The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Roober]

Been doing a little risk assessment today, of the very unlikely event of the Ex and me getting back together..

I think this is partially why I feel extreme NC is the way forward for me..

THE POSITIVE

01. She is attractive, good sexual chemistry
02. She is career driven, good job, nice house, and car
03. We have things in common, interests, music etc
04. Her kids are grown, i don't want other mens little brats around me

THE NEGATIVE

01. She was a regular bar girl at the age of 50 (risky)

02. She was on several occasions rude and direspectful towards me

03. She dismissed my feelings several times

04. She doesn't seem to aknowledge or accept responsibility for her actions

05. We lived together for 3 months.. she moved back out as soon as things got a little tough

06. We can never live together again, as we are long distance (1 hour drive) and I would not risk moving towns to be with her.. plus she would never move back down to my town again

07. Marriage is out of the question

08. I don't trust her, to be a loyal partner in the long run

09. She has previously put her career before her relationship with me

10. She is immature, passive aggressive, and communication with her is not good

11. She dresses some what tarty like a young girl (attention *****)

As you can see, the negative vastly out weight the good with this woman.. I would recommend you guys make a list like this about your exe's.. it will help you logically think about how you might be better off without her.

I am using this list to encourage me to stay extreme NC, as going back to this mess, would be a complete head fuk

Guess what?

The positives are very generic and you can find with ANY woman
And the negatives will not be present with every woman

You get what I am saying here? If you really think about it, this woman was a mess and she doesn't deserve you. You are her are done for good. Your first statement is a bit alarming. Time to let go, and realize if she does come back, you tell her to go fvck herself

 

[soulforge]

Guess what?

The positives are very generic and you can find with ANY woman
And the negatives will not be present with every woman

You get what I am saying here? If you really think about it, this woman was a mess and she doesn't deserve you. You are her are done for good. Your first statement is a bit alarming. Time to let go, and realize if she does come back, you tell her to go fvck herself

I Hear you man.. I'm not claiming to be Mr Perfect here.. in any relationship we will make the odd mistake.. and we try to improve or adjust our behaviour, but when you are dealing with someone who just blames blames blames, you cannot win man..

Your point is valid, the postives are not enough to make a long term healthy relationship..

Liking the same movies or music, does not make for a successful relationship..

The very foundation of the relationship was wrong.. The negatives far out weight the good.

There is no going back to this relationship.. I do not trust this woman at all..

My one and only regret is that I didn't walk away for good, when I dumped her 3 months into the relationship.. I wouldn't have put myself through 15 more months of toxic crap..

And would not be feeling the way I am now..

Thanks bro, I will never allow her back in to my life..

She can take her 50 year old, dried up Vagina back into the bars she loved so much, to be pumped and dumped.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 10 of NC. Up and down thus far. I went away for the long weekend to London. Had an excellent time dancing, approaching and just hanging out with chicks. Almost closed a pretty young thing but just did not escalate hard enough and logistics was hard. Found out later in the conversation, she had a boyfriend in Canada. She was literally texting him good night with kisses and seconds later starts grinding me. Sad state of affairs... Did not really do much good for the mood for some reason. Swearing off LTRs.

Still coming to grips that it is finally over and she is not contacting me anymore (never). At times, the desire to call her is crazy. But then again, I imagine what if she told me she already is going out with Chad (likely). Helps me put the phone down but does not make me feel any better. Ah well, on the plus side, shoulder has recovered. Time to hit the gym again. 50 days to go... Keep the faith guys.

 

[Roober]

Day 10 of NC. Up and down thus far. I went away for the long weekend to London. Had an excellent time dancing, approaching and just hanging out with chicks. Almost closed a pretty young thing but just did not escalate hard enough and logistics was hard. Found out later in the conversation, she had a boyfriend in Canada. She was literally texting him good night with kisses and seconds later starts grinding me. Sad state of affairs... Did not really do much good for the mood for some reason. Swearing off LTRs.

Still coming to grips that it is finally over and she is not contacting me anymore (never). At times, the desire to call her is crazy. But then again, I imagine what if she told me she already is going out with Chad (likely). Helps me put the phone down but does not make me feel any better. Ah well, on the plus side, shoulder has recovered. Time to hit the gym again. 50 days to go... Keep the faith guys.

