Girlfriend of 1 year rarely initiates contact

[jthomp]

Girlfriend of a year rarely initiates contact but is usually responsive and affectionate when I reach out to her. she gives me sex once a week but never seems to be terribly into it. A few weeks ago for my birthday she took me out and spent about $200 on me but wouldn't give me sex. I was annoyed by that. So she walked out while I was asleep. Later saying that she felt I didn't appreciate her for putting together a nice birthday. I did appreciate it but I also desire more intimacy.

So went out to dinner Friday night. Slept over her house. She was affectionate but came up with an excuse not to have sex. We haven't had sex in 2 weeks. I went to watch tv while she went to sleep. A couple hours later I went to bed and I Woke her up accidentally and knocked something over in her room and she flipped out and went to sleep on the couch. I went to check on her and she was pissed that I woke her up again and was cussing at me. so I just walked out of her apartment. She then texted me half hour later saying that it's not working out and wished me good luck. Does this mean it's over? How should I handle this? Should I contact her to see if she means it?

 

[Von]

Girlfriend of a year rarely initiates contact but is usually responsive and affectionate when I reach out to her. she gives me sex once a week but never seems to be terribly into it. A few weeks ago for my birthday she took me out and spent about $200 on me but wouldn't give me sex. I was annoyed by that. So she walked out while I was asleep. Later saying that she felt I didn't appreciate her for putting together a nice birthday. I did appreciate it but I also desire more intimacy.

So went out to dinner Friday night. Slept over her house. She was affectionate but came up with an excuse not to have sex. We haven't had sex in 2 weeks. I went to watch tv while she went to sleep. A couple hours later I went to bed and I Woke her up accidentally and knocked something over in her room and she flipped out and went to sleep on the couch. I went to check on her and she was pissed that I woke her up again and was cussing at me. so I just walked out of her apartment. She then texted me half hour later saying that it's not working out and wished me good luck. Does this mean it's over? How should I handle this? Should I contact her to see if she means it?

She ended it... she wrote it clear

Her actions also shows she lost interest in you

Now, what you have to do is :
1. Improve yourself by focusing on improving your social skills, your health, your passions
2. Next her meaning start talking and hitting on other girls, get experience in dealing with women, sleep with them
3. Never contact your EX ever again, unless she beg for the D, even there you should never contact her again

Also, don't waste time trying to figure out.... you'll never know the real reason... and you can only affect yourself... so focus on you and get better

 

[btownbuck2012]

She was looking for a reason to end things with you. A-lot of ppl on this forum will immediately say it's another guy, and that very well could be the case. But the reality of the situation is there could be thousands of reasons. The glaring fact is that she wanted to break up with you. The 1 year mark seems to be when a-lot of this type of thing happens. All you can do is move on. It can be a very hard thing to do, but it must be done. Don't go snooping around trying to find out what she's up to or why she ended things. If you want some closure from here, you'll probably think sitting her down and talking things out will help, it won't. You won't get the straight story from her about what's really going on, whether it's another guy or not.

 

[cola]

Its over. Don't worry about the how's & whys its irrelevant ..
Fyi if your ever with a girl and she stops putting out, unless she had a medical reason or is legit stressed out .. Just cheat.
Don't ask why they won't put out, Just get a sidechick and when your main is tripping, date her.
Ive found its the most effective way to get the point across. She will know your f*cking someone else and her behavior will improve.. Trust me.
Just block her on social media, block her number and move on.

 

[Dingo]

all advise needed has bee given...

It's rough but you will survive..

Sarge on...

 

[jthomp]

She ended it... she wrote it clear

Her actions also shows she lost interest in you

Now, what you have to do is :
1. Improve yourself by focusing on improving your social skills, your health, your passions
2. Next her meaning start talking and hitting on other girls, get experience in dealing with women, sleep with them
3. Never contact your EX ever again, unless she beg for the D, even there you should never contact her again

Also, don't waste time trying to figure out.... you'll never know the real reason... and you can only affect yourself... so focus on you and get better

Yeah, but I know a lot of girls who just say things like that in the heat of the moment.

 

[RedScorpion]

Easy way of looking at it. A girl (or guy) who has real interest will forgive and try to bring the relationship together. Likewise, with no interest (or looking for an out of the situation) - will sabotage or push the relationship away.

