RestUnknown
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2016
- Messages
- 144
- Reaction score
- 20
- Age
- 35
Some situations today made me realize what a pathetic beta guy I am. I've always known I'm this nice guy with a lot of beta traits, but it's getting worse and worse.
There is this girl at work, I'm not really interested in her, although I want to hit that. When I just started working there all was good, she talked as everyone else talks to me (even though I'm an introvert), but it was just friendly chit chat and it was easy talking to her.
Lately I've been noticing I've been withdrawing attention on her. It's my way of showing others that I want and need more attention from that person (I want to hear reactions of "you're so quiet, what is wrong, did I do anything wrong, I don't like it when you're quiet,..."). Basically reactions which make me feel good and wanted. But as you can guess most of the time this turns out wrong, they simply don't talk anymore and start acting weird and I can hear reactions that they're annoyed with my behaviour.
I feel this coming up, but it's so f*cking difficult to act against it. When I want to talk anyways, it comes out forced and it shows.
Another thing is that today, the kid (almost 2 years old) of my sister came up to me and wanted me to hold it. I did but you saw he wanted to play, but I just couldn't. I don't know what to say, what to do even though these kids would be happy with anything.
Sick and f*cking tired of this sh*t. I've been on this forum a while, but there is always something that brings me back down again. Just a couple of weeks ago I've noticed I'm going bald (age 29). It's not that horrible yet, but add this pathetic behaviour with low confidence and going bald, I honestly don't know how I can become who I want. And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.
There is this girl at work, I'm not really interested in her, although I want to hit that. When I just started working there all was good, she talked as everyone else talks to me (even though I'm an introvert), but it was just friendly chit chat and it was easy talking to her.
Lately I've been noticing I've been withdrawing attention on her. It's my way of showing others that I want and need more attention from that person (I want to hear reactions of "you're so quiet, what is wrong, did I do anything wrong, I don't like it when you're quiet,..."). Basically reactions which make me feel good and wanted. But as you can guess most of the time this turns out wrong, they simply don't talk anymore and start acting weird and I can hear reactions that they're annoyed with my behaviour.
I feel this coming up, but it's so f*cking difficult to act against it. When I want to talk anyways, it comes out forced and it shows.
Another thing is that today, the kid (almost 2 years old) of my sister came up to me and wanted me to hold it. I did but you saw he wanted to play, but I just couldn't. I don't know what to say, what to do even though these kids would be happy with anything.
Sick and f*cking tired of this sh*t. I've been on this forum a while, but there is always something that brings me back down again. Just a couple of weeks ago I've noticed I'm going bald (age 29). It's not that horrible yet, but add this pathetic behaviour with low confidence and going bald, I honestly don't know how I can become who I want. And who I want to be is this person everyone is happy to see, who can have a pick of the litter, the true don juan. But I'm totally on the other side of the spectrum.