Good stuff man! Keep it up. It definitely gets better as time passes. Keep yourself busy, go meet new people, and just enjoy life!

 

[QuadDeuces]

Broke NC after almost 3 months I sent the "Happy birthday, wish you the best, peace" text.
Feels better than I expected whether she responds or not.

Lets see if I still dont regret it tomorrow though.

 

[Reboot2017]

Good stuff man! Keep it up. It definitely gets better as time passes.

Only thing to keep in mind I guess.

Lets see if I still dont regret it tomorrow though.

I hope not dude... Regardless of how she response esp if she does not reply, I hope you remember it has nothing to with you.

 

[QuadDeuces]

I hope not dude... Regardless of how she response esp if she does not reply, I hope you remember it has nothing to with you.

Next day now, I feel good, peaceful, the war is over in my mind.
She didn't respond but she did read the message. I'm actually happy she didn't respond because it could have triggered a dialogue, which would inevaitably get nasty again.

The last time I spoke her, she told me in her Borderlinic devaluation rage that I was the worst piece of **** ever and I should **** off and die and then she blocked me, but unblocked me a month later but I kept NC.
Ever since she told me that, there had been a raging war in my mind, plotting ways to take revenge.
Today was the first day I woke up peaceful.

edit:
She just texted me back about how happy she was that I texted her and how sorry she was and she had been beating herself up about it.

Well that was surprising.

I had expected another Fvck you hope you die, response.

 

[soulforge]

Still going strong with NC have had her blocked in every way..

I really don't feel the need to unblock her, because there is no going back to the relationship..

Its LTR and no possibility of anything good coming out of it...

So keeping strong and seeing this through man, untill she is a distant memory..

I need to break this addiction to her!!

 

[Reboot2017]

Today was the first day I woke up peaceful.

Glad to hear that man... At least you can put it behind you and keep on going now.

So keeping strong and seeing this through man, untill she is a distant memory..

I need to break this addiction to her!!

Doing great dude. Keep to the grind. Cheers.

 

[Roober]

Still going strong with NC have had her blocked in every way..

I really don't feel the need to unblock her, because there is no going back to the relationship..

Its LTR and no possibility of anything good coming out of it...

So keeping strong and seeing this through man, untill she is a distant memory..

I need to break this addiction to her!!

That's it right there. We get addicted. Hence, the reasoning behind always having a backup chick. Good work man!

 

[Krueg]

Reply Withdrawn

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 12 of NC. Today has been a bit hard. I dropped out of a whatsapp group where we share common friends and "accidentally" saw her profile picture. More of a compulsion than anything else. She had a picture of her skiing and looking really happy with her group of friends including the Ex. Tried not to focus too much about it but damn, it went straight to the gut. I mean, I did read the stuff on the thread about guys feeling like crap when they realize they have been sort of replace or how little they actually meant to their Ex but actually being on receiving end of this is damn painful to say the least.

The odds of getting back with her is zip. I know that. She is history and I am moving on. But the pain of her loss is not lessening. In fact, I feel its becoming more intense by the day as the mind misses the dopamine hit more and more. I have restarted lifting, dancing and fundamentally everything I can to take my mind of it... Despite that, I am still grieving. Hope things are better for you guys.

 

[Carpathian]

Broke NC after almost 3 months I sent the "Happy birthday, wish you the best, peace" text.
Feels better than I expected whether she responds or not.

Lets see if I still dont regret it tomorrow though.

You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her.

We all make mistakes though, as did I. Try to learn from it.

I have all my exes totally blocked.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Day 12 of NC. Today has been a bit hard. I dropped out of a whatsapp group where we share common friends and "accidentally" saw her profile picture. More of a compulsion than anything else. She had a picture of her skiing and looking really happy with her group of friends including the Ex. Tried not to focus too much about it but damn, it went straight to the gut. I mean, I did read the stuff on the thread about guys feeling like crap when they realize they have been sort of replace or how little they actually meant to their Ex but actually being on receiving end of this is damn painful to say the least.

