The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

After she started calling every quarter of an hour and would have shown up at my House, I broke no contact and wrrote an Email what the heck she was thinking and what might be of sich importance to call my cousin. Her answer: she was just worried and maybe I might have been angry at her and she would not know why.

I think she just felt abandonedamd that triggered the intense calling. Fcuk BPD.

I just can not manage to Tell her blatantly that I do not want any contact any more.

Maybe I should make a Fake AFC move and tell her I can not have contact any more because I still love her oooooh soooo much.

???

 

[QuadDeuces]

After she started calling every quarter of an hour and would have shown up at my House, I broke no contact and wrrote an Email what the heck she was thinking and what might be of sich importance to call my cousin. Her answer: she was just worried and maybe I might have been angry at her and she would not know why.

I think she just felt abandonedamd that triggered the intense calling. Fcuk BPD.

I just can not manage to Tell her blatantly that I do not want any contact any more.

Maybe I should make a Fake AFC move and tell her I can not have contact any more because I still love her oooooh soooo much.

???

Don't tell her you're angry, they feed on narcissistic supply and drama both negative and positive it doesn't matter, you should be completely indifferent, not by telling her that you are, but by showing her that you are by going back to NC.
You had a relapse, it doesn't matter don't overthink it, go back to NC now.
Don't get back in her world, don't play AFC games, don't play any games just ignore her again.
An alcoholic can also not drink a little bit and keep his addiction at bay.

 

[KrisD]

Ok guys, after a serious reading on this forum I decided to post my **** story.

Long story short I was dating a girl for 2.5 years which 8 months of them were long distance, she studies in another country.

I went 2 times to see her and everything was great. Before my third visit she told me that she is not happy the way our relationship is.
She said shee needs me close to her, and I told her I am going to move with her and she said after that, that she doesnt know if she wants to live with me.
I was like wtf, she wants me close to her but doesnt want me to live with her...?
We talked alot about the subject and she couldnt give me closure, all she said she wasnt happy.
I said that I will try to understand and I will let her go. She then asked me if I a still coming to her. I said no(I had bought the plane tickets already). After that she begged me to come and have one final good time for valentines day.
I made a mistake and I went to her. We had a blast...we couldnt stop having sex, having fun, laughing etc. We just acted like everything was ok. The day came and I had to leave. She came with me to the airport but only for 15 minutes because she had an important exam that day.
As she was preparing to leave she hugged me, kissed me and said to me that no matter what she loves me, she even wrote me a letter expressing her feelings as part for my valentines gift.
She left and immediately staryed messaging me that she loves me.
The 4 hours untill my flight were the most painfull ever, I broke down, started crying, hoping that she will come back to me before I leave and kiss me. No one came.
After I got back home I went NC.
I wrote her a short and friendly message for 8 March. She responed immediately.
She told me that this message made her day and she is very happy that I wrote her.
She wanted to know how I was and I told her that its painful but I am dealing with it.
At tje end of the convo she said she wanted to hear my voice, I told her I want too but its not a good idea. We ended the convo with her saying that she is hoping to hear from me again soon and she cant wait to hear my voice. I said that time will tell and ended it there.
Since then I went NC again, but I cant stop thinking about her and constantly check her social media...
This is the second time she breaks with me, the first time she came back on her own saying she made a huge mistake.
Now it doesnt feel the same.
I miss her dearly but I dont want her in my life. Its time to move on.
After she went to university, she went out only with boys, for 8 months she there she doesnt habe a female friend, only boys.
And they go out and put everything on FB.
I had suspocions about one guy, at first she denied but after abit of pressure she told me that he was hitting on her. It was only a comformation of my suspicions. First denial later the truth. She also assured me that she doesnt like him since he is muslim but who knows, all I know is that sje goes out only with boys. She changed when she left to uni.

