Get Rid of the Idea of "Approaching"

[Atom Smasher]

We have pedestalized the act of "Approaching" as some kind of wall we must climb, a challenge that will every now and then get us into the Promised Land.

As a consequence, we read many threads about how a guy regrets that he didn't "approach" and lost his chance. The act of approaching has become an invisible toll booth that men perceive they must pass through in order to talk to a woman. An "approach" mentality subtly but definitely carries with it the "Monkey Dance" mentality. You must impress her because you "approached" her. If you didn't work up the guts to approach her, you feel like you failed.

I say, get rid of the "approach" mentality. What Alpha male officially "approaches" women? Instead of this mentality, a man should become generally socially calibrated and fun. A man who has his act together just ***IS*** in any social situation and is as attractive as can be. Such a man is relaxed and confident, and his mind is on having an enjoyable time. Once he attains this mindset, he observes that a large proportion of the women around him are inviting him with their eyes and their smiles. He has the pick of the litter because they sense that he is a leader and that he does not stand around working up the nerve to approach women. He sees one that intrigues him and he talks to her in order to judge her and evaluate her. Is she worthy of being in his kingdom? A short conversation that SHE initiated through her invitation will suffice to determine this.

I have learned not to think of approaching women. Instead, I just enjoy my surroundings and the company I'm with and enjoy the many smiles and lit up eyes I see.

How did I turn from a clueless, unsocial mess at age 52 to a smooth, socially calibrated man who is extremely attractive to women? By engaging in small-talk with EVERYBODY throughout my day. There is no thought of "approaching" because I'm social with whomever intrigues me.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'd like this 1000 times if I could. This is what everyone should strive for. The state of just BEING. No thinking or acting, just BE. Pook said something like this. It should just be a natural occurrence, not some formulated robotic type algorithm. It just happens. Think about the greatest friendships you've ever had. Do you actually remember how you guys actually became friends or did it just sort of happen?

Well it's the same way with women. It should just happen. Be NATURAL. This is the essence of being a masculine man.

 

[Trump]

We have pedestalized the act of "Approaching" as some kind of wall we must climb, a challenge that will every now and then get us into the Promised Land.

As a consequence, we read many threads about how a guy regrets that he didn't "approach" and lost his chance. The act of approaching has become an invisible toll booth that men perceive they must pass through in order to talk to a woman. An "approach" mentality subtly but definitely carries with it the "Monkey Dance" mentality. You must impress her because you "approached" her. If you didn't work up the guts to approach her, you feel like you failed.

I think guys get nervous approaching because they don't have their act together yet, they don't look good enough or they don't have any "kingdom" to fall back on.

If a guy was CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a doctor, a lawyer, a famous actor, a famous director, he wouldn't think about approaching for 2 seconds. But a lot of men don't have any substance to fall back on which gives her an opening to attack him. Hence getting nervous approaching or not approaching at all.

Yet, it is difficult to "approach" a random young girl who looks good and you have sexual feelings for and chat it up.

 

[skinnyguy]

Approaching is for average to ugly guys. As is game.

The truly good looking musician or club promoter doesn't need either. He has TONS of women on his inner circle and he could mess up dozens of times and still get laid.

I guess some ugly guys might benefit from developing the confidence to approach, but the success rate is largely situational. Do you want to waste time approaching when you can be working out or making money?

Honestly I've always hated cold approach because it gives women the power. It gives them the power to reject you and this lowers your value. I'd rather get laid from situational social circle game than cold approach.

 

[user43770]

I was watching a nature documentary a while back and it showed an exotic bird trying to impress a female. He was going all out, dancing around and making noises, but she eventually turned him down. The male bird just went about his day like nothing happened.

That is what you should strive for: no fear when approaching, giving it your best shot, and not harboring any negative thoughts when you get shot down. Just go on about your day.

Approaching females is what we're meant to do.

Sure, you can wait around for women to smile at you first, but just know that a lot of women are too shy to initiate. As they should be...

You can work your ass off on your career until you're finally making good money, but just know that you're still going to be scared of approaching.

The only way to overcome your fears is by facing them head on.

 

[JohnChops]

I'd like this 1000 times if I could. This is what everyone should strive for. The state of just BEING. No thinking or acting, just BE. Pook said something like this. It should just be a natural occurrence, not some formulated robotic type algorithm. It just happens. Think about the greatest friendships you've ever had. Do you actually remember how you guys actually became friends or did it just sort of happen?

Well it's the same way with women. It should just happen. Be NATURAL. This is the essence of being a masculine man.

