She Tried to Hurt Me

[bigneil]

Last week I ended my 9 month relationship but one thing that stayed with me was how she dropped the bomb.

I asked her to come over and she replied "Neil... I'm in love with someone else".

I handled it right (replying "I know, remember?") and I spun her back to being romantic, but I'm now thinking about this and wondering: why would she TRY to make this as painful as possible?

It wasn't even true, she was talking about a 21 year old guy who she knew since age 13, lived with for a month, was dating for a week, and hadn't had sex with yet. So she was exaggerating in the direction that would hurt me more (normally they try to candy coat reality and let you down easy). That would be like my saying this to her, but referring to this 20 year old I saw 3 times this week. You can't be in love that fast.

This might just be her resenting me for saying LJBF two weeks earlier and blowing her off the previous weekend (proof that she had high interest), and it might be because she's overwhelmed between getting divorced and relocating (when I go through moves I find myself screaming at everyone who I can scream at, as in we hurt the people who love us, because of the stress) but it also might be something I can't forgive her for.

Why would a girl try to hurt me as she ended it?

 

[zekko]

Why would a girl try to hurt me as she ended it?

You've got to be cruel to be kind?

 

[bigneil]

Low quality insecure girl. If you stay in contact with her you will hear much worse.

I think if I had agreed to meet her for lunch a couple weeks ago she would have said it to my face, just to see me squirm.

I'm glad she did this because I won't trust her anymore, but I will still try to have sex with her again if she comes back. At least it never became about money (that's another way strippers often break down).

I've never known a girl to disappear forever. We went through something almost exactly like this 7 months ago. She had a ONS, was in the middle of a move, met a new neighbor who warned her not to date me, and she put our plans on hold. She later said her main fear was that I'd freak out because I had invested time and money. When I saw her again it was the best sex we ever had.

It doesn't make sense that a girl would divorce her husband and never see her lover again.

I think she was resenting me for something. This goes under Beware the After Effects (of a successful seduction).

 

[SmooveMooves]

Sounds like you're looking forward to her coming back Neil. Adjust your frame a tad bit, for your own sake.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I think if I had agreed to meet her for lunch a couple weeks ago she would have said it to my face, just to see me squirm.

I'm glad she did this because I won't trust her anymore, but I will still try to have sex with her again if she comes back. At least it never became about money (that's another way strippers often break down).

I've never known a girl to disappear forever. We went through something almost exactly like this 7 months ago. She had a ONS, was in the middle of a move, met a new neighbor who warned her not to date me, and she put our plans on hold. She later said her main fear was that I'd freak out because I had invested time and money. When I saw her again it was the best sex we ever had.

It doesn't make sense that a girl would divorce her husband and never see her lover again.

I think she was resenting me for something. This goes under Beware the After Effects (of a successful seduction).

How do you expect a girl in her early 20's to see you as anything more than an "old guy?"

I would be willing to bet that she was playing with you the whole time, as is your new girl.

Don't you feel stupid that you felt the need to give her 10 orgasms just to keep her around?

Not that I really care, I'm just saying.

 

[ChangePages]

Wasn't this the same "BPD" girl you was bragging about and showing off pictures for months saying you were in control and had frame while you were acting like a simp on the forums and sayin she wont hurt you

Think I speak for everyone when I say, I told you so

 

[RichardTheFrog]

Wasn't this the same "BPD" girl you was bragging about and showing off pictures for months saying you were in control and had frame while you was acting like a simp on the forums and sayin she wont hurt you

Think I speak for everyone when I say, I told you so

HAHAHAHA. And she was not hot. Don't forget that fact.

 

[sazc]

From my point of view, saying that to you is a way she can ensure that you firmly understand that hey affection does not lie with you anymore, it lies elsewhere. This is a good way to try to ensure that you will no longer contact her for sex/emotional relationship.

If you think she said that in an effort to deliberately hurt you, what occurred in the relationship that would have made her feel so resentful that she would have felt the need to retaliate the way she did?

 

[bigneil]

What occurred in the relationship that would have made her feel so resentful that she would have felt the need to retaliate the way she did?

For one, a week earlier I said "Let's just be friends".

I got her to completely submit 100%. "After a seduction, the person's feelings switch to lassitude and distrust" - Robert Greene.

Once she caught feelings for someone else, no doubt they bad mouthed me and she wanted to be faithful to the new person.

I controlled her by making her be emotional. She used to say her ex husband always knew she was texting me because she would be extremely happy or extremely mad. Once she divorced him, she became emotionally exhausted and I lost my effect, but once she settles down I suspect her feelings for me will return.

Consider the final numbers: I saw her about 24 times and gave her about 64 orgasms. 50% of the time we were together (about 200 hours) we were in bed. It was incredible.

Wasn't this the same "BPD" girl you was bragging about and showing off pictures for months saying you were in control and had frame while you were acting like a simp on the forums and sayin she wont hurt you

Think I speak for everyone when I say, I told you so

Yes. I did get to brag for 9 months as I captured her on film and it was great. Are you saying it was a failure of a relationship? I have 5 models lined up hoping to replace her.

It was the best relationship I ever had, and it ended with her text "Let me know if you change your mind". 8 days later, she is 5 models back in my text queue (four texting last night).

 

[bigneil]

Think I speak for everyone when I say, I told you so

You would have passed up 9 months of sex? 9 months is a long time for non-BPD relationships.

I think I speak for all of you - you would have done anything to sleep with her, and the odds are 99.9% she would have rejected you.