She said 'It's over'. Let her be the one to take her words back. If you don't want to 'ruin' the relationship (even though it looks dead already to me), just go no contact with her. Don't do anything hasty (like call her out, or whine/angry vent, etc.), just let her come to you for once. Then you can figure out what to do from there. No harm done on your part. You're just letting her approach you if she really wanted to.

From her actions, I wouldn't expect this... but clearly this relationship isn't working for you either. If any discussion about it happens, just have the mentality of wishing her the best, and also of moving on. That will be the thing that might inspire regret from her and desire to reconcile (begging and discussion will not inspire this).

No contact. Let her come to you. She's a human being with the ability to communicate as well.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Girlfriend of a year rarely initiates contact but is usually responsive and affectionate when I reach out to her. she gives me sex once a week but never seems to be terribly into it. A few weeks ago for my birthday she took me out and spent about $200 on me but wouldn't give me sex. I was annoyed by that. So she walked out while I was asleep. Later saying that she felt I didn't appreciate her for putting together a nice birthday. I did appreciate it but I also desire more intimacy.

So went out to dinner Friday night. Slept over her house. She was affectionate but came up with an excuse not to have sex. We h's disaven't had sex in 2 weeks. I went to watch tv while she went to sleep. A couple hours later I went to bed and I Woke her up accidentally and knocked something over in her room and she flipped out and went to sleep on the couch. I went to check on her and she was pissed that I woke her up again and was cussing at me. so I just walked out of her apartment. She then texted me half hour later saying that it's not working out and wished me good luck. Does this mean it's over? How should I handle this? Should I contact her to see if she means it?

For whatever reason she's distancing herself. IE: gaining space by removing you from space. This is why insignificant things are starting to annoy her badly. Move on.

 

[marmel75]

Girlfriend of a year rarely initiates contact but is usually responsive and affectionate when I reach out to her. she gives me sex once a week but never seems to be terribly into it. A few weeks ago for my birthday she took me out and spent about $200 on me but wouldn't give me sex. I was annoyed by that. So she walked out while I was asleep. Later saying that she felt I didn't appreciate her for putting together a nice birthday. I did appreciate it but I also desire more intimacy.

So went out to dinner Friday night. Slept over her house. She was affectionate but came up with an excuse not to have sex. We haven't had sex in 2 weeks. I went to watch tv while she went to sleep. A couple hours later I went to bed and I Woke her up accidentally and knocked something over in her room and she flipped out and went to sleep on the couch. I went to check on her and she was pissed that I woke her up again and was cussing at me. so I just walked out of her apartment. She then texted me half hour later saying that it's not working out and wished me good luck. Does this mean it's over? How should I handle this? Should I contact her to see if she means it?

Her not being into it = you not being very good.

 

[sosousage]

Her not being into it = you not being very good.

why would one live with a woman that often not sex ready? my ex sex drive was sick. i didnt even have to buy a ticket she was so hungry for it that she would come over couple times a week

 

[jthomp]

Her not being into it = you not being very good.

You're probably right. But she's been like this since January

 

[skinnyguy]

You should never stay with a girl who doesn't give you what you want sexually. I learned this the hard way. It's better to date your right hand than a girl like that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You should never stay with a girl who doesn't give you what you want sexually. I learned this the hard way. It's better to date your right hand than a girl like that.

Did it eff up your erections? Lemme guess she had to always have control over the engagement, whether it would happen and how it would happen. And a lot of time there was just roadblocks to prevent it.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Correction: "ex-girlfriend initiated contact for the first time to let me go".

You had the advice and now it's time to take action. Go date someone younger and hotter and who gives you what you want. You might think you will miss this girl but when you have a better one I doubt you'll even give her a second thought.

 

[sosousage]

Correction: "ex-girlfriend initiated contact for the first time to let me go".

You had the advice and now it's time to take action. Go date someone younger and hotter and who gives you what you want. You might think you will miss this girl but when you have a better one I doubt you'll even give her a second thought.

FOR Op there are no other girls! our advice is just like some people trying to encourage him to something!

 

[Glassguy]

It's over. Another guy? Quite possibly but it really doesn't matter.

Honestly you should have dumped HER when things didn't feel right months ago. Live and learn.

Main thing now is deleting her from all contact including all social media and no contact. Don't respond when she sends you texts because she has already made her mind up and there's no reason to get strung along.

Go find a woman that wants to please you. That's the ultimate revenge.

 

[MrJack]

Yeah, but I know a lot of girls who just say things like that in the heat of the moment.

Don't try to rationalize it. It's over.

