First Date for Ages

[Fruitbat]

Right, went on OLD and got approached by a woman who had a shared interest.

Never once contacted anyone, she is one of a handful who messaged me.

So, didn't feel in the right place to date so told her I couldn't see her for 6 weeks.She waited patiently and text me almost on the day and asked me out.

I am not used to this as this girl is very, very pretty and usually not the type which would date me....

She is separated and has a comment on her profile about cheaters so I presume her ex cheated and she kicked him out. She has a kid (no lectured please, I am not marrying her)

Now, I am apprehensive as a/ she is a bit too pretty to be chasing guys like me...I am going to be a little intimidated by that as I am still a bit overweight...and b/ the ex spouse....

This is going to be a tough one....I am going just to see what her deal is.

I thought making her wait was quite useful as if she was veryrecently separated, it might have been just an anger thing at the time - 2 months or so has shown she has IOI and is still single etc

Got the feeling I am going to get murdered on this date. This girl is most definately a 9 looks wise.

 

[BeExcellent]

If a 9 likes you, enjoy the attention. Relax & enjoy yourself.

Maybe she's a geek in a pretty package. See past what she looks like & focus on who she is.

 

[Die Hard]

Probably cluster B... (no joke)

 

[Fruitbat]

Well, she cancelled on the night with some BS about work....could have been real but it was only when I confirmed 3hrs before....but, she offered me the next night which I turned down on principle but I am seeing her this week...theoretically.

She was online on the dating website 20 mins later (not that I am checking HER but on being let down I went to immediately spin more plates)

However, since then I have more interest so I am not bothered. I let them come and go now....without attaching to an outcome...

 

[Fruitbat]

Right, first date she cancelled like 3 hours before because she needed to cover a shift and offered the next day.

She just did the same thing and offered tomorrow night.

I just texted her something like "no, 2 times in a row, wish you the best of luck!"

Then she said I was too strict, I wished her a good evening.

Now, I would have accepted before but I think I did the right thing.

First date and already the bull**** is bringing me down. How did finding a partner become this hard?

 

[resilient]

Good for you, for standing up yourself and saying no after flaked twice in a row with that text. Stay the course to continue filtering out low IL women. As it's often said around here, the higher the HB scale, the more flaking, excuses, and entitlement behavior you'll experience as you navigate the first few dates with new potentials. Par for the course.

 

[Fruitbat]

Good for you, for standing up yourself and saying no after flaked twice in a row with that text. Stay the course to continue filtering out low IL women. As it's often said around here, the higher the HB scale, the more flaking, excuses, and entitlement behavior you'll experience as you navigate the first few dates with new potentials. Par for the course.

But why do they build you up? I really do think they enjoy it.

Issue is, this now fvcks up my confidence. I have another on saturday and she is online now. How long before she finds something "better"?

 

[resilient]

But why do they build you up?

They understand we, men, like our egos stroked and the validation. Just like they get validated when we give them attention.

Issue is, this now fvcks up my confidence.

It does if you let it. Remember, your confidence comes from within, not based on whether or not a woman likes you.

How long before she finds something "better"?

You're doomed from the start if you think like this. There's always a bigger, better, deal out there. The trick is being that guy in front of her right now at the right time. Enjoy the interaction and time with them for what it is in the moment. Don't get fixated on how long things will last. The paralysis from the analysis will distract you from your long-term goals.

 

[Fruitbat]

They understand we, men, like our egos stroked and the validation. Just like they get validated when we give them attention.

It does if you let it. Remember, your confidence comes from within, not based on whether or not a woman likes you.

You're doomed from the start if you think like this. There's always a bigger, better, deal out there. The trick is being that guy in front of her right now at the right time. Enjoy the interaction and time with them for what it is in the moment. Don't get fixated on how long things will last. The paralysis from the analysis will distract you from your long-term goals.

Regarding that last point, I had another potential date with an equally hot woman tonight. I turned her down and made her wait.

Being the one in front of her, now, might suggest you jump at the chance. I could have called her earlier, I didn't. I am trying to not drop everything and see women when they want me, I have found that's a bad thing...consistently.

This is why I am pissed. This other girl was really, really keen and I was quite dismissive of her. I just felt I would seem a bit weak if I caved in to her pressure and make not seem too available....seeeing her sunday.

 

[Fruitbat]

She texted you almost 42 times (6 weeks) without ever meeting you??

She REALLY likes you or she's the most desparate woman ever. Either way: I would tread carefully.

No, she text me exactly 6 weeks after, as if it was in her diary

 

[Fruitbat]

I'm not convinced that it helps to know why.

Meet more women, which will lead to options. Options leads to abundance mentality; abundance mentality leads to DJ.

I had 3 dates lined up. I am pissed off with how they treat people. I wouldn't act that way to anyone....what you going to do? Nothing. All I can be content with is that in a few years that entitled, selfish attitude will meet with a massive wall and I'll be right there laughing at them!