You bring up a good point about being in the state of "being." The problem with all the information here is NOT that it does not work, because it works, the issue becomes you are thinking TOO much and end up living in the future and not in the now. It doesn't allow you to actually listen to what someone is saying to you since you are always thinking "wow if she says this next, then Ill be in there with the phone number, etc".

 

[nismo-4]

Approaching is for average to ugly guys. As is game.

The truly good looking musician or club promoter doesn't need either. He has TONS of women on his inner circle and he could mess up dozens of times and still get laid.

I guess some ugly guys might benefit from developing the confidence to approach, but the success rate is largely situational. Do you want to waste time approaching when you can be working out or making money?

Honestly I've always hated cold approach because it gives women the power. It gives them the power to reject you and this lowers your value. I'd rather get laid from situational social circle game than cold approach.

Well, we can't just sit down and play Grand Theft Auto for 9 hours and the 49ers cheerleaders will come approach us for sex a month later.

Nobody here is a good looking musician, a multimillionaire, a Fortune 500 CEO, a NBA player, etc. If we all were, this forum would ask more questions about sex positions instead of approaching. We'd even be asking each other how to invest and make even more money! Know why? We'd all type these questions out while getting our dix sucked by models!

Approaching is good, since women often don't approach. But the toll bridge described in the OP is about the fact you need to come in first place. You don't know the competition you're up against. Not being in first makes you a backup option, an orbiter, a friend, a fan, an ego booster, an emotional tampon, nonsexual favor doer, etc.

Make a move even if it means taking a hit. When has being passive ever worked for any of you here? When did ignoring every pretty girl around work well for you?

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Well, we can't just sit down and play Grand Theft Auto for 9 hours and the 49ers cheerleaders will come approach us for sex a month later.

Nobody here is a good looking musician, a multimillionaire, a Fortune 500 CEO, a NBA player, etc. If we all were, this forum would ask more questions about sex positions instead of approaching. We'd even be asking each other how to invest and make even more money! Know why? We'd all type these questions out while getting our dix sucked by models!

Approaching is good, since women often don't approach. But the toll bridge described in the OP is about the fact you need to come in first place. You don't know the competition you're up against. Not being in first makes you a backup option, an orbiter, a friend, a fan, an ego booster, an emotional tampon, nonsexual favor doer, etc.

Make a move even if it means taking a hit. When has being passive ever worked for any of you here? When did ignoring every pretty girl around work well for you?

I'll be a millionaire in a few years, I believe.

I could get my d1ck sucked or fvck any of these girls right now.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You bring up a good point about being in the state of "being." The problem with all the information here is NOT that it does not work, because it works, the issue becomes you are thinking TOO much and end up living in the future and not in the now. It doesn't allow you to actually listen to what someone is saying to you since you are always thinking "wow if she says this next, then Ill be in there with the phone number, etc".

This is a good point, but it's also been said on here that this website is a crutch meant to slap you in the face. Nice guys aren't natural either. They think the same way the robotic PUA does but just with bad execution and bad actions. He still has the same TYPE of mindset.

The whole point of this place is to become natural. That's why after a while you can bend all the 'rules' here and even break some of them and still have better success than if you followed this stuff super strictly. This place is a crutch to get you on your feet. You aren't supposed to try on it.

 

[BeExcellent]

I think guys get nervous approaching because they don't have their act together yet, they don't look good enough or they don't have any "kingdom" to fall back on.

If a guy was CEO of a Fortune 500 company, a doctor, a lawyer, a famous actor, a famous director, he wouldn't think about approaching for 2 seconds. But a lot of men don't have any substance to fall back on which gives her an opening to attack him. Hence getting nervous approaching or not approaching at all.

Yet, it is difficult to "approach" a random young girl who looks good and you have sexual feelings for and chat it up.

You would be shocked how many men who are successful really are clueless & fearful when it comes to women. It STILL shocks me the number of high earning professionals and business people etc. who are actually legit awkward with women, worried about rejection and so forth. Add to that the fact that these men have to screen out people who are only after their money and/or their fame and it actually can be a tougher rather than easier landscape to navigate. Monetary success does not guarantee success with women. It's still a skillset that a man should cultivate.

If anything men of higher value need the skillset worst of all. They are men with more at stake both financially and socially.

 

[Trump]

You would be shocked how many men who are successful really are clueless & fearful when it comes to women. It STILL shocks me the number of high earning professionals and business people etc. who are actually legit awkward with women, worried about rejection and so forth. Add to that the fact that these men have to screen out people who are only after their money and/or their fame and it actually can be a tougher rather than easier landscape to navigate. Monetary success does not guarantee success with women. It's still a skillset that a man should cultivate.

