Anyone here go through a really tough no contact? Need some words of wisdom

[DreamAgain]

Just having a really tough time right now, I know the answer is to go meet other girls, but it feels like my insides are being torn apart.

Any insights on how long this lasted for you guys, or how you endured it, would be greatly appreciated. Went through the no contact thread and found many useful posts in there already.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

First off, it sounds like you are going to have to go through this at least one more time with another girl. It does get easier, but it's necessary in the learning process.

The reason I say this is because, in essence, you really need to change how you 'feel' about women, especially women you are attracted to and get along with. You're investing too much emotional energy in them, which is why you now have this 'gut-wrenching' when it falls apart. As a man, logic and rationale need to start playing a greater roll in your life and your outlook towards relationships.

It sounds easier said than done, and it is easier said than done. It's actually not about caring or feeling less, or becoming a cold-hearted b!tch (the mistake so many make); but rather learning how to train those emotions to manifest in more manageable ways.

I still love women as much as I always have; probably more than ever in fact. But I allow those feelings to just be, and don't attach anything to them, least of all my general mood, or self worth or anything else within my personal constitution. Honestly, it take years of practice, so don't try to kid yourself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If some girl I like doesn't want to be with me right here and now, well, what the fck am I gonna do about it.

Lastly, as far as methods are concerned, make yourself busy. Get back to basics. Maybe take some time out from women and make yourself a more desirable prospect. When you enjoy life, other people enjoy being part of it. Start enjoying things that are completely independent of women. Hang out with the guys, get trashed and talk sh!t.

One day you'll wake up and realise that you're a guy that never gets ditched by women ever again. And that's the ultimate destination to aim for.

 

[That_dude]

After a while.. I came to the conclusion.. It's totally out of my control and there's absolutely nothing you can do when chit doesn't work out. Sure I miss a couple girls from the past.. But now I just move on immediately

Give yourself time to heal and move on.. Focus on yourself for a little bit.. You'll know when you're ready to get out there and meet some new ladies

 

[resilient]

The no-contact thread is really helpful for cases of "severe" oneitis.

The best thing you can do is challenge yourself daily in many areas of your life.

Stretch yourself to what you think you're humanly capable of and you'll be amazed at the potential you have to accomplish your goals.

What do you have to lose?

If you feel like you're at rock bottom, the only place you can go is up. That may sound like an oversimplified response, yet it's true.

Almost every breakup I've had and had without an ample supply of plates to turn to, usually nearly zero plates, I took up a new hobby and devoted myself to that 300%.

It's a great distraction and gives you a huge opportunity to rebuild your self-esteem, self-respect, and overall frame.

This year, for me it was the guitar. I've been playing every day and attending lessons for six months and it's been a blast. It hasn't "earned" me plates, yet it's an outlet I've found that helped me exercise my catharsis.

 

[That_dude]

Great post resilient!

 

[DreamAgain]

The no-contact thread is really helpful for cases of "severe" oneitis.

The best thing you can do is challenge yourself daily in many areas of your life.

Stretch yourself to what you think you're humanly capable of and you'll be amazed at the potential you have to accomplish your goals.

What do you have to lose?

If you feel like you're at rock bottom, the only place you can go is up. That may sound like an oversimplified response, yet it's true.

Almost every breakup I've had and had without an ample supply of plates to turn to, usually nearly zero plates, I took up a new hobby and devoted myself to that 300%.

It's a great distraction and gives you a huge opportunity to rebuild your self-esteem, self-respect, and overall frame.

This year, for me it was the guitar. I've been playing every day and attending lessons for six months and it's been a blast. It hasn't "earned" me plates, yet it's an outlet I've found that helped me exercise my catharsis.

Thanks man, I play piano and try to exercise regularly, so that helps. But the fact that I thought I clicked so well with this girl, I've talked to others but with this previous one, it's like we almost completed each other's thoughts, everything flowed so seamlessly.

I didn't even do anything wrong necessarily...I think she just wants to explore other options, being young and attractive she gets a ton of attention. But it still hurts.

 

[beforeimgone]

Just having a really tough time right now, I know the answer is to go meet other girls, but it feels like my insides are being torn apart.

Any insights on how long this lasted for you guys, or how you endured it, would be greatly appreciated. Went through the no contact thread and found many useful posts in there already.