 

[BeExcellent]

Maybe it was on her diary. I met a man in late May IRL. He has reached out to me a few times since we met but he knows I am not back local until July. Today he sent a text to say hello. For each of his texts I respond promptly.

I get back next weekend. My prediction is he will ask me out & I will accept. Things will go from there.

Just slow down & quit putting so much stock in every single interaction. The fate of the world does not hinge on one text exchange.

I will say this however. You punished girl B for girl A flaking. You carried your broken expectations from your LTR to cloud your interactions with both girl A and girl B.

How would you like it if a woman played games with you because of past experiences with other men (who are not you & have nothing to do with you?)

The whole board would say NEXT!!!! Don't deal with such baggage.

And yet you are coloring your current and future interactions with new women because of baggage you are hauling around.

Baggage is like garbage. It stinks and nobody wants to be around it. You must clear yourself of your baggage, or at least set it out back with the rest of the garbage if you expect to interact organically with a woman. Until you do that you are going to play silly games (punish girl B who was expressing interest in you?) Petty game playing. Ugh

No wonder your results. Sorry if that's harsh but somebody needs to call it in real time.

 

[Fruitbat]

Maybe it was on her diary. I met a man in late May IRL. He has reached out to me a few times since we met but he knows I am not back local until July. Today he sent a text to say hello. For each of his texts I respond promptly.

I get back next weekend. My prediction is he will ask me out & I will accept. Things will go from there.

Just slow down & quit putting so much stock in every single interaction. The fate of the world does not hinge on one text exchange.

I will say this however. You punished girl B for girl A flaking. You carried your broken expectations from your LTR to cloud your interactions with both girl A and girl B.

How would you like it if a woman played games with you because of past experiences with other men (who are not you & have nothing to do with you?)

The whole board would say NEXT!!!! Don't deal with such baggage.

And yet you are coloring your current and future interactions with new women because of baggage you are hauling around.

Baggage is like garbage. It stinks and nobody wants to be around it. You must clear yourself of your baggage, or at least set it out back with the rest of the garbage if you expect to interact organically with a woman. Until you do that you are going to play silly games (punish girl B who was expressing interest in you?) Petty game playing. Ugh

No wonder your results. Sorry if that's harsh but somebody needs to call it in real time.

I get back next weekend. My prediction is he will ask me out & I will accept. Things will go from there.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope it works out.

Just slow down & quit putting so much stock in every single interaction. The fate of the world does not hinge on one text exchange.

I was cancelled twice with 3 hours notice, you can't tell me you would accept that? Also, the 2nd time I confirmed the night before. Just to clarify, Girl B asked me out the day before. I said no (because girl A was already in the diary, then girl A flaked)

I will say this however. You punished girl B for girl A flaking. You carried your broken expectations from your LTR to cloud your interactions with both girl A and girl B.

We are talking at cross purposes. Girl B already knew that I wasn't seeing her. I could have called her as soon as girl A flaked...but I didn't want to seem needy......if you've actually dated women, you know how this kills everything, immediately. But, before, girl B was really keen and I perhaps should have cancelled girl A because girl A had already cancelled before and was therefore unreliable.

How would you like it if a woman played games with you because of past experiences with other men (who are not you & have nothing to do with you?)

I didn't, we are confusing the sequence of events, but I agree, if I had done as you think, that would have been douchey.

The whole board would say NEXT!!!! Don't deal with such baggage.

I agree, I nexted her - 2 dates cancelled with 2-3 hours notice each time. I was backup. She had better options. I am probably 6 on looks and an 8 on job (a 10 on intelligence, not that it matters, and she is a 9 on looks, of course I am going to be low on her list)

And yet you are coloring your current and future interactions with new women because of baggage you are hauling around.

The correct spelling is "coloured". It's English, I don't do US text-speak.

Baggage is like garbage. It stinks and nobody wants to be around it. You must clear yourself of your baggage, or at least set it out back with the rest of the garbage if you expect to interact organically with a woman. Until you do that you are going to play silly games (punish girl B who was expressing interest in you?) Petty game playing. Ugh

You've got it wrong. I would never "punish" anyone, however, the actions of some of your sex fundamentally change the way we act and feel, so you have your girlfriends to blame, not us! We didn't decide the things you find attractive, like not being interested. I have a hard job understanding that.

No wonder your results. Sorry if that's harsh but somebody needs to call it in real time

Hopefully this explains that I wasn't being as douchey as you think. As men, we cannot appear desperate. I just text another girl for 20 mins. Called her, she now turns her phone off. It;s things like this which make us not be too keen and pretend we aren't interested - not because we want to, but because of what really makes "you" tick.

I have a 6 tomorrow night, she seems quite a nice girl though, a good laugh, so I will not be punishing her unless that's what she is in to. I can't remember the last time a woman higher up the scale gave me anything but bad attitude, but it's good to be the change you want to see in the world. I assume the 9 is off with some assorted criminals/millionaires or some other assorted narc *******s. Good luck to her.

