Confidence attracts more than good looks

[Mike32ct]

I've overhead a LOT of female gossip over the years (at work and other places). But I've NEVER heard a female bragging about how "confident" a guy was. Nor have I ever heard, "I slept with him because he was so confident."

It's usually some 300x zoom analysis of his looks/body and some discussion about his job/career or POSSIBLY charisma or humor.

Not that confidence doesn't matter, but if you have the other traits she wants, she just assumes that you would have the confidence too. If you apply for a white collar job, they don't ask if you can type or have keyboarding skills. It's sort of assumed lol.

Let's just refer to confidence as "necessary but not sufficient."

 

[Trainwreck]

Ugly dominant guy vs good looking guy scenario

winner: good looking guy

why: She will find the good looking guy more confident, intelligent, charming, and etc because she's already attracted to him from the start. The ugly dominant guy will be seen as a creep, pest, and annoyance to her because there was no initial attraction from the start.

Lesson: A girl has to find you physically attractive first

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

You can not objectify it. It's all subjective; the less classically attractive you are in looks, the more you need to make up for it in confidence. Confidence can be the X factor that levels the playing field.

I did terribly online, so much so I quit.
But out there, in the real world, I do just fine
Thanks to my sparkling personality and wit.

 

[zekko]

Well, I believe a man's appeal to women will be based on his total measurement of ATTRACTIVENESS.

I can't help but notice that you didn't use the word "confidence" once in your post.
And, as you know, there are those who would deny that "finances" are an attraction factor (although I'm not one of them).

Ugly dominant guy vs good looking guy scenario
winner: good looking guy

I think that in the scenario where the good looking guy loses, we are talking about a guy that is backwards and socially awkward.

the less classically attractive you are in looks, the more you need to make up for it in confidence. Confidence can be the X factor that levels the playing field.

For confidence to level the playing field, IMO it has to be converted into something else. That might be more opportunities through more approaches, a more charming, gregarious personality, building more skill by trying different things, etc.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think that in the scenario where the good looking guy loses, we are talking about a guy that is backwards and socially awkward.

Yes. Social anxiety (SA) will sink a good looking guy unless he's model hot. Then he might have a chance.

But if the good looking guy doesn't have SA and is simply quiet/chill/introverted, he will make the ugly aggressive/outgoing guy look TRYHARD by comparison and probably beat him will little effort.

 

[9Volt]

Yes. Social anxiety (SA) will sink a good looking guy unless he's model hot. Then he might have a chance.

But if the good looking guy doesn't have SA and is simply quiet/chill/introverted, he will make the ugly aggressive/outgoing guy look TRYHARD by comparison and probably beat him will little effort.

Agreed.

We're talking about good looks which is a given in what chicks want in this discussion. Each chick or dude decides who is good looking to them. So that means right away that person is at the front of the line. If a dude is a good looking dude to many women he's going to come into more contact with women who want him and won't really need to work on his confidence as he'd be used to getting favorable results with the opposite sex. A "confident" dude who isn't generally attractive is either going to delude himself he's something he isn't and or is going to be seen as a pest as he's not good looking to the chicks he wants. Simply being confident doesn't mean someone will get what they want. They need to become the complete package. The best of themselves they can be.

It's like one dude applies for a job and has all the qualifications and the other dude doesn't yet just because he's "confident" the job dismisses the dude they want because the other dude has nothing but "confidence". Same with the two points. A chick or a dude is going to take the person they find attractive and not just forget anyone they find attractive and just go for the confident person instead.

 

[El Payaso]

Ugly dominant guy vs good looking guy scenario

winner: good looking guy

why: She will find the good looking guy more confident, intelligent, charming, and etc because she's already attracted to him from the start. The ugly dominant guy will be seen as a creep, pest, and annoyance to her because there was no initial attraction from the start.

