Messed up Royally

[bigneil]

@bigneil I certainly agree with @El Payaso on this, was going to write about the same until I read that.

It's not technically cheating, but if there's any idea of a relationship in this then she made a bad move. If I was seriously considering relationship with someone I wouldn't fvck around at least until knowing it wasn't gonna happen. So basically this one doesn't seem to take the idea of a potential relationship with you seriously.

If you do have feelings for her I would say it's a bad idea to stick around, you're only gonna get hurt from that.

Dude, when you are 46 dating a 21 year old gorgeous bisexual stripper, you should expect they will have flings. If they are honest about it, it's not a big deal until after you have a commitment. There is no implied "idea of a relationship" beyond a formal commitment (meaning SHE asks). I need to wait until she is 22 or 23 for that.

 

[Milano]

Yeah its a tough one Bigneil. Sometimes we just want to give in to "reality" of how hard the market is, and how hard it is to find a "quality" girl. We start making up these stories of how its ok of her to do this, and that, and suddenly we lost ourselves and our dignity and she doesnt respect us. Its seems like an endless battle. Where does one draw the line? Is it whenever you get that nasty gut feeling that someone tricked you? Is that enough? Someone hurt us, is that how we should expect to feel from girls these days, is that fair? No wonder we go crazy! Im just thinking out loud here...

 

[C00lAF]

When I have an overabundance of gorgeous 21 year old women (who I have oneitis for despite several other options) swallow, I will consider these words of wisdom.

Why is swallowing is such a big deal to you?

 

[Trump]

The other day I had a weak moment after getting some bad family news. My date happened to write to me then and I managed, in a span of just 3 texts, to possibly ruin a 90 day relationship by saying the exact wrong things.

On the heels of our best date and her best text where she was gushing with romance, 2 days later my date wrote to me and was concerned about the weather for our upcoming plans (we had a major storm). For whatever reason I made the assumption she was trying to cancel (mistake #1), and (since that would have been the second time in 3 months) I suggested maybe we just should end things altogether and left it up to her (mistake #2). Then she sent photos showing how icy it was where she lived (25 miles away) and said she was only concerned about my safety. She said of course she didn't want to end things but threatened to do it herself if I didn't stop acting that way. For whatever reason I basically said "Fine then you should" (mistake #3) and she said "Ok, it's over then, this is bullsh!t". A few minutes later I said I was sorry for pushing her away and she said "You did." and I luckily shut my phone off before saying anything else stupid. Needless to say, our date did not commence the next day.

What was I thinking? Her reaction in hindsight was perfectly predictable.

Not sure what to do at this point. She sent the last text so I probably have one more shot. Do I apologize or just give it time? Go see her at her work? I genuinely feel I wasn't myself when I wrote those things.

That's why men always have to:

1) be in control of their emotions
2) never assume anything
3) think logically
4) live in reality

When a girl offers some roadblock or resistance, whether true or not, I often agree and amplify. Concerned about weather for upcoming date? No problem, perhaps another time.

 

[bigneil]

Why is swallowing is such a big deal to you?

Tell me how a woman can prove she likes a man any more thoroughly.

 

[bigneil]

We start making up these stories of how its ok of her to do this, and that, and suddenly we lost ourselves and our dignity and she doesnt respect us.

This is key. In every relationship, one of the biggest test a man faces is: "Will you go along with something that will make her lose all respect for you?"

 

[Roober]

This is key. In every relationship, one of the biggest test a man faces is: "Will you go along with something that will make her lose all respect for you?"

YEUP! And sometimes we do it without even thinking about it. I am not saying there is no compromise, but certainly have to have boundaries that need to be respected!

 

[C00lAF]

Tell me how a woman can prove she likes a man any more thoroughly.

There you have it,she is going to text you if she really likes you,otherwise you will know that this swallow-like theory of yours is bullsh1t

 

[Serenity]

Dude, when you are 46 dating a 21 year old gorgeous bisexual stripper, you should expect they will have flings. If they are honest about it, it's not a big deal until after you have a commitment. There is no implied "idea of a relationship" beyond a formal commitment (meaning SHE asks). I need to wait until she is 22 or 23 for that.

Sure, if you're ok with that then you're ok with that.

Do you mean that if you're really into a girl you would still not ask on the off chance she might?

I don't get why a guy can't ask other than fear of being turned down, which makes it seem like a weak mentality to me.

What I meant was really if you would want to be in a relationship with this girl, regardless of who asks. Interpreting what you say it seems you would want that, on the condition she asks. If you're positive to having a relationship with her I think it will end in hurt, because if you said yes you wouldn't do so without feeling something for her. If you're not feeling something for her you would be an idiot to say yes (saying just to cover that angle).

Honestly I wonder why you're dating strippers who are 20+ years younger than you.

 

[bigneil]

Sure, if you're ok with that then you're ok with that.

Do you mean that if you're really into a girl you would still not ask on the off chance she might?

I don't get why a guy can't ask other than fear of being turned down, which makes it seem like a weak mentality to me.

What I meant was really if you would want to be in a relationship with this girl, regardless of who asks. Interpreting what you say it seems you would want that, on the condition she asks. If you're positive to having a relationship with her I think it will end in hurt, because if you said yes you wouldn't do so without feeling something for her. If you're not feeling something for her you would be an idiot to say yes (saying just to cover that angle).