If anything men of higher value need the skillset worst of all. They are men with more at stake both financially and socially.

I don't think they are awkward. I think they are just afraid if the girl is going to come after their finances or not. I have the problem myself. If it gets serious with any girl I have ask for a prenup because of my family situation.

I've lost a girl I was really really in love with because she refused to sign for marriage. It tough out there.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

We have pedestalized the act of "Approaching" as some kind of wall we must climb, a challenge that will every now and then get us into the Promised Land.

As a consequence, we read many threads about how a guy regrets that he didn't "approach" and lost his chance. The act of approaching has become an invisible toll booth that men perceive they must pass through in order to talk to a woman. An "approach" mentality subtly but definitely carries with it the "Monkey Dance" mentality. You must impress her because you "approached" her. If you didn't work up the guts to approach her, you feel like you failed.

I say, get rid of the "approach" mentality. What Alpha male officially "approaches" women? Instead of this mentality, a man should become generally socially calibrated and fun. A man who has his act together just ***IS*** in any social situation and is as attractive as can be. Such a man is relaxed and confident, and his mind is on having an enjoyable time. Once he attains this mindset, he observes that a large proportion of the women around him are inviting him with their eyes and their smiles. He has the pick of the litter because they sense that he is a leader and that he does not stand around working up the nerve to approach women. He sees one that intrigues him and he talks to her in order to judge her and evaluate her. Is she worthy of being in his kingdom? A short conversation that SHE initiated through her invitation will suffice to determine this.

I have learned not to think of approaching women. Instead, I just enjoy my surroundings and the company I'm with and enjoy the many smiles and lit up eyes I see.

How did I turn from a clueless, unsocial mess at age 52 to a smooth, socially calibrated man who is extremely attractive to women? By engaging in small-talk with EVERYBODY throughout my day. There is no thought of "approaching" because I'm social with whomever intrigues me.

Yes, if you 'approach' naturally without an approach mindset, nine times out of ten it is successful.

My standard 'opener' these days is just an understated, 'You look busy'.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yet, it is difficult to "approach" a random young girl who looks good and you have sexual feelings for and chat it up.

Why?

On the Richter scale, I'm probably a 6 maybe 7. Yesterday, I was in the queue waiting to buy a coffee when I noticed a hottie come in with an incredible shape and a pretty face [and a good age! 30 something]. She got a window seat, then joined the queue. As soon as I saw her, I knew I wanted to meet her. So I avoided eye contact [avoid the gaga look], and let her check me out instead. I then went and sat in the seat next to the one she had taken... ha ha

She comes back with her coffee and breakfast, opens her book, and I open her with 'You look busy'. A delightful conversation ensued for twenty minutes - she was not only a super cute but intelligent with a friendly personality. She left to go teach her class shortly after we exchanged numbers. A good chance of seeing this one again.

Gentlemen, let's mention the elephant in the room. Nothing does more to destroy 'inner game' than the consumption of pornography. I think this is the main problem for a lot of that 'awkwardness' that men display toward women. And then they feel the need to get drunk...... which just makes things more awkward [not directed to you @Trump... just a general comment].

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I've lost a girl I was really really in love with because she refused to sign for marriage. It tough out there.

A woman may be offended by having to sign because she might have a more ideal view of marriage. Actually, the better quality woman is likely to have a more ideal of marriage... the two go hand in hand. This puts you in a bind if you are worried about your assets.

Here's a possible fix. Inner game: a better quality man will value other things in life besides his assets [and maybe even more]. Outer: still, he might be able to protect them, if concerned, through a variety of means WITHOUT having to resort to a pre-Nup. One example would be to mask the amount of assets you have, or even deliberately have less [and yet the irony, the man is often using his assets like colorful plummage to attract the female]. A pre-Nup may sometimes only serve to sabotage the kind of relationship you are looking for, for often we project our own insecurities on others.

In the words of Ruskin, 'There is no Wealth but Life'.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I think this is just the typical argument of warm approaching vs cold approaching. As @Reykhel makes a point of here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/to-the-so-called-warm-approachers.242808/#post-2463517



"No thinking; just be". Otherwise known as "fools mate". And what I was doing for the first 25 or so years of my life.

Had much better times with women since keeping my brain switched on. It's not even close.

"It just happens". Do I really need to point out how submissive that is?

Then you actually weren't just being. It's about embracing your true masculine self. In a nutshell, masculinity likes femininity and femininity likes masculinity.

 

[corrector]

We have pedestalized the act of "Approaching" as some kind of wall we must climb, a challenge that will every now and then get us into the Promised Land.

