How to Know if She's Worth It

[Shift]

After my latest dating experience, I think I've learned something very important.

You need to know what qualities you want in a girl if you plan to get into a relationship.

I've been living my life taking whatever I can get. Was the girl at least somewhat attractive? Did she give me the time of day? That used to make the cut for me. It didn't usually go well. I often overlook big issues.

But today I realized, you need to spend some time figuring out some guidelines for what you want, and what you definitely don't want. Think of your ideal girl.

Think of the **** you won't put up with. If she exhibits even ONE of these qualities, ditch her.

Think of the kind of things she might be into. This part doesn't have to be an exact match. But you definitely need at least some shared interests.

Finally, think of her ideal personality traits. Again, this part doesn't have to be an exact match, but she should have a few of these.

If you keep this in mind you should never find yourself with a girl that you're worried about.

Good luck guys. Don't settle, and may all of your dreams come true.

 

[soulforge]

This is fantastic and I will seriously use this if i was to enter another LTR

I made these exact mistakes in my LTR.. she was attractive, successful to some degree, well dressed, nice car, house etc etc.

She was willing to spend time with me, and that was enough for me...

But underneath all that, I was dealing with a rather chitty person..

So yes always look for good qualities in a woman, that you can develop a healthy long lasting relationship with..

If she has bad qualities such as, bad communicater, unsympathetic, blame/victim type of person...

Then cast that hoe aside or keep as fbuddy.. never get into relationships with these types..

Its your life.. invest in quality

 

[bigneil]

Unless she moves you the first time you see her, unless you move her the first time she sees you, the relationship won't have what it takes.

Go for the women you love the most and learn what it takes to get them to love you back.

Every time I ever saw my girlfriend I thought "Oh my God that girl is so beautiful".

You need that love at first sight moment, you need to have a huge connection, you need to share common interests, you need to blow her away in the bedroom, and (especially, for the long term) you need to get through the obstacles that defeat most relationships (namely you need to be able to get to the root of the issues and solve them there). In many cases you both need to sleep with someone else and find that it makes you miss the other person. You need to break up and realize you don't ever want to lose them and then you need to promise never to break up again. You need to be able to have patience to accept her problems, and to grow with her as she improves.

 

[17 shots]

you don't care about having sex with her, because You just honestly enjoy her company.

She can make you laugh (this is big for me because most girls are just not funny to me)

She forgives you when you've done something wrong, and never brings it up again once it's settled

When she argues with you, she never gets disrespectful. (Like calling u out of your name, or loud mouth cursing at you)

She will accept Money or gifts from you, but she never asks for it

That's a few that came to my mind

 

[Desdinova]

But today I realized, you need to spend some time figuring out some guidelines for what you want, and what you definitely don't want. Think of your ideal girl.

Think of the **** you won't put up with. If she exhibits even ONE of these qualities, ditch her.

I don't necessarily think about the stuff I will and won't put up with, I generally think about the stuff that I can tolerate. You have to figure out what the exceptions are and if you're willing to put up with them. Can you put up with a woman who cooks for you every evening but isn't as attractive as your previous GFs? Can you put up with a woman who's great in bed but is into Disney movies? It's not only the deal breakers you need to focus on, but it's the grey areas as well.

But you definitely need at least some shared interests.

I can find a shared interest with almost every woman I date. I honestly find shared interests lower on the priority list when I'm looking for a woman. I'd rather have somebody who can either introduce me to new things, or someone who's going to make my life theirs. In other words, they need to add value to it.

Every time I ever saw my girlfriend I thought "Oh my God that girl is so beautiful".

You need that love at first sight moment, you need to have a huge connection, you need to share common interests, you need to blow her away in the bedroom, and (especially, for the long term) you need to get through the obstacles that defeat most relationships (namely you need to be able to get to the root of the issues and solve them there).

I find that men cannot successfully have a relationship with a woman that they're completely enamoured with. If you find her extremely attractive and extremely enjoyable to be around, you're going to have a difficult time keeping your head out of the clouds and your feelings under control.

I honestly don't believe that it's viable for a man to be deeply in love with his significant other. The relationship will fail, and he will set himself up for vast disappointment. The woman's interest always needs to be higher than the man's interest in order for the relationship to successfully work. Yes, it's a great feeling to be in love and on top of the world, but if she pushes you off the balcony, it hurts like hell when you hit the ground and it takes a long time to recover.

