What's the best response to someone who flakes on the date?

[bigneil]

I avoid saying the words "no problem" or "no worries" in any context. They are negative terms.

Prefer "That's fine".

 

[devilkingx2]

You don't dress up for dates? You are that casual on a first date with a good looking girl? Well then you have amazing amazing game. I'm not talking suit and tie, but not shorts and sandles either.

it depends on what you're planning to do on the first date I suppose.

if you're going to hang out on the beach shorts and sandals are appropriate. but if you're doing something standard like dinner and a movie you just dress normally

 

[dude99]

No response is appropriate. If she cares enough to double text, try again.

Or maybe try this: "I think we should just be friends".

Friendzoning them first is an excellent idea. It triggers their competitive nerve.

 

[Glassguy]

Friendzoning them first is an excellent idea. It triggers their competitive nerve.

I like that response. It comes across as aloof and indifferent while also letting them know that you have knocked them down on the importance chart.

HER: Sorry I cant make it tonight. I (blah blah blah blah).
US (2 hrs later): Maybe we should just be friends. If things change later we could possibly try again.

I would bet that her first response would be "Ok", or "sounds good". Her head would start spinning as she wonders "why did he lose interest so quickly" and "why isnt he chasing me.....and why am I not good enough now to be dating material".

If the interest on her part is strong at all, she would come back with "well I really wanted to hang out if you'd like to try again".

Hopefully I dont get a chance to try it out anytime soon as I dont like being flaked on the seldom times it has happened. But if/when it should happen I will definitely throw this out there and see what type of response it brings.

 

[nismo-4]

No response is appropriate. If she cares enough to double text, try again.

Or maybe try this: "I think we should just be friends".

I'd love to see this one field tested.

 

[bigneil]

I'd love to see this one field tested.

I tried it yesterday with my girlfriend!

1:00 Her: Ok, I'll see you tomorrow!
1:01 Her: Oh, sh!t, I have to go to court at 4pm. Can we meet for lunch?
1:02 Me: Nevermind.
1:03 Her: Why have we never once met for lunch?
1:04 Me: I think we should just be friends.
(2 hours goes by)
3:05pm Her: Agreed.
(16 hours goes by)
9:45am Her: (Long, meticulously written, thoughtful letter apologizing for her being standoffish, confessing her love and reminding me her feelings for me have never changed).

 

[Glassguy]

I tried it yesterday with my girlfriend!

1:00 Her: Ok, I'll see you tomorrow!
1:01 Her: Oh, sh!t, I have to go to court at 4pm. Can we meet for lunch?
1:02 Me: Nevermind.
1:03 Her: Why have we never once met for lunch?
1:04 Me: I think we should just be friends.
(2 hours goes by)
3:05pm Her: Agreed.
(16 hours goes by)
9:45am Her: (Long, meticulously written, thoughtful letter apologizing for her being standoffish, confessing her love and reminding me her feelings for me have never changed).

Its a ballsy move to play it within an existing relationship. That could have backfired big time. Kudos.

I have a new plate date tonight at 8pm. If she flakes (and all signs point to she will be there with bells on) I am totally pulling this move.

 

[Trump]

When I was 17-20, my friends and I would hang out a lot and do all sorts of activities. Girls would join us because we were so fun and always had something going on. Inevitably those girls would be attracted to one of us and very often I was that guy.

I can't tell you how many times I was told "so and so likes you and wants to date you / kiss you / be your girlfriend". And every time I replied "I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now". Even to the hot ones.

Why? Because none of them were good enough for me and I didn't want to stop hanging out with my best friends and having a blast every day. Do you know the result? EVEN MORE GIRLS TRIED.

The moral of the story is, you attract more girls by focusing on your life with your friends and having a great time while being the cool fun crowd to be around. THIS is why I didn't care and I still wouldn't care.

You are confusing the issues. One is where the man asks the woman out. Your case is where the girls are asking you out. Of course if they are asking you out you can tell them where to go, you have the advantage.

Bro you say "none of them were good enough for me". Then you say "I didn't want to stop hanging out with my friends." You are using the excuse of "having a life" because you are not attracted to them. That's all it is.

THIS is what I mean when I say you care too much. Honestly, why the fvk are you spending time "getting ready" and "dressing up" for a "first date"? She already wanted to date you based on the you that she knows. And who the fvk even goes on "first dates"? By the time she is hitting on you then you should have already been out together a number of times. What guy even thinks in terms of "first dates" and dresses up? Ross Geller from friends?

I don't know bro. If I'm going on a date with a girl I'm attracted to, I don't wear flip flops and shorts.

Seriously, if you are meeting a girl and setting up "first dates" before you have built up attraction, you are making some big errors. And yes, you care WAY too much and place too much value on attractive girls. You even have said before that you would tolerate disrespect to have a hot girl on your arm because that what society judges you on. You. Care. Too. Much.

Depending on what she says, better to take some hits from on attractive girl to get more options from society than to drop her at the smallest sign of disrespect. You would drop a movie star actress if she took some small shots at you because "you don't care?" Perhaps, but her value to me is more than taking some small shots.

 

[wolf]

"How about we skip the part where you play hard to get to increase your value and you just get those buns of yours over here before I change my mind about you

Ps
Bring Beer"

 

[resilient]

I tried it yesterday with my girlfriend!

Bravo! Well played, good sir.

 

[Trump]

I am not confusing any issues, you are just changing the parameters to suit your specific approach.

My point is, I don't ask them out, they ask ME out because I played the game right.

OP asked what does he do when he puts his ego on the line, asks a girl out, she accepts, and then she tells him to go to hell day of.

Your point is you are so good they fall in love with you easy.