 

[BeExcellent]

My apologies for misunderstanding. In US we don't quite use the Queen's English, especially in nether regions. Y'all should be OK with that.

I frankly greatly dislike men who act "not interested". I'd rather know a man's intention, so I can respond and show my own. Now obviously that is a nuanced process that not everybody is super smooth about, but indifference to me is a turn off. Why would a woman want an indifferent man when she can have a man who is warm toward her? The opposite of love is indifference. Only foolish women chase indifferent men. Indifferent men will not love. Isn't that what we are all after as humans?

I hope you have a lovely date and hope you meet someone worthwhile. I just get the general impression that your own acrid interpretation of things and resentment of the world as you perceive it gets in your way from time to time. Perhaps I am wrong. I hope so.

All I'm saying is honor yourself (which you are doing) and give other people the benefit of the doubt. Along in there is the sweet spot you are looking for. Enjoy your weekend and Cheers.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

All I'm saying is honor yourself

honour...

(C'mon lady...)

 

[BeExcellent]

Y'all hush!

(Big Southern Grin )

 

[Fruitbat]

My apologies for misunderstanding. In US we don't quite use the Queen's English, especially in nether regions. Y'all should be OK with that.

I frankly greatly dislike men who act "not interested". I'd rather know a man's intention, so I can respond and show my own. Now obviously that is a nuanced process that not everybody is super smooth about, but indifference to me is a turn off. Why would a woman want an indifferent man when she can have a man who is warm toward her? The opposite of love is indifference. Only foolish women chase indifferent men. Indifferent men will not love. Isn't that what we are all after as humans?

I hope you have a lovely date and hope you meet someone worthwhile. I just get the general impression that your own acrid interpretation of things and resentment of the world as you perceive it gets in your way from time to time. Perhaps I am wrong. I hope so.

All I'm saying is honor yourself (which you are doing) and give other people the benefit of the doubt. Along in there is the sweet spot you are looking for. Enjoy your weekend and Cheers.

Perhaps you would term what I would view as "normal" as "needy"?

Being warm is being too nice, we have that over, and over again. Women say these things and then you find out the guys they actually date and sleep with. Again, love seems low down the list, if there's another guy who has more obvious value like money or appearance. A lot of women chose to be pathetic underlings of a man, and share him with other women,if he's sufficiently rich or has status,and "what's on the inside" doesn't seem to matter.

I completely and utterly poisioned by the experiences I have had,not through voluntarily choosing to think this way. I genuinely believe the sexual choices of a majority of women is what creates most of the evil in the world and forces good men to be vain, selfish, exploitative and aggressive. Not all, not by a longway, but the only men I have ever met who have been super-successful, the key determinate was a will to rise above others by any means neccesary, usually deeply narcicicistic men - because they are temporarily nice to you, they may appear differently.

Oh, and I will let "honor" slide. It's the weekend after all!

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I had 3 dates lined up. I am pissed off with how they treat people. I wouldn't act that way to anyone....what you going to do? Nothing. All I can be content with is that in a few years that entitled, selfish attitude will meet with a massive wall and I'll be right there laughing at them!

Get off line. On line, you are just a commodity, and will be treated like one. When you meet someone in real life, the dynamic is a lot more.... natural.

 

[Fruitbat]

Get off line. On line, you are just a commodity, and will be treated like one. When you meet someone in real life, the dynamic is a lot more.... natural.

At 35, you cannot have any success in real life approaches unless you are over 8 looks wise.

If they are young and pretty, they just think you're a creep.

If they're nearer my age, they often have a husband.

The last girl I met at a party didn't tell me her BF was in the next room while she was pushing her tits in my face. I then observed her,and the other females there, having a good giggle. The other one, she chose a dude who has a minimum wage job over me. No matter how much I look at it, I can't see how this guy had more persona, he's just a douche, but a significantly better looking one.

These kind of things destroy me, perhaps I need more resilience,because I am just tired of being d1cked around.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

At 35, you cannot have any success in real life approaches unless you are over 8 looks wise.

If they are young and pretty, they just think you're a creep.

If they're nearer my age, they often have a husband.

The last girl I met at a party didn't tell me her BF was in the next room while she was pushing her tits in my face. I then observed her,and the other females there, having a good giggle. The other one, she chose a dude who has a minimum wage job over me. No matter how much I look at it, I can't see how this guy had more persona, he's just a douche, but a significantly better looking one.

These kind of things destroy me, perhaps I need more resilience,because I am just tired of being d1cked around.

I agree that the older you get, the more you need to tone it down... in so far as you want to retain your dignity.

What I do, as a near half-centurion, is look for the IOI aka green light. Just be an easy-going, easy-go-lucky debonair type, looking your best, with a spring in your step, and a good attitude, and you'll be surprised how many of these are forth-coming.