She wants to put things on "pause"... What do I do?

[wifehunter]

Sounds like she wants to make the rules, a power play is standard these days.

Wouldn't work for me. Never let a woman make the rules. Most of the time, they make lousy decisions anyway. A man can only serve one master.

 

[bigneil]

OP, it's low interest. There is someone else she likes better. Go MIA and make sure to make an improvement in your life that other women will notice. If she reaches out in a few weeks, ask her out (Corey Wayne).

Let me emphasize this point. Women ALWAYS have other dudes in the picture, they just keep them in reserve until they need or want them. Don't take their vows of exclusivity or whatever as authentic, because they don't.

Yes, this is especially true today. Never restrict them. Welcome the other men. Compliment them. You can never directly criticize someone's date (by all means make them look bad by comparison). Even if you are right, it insults the person dating them. We should only concentrate on having the most fun possible when we are with her, and the best sex possible, and (slowly - over a few months) she will prefer us over the other men.

 

[WitnessGR]

Yes, this is especially true today. Never restrict them. Welcome the other men. Compliment them. You can never directly criticize someone's date (by all means make them look bad by comparison). Even if you are right, it insults the person dating them. We should only concentrate on having the most fun possible when we are with her, and the best sex possible, and (slowly - over a few months) she will prefer us over the other men.

This is extremely important, getting jealous and defensive just shows her that her actions are able to influence you mentally. It shows her that you are threatened by another man and in turn, competition.

Tiger woods at the beginning of the new millennium would not even look at the scoreboard during tournament play. When you are the best, when you are so dominant, it does not matter what anybody else is doing, why? Because you are the best, tangibly, without a doubt. If you are truly the best option, then there is no need to think, panic, worry, it will show in your play (actions)

"Hello manipulative woman, I see your attempts, and politely thwart them away"

"Hello nonthreatening male, that is a beautiful casual shirt you are wearing"

 

[bigneil]

When a previous girl brought up her boyfriend on two occasions I said:

1) He must be a great guy if you love him
2) I've never met him so I can't make any comment

However, according to Robert Greene in Laws of Power:

Law 15
Crush your Enemy Totally
All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely.
(Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how
dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than
through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only
in body but in spirit.

Law 20
Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself.
By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against
one another, making them pursue you.

Law 40
Despise the Free Lunch
What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation.
What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt,
and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with
excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a
magnet for power.

https://www.tke.org/files/file/The_48_Laws_of_Power.pdf

 

[WitnessGR]

When a previous girl brought up her boyfriend on two occasions I said:

1) He must be a great guy if you love him
2) I've never met him so I can't make any comment

However, according to Robert Greene in Laws of Power:

Law 15
Crush your Enemy Totally
All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely.
(Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how
dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than
through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only
in body but in spirit.

Law 20
Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself.
By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against
one another, making them pursue you.

Law 40
Despise the Free Lunch
What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation.
What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt,
and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with
excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a
magnet for power.

A feared enemy, if you have more game, experience, resources, then what is there to fear?

A few from Green's book 33 Strategies of war would better apply here. Strategies 26,30,31 and 32.

Strategy 26
Deny them targets: The Strategy of the Void
The feeling of emptiness or void--silence, isolation, non engagement with others--is for most people intolerable. Give your enemies no target to attack, be dangerous but elusive, then watch as they chase you into the void. Instead of frontal battles, deliver irritating but damaging side attacks and pinprick bites.

Strategy 30
Penetrate their minds: Communication strategies
Communication is a kind of war, its field of battle the resistant and defensive minds of the people you want to influence. The goal is to penetrate their defenses and occupy their minds. Learn to infiltrate your ideas behind enemy lines, sending messages through little details, luring people into coming to the conclusions you desire and into thinking they've gotten there by themselves

Strategy 31
Destroy from within: The inner-front strategy
By infiltrating your opponents' ranks, working from within to bring them down, you give them nothing to see or react against--the ultimate advantage. To take something you want, do not fight those who have it, but rather join them- -then either slowly make it your own

Strategy 32
Dominate while seeming to submit: The passive-aggressive strategy
In a world where political considerations are paramount, the most effective form of aggression is the best hidden one: aggression behind a compliant, even loving exterior. To follow the passive-aggression strategy you must seem to go along with people, offering no resistance. But actually you dominate the situation. Just make sure you have disguised your aggression enough that you can deny it exists

 

[Scars]

I need to read up on the 48 laws again.. how easy it is to get lost in the bull**** these days.

 

[RangerMIke]

Thanks guys. It's easy to get in your own head with this sh*t to make you believe that this time is different. Haha. After a week of me not contacting her she calls and asks to meet up talk. That talk as I mentioned just led to let's put things on pause. I would have actually preferred to just have not heard from her again than to have that talk. What's the point?

Women understand better than men that body language and facial expressions tell you more about what is going on than just words. Women who are not sure about themselves will always want to meet you face to face so they know how the REALLY feel. Do something like this over the phone and you just hear words, and people can lie with words, you have to be really good to lie with body language. The fact that she did this in person indicates she wasn't sure about where you guys stood. Which is actually a good thing, women are not like men... we like things that are settled and comfortable, they like being confused and unsure. They like men they are unsure about... it's part of why men that are a challenge are more interesting to them. If she had done this over the phone, then she would have been pretty sure where she stood.

