Girlfriend of 1 year rarely initiates contact

[rivernorth]

Once a break up always a break up. In my experience with LTR's and every single one of my friends, once the breakup occurs it doesn't matter how many times you get back together it'll always end in a breakup. Same problems will eventually resurface. Who wants that emotional headache?

willard harley was a marriage counselor..... "his needs, her needs" book has stories of couples on the brink of divorce or even after a divorce who end up salvaging the relationship including getting remarried. "same problems eventually resurface"..... yes, but hopefully with a better skill set to solve them. harley thought majority of divorces (90% or so) were due to poor relationship skills rather than incompatibility or intractable abuse.

of course, harley was dealing with marriages, not dating, so his advice was for couples who already had a compatibility commitment. dating can have much less compatibilty and fall apart for that reason rather than lack of relationship skills....

OP was focused on the sexual part of the relationship rather than other parts that are often important to women, so I thought improving relationship skills could help. I'm not a counselor.... just passing on a counselor's advice.

with your experiences and your friends' experiences that rekindling a breakup leads to more emotional headaches..... the problems that never got solved were compatibility issues not skills issues?

 

[dude99]

Girlfriend of a year rarely initiates contact but is usually responsive and affectionate when I reach out to her. she gives me sex once a week but never seems to be terribly into it. A few weeks ago for my birthday she took me out and spent about $200 on me but wouldn't give me sex. I was annoyed by that. So she walked out while I was asleep. Later saying that she felt I didn't appreciate her for putting together a nice birthday. I did appreciate it but I also desire more intimacy.

So went out to dinner Friday night. Slept over her house. She was affectionate but came up with an excuse not to have sex. We haven't had sex in 2 weeks. I went to watch tv while she went to sleep. A couple hours later I went to bed and I Woke her up accidentally and knocked something over in her room and she flipped out and went to sleep on the couch. I went to check on her and she was pissed that I woke her up again and was cussing at me. so I just walked out of her apartment. She then texted me half hour later saying that it's not working out and wished me good luck. Does this mean it's over? How should I handle this? Should I contact her to see if she means it?

Never contact her again. Plain and simple.

The denial of sex told you she no longer cared for you. Then the fight over something so trivial as accidently waking her up told you she was no longer invested in a future with you. She had already checked out a long time ago, hence the denial of sex, but she used that as a lame excuse to end it....and too boot she took the cowards way out, waiting for you to leave her appartment and ended it with a text.

Never contact her again. Go meet new women.

 

[dude99]

Yeah, but I know a lot of girls who just say things like that in the heat of the moment.

Heat of the moment doesnt matter.

Never reward bad behaviour with your time, attention, affection or spending of money.

 

[jthomp]

Never contact her again. Plain and simple.

The denial of sex told you she no longer cared for you. Then the fight over something so trivial as accidently waking her up told you she was no longer invested in a future with you. She had already checked out a long time ago, hence the denial of sex, but she used that as a lame excuse to end it....and too boot she took the cowards way out, waiting for you to leave her appartment and ended it with a text.

Never contact her again. Go meet new women.

Yeah, you're right. I tried reaching out to her today by sending a heartfelt text and she never responded. I'm not going to contact her again. I tried but in reality she's probably doing me a favor.

 

[Glassguy]

Yeah, you're right. I tried reaching out to her today by sending a heartfelt text and she never responded. I'm not going to contact her again. I tried but in reality she's probably doing me a favor.

Serious question: why the fvck did you do that for? You just went against every good piece of advice that YOU asked for.

You just showed her that your a female in a man's body. This was the absolute WORST thing you could of done. She will never come back now....thats a guarantee.

Why do you come on here for advise and then do the opposite?

By going absolute no contact, you would be had a small chance of her flipping the switch if she isn't banging someone else. You just sealed your fate with this chick.

Women want a LEADER.....A MAN......not some one that will take a beating and keep crawling back.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I think we need a sub forum called the validation forum. Basically the aim is to ask for advice and then do whatever the f*ck you wanted to do anyway.

 

[Glassguy]

I think we need a sub forum called the validation forum. Basically the aim is to ask for advice and then do whatever the f*ck you wanted to do anyway.

Reverse psychology forum lol.

 

[RedScorpion]

I find this is usually the point where guys go "Oh, this forum actually knows what they're talking about! My situation is not a unique butterfly". Hopefully anyway.

 

[dude99]

Yeah, you're right. I tried reaching out to her today by sending a heartfelt text and she never responded. I'm not going to contact her again. I tried but in reality she's probably doing me a favor.

Reaching out was a mistake. Go live your life.
Indeed. She did you a favour. Go meet new women. Stop contacting this one.