Who here wants to get married and why?

[set]

He's married and doing just fine in that department as far as I can tell. He's also had bankruptcies. Does that make him a bad businessman? Nope.

Until you change your attitudes and give it an earnest try from a better perspective your bitterness imprisons you Tenacity. You are attractive, successful, smart, and desirable...until your attitude comes out. That is your issue in a nutshell. Until you fix that issue you are not going to have a different experience. People with a great attitude will not tolerate people with bitter attitudes. Why is this so hard to wrap your brain around?

I mean look. There are men here who insult me, shame me, belittle me, and so forth all the time. So what. I think its amusing. I am impervious to it. I KNOW who I am, I KNOW what I have going on and I could care less about some potshots from the peanut gallery.

Get your attitude to the point where you are impervious to all this stuff that you rant on about. If you do that you'll see a whole other segment of the market that the filters you place over your own eyes preclude you from seeing. You are like the cartoon character from Green Eggs and Ham. Until you experience something you have no idea whether or not it is something worthwhile. Have some faith, meditate, adjust your attitude and do something different. Obviously what you are doing now is NOT suiting your deep desire. Or maybe it is...in which case never get married and drive on, problem solved.

What you have "going on" is nothing more than tucking your dyck while at the same time trying to one up posters in a locker room dyck measuring humblebrag contest.

Go get re-married already BeDivorced.

 

[exhausted]

This is what I am trying to illustrate. You can see men who are in "decent" marriages who are not that different from you.

Why are they having success and you are not? That is really the more accurate question for some guys here to be asking. You can see that you are similar/same as someone having success in relationships and you covet that success in relationship to some degree. If such a guy goes through a divorce you can then point to it and jump up and down and say "SEE! SEE! His marriage was crap!" In other words you look at the other guy getting a divorce as proving out your belief system. What about all the other dudes like you or your friend who ARE NOT getting divorced? Well we discount them and assume they couldn't possibly be having a positive experience...that would be incongruent with what you believe.

I'm not trying to be an ass hat here but why not explore the actual problem (why is friend A having success but LARaider isn't) that bugs you rather than assign a crap rating to the market as a whole and call it not your fault?

Herein lies actual empowerment because you can control what you think and how you act. Exercise your own autonomy!



I'm 48, almost 49. Pushing 50 and I constantly attract and meet GREAT guys. Every time I go anywhere. Some of whom are good looking, private jet successful and desire marriage as an institution so they can get that part of their life sorted, have a life partner and get back to dragon slaying. Just last weekend I met two great guys, both younger than I, both 1% men, and both interested in me, while at a couple of social engagements

I could have the attitude, particularly at my age, that I'm old and washed up. I don't at all. This translates into confidence and positivity which attracts people (and men) like mad. I'm still very physically attractive (lifetime of effort + genetics), that will not last forever naturally but my great attitude, smile, and outlook will last forever. And it is that attitude, outlook and so forth that is so attractive.

There are also plenty of attractive women my age and younger ages too who do not have success. They whine and complain and have bitterness in their attitude. Bitterness repels good people. Men or women. It is like stink on shjt.

There are some bitter men here. Bitterness repels. Get better, not bitter.

Out of all my friends ONE is in a great marriage and they are both Greek and that culture is family and morally oriented.

My other friends are divorced and one is miserable with a crazy bipolar wife and 2 kids.

And all my friends are good guys, college degrees, top athletes in high school and college..
the market is chit for middle class to upper level non millionaire men.

 

[set]

Off topic, but this is an important distinction that we all can benefit from outside of marriage, and in regard to dating.

We talk much about SMV, improving via working out, becoming more attractive, and making more money. We never really discuss improving our personality, more specifically our attitudes. I've recently come to the conclusion, that attitude and personality is of equal, and in some cases, greater relevance that SMV.

We should open some threads and discussions about this specifically in the context of dating.

Your attitude got you locked up for scamming. Follow your own shyt advice.

By the way, how's that great "life" posting creative writing/ words with friends 24/7/365 for the past decade and counting going for you Ponzi?

You aren't fooling anyone old boy.

