BPD GIRL CUT ME OFF / MET ANOTHER BPD / GENERAL SADNESS

[PokerL]

Remember that everything she does is about CONTROL. Cluster B's are not driven by loving others or healthy relationships with people. They want to control and dominate other people no matter what the cost. When you analyze her actions from THAT perspective things start to make sense. Stay far far away.

When I look at it from that perspective her agreeing to meet me and sleeping with me after seeing a picture of myself with her BPD friend makes more sense, and only after that deciding to block me and go to the police once she knows she could have me no matter what. Or something along those lines at least

 

[Thorninmyside]

You know you're needy when even the BPDs are done toying with you. PLEASE get some healthier options in rotation ASAP, op.

 

[PokerL]

You know you're needy when even the BPDs are done toying with you. PLEASE get some healthier options in rotation ASAP, op.

I mean it wasn't quite that simple but I see your point

 

[PokerL]

@PokerL You keep mentioning her,her,her. It's not about her or them. It's about YOU. It's about what YOU want. This BPD chick hit you with the 'Harley Quinn Effect'. You used to be sane, but then started hanging around the Joker and turned crazy. They'll do that to you. Those chicks don't care about you OR themselves. Their number one goal is to cause every man the same pain that they went through or worse. It's revenge. Work on YOU. You're better than this. Go NC...forever.

Yeah I guess that's true. In a way I really feel like I lack an identity atm, she kept me so busy

 

[PokerL]

I've been feeling a bit better today, ate 3 meals, went to the gym, and kept contact with the second borderline to a minimum though that is hard as she's really struggling at university and seems to be quite homesick. However I am focusing on myself and trying to move on as best I can, I've been speaking to another barmaid who I met a few weeks ago and I might ask her out for a drink, it's a start right ?

 

[Billtx49]

I've been speaking to another barmaid who I met a few weeks ago and I might ask her out for a drink, it's a start right ?

Yes, another woman to focus solely on for the time being is exactly what you need right now.

 

[Infern0]

I'm going to get to the point here.

OP, you need to go to a therapist.

This site will lead straight to blaming the woman and yes she may be BPD and yes she's shown some ****ty behaviour, however you yourself have demonstrated severe emotional dysfunction, loads of passive aggressive, codependent behaviours.

I am NOT trying to bash you here but it might be time to consider that could be just as sick as her.

Still living at home at 22 and having no friends is a dead give away for emotional problems, and "learning a bit of game" isn't going to do the job, that comes later.

Go to a T, tell him what you've told us, watch his eyes widen and then start listening to what he tells you.

 

[Infern0]

Ready for the hard word? Because here it comes.

MY BORDERLINE STORY

I am a 22 year old professional poker player who lives at home currently. I am a loner, when people say they have no friends they're often joking, I am not.

See this is what we call a "red flag" in terms of a guy this is something similar to meeting a girl who tells you she's cheated on most of her exes, you know there's trouble coming. As a man you need to look at WHY this is.

Anyway she seems to vanish, tells me to give her some space after I leave flowers, perfume, and tea outside her door

It's not surprising she vanished, this is weird behaviour dude, it's way too early to do something like that, at best it shows you are clueless, at worst (as we will get into) it is a sign of something more nefarious.

After this we become very close friends and chatted on the phone almost every day, for hours.

Clueless again, terrible way to go and will guaranteed torpedo ANY woman's attraction for you

I notice she gets a text saying "Hey you still coming over friday" I casually ask her about it as I figure I cant get too mad seeing as she is just still my friend kinda.

Not "i can't get too mad cos she's kinda my friend". You can't get mad AT ALL because you have NO established commitment whatsoever, so it is none of your business. But you DID get mad didn't you, which is your issue. Not hers.

I would take her to work whenever she needed a lift in, and pick her up whenever she asked which would usually be around midnight but I didnt mind. I was just grateful to see her even if it was just for 20 minutes in the car. One day I'm particularly not proud of is we were out shopping and she saw an expensive lipstick she wanted, she convinced me to buy it for her promising to do whatever I wanted later if I got her that and some office supply stuff she needed, a little weird and not my style but I was so desperate for her I agreed.

You did favours for her hoping to get something in return. This is toxic and manipulative behaviour. It's inauthentic and shows a lack of self respect and self worth. This will also torpedo ANY womans attraction, because they KNOW why you are doing it and they don't like it.

Later that evening we were driving back to my place from dinner and just as we're arriving in my town she says "I've changed my mind, take me home'I of course get very annoyed having wasted my whole day but I do agree,

Predictable as clockwork, she isn't a prostitute and she doesn't "owe you" sex. You "wasting your day" shows that you didn't care about spending time with her nor did you want to "do something nice" for her, you were purely trying to get your own needs met. Manipulative, inauthentic and selfish. Majority of women WILL take the free gifts and favours but won't give you anything in return. The really healthy ones would have gone no contact on you already.