The odds of getting back with her is zip. I know that. She is history and I am moving on. But the pain of her loss is not lessening. In fact, I feel its becoming more intense by the day as the mind misses the dopamine hit more and more. I have restarted lifting, dancing and fundamentally everything I can to take my mind of it... Despite that, I am still grieving. Hope things are better for you guys.

It will pass. Man, pictures can be hard...Somewhere in this thread there is a post of mine...saying that after 3 months of NC I was doing some cleaning around my place and found a picture of her. And you know what? I was like "well, she was no that pretty", put it where it was and continued with my day. Things will get better, I can promise you that. Gve yourself some time to heal and then go after a new girl, that's the fastest way! Stay strong!

 

[QuadDeuces]

You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her.

We all make mistakes though, as did I. Try to learn from it.

I have all my exes totally blocked.

Nah man no regrets actually felt really good to have made peace.
Got my validation when she apologised and told me that it was hard for her too. Smashed my new plate last night without my ex in mind for a change.
Actually still feel good to have made peace. Not planning on further interaction though.

 

[soulforge]

Having a really tough couple of days.. been on a few dates, but non of these chicks seem to compare to my ex..

Also banged a couple of plates, but feels kinda meaningless..

My thoughts wonder off to, how it could be if I got back with her.. there are some things I would do differently..

The problem is.. I cannot change how she behaves.. I cannot fix her..

It will only be a matter of time, when she does something or says something rude or disrespectful and jeopardises the relationship again..

And some months down the line.. i will be back on here, in the NC thread..

Just seems like getting her out of my life is the only option.

The dating game seems to be kicking my ass right now, that might also be a factor adding to me missing her

 

[soulforge]

To be honest..

I feel regret more than anything else.. the first few occasions she treated me with contempt.. dismissed my feelings..

I should have straight up dumped.. now 18 months later, i feel like its going to be really tough getting over her.

2 or 3 months in, if i had rid of her.. I wouldn't even be giving her a 2nd thought now

 

[MrAddiction]

To be honest..

I feel regret more than anything else.. the first few occasions she treated me with contempt.. dismissed my feelings..

I should have straight up dumped.. now 18 months later, i feel like its going to be really tough getting over her.

2 or 3 months in, if i had rid of her.. I wouldn't even be giving her a 2nd thought now

Guy I can feel you. I am in a similar Situation with my Cluster B Ex. I am out 11 month. NC 5month, with on Interruption one month ago because of her going crazy and starting to call every quarter of an hour.

It feels at the Moment als if I Do miss her more than the first months after leaving her. WE were togehter nearly 8years. But I know ist is my mind playing Tricks on me and fogetting about the bad things and only remembering the good things, which I Do miss. But I always try to actively remember the bad things. To be true, that does bot make me feel better, but it prevents me from wanting to reach out to her. But I Must admit there had been some hard times the last days, but maybe that is only because it is a year now when the **** started to go down.
Like you I dumped her and did bot really want it but saw myself forced to.
Due to that I believe what Caraptian says is also true for us.
"You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her."
I think the fact that WE were forced to Do the break up is the same as if she would have broken up: she thought she could Do better - otherwise she would have treated us in a nicer way and not have fcuked it up.
It is like fcuking heroin. I always have to remember that to keep myself on track. And I am far away from being satisfied with the Progress I made the Last month.
I had one lay, but noticed that is bot going to help me. Like you I Do Miss the Same things WE had in the resltionship- or I thought that we had - apart from the sex: somebody being there, the "trust ", somebody caring etc.
But that is exactly where our mind in playing tricks on us. The thing/ Woman we do miss so much does not exist anymore - if ever existed. There is no going back. We are like heroin addicts, wanting back the good times / highs we had During our shots. But that fun Will Never ever occur again. Stay clean - writing that maybe more for me than for you.

 

[soulforge]

Guy I can feel you. I am in a similar Situation with my Cluster B Ex. I am out 11 month. NC 5month, with on Interruption one month ago because of her going crazy and starting to call every quarter of an hour.