No contact lasts until you no longer feel anything for her. Only then will you b able to properly handle yourself around her.

Love does not exist. Internalize this

 

[RedZone]

The no-contact thread is really helpful for cases of "severe" oneitis.

The best thing you can do is challenge yourself daily in many areas of your life.

Stretch yourself to what you think you're humanly capable of and you'll be amazed at the potential you have to accomplish your goals.

What do you have to lose?

If you feel like you're at rock bottom, the only place you can go is up. That may sound like an oversimplified response, yet it's true.

Almost every breakup I've had and had without an ample supply of plates to turn to, usually nearly zero plates, I took up a new hobby and devoted myself to that 300%.

It's a great distraction and gives you a huge opportunity to rebuild your self-esteem, self-respect, and overall frame.

This year, for me it was the guitar. I've been playing every day and attending lessons for six months and it's been a blast. It hasn't "earned" me plates, yet it's an outlet I've found that helped me exercise my catharsis.

This 100%. Girls are great but passion is what really matters in life.

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

Just having a really tough time right now, I know the answer is to go meet other girls, but it feels like my insides are being torn apart.

Any insights on how long this lasted for you guys, or how you endured it, would be greatly appreciated. Went through the no contact thread and found many useful posts in there already.

Here is my story
I hope it it helps you to stay strong in your Fight

2016
February 29, 2016 I lost my father , barley 30 days after his passing while I am in mourning my EX (Engaged at that time ) dumps me om March 29. 2016

Sure I had my part in the downfall of the relationship
. It takes 2 people to make a relationship and she no longer wanted to make that effort.

I was with so much pain dealing with mourning and a breakup ( I wish that on no person)
They say some women stay in the relationship way pass the point that they have zero feelings for you
so it makes it easy for them to throw you like trash once they breakup and move on

My bestfriend , sisters and mother told me not to reach out to the EX, I did not listen
because of the little devil on your shoulder anxiety
Reaching out to the EX and not getting the response I desire only hurt and delayed my recover by months

I search allover the Internet for every (get your EX back BS)
Hand Written Letter (Pure BS)
Get Your EX back in 30 Days (pure BS Waste of Money)

I sent the EX flowers and teddy bear ( Seen as manipulation)
Called the EX plenty times , left message and text

I finally spoke with the EX after a month late went out for lunch , ( I had hopes in my head that I could turn this around )
that went no where.. She was being friendly and not trying to hurt my feelings (I refuse to see it but the love was gone)

by June, 2016 I travel out the country for my father's funeral , that help clear my mind for 3 weeks, I return back and all I could think about was the EX

I showed up to a church the EX goes to and sat right net to my EX ( Creepy Stalker ....wow i can laugh at that now ) that got me no where
Tried to have my Best mate call to speak with her 2 weeks, that went no where.

I tried one final text message so i taught in June , 2016, Telling her I was going no contact and if she should ever change her mind to reach out
No response

So I started no contact in June but broke it in August , 2016 by sending her a " Hey "Pet name" how are you doing?
I got a cold response " You need to move on , Stop contacting me "
and the next day
She sends my BF a similar message telling him to tell me not to contact her and if I did she would serve me a retraining order at my job! Wow

After that I was done, Reality was in my face. I was not paying attention to it all this time. I completly went into full NC and tried to never look back, it was hard but it got better each day.

Fast forward to Feb 18, 2017
I got a nasty FaceBook message from the EX (Who blocked me on FB around June 2016) who I have had on contact with since August , 2016 threaten me again with a possible police restraining order (WTF) with some nonsense story that she gave her phone number to her cousin and her cousin got a text from me? ( Chick might have not wiped her phone memory )
plus since she blocked me meant that she had to unblock me to send the message

I did not response (Was pissed) and continued NC (No Looking Back )

The Moral of the Story. Don't get fooled by Anxiety and that little devil on your shoulder telling you to reach out

Since she dumped you , she should be the one to reach-out not you
When and if she does , have her come to your place , hang out and smash
treat her like a FWB not the girlfriend you knew ( That ship has sailed )

Stay the Course in NC
Focus on yourself and heal
Pickup some self help and relationship books
Corey Wayne , Tony Robbins and other stuff

Fight On

 

[sosousage]

Just having a really tough time right now, I know the answer is to go meet other girls, but it feels like my insides are being torn apart.

