Found some sketchy sh1t in my girls phone.

[narcissist]

Well. Fvck. Where to start on this post. Please read the whole thing so you get context (its not that long of a post.)

I guess to begin with, is to provide the obvious fact that I am completely incapable of trusting women. That capacity is just gone for me. A great portion of is 100% because of my Ex cheating on me twice. Simply put, I don't think I can ever be in a monogamous relationship again because my fear of infidelity is too strong. I simply don't think it is possible with my cynicism towards women. I am fully realizing this being in the first long term relationship (10 months) since my ex.

Now, my girlfriend right now has given me absolutely no reason to suspect anything from her. She is seemingly very loyal, and on top of that I have been a boss from the beginning until now, maybe even too much of a boss, except of course for the actions that come from my insecurity of not trusting women at all. I barely act on my need to find out if she is being faithful. I have only done it once or twice. My second time being last night when I looked in her phone while she was in the washroom, which I have the password for (she knows I know it). I didn't see anything bad except for one thing, but I was unable to look for a good portion of time because she was only in the washroom for say 4 minutes.

I saw a text chain to someone (i dont know if it is a guy or a girl) named Mina. That could either be a guy or girls name. Half of the text chain is in Persian language because my girlfriend is middle eastern. But at the end I read in english "love you" and then she replied back "love u boss."

Now for some context. I have a theory that this is her Persian (girl) cousin who is a manager at a clothing store, and got her a job at the clothing store like a week ago. This is why she called her boss, and why she said love you. Heres the thing. I am trying hard not to analyze it. I don't have enough information and I need to get some before I make any moves. Today I nonchalantly asked her what her managers names were (she works at a couple places), while we were talking about work. I made a joke of it, so it was subtle. She named them and none of them were name mina. So my theory doesn't seem to work.

Here is the dilemma: If I straight up ask her who Mina is, she will know I went through her phone, and if this person turns out to be some family friend/cousin I will look bad and insecure. But if I don't bring up anything, it will beat me up inside. I have to find out. She might actually be seeing some guy, and I refuse to waste my time in a relationship if that is the case. What should I do?

This brings me to my last point. I have realized I simply cannot function in a relationship that is exclusive and monogamous. Even if the girl doesnt do anything I am always distrustful and assume she is cheating or is going too. I have become so cynical against women. I think I may just break up with her because being in a relationship is just not good for me, my development, and my well-being. I fvcking hate it, its unhealthy to be this paranoid. I seriously think that I am just not cut out for the relationship life. It is too stressful.

 

[narcissist]

Also, she calls me boss a lot. So, it is something she could potentially call another dude.

 

[narcissist]

I also don't want to do anymore snooping around. So I need a solution that doesn't involve this.

 

[Juanto]

Why did you go through her phone in the 1st place? Was it REALLY just because of your own deamons?

 

[narcissist]

Why did you go through her phone in the 1st place? Was it REALLY just because of your own deamons?

Yes. I seriously don't trust women. I realize I can't be in a relationship. It's bad... I know. I only did it twice though.

 

[El Payaso]

Wait for more evidence. Don't trip over this yet.

 

[narcissist]

Mina is a girls name. Don't worry about it but then again trust your gut... I've had similar false positives that I dismissed as my own paranoia and it turned out to be probably true in hindsight.

If you don't want to snoop, fine but you won't find anything else unless she wants you to.

My guess based on the number of posts you been posting recently is that while she's not acting inappropriately her past is bothering you. You know that she's a higher cheating risk than you would normally go for.

Perhaps you are right. I think a lot of it is my own paranoia from deep distrust of women. I do know three guys named Mina, so it's not as much a women's name as you might be inclined to think. Plus the boss part makes no sense. Look at me though. This is CLEARLY unhealthy for me. I am being a fvcking hamster wheeling b1tch right now. I might end it simply because it's unhealthy for me to be this paranoid. I have to deal with my deep distrust of women before I can be in a relationship. I'm seriously considering never being in a relationship again... too much emotional turmoil. It's preventing my success

 

[SgtSplacker]

Just keep an eye on her. It's a suspicious post that's for sure. And if you know she likes to refer to men as boss well there's that also then. I'd go through that text chain again when you have more time...

There's also reverse phone number lookup on the internet. There's allot of b.s. on those sites but you might get at least the city or just the person's last name then cross reference using fb.

Good luck

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Well, just accept that women (and people in general) can be very sneaky and evil at times. Accept it. That's part of "the red pill", allowing this to pass through your system and ACCEPTING it. This is hard, but you have to do it.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

'Boss' = her cuz is not necessarily her boss, but a boss in the company. That's basically what this whole thread is based on. Might be a private in-joke. You are her boss (bf).

The controversy here is dubious. I think it's your issue as you seem to recognise. You don't know all the facts, if any at all.

