Girlfriend and I on a freeze out after I ignored her, now what?

[Juanto]

Her Silence = Action

From my experience, when they do that they are checking out, or their IL has just dropped alot.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

From my experience, when they do that they are checking out, or their IL has just dropped alot.

Exactly. It means she perceives your value to be lower than her own. So how does once increase perceptual value?

Become scarce. Whatever becomes scarce becomes valuable.

By calling, all you do is put nails in the coffin you call a relationship.

 

[9Volt]

legend is advocating playing the fake passive aggressive no contact hold my breath longer than you can game like kids or immature chicks do. You should aspire to be neither a child nor an immature chick.

Men call their girlfriend and see what's up. three years girlfriend no less. Not play a childish game. You call. it doesn't resolve anything then you drop it period.

Do as you wish. But "talking" to a chick you've been dating through text no less and for some insecure weirdo readon don't want to call her like a man while suspecting something is wrong and looking to play a fake no contact game along with her...she or any chick most likely IS cheating or has been cheating on you.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

legend is advocating playing the fake passive aggressive no contact hold my breath longer than you can game like kids or immature chicks do. You shpuld aspire to be neither a child nor an immature chick.

Men call their girlfriend and see what's up. three years girlfriend no less. Not play a childish game. You call. it doesn't resolve anything then you drop it period.

Do as you wish. But "talking" to a chick you've been dating through text no less and for some insecure weirdo readon don't want to call her like a man while suspecting something is wrong and looking to play a fake no contact game along with her...she or any chick most likely IS cheating or has been cheating on you.

Wrong. You don't communicate at all. Pointless act with no benefit.

Disappearing holds many benefits:

1) Immediate NC to heal and pursue other women;

2) In your absence, her IL will likely increase, should YOU desire to reengage at a later time;

3) Builds self-respect and -value as you can clearly walk away from women who don't reciprocate interest rather than being a doormat for abuse of her having to verbally end a relationship which is already over.

What benefit does talking to her have when she is clearly not interested? None.

 

[9Volt]

Wrong. You don't communicate at all. Pointless act with no benefit.

Disappearing holds many benefits:

1) Immediate NC to heal and pursue other women;

2) In your absence, her IL will likely increase, should YOU desire to reengage at a later time;

3) Builds self-respect and -value as you can clearly walk away from women who don't reciprocate interest rather than being a doormat for abuse of her having to verbally end a relationship which is already over.

What benefit does talking to her have when she is clearly not interested? None.

There was three years of interest and investment.

one final phone call isn't going to hurt unless you fear calling your girlfriend of three years.

that's taking accountability not running away in fear of what may or may not be fact. That's for passive aggressive cowards.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

There was three years of interest and investment.

one final phone call isn't going to hurt unless you fear calling your girlfriend of three years.

that's taking accountability not running away in fear of what may or may not be fact. That's for passive aggressive cowards.

Men don't call a girl in an already dead relationship. They move on.

Weak men who pander and pray for hope that they could reconcile a dead relationship call.

Big distinction.

Three years mean nothing. She is not your male buddy or business partner where honor and respect should be given. She's a whimsical women with capricious moods and emotions that fluctuate like a rollercoaster. Men in this forum have been married for 30 years, when all-of-a-sudden their wives do a U-Turn. You don't know much about women, do you?

 

[9Volt]

Men don't call a girl in an already dead relationship. They move on.

Weak men who pander and pray for hope that they could reconcile a dead relationship call.

Big distinction.

Three years mean nothing. She is not your male buddy where honor and respect should be given. She's a whimsical women with capricious moods and emotions that fluctuate like a rollercoaster. Men in this forum have been married for 30 years, when all-of-a-sudden their wives do a U-turn. You don't know much about women, do you?

text replies slowed down. text. Dude is text communicating to a chick he's dating for three years, suspects something is up and goes on a "freeze out" for.. a day...and guru legend advises him to keep playing a kids game of fake NC, while running to get other chicks when he can't even call a chick he's been dating for three years to see what's up like a man.

yes op. play fake NC. run to try and line up security blankets in chicks.

and this advice is coming from a guru legend who tells dudes it's their fault.


brilliant

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

text replies slowed down. text. Dude is text communicating to a chick he's dating for three years, suspects something is up and goes on a "freeze out" for.. a day...and guru legend advises him to keep playing a kids game of fake NC, while running to get other chicks when he can't even call a chick he's been dating for three years to see what's up like a man.