Apolpgies for the long post.
I am trying to move on, but I get cought in memories and I have the feeling I am dying.
I dont want her in my life but I love her.
So far I am doing fine with the NC thing, only the social media stalking is killing me.
Thank you for your time guys.

 

[Nn877]

@KrisD Your situation hit home for me. Very similar on many levels. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years, a year of which was long distance. We decided to move and get a place together. Well 1 month into it she all of a sudden doesn't want to live together anymore.

I was crushed, devastated. Still am tbh. Bear in my mind I have no friends nor family in the city we moved to. She does. It's gut wrenching to say the least. I moved out and now I'm on my own. You can't let this take you down to the point all of your energy goes into her and not into bettering yourself.

You gotta look at females differently now, they are ruled by their emotions. PERIOD! There's no logic bro nothing, Trust me it sucks but you have to understand this moving forward.

Your ex easily could of met a guy who gave her tingles and she let her EMOTIONS think why not see where this goes. Or just enjoys all the validation from guys to where she can't get the same validation from just you, who by default validates her in her mind. Imagine an attractive man coming up to your gf and say she's beautiful, she would be extremely flattered. However when you say the same thing after 2 years she won't get the same level of flattery. EMOTIONS.

To be really honest, she studies in another country, not state not city, a country. You should of ended it before she left. The type of loyalty you expected from her is very naive. Let her go and don't look back. Find yourself and go through the pain. You'll be fine man.

 

[TheProspect]

Ok guys, after a serious reading on this forum I decided to post my **** story.

Long story short I was dating a girl for 2.5 years which 8 months of them were long distance, she studies in another country.

I went 2 times to see her and everything was great. Before my third visit she told me that she is not happy the way our relationship is.
She said shee needs me close to her, and I told her I am going to move with her and she said after that, that she doesnt know if she wants to live with me.
I was like wtf, she wants me close to her but doesnt want me to live with her...?
We talked alot about the subject and she couldnt give me closure, all she said she wasnt happy.
I said that I will try to understand and I will let her go. She then asked me if I a still coming to her. I said no(I had bought the plane tickets already). After that she begged me to come and have one final good time for valentines day.
I made a mistake and I went to her. We had a blast...we couldnt stop having sex, having fun, laughing etc. We just acted like everything was ok. The day came and I had to leave. She came with me to the airport but only for 15 minutes because she had an important exam that day.
As she was preparing to leave she hugged me, kissed me and said to me that no matter what she loves me, she even wrote me a letter expressing her feelings as part for my valentines gift.
She left and immediately staryed messaging me that she loves me.
The 4 hours untill my flight were the most painfull ever, I broke down, started crying, hoping that she will come back to me before I leave and kiss me. No one came.
After I got back home I went NC.
I wrote her a short and friendly message for 8 March. She responed immediately.
She told me that this message made her day and she is very happy that I wrote her.
She wanted to know how I was and I told her that its painful but I am dealing with it.
At tje end of the convo she said she wanted to hear my voice, I told her I want too but its not a good idea. We ended the convo with her saying that she is hoping to hear from me again soon and she cant wait to hear my voice. I said that time will tell and ended it there.
Since then I went NC again, but I cant stop thinking about her and constantly check her social media...
This is the second time she breaks with me, the first time she came back on her own saying she made a huge mistake.
Now it doesnt feel the same.
I miss her dearly but I dont want her in my life. Its time to move on.
After she went to university, she went out only with boys, for 8 months she there she doesnt habe a female friend, only boys.
And they go out and put everything on FB.
I had suspocions about one guy, at first she denied but after abit of pressure she told me that he was hitting on her. It was only a comformation of my suspicions. First denial later the truth. She also assured me that she doesnt like him since he is muslim but who knows, all I know is that sje goes out only with boys. She changed when she left to uni.

Apolpgies for the long post.
I am trying to move on, but I get cought in memories and I have the feeling I am dying.
I dont want her in my life but I love her.
So far I am doing fine with the NC thing, only the social media stalking is killing me.
Thank you for your time guys.