 

[BeExcellent]

my position is you should be OK with marriage under the right circumstances, but you should be realistic about the odds

I share the exact same position as you FWIW. It is important to manage the risks to the best of one's ability.

 

[set]

@Urbanyst and @Tenacity have @guru1000 and @BeExcellent flip flopping like mofos.

BeDivorced and Ponzi the divorced Ex-con are only married to posting on SS. #Facts

 

[Tenacity]

He's married and doing just fine in that department as far as I can tell. He's also had bankruptcies. Does that make him a bad businessman? Nope.

What are you talking about lol? I'm referencing your comment that top tier men don't have issues in this market of women. I just provided examples of millionaires and billionaires who have had failed marriages along with other failed relationships to show that your comment is not true.

Until you change your attitudes and give it an earnest try from a better perspective your bitterness imprisons you Tenacity.

What exactly do you want me to give an "earnest try"? Is it marriage?? And I'm not bitter about anything in relation to this topic lol, what exactly would I be bitter about? No woman has financially screwed me over.

You are attractive, successful, smart, and desirable...until your attitude comes out. That is your issue in a nutshell. Until you fix that issue you are not going to have a different experience. People with a great attitude will not tolerate people with bitter attitudes. Why is this so hard to wrap your brain around?

What am I bitter about lol??

Get your attitude to the point where you are impervious to all this stuff that you rant on about.

Honey if I sign a marriage contract, there's NO WAY I can be impervious to the things I'm "ranting about" (such as the potential financial disasters). Just being positive, happy, and having an uplifting attitude is NOT going to change the fact that the marriage contract I'm signing is B.S. I know the Law of Attraction/The Secret book that you read says different......but come on lol.

Or maybe it is...in which case never get married and drive on, problem solved.

My plan is working fine. Understand this thread is to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of the Marriage contract. I am participating in it to lend my voice to the discussion, which honestly, is why it is over 20 pages....without Tenacity driving the debate/discussion this thread would be boring and would have died 18 pages ago .

Instead, pound for pound, this will go down as the THREAD OF THE YEAR on Sosuave.com

 

[set]

What are you talking about lol? I'm referencing your comment that top tier men don't have issues in this market of women. I just provided examples of millionaires and billionaires who have had failed marriages along with other failed relationships to show that your comment is not true.



What exactly do you want me to give an "earnest try"? Is it marriage?? And I'm not bitter about anything in relation to this topic lol, what exactly would I be bitter about? No woman has financially screwed me over.



What am I bitter about lol??



Honey if I sign a marriage contract, there's NO WAY I can be impervious to the things I'm "ranting about" (such as the potential financial disasters). Just being positive, happy, and having an uplifting attitude is NOT going to change the fact that the marriage contract I'm signing is B.S. I know the Law of Attraction/The Secret book that you read says different......but come on lol.



My plan is working fine. Understand this thread is to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of the Marriage contract. I am participating in it to lend my voice to the discussion, which honestly, is why it is over 20 pages....without Tenacity driving the debate/discussion this thread would be boring and would have died 18 pages ago .

Instead, pound for pound, this will go down as the THREAD OF THE YEAR on Sosuave.com

Taking "advice" from two DIVORCED people is a GREAT way to end up DIVORCED. /Thread.

 

[resilient]

What am I missing in this discussion about attitude/personality, Guru & BE?

How does an upbeat go-getter attitude in life, in general, help me sustain a wife's interest level in a marriage?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

What am I missing in this discussion about attitude/personality, Guru & BE?

How does an upbeat go-getter attitude in life, in general, help me sustain a wife's interest level in a marriage?

Because your feelings will affect hers (via electromagnetic fields of the brain and heart). That’s why men lead and women follow in traditional roles. Not just women though, it works with people in general across all social situations. I’ve done it before.

There’s a problem though. You cannot maintain this forever. Not unless you decide to take a crap ton of drugs and be high 24/7. It’s neurologically impossible. That’s why all those guys on Wall Street are addicted to drugs. Ask guru, he’s been there so he can tell you lol

 

[Serenity]

How does an upbeat go-getter attitude in life, in general, help me sustain a wife's interest level in a marriage?