Calling her is not a manly act, rather the act of a jejune child who is unaware of social cues and dynamics. Remember you're 19-years old; you still have much to learn.

 

[9Volt]

Calling her is not a manly act, rather the act of a jejune child who is unaware of social cues and dynamics. Remember you're 19-years old; you still have much to learn.

Cool story son.

 

[SkrooU]

I know this has become a fued between legend and 9volt. But I have to say something here for everyone else reading.

There is too much ego going on in these forums. This is a major relationship killer.

At times there may be truth to what Legend says about whose value is higher. But it's not always the case for many breakups. Sometimes a chick might just be falling out of love with you because you are not be satisfying her emotionally, mentally, or sexually. So in this case just putting someone on ice is going to kill any chance of resuscitating a dying relationship.

As 9volt said in his original post, OP did not provide enough information for us to know why she became distant. If he is at fault, then he needs to swallow his pride and do something about it.

If on the other hand she has simply lost interest because she has evolved in ways that makes OP incompatible, then OP should really do what I said and leave a text giving her space to figure out what she wants and give himself time to come to terms with this.

Now I say text because I'm assuming he has called her and she did not answer. Even better in person if he can actually see her. We don't know where she lives and when the last time he saw her was. If he has been relying on texts and not made an attempt to see her then he is just looking lazy which could be making her give up on him.

There are too many assumptions being made by people who are quick to protect their ego.

 

[9Volt]

I know this has become a fued between legend and 9volt. But I have to say something here for everyone else reading.

There is too much ego going on in these forums. This is a major relationship killer.

At times there may be truth to what Legend says about whose value is higher. But it's not always the case for many breakups. Sometimes a chick might just be falling out of love with you because you are not be satisfying her emotionally, mentally, or sexually. So in this case just putting someone on ice is going to kill any chance of resuscitating a dying relationship.

As 9volt said in his original post, OP did not provide enough information for us to know why she became distant. If he is at fault, then he needs to swallow his pride and do something about it.

If on the other hand she has simply lost interest because she has evolved in ways that makes OP incompatible, then OP should really do what I said and leave a text giving her space to figure out what she wants and give himself time to come to terms with this.

Now I say text because I'm assuming he has called her and she did not answer. Even better in person if he can actually see her. We don't know where she lives and when the last time he saw her was. If he has been relying on texts and not made an attempt to see her then he is just looking lazy which could be making her give up on him.

There are too many assumptions being made by people who are quick to protect their ego.

Agreed. Did op call to find out what the situation is or not. Is he just relying on text to hide and "communicate"?

Op either needs to call or go over / meet up with her and either resolve it or end it not guess while hiding behind text.

it's like there's some monumental resistance of picking up the phone and calling a girlfriend of three years who has been replying slower to texts in the past two weeks and a one day no text.

if a dude is just communicating through text and something seems off yet is too afraid to call his girlfriend of three years she most likely would start being interested in someone else or just growing tired of him.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

At times there may be truth to what Legend says about whose value is higher. But it's not always the case for many breakups. Sometimes a chick might just be falling out of love with you because you are not be satisfying her emotionally, mentally, or sexually. So in this case just putting someone on ice is going to kill any chance of resuscitating a dying relationship.

If you are not satisfying her emotionally, mentally, or sexually, then the relation is already dead. Do you earnestly think your pandering to her thereafter is going to correct this relation after you denied her everything she had been looking for?

If on the other hand she has simply lost interest because she has evolved in ways that makes OP incompatible, then OP should really do what I said and leave a text giving her space to figure out what she wants and give himself time to come to terms with this.

Leave a text for what purpose? Either way you are giving you and her space. Pointless text.

Now I say text because I'm assuming he has called her and she did not answer. Even better in person if he can actually see her. We don't know where she lives and when the last time he saw her was. If he has been relying on texts and not made an attempt to see her then he is just looking lazy which could be making her give up on him.

