Guys....last minute...

[Fruitbat]

Just off to a date in a few hours....

I'm trying to keep the following in mind:

I'm interviewing her, I am not there to impress her

Don't push for sex or be attached to it

Food - I am not sure whether I pay. I can afford it. I usually would as it;s not expensive place, but I would explain it's traditional....but I am not paying for everything, I usually say I'll get the meal, you get the drinks. If she orders the most expensive stuff I am not paying. If she is reserved I will.

I am getting into confident frame and will make it fun. I also have a tour planned.

Don't say anything about myself unless asked and avoid big discussions about my history and life.

Enjoy it!

Anything I have missed - help appreciated. I haven't dated for over a year.

 

[CMNILS87]

Remember, you're there to create fun and attraction. It's not so much about the days but the emotion that you talk about it. If you have some hobbies you enjoy, bring her in and show how amaxing they are. Ask her questions, nothing's off limits. Be ****y, but don't be a ****. If shes laughing that's good.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If she orders the most expensive stuff I am not paying. If she is reserved I will.

Don't do that. It's passive-aggressive behavior. Control the situation so it doesn't come to that. If you already invited her to dinner, that was your mistake. It should have been drinks, meeting at a later hour. Since you are the one who thought up dinner, I think it's on you to pay. Dinner is a bad date choice, anyway. Just don't do that again.

"Interview" is a boring concept. Why would she enjoy an interview? What she would enjoy is you having fun yourself and letting that naturally rub off on her. Emotion is contagious.

 

[BeExcellent]

Go and enjoy yourself. Get her chatting about herself. Double bonus: You look like a brilliant conversationalist to her AND you don't have to chat too much about yourself.

Ask questions about things she says and just go from there. Don't set up silly rules about paying. Pick up the check and see if she is thankful, grateful, or offers to help with the bill or something else. Observe her and enjoy yourself.

Go have fun. Remeber the goal here is to have fun!!

Cheers!

 

[Desdinova]

I'm interviewing her, I am not there to impress her

Your main goal should be to have fun. If you treat it like an interview, she'll view it as one. Get information from her, and have fun with your new knowledge about her.

You: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Her: I like to paint
You: Oh good! I'd love to be transformed into a legendary piece of art!
Her: Haha, no I just mostly paint scenery
You: Well, I always wanted to be a tree. Can you make that happen?

And that's how you have fun while building rapport.

Don't push for sex or be attached to it

Never push for sex, but feel free to pick out something she says and turn it into sexual innuendo.

Food - I am not sure whether I pay.

Never go to a food place for a first date.

My first date plan is usually to meet up with her for coffee, and then take her to a nearby store of some kind and just look at interesting or unusual things. Moving her to a new location makes the relationship feel as if it's progressing. If she resists, then she's not interested and you should move on.

 

[Fruitbat]

LOL just had a 36 hour first date.

Didn't fvck but I think I found my soulmate, I have never, ever met a woman I felt so much in common with, from my odd political views to my troubled past. Honestly, it was like looking in a mirror. |I am beginning to fall in love. She would not let me do anything but kiss but we shared a bed, saying she liked me but would never fvck this early.

Sad fact is that she left her ex because he was pushing her for kids (although she said she hated him, and even if she would have them, it wouldn't be with him. He had OCD and she divorced him)

I did worry she was a massively skillful NPD but there was no possible way she could have known what my life and outlook is. She is beautiful, amazing, intelligent, I could not ever wish for a more perfect partner yet she is only a 7 at best in looks. She is incredibly suited, to a supernatural level of compatibility.

Sadly, I explained I wanted kids so she should look elsewhere, as I need that possibility. She cried long and hard (we were drinking for 20 hours with a few hours sleep). She said she was scared and her old HB said the same,. We spoke about kids a long, long time. I tried to convince her of the merits but she has a big hang up. I don't care, I am not dating for fvcks, I am dating for family. So before you beat me up, I want this and would rather explain before we go any further.

She seemed very, very keen and emotional. We felt that click, I have never, EVER felt anything remotely as strong as this, ever, and I have reported here on dates many times.

Fearing the brush off because I was honest and tried to explain the merits long term of a family.

I would never usually have this discussion, but I think we both felt so strong we needed to sort out where we were going.

Before she went back, she did mention "next time". I am sat here drinking listening to romantic jazz. I feel like I just met the one, I am not kidding.

I hope she feels the same and will agree to consider the possibility of children.

Insanely beta post, but I don't care, I've never been in love. Even if I dumped by text now, I am still glad I met my real soul mate, at least for one crazy weekend. I held her in my arms and wiped her tears. Man I am so utterly fvcked !!

PS SHE payed for the last drinks and meal and 50/50 everything. She wanted to stayt with me all weekend, despite me suggesting I go home and see each other again. it was only at the end tonight she cried and explained all the issues with kids, not off the bat.

