Sick and tired of being this pathetic

[RestUnknown]

Some situations today made me realize what a pathetic beta guy I am. I've always known I'm this nice guy with a lot of beta traits, but it's getting worse and worse.

There is this girl at work, I'm not really interested in her, although I want to hit that. When I just started working there all was good, she talked as everyone else talks to me (even though I'm an introvert), but it was just friendly chit chat and it was easy talking to her.

Lately I've been noticing I've been withdrawing attention on her. It's my way of showing others that I want and need more attention from that person (I want to hear reactions of "you're so quiet, what is wrong, did I do anything wrong, I don't like it when you're quiet,..."). Basically reactions which make me feel good and wanted. But as you can guess most of the time this turns out wrong, they simply don't talk anymore and start acting weird and I can hear reactions that they're annoyed with my behaviour.

I feel this coming up, but it's so f*cking difficult to act against it. When I want to talk anyways, it comes out forced and it shows.

Another thing is that today, the kid (almost 2 years old) of my sister came up to me and wanted me to hold it. I did but you saw he wanted to play, but I just couldn't. I don't know what to say, what to do even though these kids would be happy with anything.

Sick and f*cking tired of this sh*t. I've been on this forum a while, but there is always something that brings me back down again. Just a couple of weeks ago I've noticed I'm going bald (age 29). It's not that horrible yet, but add this pathetic behaviour with low confidence and going bald, I honestly don't know how I can become who I want. And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.

 

[wifehunter]

You really need a hobby. Get good at something...anything that's not women!

 

[Urbanyst]

Don't sh*t where you eat.

There are several HOT women at my job. While I talk to them, I would never come near them sexually. Just not worth it. I care about my MONEY.

Meet women OUTSIDE of work please. That's your homework assignment.

 

[RestUnknown]

You really need a hobby. Get good at something...anything that's not women!

I go to the gym 5-6 times a week.

There are woman hotter than her no doubt, but it's just I don't meet anyone else. I live in a secluded area so there is not much to see.

It's also that I just want to have my pick of the litter, have that ability that drives woman nuts. I try to change to achieve this, but I feel it's only going in reverse. I do stupid stuff like ignoring to get attention, get jealous on other guys who are better at talking and who I can tell they like better than me.

 

[Urbanyst]

I go to the gym 5-6 times a week.

There are woman hotter than her no doubt, but it's just I don't meet anyone else. I live in a secluded area so there is not much to see.

Move to the CITY.

Best decision I ever made. I can't see myself ever living in a rural or suburban area again. I would rather blow my brains out.

 

[Asasione]

Some situations today made me realize what a pathetic beta guy I am. I've always known I'm this nice guy with a lot of beta traits, but it's getting worse and worse.

There is this girl at work, I'm not really interested in her, although I want to hit that. When I just started working there all was good, she talked as everyone else talks to me (even though I'm an introvert), but it was just friendly chit chat and it was easy talking to her.

Lately I've been noticing I've been withdrawing attention on her. It's my way of showing others that I want and need more attention from that person (I want to hear reactions of "you're so quiet, what is wrong, did I do anything wrong, I don't like it when you're quiet,..."). Basically reactions which make me feel good and wanted. But as you can guess most of the time this turns out wrong, they simply don't talk anymore and start acting weird and I can hear reactions that they're annoyed with my behaviour.

I feel this coming up, but it's so f*cking difficult to act against it. When I want to talk anyways, it comes out forced and it shows.

Another thing is that today, the kid (almost 2 years old) of my sister came up to me and wanted me to hold it. I did but you saw he wanted to play, but I just couldn't. I don't know what to say, what to do even though these kids would be happy with anything.

Sick and f*cking tired of this sh*t. I've been on this forum a while, but there is always something that brings me back down again. Just a couple of weeks ago I've noticed I'm going bald (age 29). It's not that horrible yet, but add this pathetic behaviour with low confidence and going bald, I honestly don't know how I can become who I want. And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.

You honestly just need to get into the habit of talking to people, there's a thread on this forum by MasterOfTheUniverse for 100 days I think where your goal is to go out and socialize and ramps up difficulty. Should try that it will help or just do something similar and try get out of your shell. You're not happy being an introvert and want to be able to talk more then actually start doing that, thinking about it won't help, reading posts here won't help either. Get hobbies that force you/or need talking, get out the house more but do it with a purpose to just chat one person up or a couple. Baby steps till you get where you want to be, that's how it always works and it needs you getting off your arse and doing something, anything really to change your situation.

You need to stop over thinking what you say and just talk about whatever comes to mind sometimes, if you can't do it with a toddler means you're subconsciously rating your communications with others thinking they have to go a certain way that you envision is ideal. Nothing needs to go the way you think in your head, that's what makes it fun and sometimes disappointing but just trust me, it's gonna get better with time and soon you'll have those free flowing conversations you want with anybody.

Also Urbanyst is right moving to a large city will be a big help for your social opportunities.

 

[PokerStar]

booohoooo.

if you want to be a man, then be a man. Dont come here on SS and complain and rant how you cant bang this girl or that girl because you have so and so beta traits. Thats beta in itself.

Listen, nobody is perfect. Even the most smoothest Don Juan maybe have a few beta traits. but do you want to know the difference? they work on their weaknesses and try to improve on them.

Most, not all the answers are here on SS you just have to research.

Once you have you have gained this knowledge you must apply it. I know, it might be a little scary at first but thats putting you out of our comfort zone and then and only then you will start to grow.

Good luck.

 

[TheGambino]

Don't sh*t where you eat.