 

[bigneil]

I find that men cannot successfully have a relationship with a woman that they're completely enamoured with. If you find her extremely attractive and extremely enjoyable to be around, you're going to have a difficult time keeping your head out of the clouds and your feelings under control.

I honestly don't believe that it's viable for a man to be deeply in love with his significant other.

I disagree. My girl is the most beautiful girl I ever saw. She's the only girl I ever treated right. She's the only girl who ever got my wandering eye to stay focused. She's the only girl who ever lived up to all the cliché's you hear about "the one girl who blows you away". Coach Corey Wayne described it and said "Some people don't know the difference between having sex and making love, but when you find a girl who really knocks your socks off, the difference is as wide as the Grand Canyon".

Also, as a photographer, I have to love my models or it won't shine through. I'm trying to capture the most incredible beauty I ever witnessed. Some fat douche with a Canon isn't going to bring out the best in her. A man who is in love with her will.

That said, I'm able to walk on a minute's notice so I can handle her.

It was 8 months ago today that I made love to her for the first time. Afterward I said "Every once in a while there is a girl so beautiful I swear I must be dreaming, and this is one of those moments". According to her (months later) she fell in love with me that night. I still think I must be dreaming.

 

[Red Legg]

"The truth is,everyone is going to hurt you.You just got to find the ones worth suffering for"- Bob Marley

 

[sazc]

Doesn't this response:

I disagree. My girl is the most beautiful girl I ever saw. She's the only girl I ever treated right. She's the only girl who ever got my wandering eye to stay focused. She's the only girl who ever lived up to all the cliché's you hear about "the one girl who blows you away". Coach Corey Wayne described it and said "Some people don't know the difference between having sex and making love, but when you find a girl who really knocks your socks off, the difference is as wide as the Grand Canyon".

Also, as a photographer, I have to love my models or it won't shine through. I'm trying to capture the most incredible beauty I ever witnessed. Some fat douche with a Canon isn't going to bring out the best in her. A man who is in love with her will.

That said, I'm able to walk on a minute's notice so I can handle her.

It was 8 months ago today that I made love to her for the first time. Afterward I said "Every once in a while there is a girl so beautiful I swear I must be dreaming, and this is one of those moments". According to her (months later) she fell in love with me that night. I still think I must be dreaming.

Kinda maybe support this theory....

I find that men cannot successfully have a relationship with a woman that they're completely enamoured with. If you find her extremely attractive and extremely enjoyable to be around, you're going to have a difficult time keeping your head out of the clouds and your feelings under control.

I honestly don't believe that it's viable for a man to be deeply in love with his significant other. The relationship will fail, and he will set himself up for vast disappointment. The woman's interest always needs to be higher than the man's interest in order for the relationship to successfully work. Yes, it's a great feeling to be in love and on top of the world, but if she pushes you off the balcony, it hurts like hell when you hit the ground and it takes a long time to recover.

.
Im not trying to rabble rouse (sp!), I just see such irony in this particular, deliberate, response to that statement

 

[SgtSplacker]

I made the same mistakes in life, if she was sexy and willing I was all in. Nowadays I look at everything, how she dresses, family relations, financial posture. It all counts man.

 

[Shift]

You need that love at first sight moment, you need to have a huge connection, you need to share common interests, you need to blow her away in the bedroom, and (especially, for the long term) you need to get through the obstacles that defeat most relationships (namely you need to be able to get to the root of the issues and solve them there).

I don't believe in love at first sight. Obviously it means you are both very physically attracted to one another, which it definitely necessary but not the most important part. There's plenty of girls out there who I think are really hot but I can quickly be turned off to their personality. Also, I agree that no relationship is absolutely perfect, but their should be no MAJOR issues you have to work through. If it's right, it's right.

In many cases you both need to sleep with someone else and find that it makes you miss the other person. You need to break up and realize you don't ever want to lose them and then you need to promise never to break up again. You need to be able to have patience to accept her problems, and to grow with her as she improves.

Absolutely there shouldn't be any need to cheat or break up. I mean, if it's something you can both work through, great, but I don't think it provides for a very solid foundation to the relationship. I do agree that growing together is important though. Nobody on this planet is perfect.

II generally think about the stuff that I can tolerate. You have to figure out what the exceptions are and if you're willing to put up with them. Can you put up with a woman who cooks for you every evening but isn't as attractive as your previous GFs? Can you put up with a woman who's great in bed but is into Disney movies? It's not only the deal breakers you need to focus on, but it's the grey areas as well.

