Girl dumped me on second date for escalating too fast. What to do?

[TheGambino]

I would slow things down, put her on the backburner. Let her reach out, Work Some more on rapport, FUN and teasing and try to escalate again.

 

[dungonnon]

Don’t agree at all. She showed loads of interest. I upset her.

Escalating is the only way to cut through the covert language women speak and expose their real interest level. By escalating, he learned quickly that she wasn't interested. Now it frees up his time to approach and invest in other women who will be more receptive to his advances.

Also, there's a major difference between a girl simply not being ready yet for sex and a girl not being ready yet for sex and then ghosting him. In this case, it was the latter, which is crystal clear low interest. If she had any inherent interest in him, she would be receptive to future dates/contact irrespective of his initial failed advances.

 

[AJ84]

I agree on some things, but "overescalation" is a very personalized term. If she did not want to have sex, why go to the guy's house? If a woman goes to a guy's house, in 95% of the cases, sex will happen. Why would you, as a woman of high value, go to some dude's house if you don't feel comfortable enough to have sex? And how come she feels comfortable enough to get 70% sexual with him, taking bra off, but doesn't wanna have sex?

I imagine that's frustrating and at times confusing but for some women they are willing to go so far but may have a limit to how far. Like I said it's probably frustrating on many levels but it is what it is.
We are only getting one side of the story here too. Not saying he did anything wrong, of course he's going to try to get sex that's understandable but we don't know if he was all over her while she was just trying to have a conversation with him, or didn't seem interested in her as a person and maybe she just felt like a piece of meat.
When you're trying to tell a guy about yourself and he's like yeah yeah while unbottoning your shirt it's a turn off.
Again not saying that happened here.

 

[AJ84]

Yeah, dont ask. Command ! Or take her hand and lead.

No, don't set yourself up for a possible sexual assault accusation.

He said the girl was shy, that move would not work on her like it may with other less shy girls.

OP don't make the situation worse by coming on even more strong.

 

[AJ84]

I would slow things down, put her on the backburner. Let her reach out, Work Some more on rapport, FUN and teasing and try to escalate again.

Yeah rapport wasn't there, or there wasn't enough of it.

Maybe a date in a public place to show its not all about the sex ( or pretend to).

 

[sazc]

If she did not want to have sex, why go to the guy's house? If a woman goes to a guy's house, in 95% of the cases, sex will happen. Why would you, as a woman of high value, go to some dude's house if you don't feel comfortable enough to have sex? And how come she feels comfortable enough to get 70% sexual with him, taking bra off, but doesn't wanna have sex?

As a date he offered to cook dinner for her, that is why she was at his house. She accepted that offer and Im sure she also wanted to get to know him. Are you saying that by accepting his invitation to dinner in his house she is automatically agreeing to fvck him? I dont follow this - how does one thing actually mean another?

I get that this is what the dude hopes will happen, but just because she accepted dinner at his house doesn't mean she also accepted his sausage for desert.

 

[lizardking82]

As a date he offered to cook dinner for her, that is why she was at his house. She accepted that offer and Im sure she also wanted to get to know him. Are you saying that by accepting his invitation to dinner in his house she is automatically agreeing to fvck him? I dont follow this - how does one thing actually mean another?

I get that this is what the dude hopes will happen, but just because she accepted dinner at his house doesn't mean she also accepted his sausage for desert.

I am not saying that because she accepted the dinner invitation to his house, she also accepted the sex, but in most cases, when a woman goes to a guy's house and we're alone...it ends up in sex. When it does, as it has happened to me in 2 or 3 other cases, it almost never leads to sex later on. Does it sometimes happen that she comes to his place and doesn't have sex and 2 times later she does have it? Yes, but we don't discuss based on exceptions, we discuss on what the norm is.

