What would you do if you were married to this

[Cambridge]

made my skin crawl, but

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

just curious what you guys would were this your wife

 

[Julian]

you actually read that? tf you doing on that website anyway

 

[Cambridge]

you actually read that? tf you doing on that website anyway

hell yea I read it. fb acquaintance posted a gushing, laudatory post about it. if you don't know what to do with women like this chances you're failing their tests and letting them dominate you. avoidance isn't helping anyone.

my question still stands: what would you do?

 

[sazc]

I can relate to feeling like that in my marriage. It felt like our entire existence was on my shoulders. Domestic life, child rearing, our social life, vacations.

Sure, he would do anything, IF I just asked him, but there are staples that we need over and over again. Why is it necessary for me to remind you of these things? Why can't you just be a partner with me in this journey?

Very frustrating. One of the things that never got resolved that led to resentment. I felt un acknowledged for my real contributions on a lot of levels.

 

[RedScorpion]

Read through it briefly, but seems like it's mostly nitpicking and whining rather than a full crisis per say. There's a lot of acknowledgement from her that her husband does do a lot, but it seems like she's frustrated at needing to micromanage and remind him to replace certain things. She sees things out of place that he does not (or does not acknowledge as needing done). This seems pretty common for men vs women, women always seem to have a better eye or keenness on that level.

Having been military, I can specifically relate to the frustration and desire for people to clean up their own **** and not need a steady reminder of 'Hey, pick up your stuff'. Most people are pretty good for maintaining tidiness once trained for that. But I wouldn't expect most people to naturally be aware to keep to that level of tidiness. I don't maintain that now, that's for sure.

What would I do? Honestly... I'd try to get my initiative up about it, to be more observant about tidiness, or at least up to the level of taking care of my own disorganization. Hopefully not at the explicit urging of her, or to overly expand and be maintaining all occurances (without her help any further, as an example). Then it could be seen as a bit of her holding that whip over you or whatever. It's not entirely unfounded her frustrations, if true (such as 'When my husband brushes out tangles before bedtime, he needs his efforts noticed and congratulated'). But how the guy responds, if he does choose to acquiesce, needs to be figured carefully. So as to not appear to only do so because she was whining/complaining. Then it could subtly teach her that that complaint is an effective communication method.

In the end, the main thing is that these tasks do need completing (i.e. it's not just busy work). And eventually someone will have to take care of it. Either you or her. Working together and having initiative to accomplish those tasks is a virtue in any case.

 

[Julian]

hell yea I read it. fb acquaintance posted a gushing, laudatory post about it. if you don't know what to do with women like this chances you're failing their tests and letting them dominate you. avoidance isn't helping anyone.

my question still stands: what would you do?

First off im not getting married and second of all any domestic partnership i have there will be clear guidlines. Number one, i always pull my share of the weight. Im a grown man who keeps his gear organized. So i expect the same out of someone i live with.

We will know where we stand with our duties and there will be no complaining about it.

 

[Cambridge]

Very frustrating. One of the things that never got resolved that led to resentment. I felt un acknowledged for my real contributions on a lot of levels.

One thing I've never found is a guy complaining that his wife isn't putting enough hours at the office. However I've seen many stay-at-home moms complaining that their husband isn't pulling enough weight at home.

Why are people complaining about these trivial little inconveniences? are you so stupid as to not realize the miracles around you? that you actually have a house? have a place to clean? have beautiful kids running around making messes? have food? have a husband that comes home? or how lucky you are to live where you do? health? you are so. d4mn. lucky.

you squabble and complain about your miraculous life and you've wasted a precious, sacred, opportunity and still can't see what you've missed. don't you see it's not about you? for your own sake go higher. when the interest comes due on years of resentment, it will kill you drive you to madness.

 

[resilient]

That’s the problem with LTRs married or not... people take each other for granted and forget to say a simple thank you or show a gesture of gratitude.

