They Only Want What's Worst For You

[Mike32ct]

I agree with all of this. But personally I don't operate that way.

For example, John Boyega is the same "type" as me as far as acting and wasn't famous when he got Star Wars. But I wasn't jealous when he got that role (though that would have been a dream come true). I was very happy to see a black guy be a storm trooper.

Better yet I used to be friends with Darrell Wallace Jr, a black driver. That was my dream to do what he is doing. But I am not jealous. I instead cheer for him. Whenever he does well it feels like I do well.

I got a friend who won the Daytoma 500 and another who is a fulltime NASCAR xfinity driver. But I couldn't be more happy for them.

I realized that everyone has their own path, so why would I be jealous or not care about someone's success? I believe that this is a sign of maturity.

Agreed.

One of my rules in life is "Never count someone else's money."

If you want to increase your own income, great. But being envious of someone who makes more than you is sad. It's logically pointless too. You can't spend THEIR money lol. Either being happy for them or let it go and be neutral.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I must be screwing up somewhere because I have friends who seem happy for me and are supporting my life choices. I think you get back what you put in.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I must be screwing up somewhere because I have friends who seem happy for me and are supporting my life choices. I think you get back what you put in.

It's your choice of friends... You can "put in" with a shady group and their hand is always out. They never return anything of value. With a good group of friends, they wouldn't take what they wouldn't give. They also mirror positive emotions from your successes. It's better for your confidence to have a supportive group of friends.

 

[zekko]

Other men will never like the fact that you took the women they wanted away from them.

Well, why should they? I can't think of a situation where a guy would be happy that some other dude took a girl they wanted away from them, unless she turned out to be a toxic b!tch or something. Usually if a guy knows his friend wants a girl, he'll back off of her. But generally speaking, this is something where all men are in competition with each other. If you take a girl another guy wants, you are gaining at his expense. Why would he like that?

Also, try to be this type of person. If you could get your girlfriend a job as an actress even though you might lose her, you should do it.

This is a totally different situation though. Women have very different goals and aspirations, usually.
Men are generally in competition with each other.

I must be screwing up somewhere because I have friends who seem happy for me and are supporting my life choices. I think you get back what you put in.

There are good friends who will genuinely be happy for your successes. They are rare, but they exist. Another factor is: Are you succeeding at a level that is far above your friends? Or are you all at the same general level? If you are leaving them behind in the dust, they may start to feel like they can no longer relate to you. Or if you are successful in one area, maybe they are successful in another area? That way maybe they don't feel like they are complete failures in comparison to you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well, why should they? I can't think of a situation where a guy would be happy that some other dude took a girl they wanted away from them, unless she turned out to be a toxic b!tch or something. Usually if a guy knows his friend wants a girl, he'll back off of her. But generally speaking, this is something where all men are in competition with each other. If you take a girl another guy wants, you are gaining at his expense. Why would he like that?


This is a totally different situation though. Women have very different goals and aspirations, usually.
Men are generally in competition with each other.


There are good friends who will genuinely be happy for your successes. They are rare, but they exist. Another factor is: Are you succeeding at a level that is far above your friends? Or are you all at the same general level? If you are leaving them behind in the dust, they may start to feel like they can no longer relate to you. Or if you are successful in one area, maybe they are successful in another area? That way maybe they don't feel like they are complete failures in comparison to you.

Bro. You can be HAPPY if a guy gets a female off of you, if you realize that she was terrible for you. IE: straight up liability. You may have wanted her due to attraction (physical), but you always knew she wasn't $hit. Then you can feel blessed when another dude scoops her off of you.

 

[Trump]

You might go through life thinking that your peers have high expectations for you, and that they will actually be disappointed if you don't succeed at a high level.

The opposite is closer to the truth.

In reality, people resent you for being 1% better than them in any demonstrable way. They will do mental gymnastics to try to discredit you when this happens.

