I just finished "The Rationale Male" cover to cover and have had a few days to reflect on what I've learned, and found some confusing and somewhat conflicting (to myself internally) information that I hoping some of you could help me clear up, or give some insight to.
A little background of myself - 36 yrs old, fairly fit, financially successful, divorced 50/50 to 3 kids for almost 3 years now. After reading the book - I've definitely been a natural Alpha and explains a lot but do have Beta tendencies in new relationships today (no longer after reading that book). If you think I didn't keep my wife's respect for many years was because I didn't show here that I had options, you would be very wrong. She was beautiful and brought a lot to the table but, as many Betas would say, I truly don't know what happened. Put all of that aside and please help me understand the following:
Hypergamy - First time I've heard of this and makes a lot of sense. To be clear, would you agree that it is more of a perception, that the woman has, that she is "dating up" that makes her behave as she does?
In my case, and to the guys she went for and currently has (I only know because we do share children or she would have been "ghosted" - I believe it's termed?) are steep downgrades physically, emotionally, sexually desired than myself. So, that being said, the perception (as I imply) of hypergamy is that she is dating better than herself, rather than better than the guy she left (or leaving) for? Or does hypergamy more accurately describe her ideal that the "new" guy is better than the "old" guy, and so she makes the trade up?
If the latter is the case, then the women I have dated, including my now ex wife, are the exception. These guys they are choosing are not trade ups to myself and their behavior and actions have reflected so. Each of them have come back for more, even with their new guy's, but why? I don't really get that..
Here's my other internal conflict-
In the book it says that we are disposable. It repeats this and pours it on us more than once. I get that. And I get why it's a good problem to have too.
But it also says we are the "prize". And we need to be reminding her of that.
So which is it because I can't believe we are both disposable and a prize? If I could hear some dialog on that, I would be interested to learn mor on this as well.
A little background of myself - 36 yrs old, fairly fit, financially successful, divorced 50/50 to 3 kids for almost 3 years now. After reading the book - I've definitely been a natural Alpha and explains a lot but do have Beta tendencies in new relationships today (no longer after reading that book). If you think I didn't keep my wife's respect for many years was because I didn't show here that I had options, you would be very wrong. She was beautiful and brought a lot to the table but, as many Betas would say, I truly don't know what happened. Put all of that aside and please help me understand the following:
Hypergamy - First time I've heard of this and makes a lot of sense. To be clear, would you agree that it is more of a perception, that the woman has, that she is "dating up" that makes her behave as she does?
In my case, and to the guys she went for and currently has (I only know because we do share children or she would have been "ghosted" - I believe it's termed?) are steep downgrades physically, emotionally, sexually desired than myself. So, that being said, the perception (as I imply) of hypergamy is that she is dating better than herself, rather than better than the guy she left (or leaving) for? Or does hypergamy more accurately describe her ideal that the "new" guy is better than the "old" guy, and so she makes the trade up?
If the latter is the case, then the women I have dated, including my now ex wife, are the exception. These guys they are choosing are not trade ups to myself and their behavior and actions have reflected so. Each of them have come back for more, even with their new guy's, but why? I don't really get that..
Here's my other internal conflict-
In the book it says that we are disposable. It repeats this and pours it on us more than once. I get that. And I get why it's a good problem to have too.
But it also says we are the "prize". And we need to be reminding her of that.
So which is it because I can't believe we are both disposable and a prize? If I could hear some dialog on that, I would be interested to learn mor on this as well.