I drive off home and text her saying "I could ruin your life far easier" Referring to all the personal details I know about her and of course the erotic video we made together, disgraceful I know but i was just so angry and she'd pushed me for weeks.

Threats and blackmail, do you not have a shred of honour? Hold yourself to some sort of standards man

I sent a threatening message saying "Look I didnt delete anything, please give me my things back and we wont have a problem" I know this is awful but I was just so done and angry. The next day we meet outside her place, she has my things in a black bag, she explains she's going to the police etc and to take my things back, I apologise for what I've said and leave it at that, we have maybe one more phone call but that's it.

More threats and blackmail, trying to keep contact at any cost by creating drama etc.

She does not block my number though or any form social media so I still kept track of her, .

Creepy, stalkerish behaviour, nice.

Then it hit me, i remembered she had a BPD friend who lived fairly locally who she often spoke about and sort of seemed to be in competition with.

"then it hit me, i can drag some innocent 3rd party into this mess and use her to get my needs met"

A day later I hear from my borderline, she calls me sick, warns her friend to stay away from me etc

She isn't wrong.

She tells me i took advantage of her, tricked her etc which isnt true but she said we were cool and could chat more later.

It is true

I send her a couple of long messages saying she's intimidating and wrong about what she said but I love her and know the real her etc.

You don't love her, you don't know what healthy love looks like. You also don't know the real her, the "real her" is the idealised fantasy you have created of her. If she actually has BPD, the real her is a girl of about 6 years old who is trapped in an adult body and acting out of fear, guilt and shame, with no guidance and nobody who truly cares for her well-being. Considering you're level of emotional maturity, you are nowhere NEAR being a good choice of partner for her. And if you can put your own needs aside for a minute, you might be able to grasp that painful fact.

In the meantime I had been complaining to the other BPD about her as I felt she wad the only one i could talk to who'd understand.

Using her

Why would she block me ? I need answers.

I have given them to you

I'm tempted now she has had 2 weeks to cool off to maybe go to her house with flowers ? or something along those lines ?

..............................




So there you have it. I'm not blaming you by the way, your behaviour is a result of your upbringing, but you NEED to snap out of this victim mentality. The almost reverse-feminism of the manosphere would allow you to hide from much of your own responsibility here, and enable you to "blame the borderline" as if this wasn't a two-way disfunctional dance.

GREAT relationships = TWO emotionally healthy adults

FUNCTIONAL relationships = ONE emotionally healthy adult who can carry the load and ONE emotionally not so healthy person who can be supported by the healthy one

DISFUNCTIONAL ****SHOW = TWO emotionally unhealthy adults, aka the blind leading the blind, aka what is happening in this post.



Flames.

 

[PokerL]

I'm going to get to the point here.

OP, you need to go to a therapist.

This site will lead straight to blaming the woman and yes she may be BPD and yes she's shown some ****ty behaviour, however you yourself have demonstrated severe emotional dysfunction, loads of passive aggressive, codependent behaviours.

I am NOT trying to bash you here but it might be time to consider that could be just as sick as her.

Still living at home at 22 and having no friends is a dead give away for emotional problems, and "learning a bit of game" isn't going to do the job, that comes later.

Go to a T, tell him what you've told us, watch his eyes widen and then start listening to what he tells you.

I've taken this and your second post on board, thank you. I do realise how ****ed up I must seem and I'm going to look for some help, I've already started speaking to friends I've made in the past but haven't spoken to in years and should be meeting another girl for a drink this upcoming Friday. I do blame myself for the way the relationship went, I was naive and as you say passive aggressive in many areas having only had 1 relationship prior to this.

The other borderline, messages me and snapchats me non stop most days now I feel bad as I do like her a lot but as you say I just sort of dragged her into this for my own gain, obviously I did not know she'd be moving away a few days after we met. She says how grateful she is to of met me, and how attractive it is that I have some understanding about her disorder, but i find it all a bit triggering, it reminds me so much of the original. And as I have only met this girl once and now she lives so far away for the majority of the year it all seems a bit pointless. I told her to block the original borderline on all forms of social media as I felt she'd only try to poison our relationship again which she agreed with and did, but I guess I feel somewhat bad for that as I was just as guilty as her in the relationship, maybe even more so. It's a bit of a mess

 

[Infern0]

I've taken this and your second post on board, thank you. I do realise how ****ed up I must seem and I'm going to look for some help, I've already started speaking to friends I've made in the past but haven't spoken to in years and should be meeting another girl for a drink this upcoming Friday. I do blame myself for the way the relationship went, I was naive and as you say passive aggressive in many areas having only had 1 relationship prior to this.

