How To deal With A Flakey Plate?

[EyeBRollin]

What if she just cancels without a counter offer? just curious

Wouldn't that be grounds to dismiss her the 1st time?

The counter offer is the whole point. Women with low interest don't counter offer. They'd have to care to counter offer. How can she care if she doesn't care? That would be a countradiction.

 

[bigneil]

Isn't "flakey plate" an oxymoron?

A plate is one of several girls you are spinning. This implies options that would distract you from any flaking.

What if she just cancels without a counter offer? just curious

Wouldn't that be grounds to dismiss her the 1st time?

In this case you wait a week and ask her out again, and give her one last chance.

 

[dude99]

Ignoring her completely will make me look butt hurt..

She will see through that... best to keep distance, but not completely

I wasn't saying to ignore her completly. I said take charge. Giving her her options. Letting her know flaking will cause you to lower her priority status and cause you to focus your time in other women.

 

[RangerMIke]

Flaking is what chicks do. I know it's a pain in the @ss. Just keep busy and try not to worry about it. The only bad way to deal with this is if you show her this bothers you. @soulforge has a handle on this let it go... invite her over, but do not change your plans for her. Invite her over ONLY if you are planning to be their anyway. NEVER cancel ANYTHING for a chick, if you invite a chick out, and she flakes... go out anyway. If you invite a chick over for dinner.... make sure you are planning to stay home anyway. This is the difference between pretense and authenticity. If you want to appear to be authentic, you have to really be what you want to be.

First make plans, SECOND invite women into your world. If she flakes so what... she missed the train.

 

[dude99]

I agree you don't want to give out that message. But she is a plate, like you said, so how invested or considerate do you want her to be if she knows she's just a plate. Why should she care that much? I'm not trying to be snarky I'm just stating that she's not someone you're invested in if she's a plate so, maybe flaking is to be expected.

Because he is the prize. If she is ever hoping to become more than just a plate then this behaviour on her part will get her pushed even further down the priority ladder. Maybe even nexted.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Long story short, she wanted to come over to my house tonight for secs.. she is off work for a week, so she kept telling me she wants to come over for regular secs, as much as possible.. and how horny she is..

we arranged for tonight... then she starts dropping hints about having to leave early from my house, in order to look after her niece.

then she tells me, if she can come over next week (Friday) instead, so she can pick her niece up...

something's that are not making sense here...

01. Why leave it so late in the day to flake, I could have made other plans?

02. Why then did she want to rearrange for Friday, when she is free on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, why leave it that late (especially with her being so horny)

03. Why should I rearrange another date on her chosen day?

04. Should I only meet her on my chosen day, so she realises flaking means, no longer able to see me when she wants?

what's your opinion guy?

way too much logic being applied here

women & logic do not mix full stop you don't need to understand them at the plate stage you just need to be banging them

its when have one thats worthy of progressing with you need to start worrying about this stuff

until then just next

 

[wolf]

Flaking is what chicks do. I know it's a pain in the @ss. Just keep busy and try not to worry about it. The only bad way to deal with this is if you show her this bothers you. @soulforge has a handle on this let it go... invite her over, but do not change your plans for her. Invite her over ONLY if you are planning to be their anyway. NEVER cancel ANYTHING for a chick, if you invite a chick out, and she flakes... go out anyway. If you invite a chick over for dinner.... make sure you are planning to stay home anyway. This is the difference between pretense and authenticity. If you want to appear to be authentic, you have to really be what you want to be.

First make plans, SECOND invite women into your world. If she flakes so what... she missed the train.

This

"Hey I will be cooking a roast on xxxx day at xxxx time. Come over for a bite to eat. Ps Bring wine"

Is different to

"Come to mine on xxxx and I will cook a meal for 2"

If she flakes then more Mash and Meat for you..

 

[soulforge]

I treat plates differently than dates. When someone you planned a first date or something with cancels and doesn't counter-offer, yeah, I assume there's no interest and I just move on.

A plate on the other hand, as far as I'm concerned, is someone I've already slept with. Someone already in the rotation. Someone who will eventually, at some point, reach out and I will hear from again. I have left things open for them to make a counter-offer at that later point, and I've had women follow through on those offers.

I've also had situations where an immediate counter offer from a plate didn't mean sh*t. I had a plate years ago that cancelled at the last minute and immediately counter-offered. At that time, I did what a lot of guys in this thread are suggesting, i.e., don't act butt-hurt, don't show that it bothers you. etc. So I responded "OK, cool. No problem. See you next week". It actually didn't bother me because I had other plates and I just called one of them instead.

A week later that plate called and cancelled last minute again, immediately counter-offering. "Ok, cool. No problem", and I called another plate.

Another week later that same plate cancelled last minute once again, immediately counter-offering. I never talked to her again, even after repeated texts from her wondering if I was still alive.

This is why I keep it simple and don't overthink the stuff. I'll leave the door open for one more chance, then just let her actions at that point decide if she's in or out. I don't worry about what move to make next in hopes of keeping it rolling or what message this move might imply. I just let them know, in no uncertain terms, that there is some sh*t I just don't put up with, and repetitive last minute cancelling is definitely one of those things.