 

[bigneil]

From my point of view, saying that to you is a way she can ensure that you firmly understand that hey affection does not lie with you anymore, it lies elsewhere. This is a good way to try to ensure that you will no longer contact her for sex/emotional relationship.

sazc, if you read the post last week you saw that after she said this she asked me out twice, and her tone went right back to affectionate and emotional. Why do you keep misleading everyone here?

Just last week you said "if you didn't text me back for 3 days after we dated 9 months I would be devastated" - so you don't think you would have tried to call my bluff and say "I have someone else"?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Always assume that you are hearing half of the truth on average....

-There's a guy she's known forever who she apparently 'never had sex with'. You only have her word to go on regards this.

-She's apparently 'in love' with this guy even though the 'never had sex' (highly unlikely in this day and age). You do the maths.

-She wasn't trying to hurt you. She probably still loves you too, and may be baiting you to do say something to make her hate you. She's trying to facilitate a rationale in her own mind, because at the moment, she doesn't have one.

As has been said above, a stable person doesn't do this kind of thing. If she's truly in love, she'll go and be with that guy. Wouldnt be surprised if he was top of her High Score List and you running a very close second.

The relationship is over. For good. Maybe some consolatory sex might be on the cards; but that's all. End of the day, she's very young. She's barely started her party years yet.

 

[bigneil]

Any time I ever tried to hurt a girl, it was only because I cared too much.

Just like you never know how you (or your best friend) will handle police interrogation until it happens, you never know how you'll feel when your dream girl tries to hurt you until it happens. Hopefully you'll experience more of the latter example. There is no question that certain women do try to hurt us and they get off on seeing our pain. You have to handle it like you would a punch to the gut.

Anyhow, I'm feeling great. I feel liberated. I owned her, for long enough.

Remember: no matter what your dream girl in the future ever says, just say "I know".

 

[sazc]

sazc, if you read the post last week you saw that after she said this she asked me out twice, and her tone went right back to affectionate and emotional. Why do you keep misleading everyone here?

Just last week you said "if you didn't text me back for 3 days after we dated 9 months I would be devastated" - so you don't think you would have tried to call my bluff and say "I have someone else"?

I cant read her mind. I am just being honest about how I would feel and giving you my interpretation of what might be going on in her head.
Everyone is different. If you didn't text me back for 3 days after 9 months of dating I would be devastated but when you did make contact I would ask you what was going on, why the silence occurred and, if you were evasive about it, I would take that for low interest on your end and probably start to think about moving on from the relationship.

Im not trying to mislead anyone, just stating how I would feel/think if it happened to me. As stated, each female is different and could handle it differently.

 

[sazc]

I will say tho, in my own opinion, if she really is 'in love' with this dude she not only does NOT know what real love is but she is way to immature to be in a relationship with a mature man and I dont think she would ever be able to really fulfill you @bigneil

 

[bigneil]

Don't feel bad for me! Hope (9 month affairs with 20 year old models) happens again and again!

I cant read her mind. I am just being honest about how I would feel and giving you my interpretation of what might be going on in her head.
Everyone is different. If you didn't text me back for 3 days after 9 months of dating I would be devastated but when you did make contact I would ask you what was going on, why the silence occurred and, if you were evasive about it, I would take that for low interest on your end and probably start to think about moving on from the relationship.

Im not trying to mislead anyone, just stating how I would feel/think if it happened to me. As stated, each female is different and could handle it differently.

Ok, so you might have moved on and then said "I'm in love with someone else" even though you had high interest in someone? The last time we broke up (in January) it wasn't until I held her again that she confessed how much that hurt her. The last 5 dates we made love. I never had a moment with her where the attraction was lost. The divorce just threw a wrench in to the engine.

It seems unlikely to me that she would divorce her husband (who she knew since age 14) and me (who she has known 1.5 years exactly, and dated 9 months exactly, half that time), at the same time.

 

[sazc]

Ok, so you might have moved on and then said "I'm in love with someone else" even though you had high interest in someone.

It seems unlikely to me that she would divorce her husband (who she knew since age 14) and me (who she has known 1.5 years exactly, and dated 9 months exactly, half that time), at the same time.

Yea, I've given this some thought.....
She could be trying to play a game with you and test to see how interested you really are in her by saying that. Will you start making grand gestures to win her back? Is she pkaying a game? idk I think it's a moot idea to contemplate b/c you dont/shouldnt/wont respond to game playing.

I would never have told someone "I'm in love with someone else" as a reason I was breaking up with them, and still retained high interest in said person unless I was playing a mind game with them and hoping they would chase me. To clarify, I've never done anything remotely close to this to any man. That's unfair.

I'm a 'take it at face value' kinda girl. If someone said this to me, I would decide to believe them, and believe their words. Do I think she will contact you again? yep. Do i think that you will sex her up again at some point? yep. Do I think you will achieve anything of substance from her (in terms of a relationship)? Probably not.

Never say never. I just think she is not worth the potential drama

 

[Trump]

Bro I don't know, if I don't get a 20 year old girl to submit at all times, she is a mistress unless she proves otherwise.

I shouldn't say this, but after Ive seen how girls manipulate with society's blessing and no legal repercussions, I sometimes go out if my way to hurt them.

 

[sazc]

Bae....,you know I luv you...........

Then why dont you callllll meeee????? <3 <3 <3

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Why would a girl try to hurt me as she ended it?

Get over yourself.

She wanted to end it as quickly as possible, from HER perspective. She probably didn't give ANY thought to how it would affect you.

Stop acting like a butt-hurt beta who creates endless threads trying to micro-analyze ever potential meaning behind every sentence.

Forget her and find somebody else.