 

[Fruitbat]

Wow, she just text me and she sure as hell hasn't dumped me yet!!

Perhaps I will never need go back. I've never felt like this. i don't even feel infatuated, I don't feel "butterflies", she is not even so hot to make you crazy with lust. I just feel she is the person I want to be with, and fvcking call me the biggest beta pvssy on planet earth. Not a hint of lovebombing. No love, just and insanely similar mind, like seeing my own female version, in every way.

I am going to get crucified for such a not DJ post. I will still spin plates, it's the first date. However, I couldn't begin to design a woman who was this on the level, cool, clever, artistic, brilliant....yet feminine. I don't care when we fvck, I don't care we did nothing sexual, this feels far, far deeper......so far, so good.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Lolwut? It seems you went polar opposite from over strategizing to full retard.

 

[Fruitbat]

Lolwut? It seems you went polar opposite from over strategizing to full retard.

I agree. I am staggered by this. I spent years "trying" to act and think like a man "they" want. I just found a woman with:

- Same taste in food.
- ditto drink
- We have both experienced narc abuse
- We were both from v poor background yet worked our way up
- Almost exact same history of substance use
- Same unique views on politics, very rare to find libertarian women
- Speak same 2nd language
- Same pet hates
-Live on same train route
- Same relationship history, both with ex spuse with mental health issues
- Similar career
- Same favourite literature
- Similar taste in music
- Both atheist
- Similar job
- She isn't a 10 but she is soooo my type
- genuinely, like a man in the mind. Yet still pulls off being incredibly vulnerable and feminine

I am ****ed. I know it. All I am thinking now is how I get her long term. I am 35 and I have never met a woman who comes close to this level of similarity, so I have to keep her. All my other relationships feel like having to pretend I am different. She is not into looks or money, she has the same 1 in a million outlook and I am staggered this happened.....it;s like a dream.

Totally ****ed.

 

[Desdinova]

I think I found my soulmate

A man's soulmate is all the women he's interested in at his current location in time. In other words, men don't have soulmates.

I just found a woman with:

- Same taste in food.
- ditto drink
- We have both experienced narc abuse
- We were both from v poor background yet worked our way up
- Almost exact same history of substance use
- Same unique views on politics, very rare to find libertarian women
- Speak same 2nd language
- Same pet hates
-Live on same train route
- Same relationship history, both with ex spuse with mental health issues
- Similar career
- Same favourite literature
- Similar taste in music
- Both atheist
- Similar job

That's gonna get boring fast.

Regardless, have fun with it! Don't forget to come out of your cloud space and jam your c0ck in her vagina.

 

[Milano]

Hey Fruity, also remember that what a woman tells you really doesnt mean that much so dont put her words into your romantic fantasy world just yet, watch her actions and have fun with it. All girls want money dude, sooner or later.

 

[resilient]

My first date plan is usually to meet up with her for coffee, and then take her to a nearby store of some kind and just look at interesting or unusual things. Moving her to a new location makes the relationship feel as if it's progressing. If she resists, then she's not interested and you should move on.

Excellent point. Also, it helps to park the car a little bit walking distance from the venue, so you two can walk past stores, people, and point out silly or interesting observations.

(Walk by a Spanish style house with upbeat music playing)
You: Do you like to dance?
Her: Yeah, I love to (insert ballroom dance style).
You: Excellent. Cafe Madrid is a decent place for salsa.

It's a great moment to show the fun, silly side. Be a gentleman and put your hand on the small of her back when crossing the street.

 

[Fruitbat]

Man I was drunk last night. Still, pretty ****ing sold on this chick.

 

[Fruitbat]

Excellent point. Also, it helps to park the car a little bit walking distance from the venue, so you two can walk past stores, people, and point out silly or interesting observations.

(Walk by a Spanish style house with upbeat music playing)
You: Do you like to dance?
Her: Yeah, I love to (insert ballroom dance style).
You: Excellent. Cafe Madrid is a decent place for salsa.

It's a great moment to show the fun, silly side. Be a gentleman and put your hand on the small of her back when crossing the street.

Can't do salsa dancing. Here, we go to pubs. Or restaurants. If we dance, we just go and throw shapes. Taking a girl salsa dancing seems like something I would do if I magically became Zorro! It;'s cold, wet and miserable in Britain.

 

[resilient]

Ok, good sir. May I suggest a finer exquisite refined dance then? Foxtrot? Viennese Waltz? There's got to be a place near you that has an affordable lesson/class setting on a weeknight.

It's a good chance to showcase your grooming style and being well-put together as a gentleman.

Bonus date ideas for LTR: Opera. Oh! .....And is Bristol close to London? I bet London Philharmonic Symphony would be awesome.......

 

[Fruitbat]

Ok, good sir. May I suggest a finer exquisite refined dance then? Foxtrot? Viennese Waltz? There's got to be a place near you that has an affordable lesson/class setting on a weeknight.