As a consequence, we read many threads about how a guy regrets that he didn't "approach" and lost his chance. The act of approaching has become an invisible toll booth that men perceive they must pass through in order to talk to a woman. An "approach" mentality subtly but definitely carries with it the "Monkey Dance" mentality. You must impress her because you "approached" her. If you didn't work up the guts to approach her, you feel like you failed.

I say, get rid of the "approach" mentality. What Alpha male officially "approaches" women? Instead of this mentality, a man should become generally socially calibrated and fun. A man who has his act together just ***IS*** in any social situation and is as attractive as can be. Such a man is relaxed and confident, and his mind is on having an enjoyable time. Once he attains this mindset, he observes that a large proportion of the women around him are inviting him with their eyes and their smiles. He has the pick of the litter because they sense that he is a leader and that he does not stand around working up the nerve to approach women. He sees one that intrigues him and he talks to her in order to judge her and evaluate her. Is she worthy of being in his kingdom? A short conversation that SHE initiated through her invitation will suffice to determine this.

I have learned not to think of approaching women. Instead, I just enjoy my surroundings and the company I'm with and enjoy the many smiles and lit up eyes I see.

How did I turn from a clueless, unsocial mess at age 52 to a smooth, socially calibrated man who is extremely attractive to women? By engaging in small-talk with EVERYBODY throughout my day. There is no thought of "approaching" because I'm social with whomever intrigues me.

You were 52 years old, and then something clicked and you are a DJ at 60 years old now? I thought I was old. I guess 41 y/o is not too old to still stuck with women and I don't feel so bad anymore. There is hope for anyone reading this thread who is younger than 52 years old!

 

[devilkingx2]

Approaching is for average to ugly guys. As is game.

The truly good looking musician or club promoter doesn't need either. He has TONS of women on his inner circle and he could mess up dozens of times and still get laid.

I guess some ugly guys might benefit from developing the confidence to approach, but the success rate is largely situational. Do you want to waste time approaching when you can be working out or making money?

Honestly I've always hated cold approach because it gives women the power. It gives them the power to reject you and this lowers your value. I'd rather get laid from situational social circle game than cold approach.

if you suck at cold approaching social circle game is going to be a nightmare for you.

remember, no matter how bad your cold approaches are it will never affect you in any way. but if you make a fool of yourself to a girl you actually know, word will spread that you're a loser (remember in american pie where that guy spread a rumor about himself at his school to get girls but then a negative rumor spread about him after he went out with one girl so the rest shunned him?)

 

[devilkingx2]

I've lost a girl I was really really in love with because she refused to sign for marriage. It tough out there.

I think any girl who refuses to sign a prenup is probably a gold digger.

 

[ubercat]

I m not sure what the diff is. I had to finish a contractor today. Good guy budget cuts. Was teasing hot barmaid about Aussie accent. Hotel I park at hot chick in lobby spruiker for hotel restaurant. Chatted to her about staff meals. Hot maid in hotel lift. Teased her about kidnapping me. R they cold approaches. They could have been.

 

[TheGambino]

We have pedestalized the act of "Approaching" as some kind of wall we must climb, a challenge that will every now and then get us into the Promised Land.

As a consequence, we read many threads about how a guy regrets that he didn't "approach" and lost his chance. The act of approaching has become an invisible toll booth that men perceive they must pass through in order to talk to a woman. An "approach" mentality subtly but definitely carries with it the "Monkey Dance" mentality. You must impress her because you "approached" her. If you didn't work up the guts to approach her, you feel like you failed.

I say, get rid of the "approach" mentality. What Alpha male officially "approaches" women? Instead of this mentality, a man should become generally socially calibrated and fun. A man who has his act together just ***IS*** in any social situation and is as attractive as can be. Such a man is relaxed and confident, and his mind is on having an enjoyable time. Once he attains this mindset, he observes that a large proportion of the women around him are inviting him with their eyes and their smiles. He has the pick of the litter because they sense that he is a leader and that he does not stand around working up the nerve to approach women. He sees one that intrigues him and he talks to her in order to judge her and evaluate her. Is she worthy of being in his kingdom? A short conversation that SHE initiated through her invitation will suffice to determine this.

I have learned not to think of approaching women. Instead, I just enjoy my surroundings and the company I'm with and enjoy the many smiles and lit up eyes I see.

How did I turn from a clueless, unsocial mess at age 52 to a smooth, socially calibrated man who is extremely attractive to women? By engaging in small-talk with EVERYBODY throughout my day. There is no thought of "approaching" because I'm social with whomever intrigues me.

This is what I always have been doing