tough lesson’s

[Bingo-Player]

Me and ex GF had the “talk” last night, she told me she didn’t feel it was working anymore distance combined with timing and age apparently


To be fair I had suspected something was up around a fortnight ago and I forced her hand with a week of dead silence I guess i took a gamble and lost

This is the first time ive ever been this far down the rabbit hole with a chick

and Im not going to lie I liked this chick we never really had an awkward stage everything just automatically went the way it needed to up until now we both invested a lot into the relationship and I suppose we’ve both potentially cheated ourselves out of something

Anyway that’s enough wallowing in pity time to man up and learn my lessons which are as follows


1) no matter how good you think its going with a chick you always need a plan B if things go south ……..i made the crtical error of becoming too relaxed I dropped plates , friends , game everything now im back to square one and have it all to do


Its like being at a blackjack table with your life savings and going all in on a wing and a prayer that the dealer shows you some good cards


2) ALWAYS listen to your gut – once you have a certain level of experience with women your gut becomes like a 6th sense


my gut picked up something wasn’t right here long before my mind accepted it , this gave me a type of head start on the trauma that was inevitably about to follow


3) women are not capable of dealing with mixed emotions I think they feel they need to be 100% in something or 100% out and its freightening because they’re moods change like the F@cking weather one day everything is sunny and great the next its p1ssing down with rain and you’ve lost your umbrella no amount of game or tactics can stop this its just the female nature


4) keep an eye out for tell tale signs things are going south – social media makes this a lot easier than it should be around 4 weeks ago I browsed her favourite history on twitter and saw she had like a VERY strange ambiguous quote it made absolutely no sense to me


now It does


5) Game in relationships is a totally different kettle of fish it doesn’t really work


in all ive learnt a hell of a lot about not only myself but about life through this expierence , there was once a time the old bingo player would never of let himself be this emotionally exposed, I used to run the show with women I knew what to do and when to do it


il focus now on getting back to that point , although I know the next 3/4 weeks are going to be spent recuperating


if anyone wishes to add any lessons in then please feel free ........

 

[switch7]

Are you gonna go no contact?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

That's too bad mate. Sorry it didn't work out. But hey. Lessons learned and one day soon enough, you'll be glad of those lessons.

5) Game in relationships is a totally different kettle of fish it doesn’t really work

I would say the game does change in LTRs. It does work, but it certainly differs from the pulling game.

If I had to name one lesson, I'd say repetition and self reflection are paramount, just like any other aspect of the game. Like you say, other people will do as they please on any given day of the week. The only thing we control is our own thoughts, reactions, emotions and behaviours. The best thing you can do for yourself and the changeable moods of others is to remain constant.

It's nearly summer. Come for a night in London and we'll hang out with some of the finest women you'll see anywhere

 

[Bingo-Player]

@switch7 - yea it goes without saying really i dont have a choice , you cant force anything with a woman she made her stance clear she's not ready for a relationship

its a classic case of right person , wrong time we've left things on a good note and who knows what will happen in the future she may come back once she realises what shes lost il have another decision to make then

@TheMonkeyKing - cheers mate i feel we've both been here for ever probably the only poster aside from mr right i know thats currently in the UK

i may very well take you up on that offer london is a fair trek from me but i have other freinds there i would like to see soon too

il drop you a PM in a few weeks , right now i need to focus on repairing my ego and finding my way again

 

[backseatjuan]

So will the women too hang out with some of the finest men out there. I find it suspicious she left you near the start of summer.

 

[Bingo-Player]

So will the women too hang out with some of the finest men out there. I find it suspicious she left you near the start of summer.

oh theirs no doubt about it , its no coincidence , most of her freinds are hoes summers comming and i suspect she fancy's a go on the carousel for a bit

problem is the carousel only really works for a woman when shes completely carefree ......ex GF isnt , she has a lot of money issues and debt combined with regret of leaving what could have been

i doubt this will be the last i hear from her , summer wont last forever and in the cold light of winter she will realise what shes done

 

[Desdinova]

1) no matter how good you think its going with a chick you always need a plan B if things go south ……..i made the crtical error of becoming too relaxed I dropped plates , friends , game everything now im back to square one and have it all to do

You can't beat yourself up over this one too much. This is just what happens when you get deeply involved with a chick. Your life changes, no matter how good of a DJ you are. Just make getting out and building your social circle your primary focus. Starting this from scratch isn't nearly as difficult as it is when you've lived with a woman and she fvcks off.