Well said. Everyone has their quirks and imperfections, and truly loving someone includes loving those parts as well. I mentioned the deal breakers because a lot of guys, my former self included, ignore some majorly fvcked up sh**. She's a pathological liar? She does hard drugs? She's flaky as sh**? Don't put up with that.

I honestly don't believe that it's viable for a man to be deeply in love with his significant other. The relationship will fail, and he will set himself up for vast disappointment. The woman's interest always needs to be higher than the man's interest in order for the relationship to successfully work. Yes, it's a great feeling to be in love and on top of the world, but if she pushes you off the balcony, it hurts like hell when you hit the ground and it takes a long time to recover.

I'll have to disagree with this part as well. It sucks getting hurt, but you have to open yourself up if you wanna find someone great. Ideally, you're both madly in love with each other. I mean, isn't that what we all really want? The best rewards usually involve the greatest risks.

 

[bigneil]

I don't believe in love at first sight.

I said love at first sight MOMENT, which is usually a false illusion.

When you have that moment and stay together for 6+ months, you have something special.

Absolutely there shouldn't be any need to cheat or break up.

So you don't believe in love at first sight, but you believe in commitment at first f*ck?

You're WAY off.

 

[bigneil]

It sucks getting hurt, but you have to open yourself up if you wanna find someone great. Ideally, you're both madly in love with each other. I mean, isn't that what we all really want? The best rewards usually involve the greatest risks.

Risk of what?? How do you "get hurt"? You're never supposed to get so invested you can't walk away on a moment's notice.

Do you by chance have any working examples of women such as these you are fantasizing about?

 

[lizardking82]

I honestly don't believe that it's viable for a man to be deeply in love with his significant other. The relationship will fail, and he will set himself up for vast disappointment. The woman's interest always needs to be higher than the man's interest in order for the relationship to successfully work. Yes, it's a great feeling to be in love and on top of the world, but if she pushes you off the balcony, it hurts like hell when you hit the ground and it takes a long time to recover.

So true, like I was saying this myself. To be in love is a great feeling, but you end up to aloof and with your head in the clouds that no matter how good the woman was or is, she will **** you up. I was in love and she was a nice girl overall, one of the few nice ones in this city, submissive, sweet, hot, model, a giver, etc. I was too much in love so I kinda lost it.

As the great Patrice O'Neal put it: you love me, I like you. If I like you, it's the same as you loving me.

 

[Shift]

So you don't believe in love at first sight, but you believe in commitment at first f*ck?

You're WAY off.

I never said that. It's not cheating if you aren't in a committed relationship. Have as much sex as you want with other girls until that happens.

Risk of what?? How do you "get hurt"? You're never supposed to get so invested you can't walk away on a moment's notice.

Do you by chance have any working examples of women such as these you are fantasizing about?

Enough of this fvcking "tough guy" game. I forgot how much of that there was here. Don't pretend you wouldn't be busted up if your girlfriend broke up with you right now. You're lying to yourself.

If you don't get hurt when she ends it, what's the point? Was it even love then? Some of my greatest lessons have come from times like these. You learn from it and grow. The pain makes you stronger.

 

[bigneil]

Enough of this fvcking "tough guy" game. I forgot how much of that there was here. Don't pretend you wouldn't be busted up if your girlfriend broke up with you right now. You're lying to yourself.

Wrong. Enough of your WEAK GUY GAME.

Example: She stood me up on April 28 and said she was done. I picked up another hot young woman within 15 minutes, and dated her the next week. I celebrated here on SS in my thread The Liberation of a Breakup. Then my girlfriend came back and we had our best dates ever. Want to know why she came back? Because I let her walk away. I give her too much space.

If you don't get hurt when she ends it, what's the point? Was it even love then? Some of my greatest lessons have come from times like these. You learn from it and grow. The pain makes you stronger.

I'm not saying I wouldn't miss her, but you're confusing loving her with NEEDING her. I will never let myself NEED her. That is the difference a lot of you don't get. To you, love is that needy feeling of "please give me another hug, I'm starving for any physical contact!"

A relationship is a process by which the woman extends opportunities for intimacy to the man - in that order. A weak man gets so addicted to it he turns into a girl.

You can't be dating the most beautiful girl you know and then suddenly be single and lonely. You just switch to the second most beautiful girl you know.