Stop going through her phone. The very fact and reason for doing so will ultimately lead you to find things that simply aren't there. Most women, even those in LTRs have other guys texting them and who they respond to. That's a fact of life that we all have to accept.

Judge her on her actions with you and that alone. Seems like you might be trying to sabotage the situation for your own subconscious reasons.

EDIT. Also Persian is a great choice! I salute you Sir.

 

[Roober]

relationships are tricky no doubt, probably why a lot of guys just end up giving up on them. Why would even look through her phone if you had no reason not to trust her? Sounds like you need to work on yourself a little bit... This is exactly why I will probably never get married again. Too much risk of losing to a cheating woman. Attractive women like to discard men like rag dolls.

I am almost beginning to believe that if you are looking for an LTR, the best way is be a true don juan and shack up with an average looking female. She will get everything she ever wanted, and not have a lot of options like attractive women do... If they are attractive, they know they don't really have to work at it, they can just move onto the next guy and regret their decision later...

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

fixed. We can talk about acceptance all day but you have to actually accept and act on the necessary and proximate conditions that result

I would think that people would naturally adjust their behavior after accepting this. Not a big deal. But I wouldn't go so far to say that women are almost always untrustworthy though

 

[narcissist]

Wait for more evidence. Don't trip over this yet.

I ain't gunna trip over it just yet. I do need more evidence. Should I be actively looking for evidence or just leave it until evidence naturally reveals itself?

 

[Juanto]

If I may be the resident a**hole for a moment, I would say wait a couple of days, and check the phone again. By then you will probably be able to tell what is going on.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I ain't gunna trip over it just yet. I do need more evidence. Should I be actively looking for evidence or just leave it until evidence naturally reveals itself?

There is no evidence yet. And especially don't go looking for it. You're just self sabotaging if you go looking, which makes me wonder if this is the best scenario for you right now.

'Evidence' is always the same, weather LTR or plate. As I say, her interest towards you needs to be the primary gauge.

-Flaking/being too 'busy' to see you.
-Excess attention to phone.
-Reduced sexual interest and affection.
-Slack interpersonal comms.

Don't be weird. She'll see it a mile off. Then you really will have a problem.

Come with hard evidence that she's engaging other men, then we'll talk.

As an aside, in your situation, at your age, I wouldn't have gotten in to an exclusive relationship.

 

[El Payaso]

I ain't gunna trip over it just yet. I do need more evidence. Should I be actively looking for evidence or just leave it until evidence naturally reveals itself?

I wouldn't say go looking for it but just keep your eyes peeled and don't become lax in the relationship.

 

[narcissist]

There is no evidence yet. And especially don't go looking for it. You're just self sabotaging if you go looking, which makes me wonder if this is the best scenario for you right now.

'Evidence' is always the same, weather LTR or plate. As I say, her interest towards you needs to be the primary gauge.

-Flaking/being too 'busy' to see you.
-Excess attention to phone.
-Reduced sexual interest and affection.
-Slack interpersonal comms.

Don't be weird. She'll see it a mile off. Then you really will have a problem.

Come with hard evidence that she's engaging other men, then we'll talk.

As an aside, in your situation, at your age, I wouldn't have gotten in to an exclusive relationship.

The weird thing is she's SUPER engaged in the relationship. Last night we had s3x three times and she let me do that ever I wanted. She also said I was the best boyfriend ever (although I'm here first boyfriend). She constantly says she loves me. Never flakes ever. She doesn't use her phone when she's near me. If it vibrates she doesn't look at it. She's always very present around me. She always dresses up sexy for me. And when I joke around that I'm disappointed in her she always latches on to my leg and sh1t. She also posts lots of pics of me and her on her snapchat story. Barely posts pics of herself. I actually can't think of any red flags. That's why I'm saying its that I have 0 trust in women. I presuppose infidelity. It is fully my fault that I saw this text message chain. But regardless. It is a sketchy message chain.


Also I 100% agree. I should not have done exclusivity. It was a huge mistake. Huuuuuge mistake. I was too curious to see if I could still manage an exclusive relationship after the whole ex scenario. Bad reason to accept exclusivity but whatever.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Should I be actively looking for evidence or just leave it until evidence naturally reveals itself?

You already don't know if this is "evidence" or your imagination. Don't look for more, you'll only destroy yourself. Just be on the lookout for OBVIOUS stuff. Be happy if it continues, be ready to bail if it doesn't. If you OVER EXPECT relationships to be perfect, it's easy to be disappointed.

 

[Roober]

What you fear you will attract. You have to resist the urge to look dude!

 

[narcissist]

Okay. I will not look any further. I'm the surface everything seems fine. I also have to re orient my expectations.

Can't be treating this relationship too seriously.

It's hard when you get emotionally attached.

I just don't know if my mind will let me drop this.