It's a good chance to showcase your grooming style and being well-put together as a gentleman.

Bonus date ideas for LTR: Opera. Oh! .....And is Bristol close to London? I bet London Philharmonic Symphony would be awesome.......

Yes it is. Good shout! I try to avoid London given it's the pits these days....probably get our heads chopped off, but this kind of thing is more my style.

I genuinely don't like dancing.....it just feels....I can't explain it but it isn't me! I would prefer moshing at arock concert.....

 

[AJ84]

I'm going to make an observation here that it offensive I apologize and feel free to call me on it.

Lots of red flags:

You have risky things in common (ie past substance abuse, past relationships with mentally ill partners)
20 hours of drinking.
Deep conversation and feeling a connection in the context of drinking marathon.
The whole gammit of emotionally charged topics (with actual crying), usually reserved for several dates in when things get serious, not all at once on a first date.
Deal breaker of not wanting kids, which you state you want.
Not that physically attracted to her.
The crying thing on the first date is worth mentioning a second time.


You seem to be high on the feeling of that first date, to the exclusion of the doubts you stated. Maybe going out on a second date that doesn't involve alcohol may give you more clarity.

 

[Fruitbat]

I'm going to make an observation here that it offensive I apologize and feel free to call me on it.

Lots of red flags:

You have risky things in common (ie past substance abuse, past relationships with mentally ill partners)
20 hours of drinking.
Deep conversation and feeling a connection in the context of drinking marathon.
The whole gammit of emotionally charged topics (with actual crying), usually reserved for several dates in when things get serious, not all at once on a first date.
Deal breaker of not wanting kids, which you state you want.
Not that physically attracted to her.
The crying thing on the first date is worth mentioning a second time.


You seem to be high on the feeling of that first date, to the exclusion of the doubts you stated. Maybe going out on a second date that doesn't involve alcohol may give you more clarity.

I have been thinking the same,to some extent.

However:

I have those red flags myself,so what do I expect in not accepting that from a potential partner. Perhaps if you've had a normal life then yes, but I didn't. I'd actually like someone I don't have to hide things from.
....one night drinking then out for the day and started drinking in the afternoon so probably not as bad. However, I call that having fun, more fun than ice skating or the various other nothing activities people do to fill the void. It's not characteristic of a subnormal life, not in the UK. Going on the piss with a bird and talking all night is pretty much par for the course for a lot of people here.

I have a bucketload of red flags so I really don't care too much whether you think that's bad, If you have this life, you'd probably not want someone too perfect as I will forever be living up to a person I am not.

I personally find the usual dates I have been on coy, shallow affairs with dead eyed women who are either superficial or would be highly judgemental of my life. Women who really aren't capable of being feminine or open. We both have eaten **** sandwiches so if I judge her for a mentally unwell partner (not as unwell as mine by a long way) then I will be judged by others. I like the fact we have shared this type of thing. As for substances, neither of us have used anything for a long time. We both gave up because we didn't want the life.

My main fear is she is so super keen I worry that this may burn out fast. If she felt the same clicking I did, then we're good.

She didn't fvck me first night. That is really uncommon and most of the "normal" women I meet are pretty game for fvcking random dudes, so that to me is a huge NON red flag.

I am going to try to just keep plate spinning as I agree there could be issues, but they aren't the same issues as you would have, as I doubt you had the same life experience and want someone similar to you.

You may think I'm in some sort of idealisation stage and I wonder if we both are. However, I;ve truly not experienced this elsewhere, period. Issue is if she is one of those girls who waltz in and out fast. She had 2 LTRS at 34....not too bad I think....

I do feel a d1ck for talking kids on first date, but I don't want to lie, fvck her and hurt her. I would rather deal nowand move on.

Other fear is she has decided not to consider long term but likes me and wants to give me sex....then drop me, some girls do this...even if they don't want you they have rewarded me for the nights out etc....

 

[AJ84]

We all have stuff, anyone who doesn't I would be more suspicious of haha.

I totally get not wanting to be judged and someone who has had the same experiences as you makes that less likely, good point.

She doesn't want kids though, and ended a relationship with someone who did. You said you want kids.

 

[Fruitbat]

We all have stuff, anyone who doesn't I would be more suspicious of haha.

I totally get not wanting to be judged and someone who has had the same experiences as you makes that less likely, good point.

She doesn't want kids though, and ended a relationship with someone who did. You said you want kids.

She said she was hugely scared of childbirth but she did not rule it out. She said that her ex was not the man to have them with, but she was very scared and she feels like men pressure her. She didnt say never, I think she has a phobia of the physical side which is driving it, and her ex was the wrong man.

This is what I don't get. She knows where I stand. I thought she cried because she knew we couldn';t carry on, Now she is even keener???