 

[bigneil]

I also asked for working examples. You guys have none. You think you can co-fantasize here or something.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I thought bigneil was going to focus on instagram or photo ratings. I'd know she's worth it if after the 2nd or 3rd date she offers to pay or offers a date. I'd know she's worth it if after a few months of dealing with her, that I broke down in my car and she volunteered to come get me. I'd know she's worth it if she invites me over to awesome multi-course meals and has candles lit, and seduces me in sexy lingerie. I'd know she's worth it if she considers me when she's thinking of going travelling or to special occasions. I'd know she's worth it, if she almost never flakes, and if she does there is a very good reason and a makeup date...

 

[Shift]

Wrong. Enough of your WEAK GUY GAME.

Example: She stood me up on April 28 and said she was done. I picked up another hot young woman within 15 minutes, and dated her the next week. I celebrated here on SS in my thread The Liberation of a Breakup. Then my girlfriend came back and we had our best dates ever. Want to know why she came back? Because I let her walk away. I give her too much space.


I'm not saying I wouldn't miss her, but you're confusing loving her with NEEDING her. I will never let myself NEED her. That is the difference a lot of you don't get. To you, love is that needy feeling of "please give me another hug, I'm starving for any physical contact!"

A relationship is a process by which the woman extends opportunities for intimacy to the man - in that order. A weak man gets so addicted to it he turns into a girl.

You can't be dating the most beautiful girl you know and then suddenly be single and lonely. You just switch to the second most beautiful girl you know.

Good job. So you had some rebound. Do you want a prize?

You're kind of contradicting yourself here with this bit. She broke up with you, you found another girl because "you were able to walk away at a moment's notice" but then you went right back to her. Why would you do that? You must have felt that you needed her on some sort of level. I mean, you did have another girl, so you were already covered in that respect, but you chose to switch her out for your ex girlfriend. That's indicative of some sort of need if you ask me.

I've never gotten back with an ex and had a good experience. Neither have any of my friends. Sure, it works for awhile and seems great, but more often then not you just break up again, weeks, months, or years later. I mean, I really hope this one works out for you but don't be surprised if she wants to break up again later. If she does, don't take her back. You ever seen those guys who keep breaking up and getting back together with a girl, over, and over? It's miserable.

I'm also not saying you have to to obsess over her and constantly crave her attention in the relationship to get hurt when you breakup. It's absolutely normal to feel single and lonely after a breakup. You have to give yourself time to process all of your emotions and learn from the experience before you move on to another girl, otherwise you're cheating yourself out of a really good opportunity for growth.

I don't know what kind of examples you want. I have two really close friends in really healthy relationships like I've described. There hasn't been any breakup or cheating. They don't get into major fights with their girls. They tell me about all the things they really like about them and how they are way better than girls they've been with before. Both of these guys were in really s***ty relationships with girls who they broke up with and got back together with constantly, and got into big, drawn out fights with etc. I think that's why they are doing so well now. Being with those girls showed them what they DIDN'T want, so they went for girls who had the qualities they wanted.

I thought bigneil was going to focus on instagram or photo ratings. I'd know she's worth it if after the 2nd or 3rd date she offers to pay or offers a date. I'd know she's worth it if after a few months of dealing with her, that I broke down in my car and she volunteered to come get me. I'd know she's worth it if she invites me over to awesome multi-course meals and has candles lit, and seduces me in sexy lingerie. I'd know she's worth it if she considers me when she's thinking of going travelling or to special occasions. I'd know she's worth it, if she almost never flakes, and if she does there is a very good reason and a makeup date...

This right here, is the reason why I started this thread bigneil. I wanted to get everyone thinking about what they want out of a girl, because you need to have that in mind before you get into a serious relationship. Too many guys on here take what they can get because they are desperate to find a girl to be with. You gotta know what you want, and make sure that girl aligns with what you want if you're gonna be happy.

 

[lizardking82]

Too many guys on here take what they can get because they are desperate to find a girl to be with. You gotta know what you want, and make sure that girl aligns with what you want if you're gonna be happy.

Thing is, where is the sweet spot between being too picky and having standards? Cause goin' that way you are on a dangerous path of becoming like women. In general, they are way too picky and then end up alone and miserable, you know.

 

[Shift]

Thing is, where is the sweet spot between being too picky and having standards? Cause goin' that way you are on a dangerous path of becoming like women. In general, they are way too picky and then end up alone and miserable, you know.

I'm not saying she has to be perfect. There are gonna be some things about her that might annoy you just a bit. Like Desdinova said earlier, you've got to think about what you can tolerate. That's the sweet spot.