Your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors, your family, your exes and especially your colleagues here will absolutely hate any shred of success you demonstrate that shows your achievements, and they will hate it with a passion.

See Tom Brady and Deflategate for an example. Or Donald Trump winning because of "fake news". We have sore losers of literally epic proportions still whining about both.

So you invented a rocket that will fly you to the moon? But wait, you didn't floss today. Yeah, we only like scientists who floss you see.

Remember: it's you against the world. Other men will never like the fact that you took the women they wanted away from them.

Bro I agree with you in terms of other guys in regards to woman. Acquaintances/friends/people will do their best to sabotage any type of relationship you have and won't help in anyway. But I can't agree with women helping in regards to other women since I've had good looking women set me with models before. Granted they won't help often, but the amount they care is much more than any guy would.

I also don't agree with 'anyone will hate you if you have a shred of success'. After their 20s if someone thinks this way they need more life experience. I'm in charge of several managers and they all drive better cars than me. I could care less. I got friends way more successful than me in the stock market, I could care less. People don't care if you are more successful than them. People care if you've made more of an impact to society than them. It's not about achievements, it's about continually making a difference in people's lives.

 

[bigneil]

What about from a animal to person standpoint?

If you stop feeding them, animals will stop loving you also. It would be great if women were that easy to manage. Just open up a can of girl food every morning and change the water bowl.

However, even your mom will stop loving you if you poop on the kitchen table enough times. Ask me how I know.

There is no unconditional love.

 

[LastManstanding]

You might go through life thinking that your peers have high expectations for you, and that they will actually be disappointed if you don't succeed at a high level.

The opposite is closer to the truth.

In reality, people resent you for being 1% better than them in any demonstrable way. They will do mental gymnastics to try to discredit you when this happens.

Your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors, your family, your exes and especially your colleagues here will absolutely hate any shred of success you demonstrate that shows your achievements, and they will hate it with a passion.

See Tom Brady and Deflategate for an example. Or Donald Trump winning because of "fake news". We have sore losers of literally epic proportions still whining about both.

So you invented a rocket that will fly you to the moon? But wait, you didn't floss today. Yeah, we only like scientists who floss you see.

Remember: it's you against the world. Other men will never like the fact that you took the women they wanted away from them.

You have a good point and this is how a majority of people will be. I think it is important to befriend people with similar goals. I have one friend who is chasing the same dream and he is what I consider a "matcher."

Once you reach the point of success then you help them get close to where you are.

Pick the right friend and you will be "matched." This means if he was to make it before you would get help from him. If your friend is just a "taker" and not a "matcher" you will get left in the dust whenever he makes it.

I only have 1 friend that is like this. Very hard to find, so choose your friends wisely.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You have a good point and this is how a majority of people will be. I think it is important to befriend people with similar goals. I have one friend who is chasing the same dream and he is what I consider a "matcher."

Once you reach the point of success then you help them get close to where you are.

Pick the right friend and you will be "matched." This means if he was to make it before you would get help from him. If your friend is just a "taker" and not a "matcher" you will get left in the dust whenever he makes it.

I only have 1 friend that is like this. Very hard to find, so choose your friends wisely.

Ain't nothing worse than putting a bunch of time energy and money into someone to uplift them and when you need a small guesture in return they would never do it.

 

[Poon King]

Ain't nothing worse than putting a bunch of time energy and money into someone to uplift them and when you need a small guesture in return they would never do it.

This is an entitled attitude.

Remember that no one on this planet owes you sh!t. If you give to someone else with the expectation of TAKING from them later.. you need to make that known. Otherwise, you have no business whining when they don't return the favor. Giving with "strings attached" isn't real giving. You are giving to take later.. which is self-serving. Therefore, you cannot complain when others behave in the same self-serving manner.

When I choose to give.. I do so with zero expectations. The only time I have expectations is when I tell a person "This is what I want and expect from you. Do you agree?" Otherwise, that person doesn't owe me sh!t.