Any insights on how long this lasted for you guys, or how you endured it, would be greatly appreciated. Went through the no contact thread and found many useful posts in there already.

Date younger girls. They are easy. Probably your current relationship is dead because your girlfriend expected more of her boyfriend. You probably dont have enough for your EX, but it will probably be enough for younger girls

 

[That_dude]

Here is my story
I hope it it helps you to stay strong in your Fight

2016
February 29, 2016 I lost my father , barley 30 days after his passing while I am in mourning my EX (Engaged at that time ) dumps me om March 29. 2016

Sure I had my part in the downfall of the relationship
. It takes 2 people to make a relationship and she no longer wanted to make that effort.

I was with so much pain dealing with mourning and a breakup ( I wish that on no person)
They say some women stay in the relationship way pass the point that they have zero feelings for you
so it makes it easy for them to throw you like trash once they breakup and move on

My bestfriend , sisters and mother told me not to reach out to the EX, I did not listen
because of the little devil on your shoulder anxiety
Reaching out to the EX and not getting the response I desire only hurt and delayed my recover by months

I search allover the Internet for every (get your EX back BS)
Hand Written Letter (Pure BS)
Get Your EX back in 30 Days (pure BS Waste of Money)

I sent the EX flowers and teddy bear ( Seen as manipulation)
Called the EX plenty times , left message and text

I finally spoke with the EX after a month late went out for lunch , ( I had hopes in my head that I could turn this around )
that went no where.. She was being friendly and not trying to hurt my feelings (I refuse to see it but the love was gone)

by June, 2016 I travel out the country for my father's funeral , that help clear my mind for 3 weeks, I return back and all I could think about was the EX

I showed up to a church the EX goes to and sat right net to my EX ( Creepy Stalker ....wow i can laugh at that now ) that got me no where
Tried to have my Best mate call to speak with her 2 weeks, that went no where.

I tried one final text message so i taught in June , 2016, Telling her I was going no contact and if she should ever change her mind to reach out
No response

So I started no contact in June but broke it in August , 2016 by sending her a " Hey "Pet name" how are you doing?
I got a cold response " You need to move on , Stop contacting me "
and the next day
She sends my BF a similar message telling him to tell me not to contact her and if I did she would serve me a retraining order at my job! Wow

After that I was done, Reality was in my face. I was not paying attention to it all this time. I completly went into full NC and tried to never look back, it was hard but it got better each day.

Fast forward to Feb 18, 2017
I got a nasty FaceBook message from the EX (Who blocked me on FB around June 2016) who I have had on contact with since August , 2016 threaten me again with a possible police restraining order (WTF) with some nonsense story that she gave her phone number to her cousin and her cousin got a text from me? ( Chick might have not wiped her phone memory )
plus since she blocked me meant that she had to unblock me to send the message

I did not response (Was pissed) and continued NC (No Looking Back )

The Moral of the Story. Don't get fooled by Anxiety and that little devil on your shoulder telling you to reach out

Since she dumped you , she should be the one to reach-out not you
When and if she does , have her come to your place , hang out and smash
treat her like a FWB not the girlfriend you knew ( That ship has sailed )

Stay the Course in NC
Focus on yourself and heal
Pickup some self help and relationship books
Corey Wayne , Tony Robbins and other stuff

Fight On

This is a perfect example of why you let go. He could’ve been 6 months past this and on with his life. Instead he tortured himself continuing to reach out. And another thing.. A bitter chick will try and flip the script to get your azz in trouble. Like in his example. They always have this in their favor and won’t hesitate to play this card, when it’s convenient. Life is too short for bs and drama. If it ain’t workin out, keep it movin. F that bro

 

[Infern0]

The pain? It's not about her.

Figure out what it's really about.

 

[Trump]

But the fact that I thought I clicked so well with this girl, I've talked to others but with this previous one, it's like we almost completed each other's thoughts, everything flowed so seamlessly.

According to you it flowed seamlessly. According to her it could have been painful.

I didn't even do anything wrong necessarily...I think she just wants to explore other options, being young and attractive she gets a ton of attention. But it still hurts.

It's never personal. It's about what you can do for them.