There are several HOT women at my job. While I talk to them, I would never come near them sexually. Just not worth it. I care about my MONEY.

Meet women OUTSIDE of work please. That's your homework assignment.

Great.

 

[wifehunter]

I go to the gym 5-6 times a week.

Ok, so you're a meathead. Try something that requires brains, to get your mind off of it. Chess?

 

[Cambridge]

I honestly don't know how I can become who I want. And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.

Have you noticed how easy cynicism is? Self-pity? Ruminating? Armchair philosophy? Using this website?

That's because things that cost little don't pay much.

If Einstein hit the gym 5 days a week it wouldn't give him much if any confidence boost. Conversely if Arnold Schwarzenegger spent hours a day contemplating theoretical physics problems it wouldn't give him much confidence either. Can you see that there is a difference between profit and profitability? You need to find what gives you power.

What is so great about b4nging chicks? Female attention? Why do you want their attention so bad? You think like a mindless employee, but until you think like an employer you'll continue to suffer your present reality.

Look at your current opportunities, put your reputation on the line for some new projects and get to work.

 

[derby1]

the top 5 action movie stars are bald .....im bald.....some women are bat **** **** crazy for bald blokes, shave it off NOW grade 1 match your stubble with your head hair, smell good, present yourself good, stop this selfish ****,

 

[btownbuck2012]

Some situations today made me realize what a pathetic beta guy I am. I've always known I'm this nice guy with a lot of beta traits, but it's getting worse and worse.

There is this girl at work, I'm not really interested in her, although I want to hit that. When I just started working there all was good, she talked as everyone else talks to me (even though I'm an introvert), but it was just friendly chit chat and it was easy talking to her.

Lately I've been noticing I've been withdrawing attention on her. It's my way of showing others that I want and need more attention from that person (I want to hear reactions of "you're so quiet, what is wrong, did I do anything wrong, I don't like it when you're quiet,..."). Basically reactions which make me feel good and wanted. But as you can guess most of the time this turns out wrong, they simply don't talk anymore and start acting weird and I can hear reactions that they're annoyed with my behaviour.

I feel this coming up, but it's so f*cking difficult to act against it. When I want to talk anyways, it comes out forced and it shows.

Another thing is that today, the kid (almost 2 years old) of my sister came up to me and wanted me to hold it. I did but you saw he wanted to play, but I just couldn't. I don't know what to say, what to do even though these kids would be happy with anything.

Sick and f*cking tired of this sh*t. I've been on this forum a while, but there is always something that brings me back down again. Just a couple of weeks ago I've noticed I'm going bald (age 29). It's not that horrible yet, but add this pathetic behaviour with low confidence and going bald, I honestly don't know how I can become who I want. And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.

I admire the ability you have to really understand and articulate what the problem is.

In regards to not talking to people in order for them to appreciate you, STOP IT. You're already aware of what the negative effects of this are - people get confused and frustrated - worst case scenario they get angry with you and write you off as some kind of jerk. The fact of the matter is that when it comes to socializing, you've got to keep up that momentum you initially had. The good news is that you sound like you're able to make a good first impression with these folks - just keep talking to them and keep engaging with them. First impressions carry a-lot of weight. These desires of yours to "feel wanted" is something you're going to have to find within yourself.

It has something to do with you not believing you're worth enough to be valued by these people just as you are. I'm not sure what the problem is, but you need to gain some type of confidence. Hit the gym, get a degree, pick up a hobby. But realize this, most people are actually waiting for you to give them the "OK" in regards to how they feel about you. You're so busy thinking, "Damn, they aren't talking to me. They must not care about me". What they're actually thinking is, "RestUnknown must be feeling bad today. I wonder what's wrong?" They probably wouldn't guess it if you gave them 500 chances that you are being quiet because you want to feel validated and cared for - most people just aren't that "deep". Again, this is something you MUST find within yourself. You've got to believe you're good enough for others before they're going to be able to MIRROR that back to you.

PM me if you want to talk further about this as I can strongly relate.

 

[sph21]

And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.

You get what you give. Emotions are infectious. I'm talking from my own experiences here. I'm an introvert. In my 20s, I was so depressed with my life and the only vibe I gave was so dark. Guess what, others were responding equally. If you give them the impression of a dark & gloomy person, then they will associate you with sadness. Give them a fun aura, and fun is what you will get from them. You must give first in order to receive. Not the other way around.

Even the greatest DJ has a weakness. Nobody is perfect. A perfect person is a boring person. A great man is a man who knows what his weaknesses are and striving to be a better man each day. That is someone who will never be considered as boring.

It's very easy for any introvert (including myself) to adopt a perfectionist mentality. You can't just expect a girl to make the first move. Girls has so many doubts about everything. Their emotions are everywhere everytime their monthly cycle start. It is tough being a girl yet you want her to be the one to give you comfort? That's not going to happen. If you want to let a girl know that you want a sexual relationship, then you must show it to her by asking her out. She may accept your invitation or decline it. You are a man. Start accepting any responsibility that comes your way. This, my friend, is part of learning how to accept your own sexuality by being masculine.

In order to build confidence, you must have something that you can be proud of. Mastering something will give you that. Thus we are recommending you to have a hobby.

The only way we can master something is through repetitions. If you want to be able to talk to any woman without feeling awkward, then the only way to solve it is just to talk to as many women as you can. I did it. It wasn't easy. It was so awkward at first. But I kept doing it until I'm comfortable of talking to anyone.

If you're too scared to risk anything, you will not gain anything.