 

[rivernorth]

Later saying that she felt I didn't appreciate her for putting together a nice birthday. I did appreciate it but I also desire more intimacy.

5 love languages.... one is "acts of service." she was complaining that you didn't appreciate her service of putting together a nice birthday for you. since she highlighted this aspect of the relationship, then "acts of service" is likely her love language. if you had asked "what can I do to help you out?" her suggestions would have been a significant way to contribution towards her feelings of love. [edit: actually, her love language might be "gifts" if that was the important part of birthday planning to her.]

"physical touch" is another love language..... but most men really love sex so it's difficult to say if that is your primary love language although it might be. gary chapman talks about this in the book "5 love languages" the 5 ways to express love....

-- acts of service
-- physical touch
-- quality time
-- gifts
-- words of affirmation

She then texted me half hour later saying that it's not working out and wished me good luck. Does this mean it's over? How should I handle this? Should I contact her to see if she means it?

yes, she broke up with you. since she just spent $200 on your birthday..... it seems like she wanted the relationship to work.... but gave up after her emotional needs weren't being met. "5 love languages" is a good book, "his needs, her needs" by harley is my favorite book on relationship skills.... if you want her in your life, obviously something would have to change in how you relate together.

if you want to try to salvage this relationship, you could ask to meet for coffee.... if she says no, then that's it. if she says yes, then apologize for not appreciating her when she made your birthday a very special day (act of service)... you appreciate that time and effort she gave..... you know she has been unhappy and you are committed to improving the relationship if she would like to try as well.

now people may say this pussay whip advice, but needs are a two-way street.

you mentioned that she was not giving you sex repeatedly.... in the book "his needs, her needs" sex is usually the number one need for men..... but do you know the common needs for women? (affection, conversation, financial support, honesty, family commitment) of course, everyone is an individual..... but sex usually isn't a top need for women. if she wasn't giving you what you needed, were you meeting her top needs?

although as others have said, sometimes you have to cut your losses in a relationship and chalk it up to experience.

 

[MrJack]

5 love languages.... one is "acts of service." she was complaining that you didn't appreciate her service of putting together a nice birthday for you. since she highlighted this aspect of the relationship, then "acts of service" is likely her love language. if you had asked "what can I do to help you out?" her suggestions would have been a significant way to contribution towards her feelings of love.

"physical touch" is another love language..... but most men really love sex so it's difficult to say if that is your primary love language although it might be. gary chapman talks about this in the book "5 love languages" the 5 ways to express love....

-- acts of service
-- physical touch
-- quality time
-- gifts
-- words of affirmation




yes, she broke up with you. since she just spent $200 on your birthday..... it seems like she wanted the relationship to work.... but gave up after her emotional needs weren't being met. "5 love languages" is a good book, "his needs, her needs" by harley is my favorite book on relationship skills.... if you want her in your life, obviously something would have to change in how you relate together.

if you want to try to salvage this relationship, you could ask to meet for coffee.... if she says no, then that's it. if she says yes, then apologize for not appreciating her when she made your birthday a very special day (act of service)... you appreciate that time and effort she gave..... you know she has been unhappy and you are committed to improving the relationship if she would like to try as well.

now people may say this pussay whip advice, but needs are a two-way street.

you mentioned that she was not giving you sex repeatedly.... in the book "his needs, her needs" sex is usually the number one need for men..... but do you know the common needs for women? (affection, conversation, financial support, honesty, family commitment) of course, everyone is an individual..... but sex usually isn't a top need for women. if she wasn't giving you what you needed, were you meeting her top needs?

although as others have said, sometimes you have to cut your losses in a relationship and chalk it up to experience.

Once a break up always a break up. In my experience with LTR's and every single one of my friends, once the breakup occurs it doesn't matter how many times you get back together it'll always end in a breakup. Same problems will eventually resurface. Who wants that emotional headache?

@jthomp you can try meeting up with her for coffee or whatever and try to make it work (after a period of no contact) but it's going to be a losing battle from here on out.

 

[stovepipe]

Yeah, but I know a lot of girls who just say things like that in the heat of the moment.

Whether she meant it or not, her actions leading up to that showed she had low interest in you. The lack of contact, lack of sex and emtions are all red flags things are coming to an end. Women usually wait for an excuse to cut things off and it sounds like she used a stupid situation to do so. If even she ends up saying she is sorry, doesn't excuse her behavior. You deserve to be treated better and if you go back, she's in control which sounds like that's the way its always been.