 

[bigneil]

Exactly Poon King. Every interaction is at face value. You never give extra expecting that she owes extra at some point in the future. Women never feel as though they owe you for anything they were already compensated for (Briffault's Law).

Remember: to women, you only "paid for it" if they know in advance they must do something for whatever compensation they received.

 

[Poon King]

Exactly Poon King. Every interaction is at face value. You never give extra expecting that she owes extra at some point in the future. Women never feel as though they owe you for anything they were already compensated for (Briffault's Law).

Remember: to women, you only "paid for it" if they know in advance they must do something for whatever compensation they received.

And this is why a lot of people don't trust "niceness" and generosity from others. It often comes with strings.

People do "good" for others.. while having a secret agenda in their head that they don't communicate. When others don't live up to their secret expectations.. they get p!ssed off.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

And this is why a lot of people don't trust "niceness" and generosity from others. It often comes with strings.

People do "good" for others.. while having a secret agenda in their head that they don't communicate. When others don't live up to their secret expectations.. they get p!ssed off.

The agenda may have been "we help each other". I'm not gonna keep helping someone who wouldn't help me.

 

[Poon King]

The agenda may have been "we help each other". I'm not gonna keep helping someone who wouldn't help me.

Indeed.

The point is.. if you don't communicate your "agenda" then its not anyone else's problem.

Moral of the story is: Don't give with strings attached unless you make people aware of those strings. You will avoid a lot of disappointment this way.

 

[GoodOne123]

GREAT POST. THANK YOU.

I'm glad someone is teaching the harsh reality to everyone. It will be very useful, especially for the younger guys like me who are building up their life.

To summarise, this is the reason why you keep your goals to yourself, this is why you don't put anyone on a pedestal, and this is why you put yourself first.

I've lost many so called "friends" because I dated girls who didn't want them, had talent that they didn't have, or didn't want me to get a better job than them. These jealous, insecure f#cks couldn't handle me being better than them, and so they revealed their true colours.

I even had one sulk with me because I started dating the girl who rejected him, and he was a grown-@ss twenty-four year old man! What a loser.

Dont put much value in most peoples facades they present to you, their friendliness, and being "buddies". It's all cr@p.

If you want to be succsessful you need to accept truth, and sometimes like this, the truth is bitter. If you resist, you will pay the price, along with the pain of regret that goes with it. The author Robert Greene seems to be quite an expert in these areas.

 

[BeExcellent]

Giving must always be done without expectation. Otherwise one sets oneself up for disappointment.

One must let go of ego and have joy instead of envy to experience genuine happiness for the success of someone close to us. This requires maturity and a healthy self esteem and a healthy sense of who one is.

Givers give to feel joy through generosity first and foremost. Successful people are generous people more often than not. Generosity is an expansive trait & intrinsically satisfying. Givers give because they have something worth giving and they want to share it with someone else...for the joy they get from the act of the sharing itself.

That is not to say you shouldn't exercise judiciousness is generosity...you absolutely should.

It is generous to celebrate another's success...it is generous to mentor one another for the pleasure of seeing someone else benefit from your hard fought wisdom.

You guys give to anonymous strangers here. Why? Because at a basic level you want to see someone else benefit from what your life has taught you thus far. There are additional motivations specific to various individuals to be sure...but the main common factor is sharing one's knowledge & life experience for someone else to benefit.

I have dinner every Christmas Eve with my business mentor & main investor, his wife of 30+ years, and his daughter. He gets excited about my success using his wisdom & strategies, and he has financial independence that I aspire to...he is a living example that his knowledge works. We always have a lovely time. I receive knowledge and practical advise from him, for which I am grateful; he can't take his acumen with him & he enjoys seeing me succeed as I learn from him. He sees me put in practice things many people (including his own grown children) are unwilling to do. It is mutually beneficial.