Delete your social media for a few months.

On the off chance that you absolutely NEED social media (Facebook) for work or school, delete and block her, and then delete all social media apps off your phone so you aren't tempted to check them as often.

There's no excuse for stalking her online and it's a big reason why you're mentally fvcked up right now. In addition to social media, go a step further and delete and block her cell number.

There's absolutely no reason to talk to or contact this woman again. She's not your girlfriend, she's not your ex that you miss so dearly, she's not your anything anymore. While you're feeling sad for yourself she's having casual sex with other guys.

Trust me, your feelings are temporary and will pass. There's 3+ billion women out there, start talking to them.

 

[attic]

In.

Realized I had been feeding myself to a BPD. Had gone back more times than I can count. Suffering.

Glad I found the thread. Here till 60, or whatever it takes.

 

[Young_Don]

I was seeing this girl for 4 months and we mutually ended things at the end of February. I was SUPER happy being single before I met her.

I've never had a connection with anyone I've ever met the way I did with this girl. I was never a push over with her and she loved and respected me for it. There were a few red flags though that we just couldn't manage to get past and in the end it seems as though love just wasn't enough. She loves to travel and when she travels, she's gone for months on end. I didn't want to hold her back and try and convince her to stay here because of me because I didn't want her turning around one day and have her hate me for being the reason she couldn't do what she wanted to do with her life. Another reason was (and this is a big one) because she still has feelings for her ex. They travelled around Europe a couple times and she even moved states to live with him when they were back home but on their last trip to Europe he dumped her at the airport. I told her that he would eventually come back around again missing her and sure enough he contacted her best friend asking to be a part of her life again, then he inboxed her on FB telling her that he sent her a letter in the mail explaining his reason for leaving and that he still loves her and God knows what else.. She assured me that even though she still had feelings for him that she would never go back to him for what he did. A part from that, everything else was amazing with her. There was never a dull moment and the sexual attraction was through the roof. She really does/did love me, but we (she more so) decided that it was better to end things now rather than later. A few days before we ended things she was ignoring me out of the blue, so I msgd her asking to see her (thinking this would be the last time I'd see/speak to her) but I wanted it to be face to face and she said no. I said I was done and she said good and that I deserved better than her and so I deleted her off all social media. I tried going NC but a couple days later I msgd her and we ended things on good terms. She told me she will always love me and that this is goodbye for a while but maybe not forever and tbh, I love this girl so much that I'm really hoping there's a future with us sooner rather than later down the track. Since the 1st of this month we haven't spoken and it's killing me. I feel like writing her a letter but I know it will probably only make things worse and she may be handling the situation better than me and I don't want to come off as being weak and desperate. About a week ago she posted a pic on insta of her flying to Melbourne, which is where her ex lives. I don't know how I'd cope if I saw them together again.
Sorry for the long post but I've been holding this in as best I could. I can't stress enough how much this girl means to me but I know that I have to be willing to walk away for my own good as much as it hurts.
I just wanted to get any thoughts or feedback from you guys, if you find anything suss or maybe if you doubt what her intensions were with me or if she even really loves me?
I might sound heaps ignorant but I've had my fair share of girls but none of them made me feel like this and I could tell by the way she spoke to me and treated me and what she was willing to do for me that she genuinely loved and cared about me.
I'm finding it hard to calculate my next step in moving on. I don't really have any motivation and I don't even want to look at any other girls. Don't know what to do..

 

[attic]

You should make a full post here or on the Discussion board just to vent it out and get some good advice.

I will, thank you. Hurts pretty deep now, so can't dig in too hard or look right at it so openly yet. For me the pain of what her and I caused urges me to contact her to get relief,... truth is the contact always causes more pain.

Day 3. Silly brain.

Much Love.

 

[attic]

I'm finding it hard to calculate my next step in moving on. I don't really have any motivation and I don't even want to look at any other girls. Don't know what to do..