Pointless. It's over. It's not your job to correct deficiencies in a relation if you were not informed of any. This is weak pandering behavior.

Women think and behave covertly. You don't overtly discuss a relation with a woman. Her pullback is her covert way of showing she is no longer interested. Take the cue, and move on.

 

[SkrooU]

If you are not satisfying her emotionally, mentally, or sexually, then the relation is already dead. Do you earnestly think your pandering to her thereafter is going to correct this relation after you denied her everything she had been looking for?



Leave a text for what purpose? Either way you are giving you and her space. Pointless text.

Pointless. It's over. It's not your job to correct deficiencies in a relation if you were not informed of any. This is weak pandering behavior.

Women think and behave covertly. You don't overtly discuss a relation with a woman. Her pullback is her covert way of showing she is no longer interested. Take the cue, and move on.

Partially true. But we have to be careful not to make assumptions. In this case, we can't assume OP was not made aware of his shortcomings. Maybe he was. Moreover, maybe he made her aware of her own shortcomings and pushed her away appearing needy or demanding. We just don't know.

It is not always pandering when you try to resolve a problem with a woman or any other person. OP could have been pandering already. But again we don't know.

And sometimes people just need some fvcking space. Haven't you been there? I have. It doesn't mean I wanted to breakup. Space would give them both time to miss each other and evaluate wtf is going on.

All I'm saying is not every case can be handled from a view that you must appear more valuable by withholding your efforts to connect. OP could be sendingall kinds of inflammatory texts, in which case he is not connecting with her. So she does not respond.

But just consider the possibility that his girlfriend is losing faith in him to act like the man he once was or was thought to have potential of becoming. And that she is just waiting for him to get it together, but that she is sad and hanging on by a thread. Then the last thing OP should do is flake out. It's easy to say cut and run, that maybe its already dead and could never be the same. But sometimes things can be better when you almost lose something and find a way to make it right.

But maybe it is a situation where it is as you say, kaput. Then sure, move on and don't bother calling. It would most likely be pandering. But we dont know because we are not OP and he has not given us all the info. There are 3 years behind all this. The possibilities are endless.

All im saying is people on here are making everything too much about ego. I have a problem succumbing to this trap in my personal relationships at times. It's a relationship killer. I'm just trying to make others aware of how poisonous your own ego can be.

 

[9Volt]

Partially true. But we have to be careful not to make assumptions. In this case, we can't assume OP was not made aware of his shortcomings. Maybe he was. Moreover, maybe he made her aware of her own shortcomings and pushed her away appearing needy or demanding. We just don't know.

It is not always pandering when you try to resolve a problem with a woman or any other person. OP could have been pandering already. But again we don't know.

And sometimes people just need some fvcking space. Haven't you been there? I have. It doesn't mean I wanted to breakup. Space would give them both time to miss each other and evaluate wtf is going on.

All I'm saying is not every case can be handled from a view that you must appear more valuable by withholding your efforts to connect. OP could be sendingall kinds of inflammatory texts, in which case he is not connecting with her. So she does not respond.

But just consider the possibility that his girlfriend is losing faith in him to act like the man he once was or was thought to have potential of becoming. And that she is just waiting for him to get it together, but that she is sad and hanging on by a thread. Then the last thing OP should do is flake out. It's easy to say cut and run, that maybe its already dead and could never be the same. But sometimes things can be better when you almost lose something and find a way to make it right.

But maybe it is a situation where it is as you say, kaput. Then sure, move on and don't bother calling. It would most likely be pandering. But we dont know because we are not OP and he has not given us all the info. There are 3 years behind all this. The possibilities are endless.

All im saying is people on here are making everything too much about ego. I have a problem succumbing to this trap in my personal relationships at times. It's a relationship killer. I'm just trying to make others aware of how poisonous your own ego can be.

EXACTLY

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Partially true. But we have to be careful not to make assumptions. In this case, we can't assume OP was not made aware of his shortcomings. Maybe he was. Moreover, maybe he made her aware of her own shortcomings and pushed her away appearing needy or demanding. We just don't know.

It is not always pandering when you try to resolve a problem with a woman or any other person. OP could have been pandering already. But again we don't know.