Two different issues to me.

Having a life and not showing interest is what made them interested, you are missing the point because YOU CARE TOO MUCH.

Everything you do shows lower value.

Asking her out before she is attracted.
Thinking in terms of "dressing up".
Thinking in terms of "first date".
Thinking in terms of"getting ready".
Getting angry when they flake.
Tolerating disrespect just because she is "hot".

These all repel women. THIS is why you get flakes.

I didn't say I get flakes.

But bro if you don't have to dress up, ask them out, automatically look good, don't do dates, don't take them out, and they easily fall absolutely in love with you and want to have sex with you, you got it going on.

 

[Rambo92]

Earlier today she text me "Hey I can meet you on Monday if this is okay with you

"

I replied "Sure, see you at the same place at 4pm?"

She said "Can't do 4pm. I can meet you at 7:30pm

as I'm in my placement until 7pm".

I said "Unfortunately I'm busy later on, what other days are you free?"

She said "Next week that is my only free evening"

So I just replied "When you have a free day let me know and we'll sort something then

".

I do actually have a date with a different girl (girl #2) Monday night. I was talking to girl #2 last night asking if she's free Monday and she responded today saying yes, so I'm not going to switch that date to another day just so I can see girl #1, who's already cancelled on me. Am I right to do this?

Just I feel like girl #1 blew her chance so I'm prioritising girl #2 for that day. I'm sure girl #1 has another day free during the week and is possibly "acting hard to get" because I said I was busy that evening after she cancelled on me originally, if you get what I'm saying. I'll probably get in touch in a weeks time and see what her schedule is like then.

 

[bigneil]

Earlier today she text me "Hey I can meet you on Monday if this is okay with you

"

I replied "Sure, see you at the same place at 4pm?"

She said "Can't do 4pm. I can meet you at 7:30pm

as I'm in my placement until 7pm".

I said "Unfortunately I'm busy later on, what other days are you free?"

She said "Next week that is my only free evening"

So I just replied "When you have a free day let me know and we'll sort something then

".

I do actually have a date with a different girl (girl #2) Monday night. I was talking to girl #2 last night asking if she's free Monday and she responded today saying yes, so I'm not going to switch that date to another day just so I can see girl #1, who's already cancelled on me. Am I right to do this?

Just I feel like girl #1 blew her chance so I'm prioritising girl #2 for that day. I'm sure girl #1 has another day free during the week and is possibly "acting hard to get" because I said I was busy that evening after she cancelled on me originally, if you get what I'm saying. I'll probably get in touch in a weeks time and see what her schedule is like then.

You handled this well. Think 3 month plan. You see her 3 times a month and you're on track. Expect one flake per month.

 

[Rambo92]

You handled this well. Think 3 month plan. You see her 3 times a month and you're on track. Expect one flake per month.

If you leave it a week to get in touch again, do you go straight for the date or do you start blank and build up to it again?

 

[bigneil]

If you leave it a week to get in touch again, do you go straight for the date or do you start blank and build up to it again?

The best plan is a 3-4 text plan.

Your 3 texts will be something like this:

1) How are things?
2) We should get together again.
3) I'll be at X Restaurant at the bar at Y time, I hope to see you.

 

[bigneil]

It's a great practice to make set-in-stone plans that you are going to go through with hell or high water.

That is, you're going with or without her.

Karma has a way of balancing things. If she says no, you'll meet a new girl. If she stands you up at the last second, you'll meet a super horny girl.

 

[Rambo92]

It's a great practice to make set-in-stone plans that you are going to go through with hell or high water.

That is, you're going with or without her.

Karma has a way of balancing things. If she says no, you'll meet a new girl. If she stands you up at the last second, you'll meet a super horny girl.

That's pretty much what's happened. She cancelled on the Wednesday just gone so I asked out this other girl who agreed to Monday. I did ask if the other one was free any other days but she said she was just free that Monday. I'm pretty sure she's doing that out of spite and probably thinks I'm claiming to be busy Monday night because she cancelled our original plans and she couldn't make it at 4pm.

But hey, if she wants to see me she'll make time on another day and I'll prioritise a girl who won't cancel on me. I will reach out again in a weeks time but she'll be on my backburner.

 

[bigneil]

That's pretty much what's happened. She cancelled on the Wednesday just gone so I asked out this other girl who agreed to Monday. I did ask if the other one was free any other days but she said she was just free that Monday. I'm pretty sure she's doing that out of spite and probably thinks I'm claiming to be busy Monday night because she cancelled our original plans and she couldn't make it at 4pm.

But hey, if she wants to see me she'll make time on another day and I'll prioritise a girl who won't cancel on me. I will reach out again in a weeks time but she'll be on my backburner.

Women also have that Cosmic connection. The moment you score, they call you.

 

[Rambo92]

Annoying because I'd like to see her at least once to see if it could work out, but her schedule seems too restrictive and anyone I date needs to be more flexible as my work schedule changes every week, so maybe it'd be more frustrating than anything.

Plus, if I have plans with friends or other girls and I made them first, they come first unless they cancel. Her fault for cancelling the other night. Sure she could have had an argument with her flatmate/best friend but I'm sure going out on a date would have cheered her up, just seemed like an excuse.

Anyway, that's the plan. I'll drop her a text during next week and give it the benefit of the doubt seeing as she was keen to meet on Monday and reached out to me arranging a date.

 

[usernamedox11]

One time, 2 years ago or so, a girl flaked on me. I simply replied "b1tch," and that made her interested, and she told me as such. Ended up getting with her in bed a few times. I wouldn't actually do this if you care about the girl. But generally, if a girl flakes, I lose interest because I can't deal with flakes.