Small talk --> big talk --> sex.

[RichardTheFrog]

I was talking to a girl I met on SA. She said she used to be a bartender and hooked up with customers many times. She was telling me to start with small talk, then go to "big talk", then go for the kill.

I really need to work on just being able to have normal conversations and be seen as socially normal if I really care that much.

But also, small talk is boring and everyone knows that.

 

[Mike32ct]

I don’t enjoy small talk all that much either, unless it’s with a good friend or family.

But I think that small talk is a “necessary evil.” Small talk makes extroverts more comfortable. They hate silence and dead spots in the conversation. Since extroverts are probably in the majority, as an introvert, I still need to be able to connect with them.

So yes, your bartender friend is correct that it begins with small talk.

I’m not sure what she meant by “big talk.” I assume she meant a deeper, more substantive discussion.

As a side note, I’ve observed plenty of ONS pickups in the past where the couple NEVER left the small talk stage. They just had a very dry mundane conversation and left together. If the physical attraction is there, the guy doesn’t have to be interesting at all. He can talk about anything.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Richard, the problem is that you are a narcissist, and I'm not saying this to insult you. Your behavior and attitudes toward others show this. You have trouble caring for other people, and see women not as humans but rather as things to be manipulated.

There's hope for you but you really should see a counselor. You have the opportunity to nip it in the bud now, while you have a few bucks and you are relatively young. You really need to handle this in order to start to relate to women in a way that won't scare them off. You're telegraphing your inner thoughts about them, and women are very good at picking up on this.

If you don't have some degree of caring toward people you're dealing with, they will pick up on it, women mostly but men, too. If you decide to see a counselor, and I hope you do because I want to see you rise above these challenges, go to a male. A female counselor will screw you up royally.

 

[marmel75]

This can be summed up in "proper escalation." This should not be a news flash to anyone.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I don’t enjoy small talk all that much either, unless it’s with a good friend or family.

But I think that small talk is a “necessary evil.” Small talk makes extroverts more comfortable. They hate silence and dead spots in the conversation. Since extroverts are probably in the majority, as an introvert, I still need to be able to connect with them.

So yes, your bartender friend is correct that it begins with small talk.

I’m not sure what she meant by “big talk.” I assume she meant a deeper, more substantive discussion.

As a side note, I’ve observed plenty of ONS pickups in the past where the couple NEVER left the small talk stage. They just had a very dry mundane conversation and left together. If the physical attraction is there, the guy doesn’t have to be interesting at all. He can talk about anything.

So what is proper small talk?

Idk what she meant by "big talk" either, I asked her a few hours ago, but didn't hear back yet.

 

[doctor1996]

Richard, the problem is that you are a narcissist, and I'm not saying this to insult you. Your behavior and attitudes toward others show this. You have trouble caring for other people, and see women not as humans but rather as things to be manipulated.

There's hope for you but you really should see a counselor. You have the opportunity to nip it in the bud now, while you have a few bucks and you are relatively young. You really need to handle this in order to start to relate to women in a way that won't scare them off. You're telegraphing your inner thoughts about them, and women are very good at picking up on this.

If you don't have some degree of caring toward people you're dealing with, they will pick up on it, women mostly but men, too. If you decide to see a counselor, and I hope you do because I want to see you rise above these challenges, go to a male. A female counselor will screw you up royally.

He's making progress and I commend him

 

[doctor1996]

So what is proper small talk?

Idk what she meant by "big talk" either, I asked her a few hours ago, but didn't hear back yet.

Potentially escalating. Small talk is small talk. Start small, go big

 

[Bible_Belt]

There's hope for you but you really should see a counselor. You have the opportunity to nip it in the bud now, while you have a few bucks and you are relatively young. You really need to handle this in order to start to relate to women in a way that won't scare them off. You're telegraphing your inner thoughts about them, and women are very good at picking up on this.

If you don't have some degree of caring toward people you're dealing with, they will pick up on it, women mostly but men, too. .

I've been telling him the same things for quite a while. Good call that he is a narcissist. I did not quite get it at first, but I agree now that you said it.

And Richard, before you feel insulted, keep in mind that male narcissists tend to be disproportionately successful in life, at least financially. So it is an advantage in some respects, but a disadvantage in regard to your personal relationships. That's where therapy can help you. A counselor can help you see when the disorder is influencing your thoughts.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Small talk = trivial fluffy stuff
Big talk = bringing her into your world

 

[Sneaky Pete]

Small talk = trivial fluffy stuff
Big talk = bringing her into your world

Yep, that’s right

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Small talk = trivial fluffy stuff
Big talk = bringing her into your world

Can you give examples of big talk?

 

[TheGambino]

Thefa8cks you talking about Richard, what a crappy thread again -.-'.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Thefa8cks you talking about Richard, what a crappy thread again -.-'.

Said how to seduce a bartender. She said she went home with quite a few customers...

Started with small talk, then led to big talk, then they went for the kill.