Give yourself some patience and take care of yourself. It's not about her anymore, it's all about you.

Improve yourself.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

[Young_Don]

If that's true then it just makes me feel even worse

 

[Reykhel]

@Young_Don

Firstly, learn to use paragraphs.

Secondly, you need full acceptance that this is dead and buried and in the past.

What you will hopefully learn is that this situation is not about the girl. It's about you. This woman has been sent and is simply an actor in
the play that is your life. Her role was to expose the holes in your psyche. Your boundaries have been exposed as weak and
thieves have entered the castle walls and stolen your gold. You had no defense for it. You practically handed the thieves the treasure chests. And now you feel the ache as the castle walls throb with an empty howl. The echo of loneliness within your walls is deafening.

The question remains: are you willing to fight to reclaim your gold? Are you ready to rebuild the castle walls?

There is much work to be done and not a moment to waste lamenting on how the thief seemed to have your best interest at heart as you were lulled into a false sense of security. You must rush to the castle gardens and dig! dig! dig man! There's gardening work to be done and it is only truly worth will and fulfilling work if your dirty your own hands and the efforts are your own. Lotus flowers will grow from blood and pain.

The level of your pain is based purely on: the level at which you have allowed yourself to become attached. For you see in our attempt to tie down any living creature we will surely become undone and lose a sense of our own purpose. Try to stop a moving train. Hold down a rooster. Clasp even a terrapin in your hands. Pick up a child that wants to play.

You became somehow emotionally dependent to this creature. You are now a slave chained by your own emotional chains. Locked in a prison of your own making. You are the prisoner and the jailer in one. You have the key but do not know it.

 

[Young_Don]

I guess I just have to convince myself that it was all bull**** so I can move on

 

[Reykhel]

I guess I just have to convince myself that it was all bull**** so I can move on

Whether it was "all bull****e" or whether it "meant nothing" is meaningless in this moment. You can choose to frame the past and past
relationships in anyway you so choose.

Meaning is fvcking relative.

Isn't it better to frame it in a way that best serves you and helps you to move forward rather than in a way that will hurt you?

Remember: This situation cannot hurt you. It's your interpretation of the situation that has the power to damage you or to inspire you. It's up to you to choose. It may be difficult to imagine it now, but in a years time you could be looking back at this situation and thinking to yourself "wow, I'm actually grateful that happened to me", because of the man you will have developed into.

1. Accept fully that it's over for good and in the past
2. Let go fully of false hope (I've seen men clinging onto hope for an eternity over "the one that got away". Fvck that)
3. Forgive if necessary (yep, it takes huge strength but it will stop you turning into 1. A bitter angry bastard angry with women and the world 2. a possible addict, angry and bitter at yourself at the world) How? Repeat (when that stupid voice comes to rummage through the past) "I forgiver her for not been the way I wanted. I forgive her and let her go". That's about you releasing negative energy that will hold you back and eat you like cancer, not about her (so no, you don't contact to say it to her. Again I repeat: The forgiveness is to combat your internal negative voice)
4. Avoid alcohol
5. Exercise (don't feel like it? force yourself to at least get up and walk and clear your head. Bang out a few push ups. Buy a punchbag and get to work on it.
6. Eat right. This is all about self care right now and on wards. Eat right and drink plenty of water. Remember you come first, if you don't look after yourself and respect yourself, why would anyone else.
7. Write a list of goals: health, fitness, career, financial, etc what things would you like to achieve? (these must be within your boundaries and realistic, and not in someone else's boundaries). Get to work on taking little actions towards these goals. Contribute a little to them each day.
8. Mindfull and assertive action: ask yourself constantly "Is this action moving me in the right action?"

 

[Young_Don]

Appreciate it mate, my head already knew this was the path I needed to take myself down but my heart is still clinging onto the hope of being with her one day. But even just admitting that now kind of feels stupid and I know I deserve better and I'm the prize, not her. This is what I needed to hear so thanks again.