It won't if you chose a woman with bad priorities and values. However if you made a good choice your attitude can make or break a marriage. Pretty much nobody can stand living with a lazy unmotivated leech, so yeah an upbeat go-getter attitude significantly reduces the risk of divorce. Marriage is cooperation, it's not a free ticket to sit on the couch and chill.

 

[guru1000]

What am I missing in this discussion about attitude/personality, Guru & BE?

How does an upbeat go-getter attitude in life, in general, help me sustain a wife's interest level in a marriage?

Well, let's look at this sub-topic:

Would you rather come home to a woman after pulling a 12-hour workday who welcomes you with open arms or snarls at you/disgusted at your presence;

Would you rather spend time with a woman who is genuinely interested in what you have to say or dismisses everything as uninteresting/irrelevant;

Would you rather spend time with a woman who communicates well with you or argues with you over trivial matters everyday.

Etc.

Attitude and compatible personalities are very important in dating and LTRs.

 

[set]

Well, let's look at this sub-topic:

Would you rather come home to a woman after pulling a 12-hour workday who welcomes you with open arms or snarls at you/disgusted at your presence;

Would you rather spend time with a woman who is genuinely interested in what you have to say or dismisses everything as uninteresting/irrelevant;

Would you rather spend time with a woman who communicates well with you or argues with you over trivial matters everyday.

Etc.

Attitude and compatible personalities are very important in dating and LTRs.

Yet your ex-wife bailed on you soon as you got locked up while you snitched on your B.F.F. to get your sentence reduced. So much for her "vetting" you, you "vetting" her, and you friend "vetting" you.

 

[BeExcellent]

THIS

Today the peecentage of a good woman is like 4%

The rest do as you say, put on an act to hide how blatantly lazy, and chitty they are as human beings.

I have said a million times here, today's woman is worthless in many ways, except the 4% that are already taken.

What do we do?
Just bite the bullet and accept to be married is to be half miserable?.

Chit i want a family and more kids.. we get one life and it goes fast..

Wtf are we suppose to do?.

Now we might be getting somewhere. The question "WTF do we do?" is the proper question to ask. It should be obvious that marriage is alive and well and just fine thank you based on the statistics that can be observed and quoted in addition to our own anecdotal observations from our own lives, and it should also be obvious that marriage has risks and one is wise to manage and mitigate those risks to the degree possible.

What I see when I see a man or a woman asking "WTF do we do?" is frustration. I see disappointment and disillusionment. And that comes as no surprise because it is that very disappointment and disillusionment that brings guys here. But understand something about SS. There is a disproportionate amount of disappointed men here compared to a more general population sample and so the collective filters that have a tendency to be applied can (not in this thread granted - this thread has remained rational and objective for the most part) be categorized as AWALT, and the AWALT rationale doesn't say terribly uplifting or positive things as a rule here. So if men simply digest/accept the general AWALT attitudes that color the forum, one can inadvertently adopt a skewed view out there compared to the public domain as a whole.

I do not disagree with red pill thinking. Don't misunderstand. I'm no pollyanna in my thinking. But the red pill view to the point of AWALT darkness is a lie, just as Disney think is a lie as I stated earlier in the thread. You must adopt a balanced view.

For the most part the joyously married men ARE NOT HERE. Therefore collectively you are not going to hear that perspective, see the value in that or appreciate its worth.

So step one is to understand the bias inherent in one's current perspective. Think. Question it. Examine it closely.

If one has the fortitude to seriously examine one's current perspective, then one must entertain the idea that one's perspective could be flawed to some degree. This gets into attitudes and beliefs once again. We are all captives of our own reality that we create in our own minds. But is our reality empirically accurate? It is to varying degrees. Self awareness comes as one continually examines one's perspective, objectively lines it up with empirical observation, and compares the two. Depending on how far out of line one's belief system is in comparison to reality, that is the degree of discomfort examination of one's perspective causes in one's mind.

Furthermore if you look at the question "WTF do we do?" There is both an attitude and an assumption embedded in the question. The attitude is one of frustration/disappointment/wits end. The assumption is that there are no good options.