Honestly I wonder why you're dating strippers who are 20+ years younger than you.

A 46 year old man absolutely cannot ask a 21 year old woman (letalone a 9) for a commitment. She has to ask him after a sufficient number of orgasms.

There you have it,she is going to text you if she really likes you,otherwise you will know that this swallow-like theory of yours is bullsh1t

I welcome any gorgeous young women who agree to swallow but not text me.

For the record, so far she has sent 336 texts and initiated on 24 different days.

 

[devilkingx2]

For the record, so far she has sent 336 texts and initiated on 24 different days.

do you seriously keep exact count?

 

[bigneil]

do you seriously keep exact count?

My phone counts the messages. But for years I have kept stats on girls I date. It allows me to predict their behavior to a remarkable level of accuracy.

Here's something strange. I feel completely liberated and free of her now.

 

[devilkingx2]

My phone counts the messages. But for years I have kept stats on girls I date. It allows me to predict their behavior to a remarkable level of accuracy.

Here's something strange. I feel completely liberated and free of her now.

well i guess in the few days you should give her to cool off you can decide if you want her back (something tells me you will, unless there's something wrong with her or something)

 

[bigneil]

I keep a week over week matrix in a notebook for each girl I date. A matrix 7 wide and n weeks long. I find remarkable patterns, in particular days of the week and 3 month patterns. That is, every 3 months things repeat remarkably (or you break up). Other patterns emerge (she only writes to you on weekends, etc). I keep track of what days I text her and what days she initiates (and the ratio). Ideally it is her initiating 2/3 times per week. Last week was actually her best week (4/6).

 

[fastlife]

I keep a week over week matrix in a notebook for each girl I date. A matrix 7 wide and n weeks long. I find remarkable patterns, in particular days of the week and 3 month patterns. That is, every 3 months things repeat remarkably (or you break up). Other patterns emerge (she only writes to you on weekends, etc). I keep track of what days I text her and what days she initiates (and the ratio). Ideally it is her initiating 2/3 times per week. Last week was actually her best week (4/6).

I'll throw my own pattern I've noticed: Girls initiate texting the most frequently and the most fervently right before the relationship is terminated--either by her or you. I don't have a notebook, but I'm almost positive that's the case. I think it has something to do with extinction burst--or the branch-swinging instinct (making sure where she stands with you leading up to an impending change in security).

There's a good chance that subconsciously you knew this was it--which is why you ended it first. The stress just got you more in touch with your gut feelings. Even when you act emotionally, or 'incorrectly,' there's a reason you felt those emotions.

I know where you are SUCKS right now--and it will for a while, probably. In the past, I've taken two approaches--One, go for broke. At least you know you saw things through to the end--this would look like what @Grewd is advocating. PROS: There's no 'what-ifs;' You're acting congruently with your desire; You might be able to get in a couple more lays while she's still emotionally worked-up. CONS: You lose frame (permanently); If it doesn't work, you get double the sting of rejection; If you do get together there's a high chance it's totally on borrowed time and she'll end things on her terms.

The second approach is to--Do Nothing. Relax. You made your move; if she wants you she'll come to you. PROS: You hold frame (if she does come back); You can begin actively pursuing other options (if she doesn't); You maintain a sense of agency. CONS: She might not come back; She might come back but never trust you; She might have to fvck other guys (or even get into a relationship) before she feels secure enough to come back to you--and probably then only for sex.

Or you could try a hybrid approach, which would be to wait a few weeks/months, ask her out, act like nothing ever happened. But I've done that and the results were only ever short term.

Personally, I'd advocate the second approach. Better to stop the bleeding now & get on with your life. I think there's a good chance the emotional relationship has run its course--and you might still be able to position yourself as just the sex guy if you go for the second approach. But you also need to examine your motivations with this girl. I know she's hot, but what would be the reward of locking her down longterm: The validation? Overcoming the ultimate challenge? Beating out the competition? Turning a h0 into an honest woman? Guys don't catch oneitis for bisexual strippers just because she's hot--you could find hotter women at the nearest college campus. More likely there's another dynamic at play that your loss of frame was tied to. Just a thought.

 

[bigneil]

I'll throw my own pattern I've noticed: Girls initiate texting the most frequently and the most fervently right before the relationship is terminated--either by her or you.

The reason I don't think this is true is because she initiated 4 straight days last week (after she saw me on a date with another beauty) and the 4th day was our date, which was our best date by far. Then she initiated again the next time. Then it went back to hearts, love and excitement in her replies any time I initiated. It appears we broke up at the peak of the relationship. Thus, it will probably restart at some point. I will go with option 2. Remember: last week I reversed the frame by threatening to end it. This time she called my bluff and is trying to regain frame.

 

[bigneil]

I hope you're joking

I'm waiting...

 

[bigneil]

If you're saying a woman swallowing a man's come doesn't imply she likes him, I disagree.

 

[bigneil]

Those girls are swallowing randoms bc it's a convenient way to dispose of semen, sorry to be the bearer of bad news

Tell us what does mean something.

 

[bigneil]

So you're saying marriage and declaring a relationship on Facebook to be greater than swallowing? I'll agree. It doesn't exactly diminish swallowing though.

She had four orgasms for every one of mine on average. She told me she came on the first date (admitting it months later).