If she wanted to resolve a problem, she could come forward for discussion. But she didn't; instead she pulled back. If OP pursues her following her pullback he is conditioning/training her to know:

1) Whenever she has a problem, don't discuss it. Pull back instead;
2) When she wants to own the frame, all she needs to do is simply pullback;
3) She is in control, a puppeteer with strings.

Further, the act of pursuing her after her pullback is frame damaging. It implicitly shows her that her value is greater than your own, which is why YOU need to come to her. Why could she not come to you if there were a problem? Think about it.

And sometimes people just need some fvcking space. Haven't you been there? I have. It doesn't mean I wanted to breakup. Space would give them both time to miss each other and evaluate wtf is going on.

Exactly, so give her space. No need to call her to tell her you're giving her space for the reasons I delineated above.

All I'm saying is not every case can be handled from a view that you must appear more valuable by withholding your efforts to connect. OP could be sending all kinds of inflammatory texts, in which case he is not connecting with her. So she does not respond.

Whenever you are in a situation where everything is normal, and the girls pull back, then you pull back further.

Now, if you were to cheat on her or were unequivocally the cause for blame, then in this context only, I would call to apologize to her, let her know that I'd like to reconcile, and tell her to get back to me if/when she feels the same way. Here, though, OP did not state he committed deal-breaker acts which led to her pullback.

But just consider the possibility that his girlfriend is losing faith in him to act like the man he once was or was thought to have potential of becoming. And that she is just waiting for him to get it together, but that she is sad and hanging on by a thread. Then the last thing OP should do is flake out. It's easy to say cut and run, that maybe its already dead and could never be the same. But sometimes things can be better when you almost lose something and find a way to make it right.

If she is hanging by a thread, let her go. You don't ever want to be in a relation with a women where at any point she was hanging on a thread. This is scarcity thinking.

In arguendo, if one were a beta with scarcity thinking and wanted to reconcile with a girl who was hanging on a thread, then his best prescription would be an entire disappearance. Where there is scarcity, there is value. What's easily available and waiting is never appreciated.

All im saying is people on here are making everything too much about ego. I have a problem succumbing to this trap in my personal relationships at times. It's a relationship killer. I'm just trying to make others aware of how poisonous your own ego can be.

Has nothing to do with ego, but rather understanding social cues and responding in the most favorable way for YOU.

 

[Milano]

This is a great situation to learn about self respect, something that has been very difficult for myself. Perceiving yourself as a great catch will automatically raise the IL of women and you will not tolerate as much flaking. Use mental tricks whenever you can, like when you hit the gym look at the jacked fukbois and think to yourself, "that guy is probably not needy cause he has several chicks after him", learn from guys who value themselves.

It feels really good when you are able to draw the line with women, but its scary when you are a noob. "Could I have had a chance with this girl later if I hadnt been this hard on her?", are all thoughts that will try to sabotage you. It truly is for your own good. When you do draw the line with a girl, remember, cool guys dont look at explotions

 

[9Volt]

O.P should simply call his girlfriend of three years and see what's up and either attempt to resolve the issue in his and her relationship or end it.

It's really that simple.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

but its scary when you are a noob. "Could I have had a chance with this girl later if I hadnt been this hard on her?", are all thoughts that will try to sabotage you. It truly is for your own good.

Exactly. Remember, once you have this thought:

"Could I have had a chance with this girl later if I hadnt been this hard on her?"

You have already elevated her value over your own. Game over. She should be thinking these thoughts about you. She should be bringing discussions forth. She should be worried about your IL, not contrariwise.

A girl who has high IL in you will do everything in her power to make the relation work. Those are the women you should choose to spend your time with.

 

[9Volt]

op call your girlfriend of three years and find out for sure. Either work with her on the issue or end it if things can't be resolved like a man.

beware of toxic poisonous "advice" disguised as "help" from the misery loves company troops. They're not here to help you but recruit you into their own angry cult religion.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

op call your girlfriend of three years and find out for sure. Either work with her on the issue or end it if things can't be resolved like a man.

beware of toxic poisonous "advice" disguised as "help" from the misery loves company troops. They're not here to help you but recruit you into their own angry cult religion.

Take a week off from her. She'll contact you.