If you adjust your attitude and release the frustration/disappointment (which is past experience being allowed to bias future interaction) and open your mind without judgement of the next female you interact with then you can also turn lose of the assumption and refrain from coloring a neutral field (the interaction you have with a new female in the future) with stains from your past (baggage).

In so doing you open your mind (which may refuse kicking and screaming) and you allow yourself to objectively observe and you evaluate someone's behavior and you also allow yourself the opportunity to trust the female in question. Now before everyone freaks out and loses their minds about trusting a female, let's understand something. Society is based on trust. You wouldn't drive through an intersection with a green light unless you trust the drivers who are in a position to kill you to stop at the corresponding red light. You wouldn't travel by commercial airline unless you trust that pilot will deliver you safely to your destination, and so on throughout your day.

If you do not extend trust to a woman at the outset (and observe her behavior to verify whether or not she deserves your continued trust) then you instead set yourself up for failure because you are placing a negative expectation frame on the interaction from the outset. That is the definition of baggage. Your own baggage will mess up interactions with women over and over again unless you are actively aware of it and actively managing it.

You overcome your baggage through adjustment of your attitudes and beliefs and you allow yourself to operate from a place of trust in your fellow human beings.

 

[guru1000]

Great post BE.

Let's just add the following to negate the counters:

You overcome your baggage through adjustment of your attitudes and beliefs and you allow yourself to operate from a place of trust in your fellow human beings [while concomitantly protecting your risk]

Two prong-approach:

Trust & protect.

 

[Urbanyst]

You don't need to be that. Recognizing a potential problem is a skill men should develop anyways. The professions you mention are trained at solving the problems, you merely have to recognize it and walk away before it's too late. Most of them aren't high functioning sociopaths capable of hiding it well.

Let's for the sake of argument use your reasoning in a different setting. If you have a date with some random plate, how can you know she won't murder you? According to your reasoning you can't, so basically you risk your life every time you're with some chick. Better just stay away from women then, right? That's the conclusion from your line of reasoning.

We're not here to pvssy out of what we want, we're here to learn how to achieve it as responsibly as possible.

LOL. Really?

The murder rate (female on male) is nothing close to the divorce rate (initiated by women) 50%.

Are you people even TRYING? I feel like I'm arguing with toddlers lol.

 

[Urbanyst]

Now as an additional thought not every man is a millionaire with debonair good looks, who is physically endowed (or whatever qualities you think are a woman's fantasy). But there are plenty of guys here aspiring to be their best selves. What you have to do is have a good attitude and be real with where you fall in the SMV and calibrate that to what you want and have a good attitude and keep your eyes open. Keep an open mind and be open to people.

If you have pre-emptively decided (closed your mind to believe) the market is shjt like @Tenacity, @Urbanyst and @LARaiders85 seem to have decided...then guess what? This is the reality YOU are creating through your own attitudes and beliefs. Period. Sub consciously you are actually so convinced the market is crap that you sort for crap women...and this is convenient because it reinforces your belief system and absolves you of responsibility for your interactions in the market. There are men on SS right now today who DO NOT suffer from thinking the WHOLE market is crap, and guess what? Those guys are having success.

Flame me if you want but some of ya'll are having cognitive dissonance because you cannot resolve the FACT that others are having success in this area and you can't figure out why you are not also having success. Attitude/beliefs, attitude/beliefs, attitude/beliefs.

Sure BeExcellent...

You can just "believe" your way to a stable marriage lol. More BLUE PILL horse manure from you. And you're divorced on top of that. So how did "believing" work out for you?

Reality doesn't changed based on what you "believe" to be true or not or what your "attitude" about life is. If someone is a bank robber.. you "believing" they are just a friendly cashier will not keep them from robbing a bank sooner or later. You can have the best "attitude" in the world, but a bank robber is a bank robber is a bank robber.

 

[Urbanyst]

Women date UP not because of the financial issues that would ensue if they date down. It’s because their nature is to have a partner of equal or greater value. Men are thus always greater than their women, but this is due to their inherent nature, not becaus eof legal logistics or technicalities. Few women are actually this aware, you give them too much credit.