4) keep an eye out for tell tale signs things are going south – social media makes this a lot easier than it should be around 4 weeks ago I browsed her favourite history on twitter and saw she had like a VERY strange ambiguous quote it made absolutely no sense to me

now It does

I find it odd how women can change their minds about their relationship with you mere weeks before they drop the bomb on you. In my last LTR where the woman ended it, I noticed "the change" a mere two weeks before she dropped the bomb on me.

Now here's the best part.... The change in how she feels about her relationship with you is only temporary. Women can sometimes get different feelings about things, such as when they meet a guy they have a bit of interest in. Sometimes they'll want to pursue him, so they feel the need to dump you. Then the guy rejects them, and they find themselves without a c0ck to fvck.

The woman will release her stallion so she can search for a non-existent unicorn. That's exactly what your ex has done. Just make sure you make her realise that she completely fvcked herself by never taking her back. THAT will be your revenge.

 

[Bingo-Player]

You can't beat yourself up over this one too much. This is just what happens when you get deeply involved with a chick. Your life changes, no matter how good of a DJ you are. Just make getting out and building your social circle your primary focus. Starting this from scratch isn't nearly as difficult as it is when you've lived with a woman and she fvcks off.



I find it odd how women can change their minds about their relationship with you mere weeks before they drop the bomb on you. In my last LTR where the woman ended it, I noticed "the change" a mere two weeks before she dropped the bomb on me.

Now here's the best part.... The change in how she feels about her relationship with you is only temporary. Women can sometimes get different feelings about things, such as when they meet a guy they have a bit of interest in. Sometimes they'll want to pursue him, so they feel the need to dump you. Then the guy rejects them, and they find themselves without a c0ck to fvck.

The woman will release her stallion so she can search for a non-existent unicorn. That's exactly what your ex has done. Just make sure you make her realise that she completely fvcked herself by never taking her back. THAT will be your revenge.

yea i get what your saying that would be 100X harder

luckily we kept our lives fairly seperate we dont have our own place , dont have finances to sort or mixed friendships which in theroy should make it easier for a clean break

i dont really want revenge on her i just want her to understand her decision could of potentially changed both of our lives for better or for worse only the future will tell us

i like that quote about the stallion & unicorn its very true

 

[sazc]

To be fair I had suspected something was up around a fortnight ago and I forced her hand with a week of dead silence I guess i took a gamble and lost

Be very careful in doing this when you have issues in your relationship. A female with self esteem is going to view a week of N/C as "he really doesn't give a sh1t about me" and the summation of that week, and that behavior, is going to be "he treats me poorly, why am I staying?"

If things are going sh1tty in a relationship, why not acknowledge that and discuss it? Trying to get her to chase you with a week of N/C, when things are already rocky, is an immature way of dealing with problems in your relationship. Mature people communicate.

 

[Desdinova]

i dont really want revenge on her i just want her to understand her decision could of potentially changed both of our lives for better or for worse only the future will tell us

But that is the revenge. You don't intentionally do it to her, she did it to herself. You're going to move on and fvck other women, possibly get involved with another one and have a good, lengthy LTR. She's going to get older and the quality of the men she meets is going to go downhill. She will think about you more and more with every unconfident, needy guy she meets.

The revenge is avoiding taking her back while moving on and improving yourself while her situation gets worse due to her deteriorating looks, her increasing age, and her desperation resulting from her ticking biological clock. That is the sweetest revenge; knowing that she fvcked herself when she quickly and irrationally decided to end the relationship.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Be very careful in doing this when you have issues in your relationship. A female with self esteem is going to view a week of N/C as "he really doesn't give a sh1t about me" and the summation of that week, and that behavior, is going to be "he treats me poorly, why am I staying?"

If things are going sh1tty in a relationship, why not acknowledge that and discuss it? Trying to get her to chase you with a week of N/C, when things are already rocky, is an immature way of dealing with problems in your relationship. Mature people communicate.

Lol what?!?

Basically you are proving his point. A woman who's into a guy will make an excuse as to why he didn't contact you for a week. Infact, by day one it's already "why you haven't texted meeee" cries.

i say you are better off man. Get someone who's submissive and actually likes you.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Be very careful in doing this when you have issues in your relationship. A female with self esteem is going to view a week of N/C as "he really doesn't give a sh1t about me" and the summation of that week, and that behavior, is going to be "he treats me poorly, why am I staying?"