I have had sex with about 15 different women in my life up to now. Out of those, 10 have come to my place. Out of those 10, only 2 did not have sex the first time they came and one of them never came back again while the other one came 2 other times and sex did not happen anyways. 2 out of 10, that's 20%. Take a bigger sample pool and I am sure the number goes down to about 10-15% at most.

Maybe he was not seductive enough for her, maybe she felt like a slut, maybe this, maybe that. The girl is just not that much into him. If the girl is into you, sex will happen. When a girl has doubts, it will not. We teach guys here not to work harder to convince a girl to "have no doubts, cause I am the right man for you". **** that. You came to my place, you know sex is absolutely on the table since what the hell else do two grown ass people isolate themselves from society for? Dinner is a foreplay to sex. You trust a guy enough to be all alone with him but you don't trust him to have sex with you? LOL that is ridiculous

 

[sazc]

@lizardking82 I knew that you weren't really implying the acceptance of an invitation to his house meant sex. And I do not disagree that 80% of the time a female coming over to your place has the intention of sleeping with you if things progress that way.

In some cases she will come over as a form of a 'value test'. Will you ask/imply to have sex and, if she says no, do you pressure? If you dont respect her boundaries she knows that you dont respect her, and there's nothing of substance to be found here, so she goes ghost and moves along.

In this case, I think that she felt like a slut the next day, and knew that he would expect sex on date 3 and, for whatever reason, she decided to opt out, rather then have to say 'no' again.

If I had to guess I would say that she felt like she had already blown the chances of this progressing into something meaningful b/c he was going to expect/pressure for sex moving forward. It's simply easier to nip it early rather than have to endure the pressure of escalation and constantly saying no - b/c he would ghost her eventually because of being denied.

 

[AJ84]

Let's say she did go there knowing full well sex was on the table. Maybe somewhere during the dinner/ after dinner she changed her mind for whatever reason. In this case the reason could be that he came on too strong. Something rubbed her the wrong way and it was either him coming on too strong as she told him, or something else and she used him coming on too strong as an excuse. She didn't want to do it for whatever reason, and there's nothing he can do about it at this point but take what she said at face value or read into it until the cows come home.

Have any of you guys ever had a girl over and you planned to go for sex but she did or said something that put you off and you decided not to try for sex?

 

[lizardking82]

@lizardking82 I knew that you weren't really implying the acceptance of an invitation to his house meant sex. And I do not disagree that 80% of the time a female coming over to your place has the intention of sleeping with you if things progress that way.

In some cases she will come over as a form of a 'value test'. Will you ask/imply to have sex and, if she says no, do you pressure? If you dont respect her boundaries she knows that you dont respect her, and there's nothing of substance to be found here, so she goes ghost and moves along.

In this case, I think that she felt like a slut the next day, and knew that he would expect sex on date 3 and, for whatever reason, she decided to opt out, rather then have to say 'no' again.

If I had to guess I would say that she felt like she had already blown the chances of this progressing into something meaningful b/c he was going to expect/pressure for sex moving forward. It's simply easier to nip it early rather than have to endure the pressure of escalation and constantly saying no - b/c he would ghost her eventually because of being denied.

Her boundaries show up only when she doubts his value as a man. She does not value him enough. She would 99% not play it this way with a celebrity. That is why you make the panties wet long before you get to the house and then you keep it that way for a while longer so that when you get to the house, it flows easier. Either way, such a woman is not worth spending precious minutes of life.

We have talked about it in this forum a lot of times that a woman delaying sex does not necessarily mean she is a high value woman and I agree with that fully. OP should not waste one more second more on this woman.

 

[lizardking82]

Let's say she did go there knowing full well sex was on the table. Maybe somewhere during the dinner/ after dinner she changed her mind for whatever reason. In this case the reason could be that he came on too strong. Something rubbed her the wrong way and it was either him coming on too strong as she told him, or something else and she used him coming on too strong as an excuse. She didn't want to do it for whatever reason, and there's nothing he can do about it at this point but take what she said at face value or read into it until the cows come home.