Actually YOU give them too much credit because you still think marriage is "SMART".

LOL.

Negligible. I’ve already countered everything you said. Again. This thread should be closed already. You are grasping onto straws here with your own wishful thinking just so that you don’t feel like you are wrong.

This thread should be closed? Don't make me laugh.

How about posting in one of the HUNDREDS of other threads available here on SoSuave?

It’s okay, don’t respond to the above. Answer me this though: If you already know everything about women that you are willing to learn, or perhaps you somehow do know everything there is to know, then why are you here arguing with the rest of us ‘fools’?

This thread is about MARRIAGE. Its not about "knowing everything about women".

Get some new glasses lol.

 

[Urbanyst]

Still waiting for @guru1000 to tell me why marriage is a "SMART" decision for a man.

He can't come up with JACK SH*T. I haven't laughed this hard in a while lol.

 

[BeExcellent]

Sure BeExcellent...

You can just "believe" your way to a stable marriage lol. More BLUE PILL horse manure from you. And you're divorced on top of that. So how did "believing" work out for you?

Reality doesn't changed based on what you "believe" to be true or not or what your "attitude" about life is. If someone is a bank robber.. you "believing" they are just a friendly cashier will not keep them from robbing a bank sooner or later. You can have the best "attitude" in the world, but a bank robber is a bank robber is a bank robber.

Thank for for providing the opportunity to illustrate my point. Stable marriages are based in trust. As noted in my post one must observe behavior and continue to extend or retract trust according to the behavior of the other party. The observation should be unfiltered, objective, and therefore empirical. This is an ongoing process, an active process and requires constant effort. Good marriages are not for the lazy.

Lets look at an example for sake of illustration:

1. Suzy went to the store and bought a dozen eggs. Notice how there is zero assignment of motive, zero subjective context at all. Merely observation of factual events.

2. Suzy was hungry and worried she didn't have enough food so Suzy went to the store and bought a dozen eggs. Notice in this example the observer has assigned motive and emotion to the empirical action. A subjective context has been assigned. This is where the trouble with perception starts. People go about constantly assigning motive and emotion to other people's actions. You just did that to me in your quote above in fact. A high percentage of the time the assumptions one person assigns via their perception are wrong. What if Suzy had promised to make deviled eggs for her bible study? What if Suzy plans to make confetti eggs for her daughter's party? What if Suzy isn't hungry at all? We don't know, and assuming doesn't help us. All we know is she went to the store and bought eggs... we can't determine why from observation alone...but that doesn't stop us from trying.

The fact that I am divorced (see good marriages are not for the lazy - above) has no bearing whatsoever on the millions of ongoing successful marriages. So the fact that I happen to be divorced is irrelevant. You have never been married yourself, so following your logic your viewpoint is less relevant than my own, for you in fact have objectively ZERO perspective in the matter as an individual whereas I do objectively have that set of experience in my life lexicon as an individual.

Reality is strictly empirical. However no human being exists in a purely empirical way. Rather all human beings exist through perception, which is the filtering of empirical reality by the mind. The gap between reality and perception is where beliefs enter into the picture. Attitude can't change reality. Attitude CAN and DOES change perception.

Learn to distinguish between reality and perception.

 

[Serenity]

LOL. Really?

The murder rate (female on male) is nothing close to the divorce rate (initiated by women) 50%.

Are you people even TRYING? I feel like I'm arguing with toddlers lol.

Not my point, I was attacking your logic using an example, not comparing murder rates and divorce rates. Just like divorce can happen and you avoid it by not marrying, so can murder and according to your logic you should avoid it just to be sure. I can make more examples using different contexts if you find my point hard to understand.

Anyways on the topic of statistics, which 50% side you're on isn't a matter of random chance. Make a bad decision and you end up on the divorce statistic, make a good choice and you'll be among the remaining 50%.

It's as if women is like rolling a dice to you, like you have zero skill so you rely on luck. You can keep throwing numbers in my face, but marriage isn't dumb luck unless you have your head up your a$$.