Get Rid of the Idea of "Approaching"

[ChristopherColumbus]

I m not sure what the diff is. I had to finish a contractor today. Good guy budget cuts. Was teasing hot barmaid about Aussie accent. Hotel I park at hot chick in lobby spruiker for hotel restaurant. Chatted to her about staff meals. Hot maid in hotel lift. Teased her about kidnapping me. R they cold approaches. They could have been.

Ha! The approach machine in automatic.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You were 52 years old, and then something clicked and you are a DJ at 60 years old now? I thought I was old. I guess 41 y/o is not too old to still stuck with women and I don't feel so bad anymore. There is hope for anyone reading this thread who is younger than 52 years old!

Absolutely. That's why I post... to show guys it is entirely possible to get it together later in life. I am very young in appearance and demeanor, which helps, but I don't have words enough to describe how utterly clueless I was, and how far I've come. 98% of that improvement came from this site.

About a year and a half ago I met a woman who is naturally gorgeous beyond what I can describe (what most would consider a "9"), who has escaped the ravages of time and the ravages of our society. When I say "naturally" gorgeous, I mean the kind of woman who lights up a room and who doesn't even need makeup. She's classy, submissive to me, intelligent, and has yet to give me any kind of sh!t test. It's funny to see men freeze and stammer in her presence.

A woman like that was as out of reach for me 8 years ago as the mythical pot o' gold at the end of a rainbow, but by hard work and diligence, I manned up and put the principles learned here at SS into practice and gradually became visible to the tiny percentage of classy women who are out there. In my very demanding view, she is a member of the top 2% of women out there; the ones who are virtually unaffected by feminism and other societal pressures.

It was not by luck that I found her. It was by turning myself from an invisible man to a man who stands out as upper 2%. And I repeat that it was almost completely by what I learned on this forum.

I always say that most men are literally invisible to the upper 2%. Or more accurately, they are an object in the world that she walks around without noticing, just like she would walk around a bench or any other obstacle on the sidewalk. And just as we immediately and completely dismiss ugly or plain women in our day-to-day.

Wise is the man who spends more time mining the gold here and putting it into practice, than he spends complaining about the static and noise found here.

A man can be demanding (in a positive, healthy sense, a sense of having very high standards) without going mgtow. Every time a man rejects and/or corrects a misbehaving woman, he is adding his contribution to the tangible re-sculpting of this messed up, topsy-turvy society.

 

[ubercat]

Inspirational stuff. I guess at 51 there's hope for me yet.

Yeah I can't believe how much gold here is passed up. I ve got my own sticking points and a bunch of Sosuave posts that address. Anytime I think I m backsliding I reread them. Not so much about girls more social games, finance workouts etc. I be made SSy personal library in a good way. Anytime I could not find a topic or I thought there should b more perspectives I made or posted. Every time we challenged the guys we came up with approaches I never would have solo.


And let's make it simple for the binary thinkers. PUA lifestyle bad. PUA techniques often useful. Reason is they mimic female communication style. And what that communicates is u get it.

I use way too many boxing metaphors.

 

[ubercat]

So let's say it's like tennis. One handed backhand r uncommon on ATP. Does that mean they don't work. Try proving that to Roger Federer. Most things work if u know the how and when.

 

[fastlife]

One of those cases where Mindset =/= Action.

Mindset wise, it's better not to think of it as an 'approach,' since that reinforces the idea of an agenda or that what you are doing isn't a natural part of being human. RSD has a sayings like The set is already open and Assume familiarity. Humans are social creatures; they talk to other humans; humans are sexual creatures; they try to create mating opportunities with the opposite (usually) sex. Plus, acting natural is what gives you the kind of vibe that makes other people feel comfortable talking to you.

However, action wise, you still have to approach lol. Yeah, when I was in high school & college, I was good looking enough & popular enough & shy enough & had enough contextual social value built up that I could just let girls come to me. BUT that's severely limited to context. Move cities a couple times; work from home a little bit; watch the social connection that do survive get older, get less active, include fewer attractive girls, etc., and then see what you're left with. Not much. Then since you relied on passive attraction you go out & no one gives a sh1t about you; the only girls that approach you are less attractive than what you're used to; self doubt sets in; frustration sets in--maybe you just aren't as attractive as you used to be, maybe girls' standards have gotten higher, etc. But really what happened is your value was context-dependent & you never cultivated the area of social skills necessary to succeed in a new environment.

And do you know how you build up new social circles? Cold approach lol. Do you know how you get good at cold approach? Practice. Now I go out & my subcommunications are good enough that I sometimes do get approached by the hottest girls in a given venue & I can strike up conversations with everyone, etc. And it's super natural, but I put in a lot of time being awkward, unnatural, weirding people out, etc. to get to this point

 

[Murk]

Too much mental masterbation and semantics


While posts like these are technically, correct,
The terms, acronyms, phrases, ideas, “rules” are in place for the new guys. And there will ALWAYS be new guys.

Epiphanies like the point this thread is making should happen naturally at some point or another to anyone that’s had to start from scratch

Otherwise, there’s no need to split hairs. What are we gonna say now when we talking about going up to talking to a girl, “so I anti-approached this HB today”

For real, I’ve been cold approaching since school days, sometimes you run hot but don’t get it twisted you take some time out the game and you can get nervous again.

Yes it’s a way of life and you should be friendly and high energy but I know from experience of you get depressed, put on weight, get dumped, doing bad at work or argue with friends and family... this can all deplete your energy and happiness levels. You do need to consciously get yourself out of a rut.

That’s just me, maybe some of you are robo-mackdaddies talking to everyone and making people love you 24/7 365 but I highly doubt it.

 

[devilkingx2]

I say, get rid of the "approach" mentality. What Alpha male officially "approaches" women? Instead of this mentality, a man should become generally socially calibrated and fun. A man who has his act together just ***IS*** in any social situation and is as attractive as can be. Such a man is relaxed and confident, and his mind is on having an enjoyable time. Once he attains this mindset, he observes that a large proportion of the women around him are inviting him with their eyes and their smiles. He has the pick of the litter because they sense that he is a leader and that he does not stand around working up the nerve to approach women. He sees one that intrigues him and he talks to her in order to judge her and evaluate her. Is she worthy of being in his kingdom? A short conversation that SHE initiated through her invitation will suffice to determine this.

the kind of guy this advice works for generally has no need of advice by that point, if sitting around and waiting for girls to come to you worked for people who aren't rockstars or night club owners or super good looking then you'd barely need game

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Approaching in the classic sense has its place for those who really can't even start a conversation with a woman. Though typically, coaches will recommend something unreasonable like 1000 approaches before you start seeing success. Which is absolute nonsense. You can do 10 approaches on 10 different nights, go home and analyse what went well and what didn't, and pretty much get laid on night 11. If you don't reflect and adapt accordingly, you're just going through the motions, expecting success from the same outcomes.

 

[devilkingx2]

Though typically, coaches will recommend something unreasonable like 1000 approaches before you start seeing success. Which is absolute nonsense.

Everyone starts somewhere different and they can't know how far away you are.

When i started approaching it came to me relatively easily, i handled rejection well, and i got a lot of numbers that were real (because the girls would show up in my social media suggestions meaning it has to be the number associated with their accounts)

But the numbers never went anywhere because the girls almost never actually texted back. So i still had a long way to go, but i started a mile ahead of a lot of guys.

Other guys might take 1000 approaches if they have absolutely zero people skills and wanna go from homeschooled/shut-in/bullied nerd to PUA