Without active listening communication style of dialog, respectful barriers come down and the disrespectful passive/aggressive games of keeping score begin as resentment settles in.

How many couples do you see at restaurants, venues, and social gatherings looking down in their lap at their cell phones instead of the eyes of their significant other with full attention of listening?

Active listening is becoming a lost art and an epidemic threat to society to all people and not necessarily an exclusive issue to relationships.

Someone told me recently that the average teenager looks down at their cell phone 500 times a day. Imagine that. How can anyone expect to develop a stronger bond and intimacy in relationship?

Neither partner is going to be ready to jump each other’s bones when the relationship becomes dysfunctional and either partner feels like the foundation of the home is like walking on a floor of eggshells. If anything they’ll feel repulsed.

You also have movies, tv shows, pop culture, social media and work culture influences that can make men look weak or like an absent minded fool.

I did my part and more in my former marriage and I was dispected and looked down as weak/beta. If I got fed up and resentful or passive aggressive in slights, I lost. If I made demands or try to lead as a man, I looked weak and reactive.

It felt like a lose/lose when I just wanted common respect and courtesy for a simple and responsible way of living.

 

[Cambridge]

I did my part and more in my former marriage and I was dispected and looked down as weak/beta. If I got fed up and resentful or passive aggressive in slights, I lost. If I made demands or try to lead as a man, I looked weak and reactive.

It felt like a lose/lose when I just wanted common respect and courtesy for a simple and responsible way of living.

the amount of effort you did clearly wasn't the issue. not knowing what "enough" was.

 

[Alvafe]

I can relate to feeling like that in my marriage. It felt like our entire existence was on my shoulders. Domestic life, child rearing, our social life, vacations.

Sure, he would do anything, IF I just asked him, but there are staples that we need over and over again. Why is it necessary for me to remind you of these things? Why can't you just be a partner with me in this journey?

Very frustrating. One of the things that never got resolved that led to resentment. I felt un acknowledged for my real contributions on a lot of levels.

and you know why? most men really don't cares about most things you care/woman care, would be far more helpfull if you did explain better what you mean by social life and vacations, because for a guy as long you grab a beer with a friend that is all social life you need/want, if you want that dinners thing, well that is female thing not male


for that op, I wouldn't marry a woman like that, and even less likely I leave the finances on her hand, if anything I learn I get my finances a hell a lot better then most people

 

[Cambridge]

that op, I wouldn't marry a woman like that, and even less likely I leave the finances on her hand, if anything I learn I get my finances a hell a lot better then most people

talking with someone at the gym tonight I realized that this is pretty much status quo for most marriages. men concede that women are dim-witted complaining sponges; women concede that men are disconnected and clueless. there has got to be more to a marriage than these crap role models we keep using. no?

 

[logicallefty]

Women are never happy, no matter what. If I was married to this, I would drink a lot.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She's talking about the emotional labor of nesting, and fine, maybe it is labor...I have no fvcking idea, and that is the point. Women are nesters; men are not. She might as well be complaining about her wings hurting from flying around all day, for as little as I am going to be able to truly empathize.

There's plenty of male emotional labor, too. When you're walking on a dark street late at night with a woman, and you see someone approaching you, as a man all sorts of protective instinct questions ought to be going off in your head as you gauge whether or not he is a potential threat. A woman is just never going to have those thoughts and anxieties, especially if she is with you. If you complained to her about it, she would have no idea what you are talking about.

 

[BeExcellent]

Unreal. As a chick who had to be the breadwinner and then constantly come home to domestic chaos my opinion is:

Quit complaining buttercup. You are a wife & mother because you married a man who takes being a man and providing you the opportunity to be a wife & mother & not work outside the home very seriously. REWARD him!

I would have given my eye teeth for such a man. The alternative is you have to work & you don't get to nuture your children. Ask me how I know...and trust me this lady would not like the very real alternative. That article ticks me off so much I might write a letter to the editor. Entitled witch.