I also have friends who are genuinely happy for my success; and I am genuinely happy for theirs. We are mutually uplifting of each other. I seek out people like this in my life. Not because I "expect" anything or have some agenda...but because it is a joy to surround yourself with other people who are striving to accomplish something. Be an accomplished person & surround yourself with other accomplished people. Positive people are magnetic people. Everyone wants positive people in their lives.

It gives me great joy to see a friend accomplish something they have been working toward...to see someone gain knowledge or financial success or respect. Perhaps it is selfish in its own way...it validates my belief in that other person to see them accomplish something they strive for. But the end result is the same...it is encouragement and positive energy funneled toward someone I believe in...or someone who believes in me funneling positive energy toward me.

Be a positive person and encourage others who you believe in. Encourage yourself & others. It will change the way you see life, which in turn will change your life for the better.

 

[fastlife]

Not my experience at all, but I think it comes down to 1.) How secure you are in yourself and 2.) How secure the people you surround yourself with are in themselves.

Are there people who won't be happy for you no matter what? Sure--but I've found that if you leave your ego out of it, most others will follow suit. So it's not so much about whatever success you achieve but rather how you carry that success into your interactions with other people. Take Jay Z and Kanye West: Who has more haters, who was more successful? Or Terrell Owens and Jerry Rice: Who has more haters, who was more successful?

If you frame your interactions as competitive, other people will meet you with competition; if you frame your interactions as collaborative, other people will meet you with collaboration. If you have a victim complex, all you'll find is persecutors. If you have a persecution complex, all you'll find is victims. The more you care about other people's value-judgments of your lifestyle, the more they'll be compelled to offer criticisms (especially when you lose frame and have to find paid photo rating services to validate your own worldview ).

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Schadenfreude is a real thing, but if your friends participate in that kind of behavior you really need to look for new friends.

A real friend will encourage you and want the best for you, just as you hopefully will encourage him and want the best for him.

I only have 2 real friends. I've known both of them for 20 years and I know for sure they want the best for me, they don't want to see me suffer or fall flat on my face and they aren't trying to be better than me either. If they did, they wouldn't be my friends.

 

[bigneil]

Not my experience at all, but I think it comes down to 1.) How secure you are in yourself and 2.) How secure the people you surround yourself with are in themselves.

You probably haven't lived 46 years in 25 cites and 12 states. I've worked with the top people in every corner of my industry. I am describing human nature. The better you are, the more haters you have. Anytime you do something worthwhile you are going to offend yourself.

Again, see Donald Trump (demonized by the media) and Tom Brady (demonized by sore loser fans and Roger Goodell) for examples.

 

[GoodOne123]

I find this dynamic only occurs when you are progressing and others are stagnant. If you surround yourself with positive people who are actively improving as you are these people root for your success. Rather than having a 'me against the world' attitude, you can surround yourself with a network of like-minded individuals striving for greatness.

The other side of the coin.

In the case that you described, it might not go as smoothly as you described.

People around you who are all achieving a mutual goal may try to sabotage you.

I remember when I was graduating from university. All us classmates were motivated to find a great job, in a good company, and we were all buddies for at least a year. The problem was that we were actually COMPETING for a job, and it was the big elephant in the room when we talked with eachother. As a result, I did experience a few guys who I thought were my friends, try to lessen my chances, and give me false information about the job applications, in order to improve their own chances of being accepted into the same job. It really opened up my eyes how scheming some people can be when you start competing with them.

As far as business goes, it's ruthless. People will steal your idea in an instant, and patent it before you do with no remorse.

I think having positive, motivated people around you is not enough. They must also be people of VIRTUE. This will ensure they won't try to use you to get to the top, because they would have strong morals. But good luck trying to find out if someone is truly virtuous.

In the end, you need to remember a few things in either group you hang out with. In the unmotivated, loser group, you will have to deal with negativity and hate. In the motivated, hungry group, you have to be super careful about what you tell to anyone, because they are now competitors, competitors for greatness, and competitors will do a lot of things in order to get to the top, even stealing your ideas or sabotaging them.