Do you believe verbally telling her, last minute flakes is not really acceptable?

 

[bigneil]

Flaking is what chicks do. I know it's a pain in the @ss. Just keep busy and try not to worry about it. The only bad way to deal with this is if you show her this bothers you. @soulforge has a handle on this let it go... invite her over, but do not change your plans for her. Invite her over ONLY if you are planning to be their anyway. NEVER cancel ANYTHING for a chick, if you invite a chick out, and she flakes... go out anyway. If you invite a chick over for dinner.... make sure you are planning to stay home anyway. This is the difference between pretense and authenticity. If you want to appear to be authentic, you have to really be what you want to be.

First make plans, SECOND invite women into your world. If she flakes so what... she missed the train.

Every girl I ever dated flaked at some point. Usually a few months into things (6+).

There is a time when there is NOTHING you can do. NOTHING. It goes so against our tendency as a man to solve issues, like if your car broke down you'd go straight out and repair it. Paradoxically, all women have a time when they just suck and the solution is to walk away until they return to equilibrium (assume her average behavior with you is the norm). It tends to be cyclical. My Russian girl used to come home angry every night at 6pm. I would storm off and get 2 beers and come home at 8pm to find her showered and naked in bed, ready to do anything I wanted (years later she still sends me love letters). My stripper has texted me during her period every single time since we met. Many girls come back after 6 months as if nothing ever happened, and with a new appreciation for you.

Every girl I ever dated came back at some point, and it was suddenly ok to be romantic with them again. You have to move on to the next girl until this happens. If you try to force them back you prove she has a higher market value (or you'd replace her). It is her instinct to test men this way. That is what brings out the best (and often the worst) in us. That is what inspires us to hit the gym, get a raise, build a skyscraper... I am actually grateful for them. Their unpredictability and insatiable appetite for being spoiled is actually the negative terminal on the battery that drives humanity.

Warning: if you try to force it to an extreme you will lose her forever.

 

[RangerMIke]

You have to move on to the next girl until this happens. If you try to force them back you prove she has a higher market value (or you'd replace her). It is her instinct to test men this way. That is what brings out the best (and often the worst) in us. That is what inspires us to hit the gym, get a raise, build a skyscraper... I am actually grateful for them.

I believe this is true... I honestly think that most women do not do this on purpose... they just feel sh!t through life and when the flake... well it just happens, and it's instinctual as you said. Sure there are some that are playing games, but I really do believe that with most of them it's like breathing... it is what they do. I think it is a test, but with most women it really isn't something they plan.

It is also good advice to turn the negative emotions you might be feeling into something positive like self improvement.

 

[Glassguy]

how do you get across, that flaking isn't cool?

Withdraw attention and if she doesnt get the hint, replace her with another one that you should have in the waiting area

 

[soulforge]

Withdraw attention and if she doesnt get the hint, replace her with another one that you should have in the waiting area

I did withdraw attention, her hampster started spinning, and blowing up my phone

 

[AJ84]

Because he is the prize. If she is ever hoping to become more than just a plate then this behaviour on her part will get her pushed even further down the priority ladder. Maybe even nexted.

How many guys want to LTR a girl they are casually sleeping with and who is likely casually sleeping with someone else?

 

[soulforge]

I believe this is true... I honestly think that most women do not do this on purpose... they just feel sh!t through life and when the flake... well it just happens, and it's instinctual as you said. Sure there are some that are playing games, but I really do believe that with most of them it's like breathing... it is what they do. I think it is a test, but with most women it really isn't something they plan.

It is also good advice to turn the negative emotions you might be feeling into something positive like self improvement.

Is it ever a good idea to point out to her, that canceling last minute is not acceptable?

Can this be told to her, without sounding angry or butt hurt...

I totally get, girls will sometimes flake... but when its last minute, and she could have made you aware earlier, and didn't, this shows a lack of respect of your time..

How many times would you let her get away with flaking?

My maximum is once, if it is last minute, without consideration...

If there is genuine reasons, and she handles things in the right manner, then I guess that is acceptable...

Sometimes things come up in life, and plans have to be cancelled.

 

[Glassguy]

Flaking without a sincere apology AND offering a specific reschedule date, I delete their number. If they text me later I'll say " sorry, I don't recognize the number. Who's this?.........oh you didn't make it to meet me? I totally forgot about it too until you just now reminded me"

 

[RangerMIke]

Is it ever a good idea to point out to her, that canceling last minute is not acceptable?

Can this be told to her, without sounding angry or butt hurt...

She knows it's not acceptable to cancel at the last minute. What possible good does it do to point out what she already knows?

Your attitude should be you really don't care if she flakes or not because you have other women interested that will not. If it really bothers you then just walk away from her... if she likes you, she will get the message and reach out.... then make a date and see what happens.

 

[dude99]

How many guys want to LTR a girl they are casually sleeping with and who is likely casually sleeping with someone else?

That depends on the loyality/quality of the woman.