Lesson: A girl has to find you physically attractive first

So good looks attracts more?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

For confidence to level the playing field, IMO it has to be converted into something else. That might be more opportunities through more approaches, a more charming, gregarious personality, building more skill by trying different things, etc.

Yes, I could go with that. It's often the 'X factor' that underlies these more observable characteristics a person has.

 

[mikey2012]

Confidence>Looks but you got to have looks to get a foot in the door.

 

[nismo-4]

Confidence is in the gray area. Sorry. When women say in magazines they want a guy who is a good cook, has a great personality, savoir faire, etc. They want an attractive guy who has these things.

Good looking confident guy talks to girl: she dubs it as flirting.

Ugly confident guy talks to girl: she calls sexual harassment.

There's no such thing as an ugly millionaire.

 

[mikey2012]

Confidence is in the gray area. Sorry. When women say in magazines they want a guy who is a good cook, has a great personality, savoir faire, etc. They want an attractive guy who has these things.

Good looking confident guy talks to girl: she dubs it as flirting.

Ugly confident guy talks to girl: she calls sexual harassment.

There's no such thing as an ugly millionaire.

I think confidence comes from the land of abundance . As soon as you need them more than they need you it doesn't matter how good looking you are, your confidence will be low.

The person who need the relationship the most has the least power and thus confidence .

Indifference is confidence. If you can approach a chick without fear of rejection then your confidence will be high. Conversely if you are outcome dependent then your confidence level will be low.
This will apply to most of us.

The other type of confidence is when you KNOW you will get with the chick. Only select few people can lay claim to this ie movie stars etc. Don't matter if they are ugly they will still have the confidence to get a chick because of their fame.

 

[zekko]

There's a commercial on TV for eHarmony or some such dating site. A guy asks what do you want in a date? And some girl says "confidence". That just strikes me as so strange. Out of all the possible attributes you could want in another person, the first one that comes to mind is confidence? Seems weird.

 

[Mike32ct]

There's a commercial on TV for eHarmony or some such dating site. A guy asks what do you want in a date? And some girl says "confidence". That just strikes me as so strange. Out of all the possible attributes you could want in another person, the first one that comes to mind is confidence? Seems weird.

It's an advertisement. She can't say looks/height/income lol.

While confidence and say humor are both good traits to have, my cynical side thinks that such terms are used to avoid potentially more "shallow" LMS criteria.

 

[AttackFormation]

There's a commercial on TV for eHarmony or some such dating site. A guy asks what do you want in a date? And some girl says "confidence". That just strikes me as so strange. Out of all the possible attributes you could want in another person, the first one that comes to mind is confidence? Seems weird.

Come on bro, you know women speak in code.

"Ambitious" = Wants to get status and money
"Intelligent" = Has a money-giving degree/high income
"Confident" = Good looking and views women as below him or doesn't care about any one of them because of having many
"Funny" = Makes me giggle all the time from the butterflies I get looking at his model face

And then there are the things they say because they don't know what they want but are making a guess, like someone "nice".

 

[zekko]

It's an advertisement. She can't say looks/height/income lol.

Ha, that would be kind of refreshing actually. "I'd like a guy with a 12 inch penis", lol. I believe you've hit the nail right on the head, "confident" is a harmless word they can use like "nice" or "sense of humor".

"Confident" = Good looking and views women as below him or doesn't care about any one of them because of having many

I was kind of thinking it might be a code word for a one night stand. She wants the guy to make a move right away and not be shy about it.

 

[AttackFormation]

I was kind of thinking it might be a code word for a one night stand. She wants the guy to make a move right away and not be shy about it.

It can be whatever she "feels" it is/needs to present it as at the moment, that's the real point, so they can avoid integrity and accountability.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think people really underestimate the kind of confidence the cold-approach requires. It's probably the most difficult social situation for a guy to navigate.

Agreed. Cold approach takes ballz.

Confidence, dominance, experience, really is the main for men. Looking shiny and being passive will just attract masculine broken women to you. It's an abomination of the natural masculine/feminine polarity.

