I'm going to make an observation here that it offensive I apologize and feel free to call me on it.
Lots of red flags:
You have risky things in common (ie past substance abuse, past relationships with mentally ill partners)
20 hours of drinking.
Deep conversation and feeling a connection in the context of drinking marathon.
The whole gammit of emotionally charged topics (with actual crying), usually reserved for several dates in when things get serious, not all at once on a first date.
Deal breaker of not wanting kids, which you state you want.
Not that physically attracted to her.
The crying thing on the first date is worth mentioning a second time.
You seem to be high on the feeling of that first date, to the exclusion of the doubts you stated. Maybe going out on a second date that doesn't involve alcohol may give you more clarity.
I have been thinking the same,to some extent.
However:
I have those red flags myself,so what do I expect in not accepting that from a potential partner. Perhaps if you've had a normal life then yes, but I didn't. I'd actually like someone I don't have to hide things from.
....one night drinking then out for the day and started drinking in the afternoon so probably not as bad. However, I call that having fun, more fun than ice skating or the various other nothing activities people do to fill the void. It's not characteristic of a subnormal life, not in the UK. Going on the piss with a bird and talking all night is pretty much par for the course for a lot of people here.
I have a bucketload of red flags so I really don't care too much whether you think that's bad, If you have this life, you'd probably not want someone too perfect as I will forever be living up to a person I am not.
I personally find the usual dates I have been on coy, shallow affairs with dead eyed women who are either superficial or would be highly judgemental of my life. Women who really aren't capable of being feminine or open. We both have eaten **** sandwiches so if I judge her for a mentally unwell partner (not as unwell as mine by a long way) then I will be judged by others. I like the fact we have shared this type of thing. As for substances, neither of us have used anything for a long time. We both gave up because we didn't want the life.
My main fear is she is so super keen I worry that this may burn out fast. If she felt the same clicking I did, then we're good.
She didn't fvck me first night. That is really uncommon and most of the "normal" women I meet are pretty game for fvcking random dudes, so that to me is a huge NON red flag.
I am going to try to just keep plate spinning as I agree there could be issues, but they aren't the same issues as you would have, as I doubt you had the same life experience and want someone similar to you.
You may think I'm in some sort of idealisation stage and I wonder if we both are. However, I;ve truly not experienced this elsewhere, period. Issue is if she is one of those girls who waltz in and out fast. She had 2 LTRS at 34....not too bad I think....
I do feel a d1ck for talking kids on first date, but I don't want to lie, fvck her and hurt her. I would rather deal nowand move on.
Other fear is she has decided not to consider long term but likes me and wants to give me sex....then drop me, some girls do this...even if they don't want you they have rewarded me for the nights out etc....