Have any of you guys ever had a girl over and you planned to go for sex but she did or said something that put you off and you decided not to try for sex?

He should drop this one right away. She has assumed the power position and I think is a woman that is not worth spending time chasing not for a second.

I had a case with a girl who came over and I knew sex was gonna happen and it happened, but she turned me off because she made these laugh-like noises during sex and I could not even orgasm so I stopped it after she had come a couple of times LOL

 

[AJ84]

He should drop this one right away. She has assumed the power position and I think is a woman that is not worth spending time chasing not for a second.

I had a case with a girl who came over and I knew sex was gonna happen and it happened, but she turned me off because she made these laugh-like noises during sex and I could not even orgasm so I stopped it after she had come a couple of times LOL

Thats funny hahaha. Some sex sounds can be hilarious and totally throw you off the vibe

 

[exhausted]

A woman cant turn a man down for escalating. That’s straight up stupid, she turns a man down for escalating because she is not attracted to him. She wouldnt turn Thegambino down because she gets tingles from the boy.

Understand?

Not every woman is a ***** wanting to plow strangers on the first or second date. Why u guys can't understand this i dont know.

And im sure u have been denied more than not stud.

 

[Urbanyst]

She was already ashamed at how far she had let you go, she felt cheap, embarrassed, and maybe believed you thought she was easy, so she nipped it rager then try to slow it down.

All women are easy when they like you and/or trust you.

But that's a little secret women don't want men to figure out.

It would mean less orbiters, less guys in the friend zone and less free attention. This means an overall decline in the quality of her life. Can't have that!

LOL.

 

[Urbanyst]

But lots of women DO value their reputation and won't allow themselves to be pushed into a sexual situation EVEN IF and sometimes ESPECIALLY IF they really like the guy and care what he thinks and how his opinion affects her reputation. This shouldn't surprise anybody.

In other words.. women are frauds.

If your "social image" is not who you really are.. you are a FRAUD.

Lol.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

She realized there was no going back, that you were going to expect at least the same sexual game on date 3, if not more, and she didn't want to go there, and didn't want to lead you on, and have you possibly call her a tease.

She was already ashamed at how far she had let you go, she felt cheap, embarrassed, and maybe believed you thought she was easy, so she nipped it rager then try to slow it down.

I think a lot of guys burn there bridges with a lot of women by 'escalating' too early. It's like they have this mantra going on in their head.. 'must escalate, must escalate, must escalate', which only serves to drown out what is happening in real time. if this is the case, it is perhaps better to err on the side of slowly escalating instead of escalating at all costs. You need to find a sweet spot that is attuned to the woman's needs desires. be a little romantic instead of a lust machine.

 

[sazc]

All women are easy when they like you and/or trust you.

But that's a little secret women don't want men to figure out.

It would mean less orbiters, less guys in the friend zone and less free attention. This means an overall decline in the quality of her life. Can't have that!

LOL.

Agreed. I contend that the trust wasn't there, and that's what caused her to say no.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yep. Believe or not some girls get turned off when they feel pressure to have sex with a guy on the second date. Making a girl feel desired is a turn on and pushing for sex too fast does not make necessarily make girl feel desired, she just feels like a means to a happy ending, for the guy, and nothing more.

Some girls are ok with that of course but many aren't.

Yes, and more than likely if the girl is happy with this then you are little more than a walking dildo to her. But hey if you are happy with that....

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

In other words.. women are frauds.

If your "social image" is not who you really are.. you are a FRAUD.

Lol.

A decent woman has a quality called modesty. Think about it. This is what makes her capable of having a relationship. But hey if you are just looking for mutual masturbation.... though to be fair, this looks to be the direction and norm that future 'relationships' between the sexes are taking. Brave New World not 1984.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I don't know. It's as if men have devalued sex to the point that they have a universal right to it [or is that to over-value it?]. Especially, if the woman has been 'isolated'.