I'm going to wait til her finals are done then call her. That way there are no excuses for her to give about being too busy and just lay it out there. At that point whatever mixed feelings she may have should be cleared up and if I can't get a done or not done response then I definitely know she is playing me. Until then going nc.

Do what you want but calling her is a waste of time and it will not help you. Women who are interested in you will not be too busy to reach out to you. Don't fall for any of the BS excuses women give you for flaking, not calling, women who like you WILL NOT AVOID you... period. She changed the conditions our your relationship, it's up to her to fix it not you. YOU just need to go fvck other women... forget about this one, let her screw with another dude's head. You should go find women that like you and want to be with you.

 

[bigneil]

In the early dating context, I agree, but not in the relationship context once exclusivity is given

in my opinion it's a house built on sand to allow this sort of thing... like when she's been making you look a supplicating idiot for 2 months basically cheating on you and now suddenly he's finally willing to stop soft- cheating... that's a respectful relationship? Yes I understand that their professions of exclusivity during that period are an out-and-out lie anyway but I never feel comfortable about rewarding that type of behavior with exclusivity. In my experience during that time they are testing you to see what they're going to be explicitly getting away with for the rest of the relationship.

When you meet a girl in 2016, in particular a hot young girl, she already has 1200 Facebook friends, 100 orbiters, 20 men under her belt, 8 ex boyfriends and 3 lovers. You can't just jump in, have a one night stand, and claim ownership. That has to be her idea.

"Rewarding with exclusivity"? A man being exclusive is not much of a "reward" to a woman. She is giving up more options than you. Always. Women do the choosing. They have hundreds of options.

"Allow that sort of thing"? We don't allow anything because we don't decide. It's up to her to decide to give up all the other men.

"Soft cheating" - Again, this implies that the moment you start dating her she ceases all contact with all other men. It doesn't happen that way. Women fall in love slowly over time. Commitments must be HER idea. Once SHE wants a commitment, she will do it on her own out of her love for you. Concentrate on getting her to fall in love.

"Making you look like a supplicating idiot"? Each date is perfectly balanced. You never do anything expecting something in return. Being a generous giver is different than supplication. Supplication is something a man does to get something else, often throwing a temper tantrum if he doesn't get it. Women sense this. Generous giving is done as a gift.

Extreme Stripper Example

Supplication:
"I'll give you $400 in VIP but you have to at least blow me. Promise?".

Here, you are revealing to her that you know women don't want to have sex with you.

Generous Giver:
"Here is the $400 I would have spent if we went to VIP. I already saw you naked, and I have to leave now, but I want you to put some clothes on. Go buy a dress and meet me at my favorite restaurant Saturday night at 8".

Here, you are giving her something without any conditions and trusting that she likes you enough to show up even if she already has the money (by Briffault's Law, she won't show up unless she wants to).

 

[HW1984]

Update: Haven't contacted her since she said she wanted to put things on hold and been on multiple dates since Saturday. Back to my old ways. She called yesterday afternoon and I was dumb enough to call her back when I got home from work. It really is all about them. She had the balls to ask if I could come paint some rooms in her house for her. Haha. B*tch is crazy. You break up with me and the first contact since you ask a not so small favor of me and think nothing of it. I definitely dodged a bullet here. Her game must be to keep guys on the hook to get them to do things for her and then drop them. FYI she is going to school to be a psych nurse so I'm sure she knows all the tricks.

 

[Glassguy]

This is what you do.......IGNORE. DO NOT EVEN TEXT BACK OR ANSWER THE PHONE!

When she finally breaks down and shows up out of the blue, you tell her (with a fvcking smile on your face) that her decision to take a break was a great one, and you definitely need to extend that break because you have a lot of things going on right now. Then slam the door in her face.

These b!tches.....expect to treat men like this and then expect everything to be ok when their branch swinging comes up short and they fall to the ground. Tough sh!t.

Spin plates and beat those pvssies up. 3 month relationship? You'll be fine in a week.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Update: Haven't contacted her since she said she wanted to put things on hold and been on multiple dates since Saturday. Back to my old ways. She called yesterday afternoon and I was dumb enough to call her back when I got home from work. It really is all about them. She had the balls to ask if I could come paint some rooms in her house for her. Haha. B*tch is crazy. You break up with me and the first contact since you ask a not so small favor of me and think nothing of it. I definitely dodged a bullet here. Her game must be to keep guys on the hook to get them to do things for her and then drop them. FYI she is going to school to be a psych nurse so I'm sure she knows all the tricks.

9 out of 10 people who want to major in or work in the field of psychology have psychological problems themselves. This girl has some serious balls. Good on you for showing her the door!

 

[wolf]

FYI she is going to school to be a psych nurse so I'm sure she knows all the tricks.

Oh boy....

Most people who enter the field of Psychology, Child Social worker etc do so in order to enter some sort of time machine to patch up and repair their own Psychological/Childhood wounds. The amount of havoc this wreaks in their chosen field is tremendous!

Yup you dodged a bullet! Keep on walking and when she realizes you won't "carry her bricks for her" she will forget all about you and latch onto her next 'victim'.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I agree - I am six months in from going NC with just such a woman. She's tried several times to contact me and gets nothing but sweet silence from me in return. All of her attempts to GhostBust me have been defeated, much like the all female Ghostbusters remake itself. lol