like one of those stereotypical white girls who just wants the next emotional rush and doesn’t really know anything lol. She has a great ass though and actually looks decent without makeup on.

Heh...yeah political knowledge is overrated. Unless you like arguing politics to the point of near-anger on a first date, that's my speciality...

The only thing that I can see working is a long term GF who has radically different political opinion, because then you just get lots of extremely angry sex to make up for it.

Yeah, anyway you're limited with conversation depth/intensity by your partner too no doubt about it. I think that's why I like intelligence in girls so much, because it makes the conversations interesting pretty much forever.

 

[Igetit!]

I think the best comment I've had from a girl regarding my conversation was "This conversation has got really far too intense and frankly I'm really tired this late. Can we just talk about your d*ck or something instead?"

"Can we just talk about your d*ck or something instead?"

Wow......talk about getting straight to the point,lol.

You must have have tapdanced and spent so much time talking about nonsense,that you frustrated her. A little fluff talk is ok,but EVENTUALLY you just need to get to the point.....it's not like the girl doesn't already know why you've shown interest in her.

That chick must have A LOT of patience....you can stall a girl's interest out doing that.

Exactly the same with girls, it's just reading the current mood correctly.

Reading the current mood correctly?

If a girl has to get to the point of ASKING you if you two can talk about your d*ck,if you're that oblivious,you probably don't need to be dating just yet.

 

[marmel75]

I'd liken this to playing QB and how defensive coordinators attack them. At first the QBs have tha advantage because the DCs have no game tape on them to break down tendencies, etc. After about 4 games, they adjust and then the QB has to adjust with him or his effectiveness drops off a cliff. This is what happens a lot with rookie QBs...they might be surprisingly effective at first but once adjustments are made they usually start heading downhill pretty quickly.

This is the same situation you find yourself in. You keep doing the same thing without any adjustments and as time goes on it becomes less and less effective.

 

[devilkingx2]

You mean with? She was prepping to branch-swing to me, not the other way around....

No, because you said:

Not gonna lie, it does kinda feel bad in a way because I feel like I ruined something that could have potentially been really good.

you were about to bang some random slvt who would've been cheating on you if any sort of arrangement with her lasted long enough, so the fact that you think you missed out on something potentially good tells me you really dodged a bullet because you were not mentally prepared for how it would play out.

Cheating is in the mind of a cheater, someone who cheats when disatisfied will always cheat when disatisfied, and disatisfaction is also internal...

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

you were about to bang some random slvt who would've been cheating on you if any sort of arrangement with her lasted long enough, so the fact that you think you missed out on something potentially good tells me you really dodged a bullet because you were not mentally prepared for how it would play out.

Cheating is in the mind of a cheater, someone who cheats when disatisfied will always cheat when disatisfied, and disatisfaction is also internal...

No, you don’t get what I mean. I’m saying she was getting ready to have ‘fun’ with me, right? Well that does not mean that I was attaching myself to her. That’s the most rediculous thing I’ve ever heard. You’re basically saying that I’m getting oneitis for some random chick lol. That’s not the case at all. I’m mentally strong enough to handle any sort of romantic catastrophe with ease. The type that would cause most men to commit suicide is the type that I laugh at. Ask me how I know...

The reason why I said it feels bad isn’t because I’m hurt in any way, it’s more like ‘aww man, that could have been so much fun’, much in the same way that you might have thought about a ride closing down at an amusement park when you were little. That same feeling is what I had when I typed up that post. I’m not gonna die without it, it just would have made things a lot more fun and interesting. See what I mean?