If things are going sh1tty in a relationship, why not acknowledge that and discuss it? Trying to get her to chase you with a week of N/C, when things are already rocky, is an immature way of dealing with problems in your relationship. Mature people communicate.

Funny enough you actually advised me on this girl back when I very first met her at the start of the year and your advice was spot on


But It wasn’t so much I was trying to get her to chase me , I suspected something was up and i needed a true reflection of how she felt about things that came from the heart otherwise we would just be going around in circles

and the heartache would be 10 fold another 6 months down the line

the only way to do that was to spark an emotional response via N/C


Not only that but I think we both needed the space & time to think things through

As I said above it was a risky strategy that ultimately blew up

id hoped the time apart would of brought her to realise what we had , but it went the other way and she realised she actually wanted to be single at least for the time being anyway

it’s a difficult situation and we’ve left things fairly open ended who knows what may happen In a couple of months

but right now I know I need a month or two get back to a strong mental place and get some plates moving before I start dealing with anything with this chick

 

[sazc]

I'm sorry that it turned out this way for you

 

[Initiatedindenial]

Sorry to hear that. Break up always sucks, work on yourself and you will be better off.

 

[Dingo]

Damn.... Sorry....

I'm going through the exact same thing right now.

Kicked in the balls of my heart...

 

[Glassguy]

yea i get what your saying that would be 100X harder

luckily we kept our lives fairly seperate we dont have our own place , dont have finances to sort or mixed friendships which in theroy should make it easier for a clean break

i dont really want revenge on her i just want her to understand her decision could of potentially changed both of our lives for better or for worse only the future will tell us

i like that quote about the stallion & unicorn its very true

Sorry that you are in this situation, but always remember that regardless how a woman perceives her interest level, it can literally change overnight. I remember a thread you started that I commented on before about this same girl and there were several red flags.

Remember that you were looking for one when she came along. Dust yourself off, go spin plates and keep this all under your hat for next time. Always best to have options lingering, even when things seem to be going great with one particular one.

Get your mojo back. You're off the bench and back in the game!

 

[resilient]

Your introspection is good, @Bingo-Player. You're learning more about relationships in cause/effect. When that gut instinct is telling you something you can't ignore, you'll know to make preemptive strikes next time (i.e. spin plates). Excellent lessons that you wrote, yet don't be too hard on yourself moving forward. Have a fun summer yourself!

 

[Roober]

Funny enough you actually advised me on this girl back when I very first met her at the start of the year and your advice was spot on


But It wasn’t so much I was trying to get her to chase me , I suspected something was up and i needed a true reflection of how she felt about things that came from the heart otherwise we would just be going around in circles

and the heartache would be 10 fold another 6 months down the line

the only way to do that was to spark an emotional response via N/C


Not only that but I think we both needed the space & time to think things through

As I said above it was a risky strategy that ultimately blew up

id hoped the time apart would of brought her to realise what we had , but it went the other way and she realised she actually wanted to be single at least for the time being anyway

it’s a difficult situation and we’ve left things fairly open ended who knows what may happen In a couple of months

but right now I know I need a month or two get back to a strong mental place and get some plates moving before I start dealing with anything with this chick

This no contact things works in the dating game, occasionally. When you are in a committed relationship with a woman, and you ghost her for a week, it is likely not going to end well. I would agree with @sazc in that you communicate. If she is not willing to talk it out or figure things out, THAT is the sign of lower interest. Your talks about the relationship will give a clear indication of how she feels. Many women (and men) choose to take the easy way out then end up regretting it down the line. Walking away is the path of least resistance, working on things is much more difficult.

Ideally, if we filter properly and don't tolerate poor behavior, she will filter herself out...

 

[BeExcellent]

Ideally, if we filter properly and don't tolerate poor behavior, she will filter herself out...

This is the whole enchilada. It's not anymore complicated that the above statement. The tough part is that simple does not equate to easy.

 

[BeExcellent]

5) Game in relationships is a totally different kettle of fish it doesn’t really work

in all ive learnt a hell of a lot about not only myself but about life through this expierence , there was once a time the old bingo player would never of let himself be this emotionally exposed

Emotional exposure is going to occur in a healthy relationship where intimacy is being built. Yes it sucks when/if it doesn't work out. The bigger thing IMO is do not allow this experience to prevent you from building intimacy in the future and do not place negative assumptions on a new woman that arise out of your experience here. My guess is that as time goes you'll see more and more value in the experience that you have gained through this circumstance and those things ought to be to your benefit.