It feels at the Moment als if I Do miss her more than the first months after leaving her. WE were togehter nearly 8years. But I know ist is my mind playing Tricks on me and fogetting about the bad things and only remembering the good things, which I Do miss. But I always try to actively remember the bad things. To be true, that does bot make me feel better, but it prevents me from wanting to reach out to her. But I Must admit there had been some hard times the last days, but maybe that is only because it is a year now when the **** started to go down.
Like you I dumped her and did bot really want it but saw myself forced to.
Due to that I believe what Caraptian says is also true for us.
"You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her."
I think the fact that WE were forced to Do the break up is the same as if she would have broken up: she thought she could Do better - otherwise she would have treated us in a nicer way and not have fcuked it up.
It is like fcuking heroin. I always have to remember that to keep myself on track. And I am far away from being satisfied with the Progress I made the Last month.
I had one lay, but noticed that is bot going to help me. Like you I Do Miss the Same things WE had in the resltionship- or I thought that we had - apart from the sex: somebody being there, the "trust ", somebody caring etc.
But that is exactly where our mind in playing tricks on us. The thing/ Woman we do miss so much does not exist anymore - if ever existed. There is no going back. We are like heroin addicts, wanting back the good times / highs we had During our shots. But that fun Will Never ever occur again. Stay clean - writing that maybe more for me than for you.

I hear what you say man... i have to admit my EX did not treat me horrendously throught the whole 18 month relationship..

She was some what immature and fiery.. for the majority of time she would behave..

We would get through 3 months of good times, then BHAM she would drop some drama on me.. something rude or something I found disrespectful..

Worst of all.. no aknowledgment of her chitty behaviour!

We cannot continue in relationships like this man.. this kills off yourself esteem..

She was a selfish person... and you are right.. even tho I pulled the trigger and Dumped her.. we where pretty much forced to do this..

Here is the thing tho... I knew my ex was a pretty shallow uncaring individual within 2 months of dating.. and this gut feeling grew months into the relationship..

But we didn't walk away?? Big huge fuking red flags, and we stayed with her... BIG MISTAKE

We cannot turn back the time now right? We both dumped her, and that is a step in the right direction!

We are addicts.. and we will suffer up untill her poison leaves us.. we have no choice!

Going back to them, is not an option.. think how chitty it has been so far.. It will be more of the same all over again.

I have changed my mobile number.. but kept my old sim card..

In the first month of the break up, i was always tempted to check this sim card, just to see if she has tried texting..

But that urge is not so strong now.. i just want to feel indifference and be free of the pain!!

And you are right, as the months go by.. it seems harder..

We need to keep strong!!

 

[soulforge]

Guy I can feel you. I am in a similar Situation with my Cluster B Ex. I am out 11 month. NC 5month, with on Interruption one month ago because of her going crazy and starting to call every quarter of an hour.

It feels at the Moment als if I Do miss her more than the first months after leaving her. WE were togehter nearly 8years. But I know ist is my mind playing Tricks on me and fogetting about the bad things and only remembering the good things, which I Do miss. But I always try to actively remember the bad things. To be true, that does bot make me feel better, but it prevents me from wanting to reach out to her. But I Must admit there had been some hard times the last days, but maybe that is only because it is a year now when the **** started to go down.
Like you I dumped her and did bot really want it but saw myself forced to.
Due to that I believe what Caraptian says is also true for us.
"You *will* regret it dude. There is a reason we say block them - you want her out of you life in every possible way. You do not *want* her reaching out to you, man. Why? She dumped you! She thought she could do better? Well, fukk her, let her."
I think the fact that WE were forced to Do the break up is the same as if she would have broken up: she thought she could Do better - otherwise she would have treated us in a nicer way and not have fcuked it up.
It is like fcuking heroin. I always have to remember that to keep myself on track. And I am far away from being satisfied with the Progress I made the Last month.
I had one lay, but noticed that is bot going to help me. Like you I Do Miss the Same things WE had in the resltionship- or I thought that we had - apart from the sex: somebody being there, the "trust ", somebody caring etc.
But that is exactly where our mind in playing tricks on us. The thing/ Woman we do miss so much does not exist anymore - if ever existed. There is no going back. We are like heroin addicts, wanting back the good times / highs we had During our shots. But that fun Will Never ever occur again. Stay clean - writing that maybe more for me than for you.

Out of curiosity man, why did she go crazy ringing you?

Also do you think, me changing my number is too extreme?

I have blocked her completely 100%..

Other than her coming to my house.. or sending me a letter in the post