I get what you're saying. I don't think anybody is recommending that a guy be passive per se. But the other extreme is tryhard which isn't good either. I would say confidently approach, but limit the number of approaches and focus on who you really want to meet. It's the spam approaching in large volume that can look tryhard.

Another thing I learned when I used to "game" back in the early 2000s was to try to minimize your approach distances too. If you can approach a girl at a bar or club who is physically close by, it looks much better and more natural than circling the entire club like a shark circling a boat.

As far as the shiny (or pretty boy) thing, my only concern is that the guy doesn't get blown out on the basis of his looks. That's all. If he can look decent enough where the broad can give him a chance, that's fine. He doesn't HAVE to be Chad. A guy should try to look his best and go with that. It's still no guarantee, but it helps.

 

[zekko]

I think people really underestimate the kind of confidence the cold-approach requires

It takes guts, for most. Although it depends partly on personality. We all know guys who are constantly chating up everyone, in every situation, strangers or not. Does that make them the most desirable males? I imagine they cold approach without a second thought.

Are you trying to say that first and foremost, women want a man who will cold approach them? I'm sure they admire the bold action and nerve, but is this the standard for desirability? If that were the case guys wouldn't be getting blown off as often. I don't think I'll ever really "get" the confidence thing.

 

[nismo-4]

Enter the judge.

It takes guts, for most. Although it depends partly on personality. We all know guys who are constantly chating up everyone, in every situation, strangers or not. Does that make them the most desirable males? I imagine they cold approach without a second thought.

Cold approaching is cool, but are they attractive? That's the million dollar question. Cold approaching 10, 110, or even 510 women in a week MIGHT make a guy more desirable, but in the GREY AREA of attraction. I cold approached 100 times last week and I didn't morph into Denzel Washington.

Are you trying to say that first and foremost, women want a man who will cold approach them?

If he's attractive, then yes. Women want to be approached by someone who plays in the NBA. Remember, if she finds you attractive, she'll label your 2004 Nissan Maxima and Crash Bandicoot paintings as beautiful artwork. If she doesn't, it gets regarded as trash. In only a perfect women's world, creeps and ugly men don't exist. All men are millionaires and sexy.

I'm sure they admire the bold action and nerve, but is this the standard for desirability?

Not really. You'll still see that women admire this from guys with looks, money, and status. If she doesn't see sexual value, she'll go to the grey area and try to make you a beta orbiter, friend, or provider. Not good. Sure you can walk off and drop her, but she'll cry because she's losing an orbiter. Rest assured that Chad will get a text message 17 minutes later with a sexual request.

If that were the case guys wouldn't be getting blown off as often. I don't think I'll ever really "get" the confidence thing.

Have you ever read the magazines where women list their most desirable traits in a man? It's all grey area sh*t like confidence, sense of humor, intelligence, nice, personality, etc. They won't mention sh*t like height, muscles, fame, money, your car. The grey area is good for KEEPING a woman around, sure it's super effective then. That is level 2, the outside is level 1. Only if you're an alpha you go to level 2. Betas become exploited, omegas just aren't in the picture. What's worse, being on her friend list or no list at all?

Read between the lines. Confidence is cool as long as the woman in question finds you attractive. And your personality will work like a charm.

Hell, anything seems to work like a charm when a woman finds you attractive! There's little you can do wrong. OTOH if she don't like you, there's little or nothing you can do right.

PUA Gurus won't mention this. Of course it would kill their customer base.

 

[El Payaso]

Enter the judge.



Read between the lines. Confidence is cool as long as the woman in question finds you attractive. And your personality will work like a charm.

Hell, anything seems to work like a charm when a woman finds you attractive! There's little you can do wrong. OTOH if she don't like you, there's little or nothing you can do right.

PUA Gurus won't mention this. Of course it would kill their customer base.

Very, very true.