The other borderline, messages me and snapchats me non stop most days now I feel bad as I do like her a lot but as you say I just sort of dragged her into this for my own gain, obviously I did not know she'd be moving away a few days after we met. She says how grateful she is to of met me, and how attractive it is that I have some understanding about her disorder, but i find it all a bit triggering, it reminds me so much of the original. And as I have only met this girl once and now she lives so far away for the majority of the year it all seems a bit pointless. I told her to block the original borderline on all forms of social media as I felt she'd only try to poison our relationship again which she agreed with and did, but I guess I feel somewhat bad for that as I was just as guilty as her in the relationship, maybe even more so. It's a bit of a mess

Don't beat yourself up over it but DO get help. You are only 22 but you want to get these issues ironed out ASAP because this sort of behaviour will repeat if you just move on to the next woman.

Nip it in the bud now

 

[sosousage]

i dont think saying women has bpd will help. they are just irresponsible. to be honest, if you DONT get attached, then you CANT get hurt no matter the quality of the chick. why there were drugs at your home. she has keys? why would you give her them. maybe dont share keys with strangers.

and stop calling "another bpd" damnnn if they show bpd behavior maybe they just dont respect you. i could say my exes did illogical hurtful things towards me and the same things they did towards their exes but thats not BPD, that rather was lose of respected towards boyfriend, and then justifying any ****ty behavior. meaning she could cut off your leg but tell police you attacked her and think the same in her head. sure thats crazy but damn A LOT of woman do that

 

[PokerL]

Don't beat yourself up over it but DO get help. You are only 22 but you want to get these issues ironed out ASAP because this sort of behaviour will repeat if you just move on to the next woman.

Nip it in the bud now

It has been an eye opener has to how many issues i have, I know

i dont think saying women has bpd will help. they are just irresponsible. to be honest, if you DONT get attached, then you CANT get hurt no matter the quality of the chick. why there were drugs at your home. she has keys? why would you give her them. maybe dont share keys with strangers.

and stop calling "another bpd" damnnn if they show bpd behavior maybe they just dont respect you. i could say my exes did illogical hurtful things towards me and the same things they did towards their exes but thats not BPD, that rather was lose of respected towards boyfriend, and then justifying any ****ty behavior. meaning she could cut off your leg but tell police you attacked her and think the same in her head. sure thats crazy but damn A LOT of woman do that

I only refer to her as the other borderline because thats how I came to know her, I'm not putting her down by saying it Just the girl I was originally seeing would talk about this girl so much, how alike she felt they were due to sharing the same disorder etc, sorry if it came across badly. I never came to expect anything with my original it's just something she happened to share with me very early on before we were close, but her behaviour was absurd compared to any other girl I've met. Obviously I've only met the other one once but in every conversation we've had she's been just great and I regret inflicting any negativity on her by originally making contact

 

[PokerL]

I don't mean anything i say disrespectfully as despite everything I did and she did I still adore her so incredibly deeply. There's nothing I'd like more in the world than to here from her even though I know it would achieve nothing

 

[Chev.Chelios]

I don't mean anything i say disrespectfully as despite everything I did and she did I still adore her so incredibly deeply. There's nothing I'd like more in the world than to here from her even though I know it would achieve nothing

Dude I know, you literally have emotional cancer, something drastic needs to happen to snap you out of this. Going through the same thing and no advice from friends or anything you read in books is going to help.

 

[sosousage]

I don't mean anything i say disrespectfully as despite everything I did and she did I still adore her so incredibly deeply. There's nothing I'd like more in the world than to here from her even though I know it would achieve nothing

you have strong oneitis. why do you write so much about what they did in particular place and time of the day? real man wouldnt care...

they are not ltr material, so they are for sex. do they give it to you? yes? then just enjoy it. no? search next

 

[PokerL]

you have strong oneitis. why do you write so much about what they did in particular place and time of the day? real man wouldnt care...

they are not ltr material, so they are for sex. do they give it to you? yes? then just enjoy it. no? search next

I don't have a great answer for that question, I guess I am suffering from oneitis. It's painful, and I know I'm not helping myself enough. I don't claim to have done the right things

 

[sosousage]

I don't have a great answer for that question, I guess I am suffering from oneitis. It's painful, and I know I'm not helping myself enough. I don't claim to have done the right things

why not just read dj bible..

 

[PokerL]

why not just read dj bible..

I'll take a look, thanks

 

[PokerL]

Dude I know, you literally have emotional cancer, something drastic needs to happen to snap you out of this. Going through the same thing and no advice from friends or anything you read in books is going to help.

I start to feel better for a few hours then have flashbacks and crumble We also live in a fairly small secluded place so most local restaurants / bars / shopping places sorta remind me of her. She literally lived 2-3 miles from me tops

 

[sosousage]

I start to feel better for a few hours then have flashbacks and crumble We also live in a fairly small secluded place so most local restaurants / bars / shopping places sorta remind me of her. She literally lived 2-3 miles from me tops

you had flashbacks of what