 

[Brolee91]

me ad my ex broke up a few days ago and she hasn't contacted me at all since then..i'm trying to get over her but damn it's killing me, I wouldn't get back into a relationship with her but I really wouldnt mind be FWB. what should I do?

 

[attic]

Day 6 here. I often feel compelled to reach out to tell her how much I adore her.

Painful. I can't stand this ****.

Before I decided I needed to heal up she told me I make her ill and that everything we did was fake and she wished it never happened. Unbelievably stupid and callous **** from her. Part of my suffering is due to knowing a BPD's behavior is independent of that person. I had a sister who was BPD who ultimately killed herself, and so it's a gut wrenching place to get some distance and perspective for myself while I know how much BPD's suffer.


Tough pill here. Though in my time i'm already doing a lot better in health, work and other relationships.

 

[attic]

This part is basically true. Sorry to hear about it though, very tough. A lot of the negativity can sit in your subconscious for a while no matter how well you understand the disorder.

I hear you. I'm having a hard time taking responsibility for that. On the night we broke up, and the days following, the fake part hit me pretty hard. Haven't accepted it fully yet.

 

[Young_Don]

After experiencing the same thing twice now, I now feel as though every girl I meet from this point on in my life is just going to be either boring with no real connection or there may be a connection but they will just turn out to be with me for their own selfish/attention seeking/self validating/emotional needs that are only temporary and will eventually fade away.

I have never met a girl that I actually find interesting and enjoy being around that doesn't have red flags. And me, being the laid back guy that I am, I tend to take on the 'non-judgmental' outlook when dealing with women who are dealing with their own issues and I try to be understanding. Not for all girls.. 95% of women I literally couldn't give a shyt about.

My whole mentality towards eventually finding a woman that makes me want to invest time/effort into for a possible future with just seems very dull now. I don't expect that I will find another girl who I actually give a shyt about for a very long time. And I'm not a guy who is interested in sleeping with multiple women, I can get that any time from regular girls I've known for a while.
So it just seems like from this point in time until the next time I meet anyone I find remotely interesting is going to be a loooong while.

I am focusing on myself. Just graduated, got work lined up soon, I have goals to save and travel, I'm in the gym 5-6 days a week. But I am not a patient person and these goals and achievements don't feel as good to me as they should. So in the meantime I'm always reflecting on the 4 month 'almost relationship' I just got out of and it makes me angry. Even though I'm moving forward, it just doesn't feel as though I am.

 

[Nn877]

Been about 3 weeks NC, even though I still work with her, fvcking sucks. I was weak today, came close to texting her but luckily I texted some friends instead and talked me outta of it.

It's like when I feel pain and hurt I think she has to too? Right? I mean she's a girl she should be, but I don't think they do and prob going about her way. Closer and closer to the red pill I go.

 

[Young_Don]

@LARaiders85

I'll admit that I do need to get my **** together before I can commit to LTR with any girl in regards to solid work/money. I'm 24 and just got my degree to be a teacher, I have work lined up fairly soon and the money for casual rate is fairly decent here so I just have to stay patient for that.

But I feel that I do have a lot to offer a woman, but I'm not looking to just commit to any girl just because shes a 9+ in looks or is a nice girl. It's hard to find girls with the same interest as me who know how to have fun in any situation and don't mind being adventurous and getting their hands dirty. 90% of girls here (Sydney) are boring af and all try to be the same in looks and interest and it's mind numbing.

I'm back on tinder, spinning a couple plates atm and they seem pretty keen to meet up but I don't even feel like making the effort to see them, whether it's just for coffee or something that I wanna do. I have plenty of options to fvck girls I already know and I just don't see the point anymore, I don't gain anything from it except clingy-ness on their part afterwards so it's not my goal for if I do decide to meet up with a girl in the future.