 

[ubercat]

I saw this guy getting something done with his phone obviously a repair. And his heavily pregnant wife barked hurry up at him. Now I would suck this up because hell she's pregnant I'm never going to have to go through that. If she wasn't she would get one and final warning. Being single is a hell of a lot better than that.

 

[Masculinity]

made my skin crawl, but

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

just curious what you guys would were this your wife

If a cleaning job is that much drama, it must take less work to put a rocket in space than to get some action from this chick.

 

[exhausted]

I saw this guy getting something done with his phone obviously a repair. And his heavily pregnant wife barked hurry up at him. Now I would suck this up because hell she's pregnant I'm never going to have to go through that. If she wasn't she would get one and final warning. Being single is a hell of a lot better than that.

No this is today's cvnt woman.
I was picking up.my exgf to.take.her and her kid to the zoo and when i came inside her.mother started up a convo with me we were talking for 2 mins and my ex came thro the kitchen carrying stuff and said "just stsnd there it's fine I'll carry everything to the car".

I said something silly like i have 3 sisters just drop it and ill carry it out as imuse to.moving those broads my whole life... trying to undermine her *****.cvnt attitude which was for NO.reason.

When we got in the car i leaned over and said dont ever talk to me like that again let alone in front of your mother. She was talking with me.and i was polite conversing back, i alwsys carry chit to the car if u cant wait a min drop it on the floor and get your kid ready...

****inhhn ******* princess ***** syndrome.

These girls are.****ing unappreciative cvnts

 

[exhausted]

That’s the problem with LTRs married or not... people take each other for granted and forget to say a simple thank you or show a gesture of gratitude.

Without active listening communication style of dialog, respectful barriers come down and the disrespectful passive/aggressive games of keeping score begin as resentment settles in.

How many couples do you see at restaurants, venues, and social gatherings looking down in their lap at their cell phones instead of the eyes of their significant other with full attention of listening?

Active listening is becoming a lost art and an epidemic threat to society to all people and not necessarily an exclusive issue to relationships.

Someone told me recently that the average teenager looks down at their cell phone 500 times a day. Imagine that. How can anyone expect to develop a stronger bond and intimacy in relationship?

Neither partner is going to be ready to jump each other’s bones when the relationship becomes dysfunctional and either partner feels like the foundation of the home is like walking on a floor of eggshells. If anything they’ll feel repulsed.

You also have movies, tv shows, pop culture, social media and work culture influences that can make men look weak or like an absent minded fool.

I did my part and more in my former marriage and I was dispected and looked down as weak/beta. If I got fed up and resentful or passive aggressive in slights, I lost. If I made demands or try to lead as a man, I looked weak and reactive.

It felt like a lose/lose when I just wanted common respect and courtesy for a simple and responsible way of living.

I applied all the positives you mentioned and more to no avail.
One person can truly ruin everything.

I practiced acts of kindness daily..
treat her special and no one else, to ensure she is the one special to me.
Out to eat always left phone in the car.
Always respectful and loyal.

I'd always be there to help or be supportive yet this cvnt would not recipricate in the least.
Lazy as schit.
Always negative.
Always caused problems out of nothing
always lying over nothing.

This came out years later.

Some times no matter what u do the other person is a lost pos cause..

 

[Reyaj]

It seems like everything described regarding women's behavior is innate. Sucks! I guess some things in life you have to accept.

 

[dustmuffin]

I applied all the positives you mentioned and more to no avail.
One person can truly ruin everything.

I practiced acts of kindness daily..
treat her special and no one else, to ensure she is the one special to me.
Out to eat always left phone in the car.
Always respectful and loyal.

I'd always be there to help or be supportive yet this cvnt would not recipricate in the least.
Lazy as schit.
Always negative.
Always caused problems out of nothing
always lying over nothing.

This came out years later.

Some times no matter what u do the other person is a lost pos cause..

My ex wife was the same way. I acted the same way too. Problem was you rewarded her bad behavior as I did.

It seems the better you treat a person the worse they treat you.